J-Mo is a great big, fat, hairy gay guy and he tends to be attracted to the same. He lives in Phoenix, Arizona with his great big, fat, non-hairy boyfriend Tom and two cats named Chunky and Chica (who are far more well-known than he will ever be). He has wasted EIGHT YEARS of his life writing meandering novellas about terrible television shows. You may remember him from such awful TV crapfests as "A Double Shot At Lust With The Fake-Lesbian Twins", "Bitchy Screeching Hairdresser Takes Over", "America's Next Top Skeleton" and "Smelly Starving People On A Remote Beach". Currently he still recaps "Top Chef" (since Season Six) and pitches in from time to time on "The Fake Rich Bitches Of Back East". By day he is a cube-dweller for a giant corporate megaconglomerate, which is exactly why he feels it is appropriate to take out his rage on reality TV denizens. Also, he can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you're a man. By night (when he's not recapping) he is a co-choreographer (and the Fattest Backup Dancer In Captivity™) for one of Phoenix's most talented female impersonators known as Devina Ross. He is also still a part of the Rhythm Nation. P.S. That profile picture he's using has been HEAVILY airbrushed...
  • So many things to say about this episode…

    1. Questlove’s quickfire challenge was drumsticks because he is a drummer. So I think it was cheeky and made sense.
    2. I actually thought DevilBear came off a little better in this episode than he did in the last 2-3, he seemed a bit humbled. But still far below the cutie we grew to love after the first episodes, may that DevilBear rest in peace. Still pretty to look at though!
    3. I do think the Carlos-bashing was so hypocritical. Being selfish, Shirley? Of course he was – they all want to win. And Nick was being a brat to keep his plates warm instead of letting another chef use it to cook. For once Carlos was looking out for himself and everyone acted like he spit in the other chef’s food.
    4. The challenge, as a whole, sucked donkeyballs. It is TOTALLY more about mass-production than it is about culinary skill. I think this might have been a better challenge early to thin out the herd, but at this point in the game, it should be completely about culinary skill, flavors and beautiful presentation.

    I’m sure I have more, I’ll have to wait for the complete recap. Love ya J-Mo!

  • Chicken Lips

    True point.

    How pathetic must I think this season is to be coming up with “who had the dickiest move”? This was the most excitement I’ve seen on the show in about a month. Next week seems promising if someone is stealing knives!

  • vallegirl

    But she didn’t actually need the flattop. She just said she wanted it because it was the best station. Which isn’t a dick move in and of itself, but when she turns around and interviews that Carlos showed “his true colors” and is just out for himself because he wanted the same station because he needed it to cook the fish, that’s just hypocritical, also known as a dick move.

    Plus, if she really needed a flattop she could have argued for the smaller one Stephanie used, but she didn’t. Lord knows, Shirley’s never been at a loss for words, ever, until this last episode when she meekly gives up.

  • Chicken Lips

    I was coming on here to say I thought “But, but…I need to warm my plates!” was an incredibly dick move.

    However, I don’t think that Shirley calling the big griddle station while people were calling “I want hot! I want cold! I want a McDLT so the hot stays hot and the cold stays cold!” was a dick move. I think the dick move was Carlos proclaiming the griddle for his fish…then bitching that he had to use the griddle for the fish instead of using the plate warmer. You don’t own the kitchen, punk!

    Shirley rolled with it – it would have been a dick move to tell Carlos to shove it and keep the griddle. She just told him to shove it and took another station and then talked mad smack…OK, maybe that is a little dick move (a ChickOnSkis move, perhaps because you know that tool is overcompensating for something…).

  • Aunt Dorsey

    I’m so disappointed that not one chef served that speciality of cafeterias everywhere — mystery meat — bread it and fry it and let ’em guess what species it was.

    That’s got to be hard trying to cook for 500 people at one time. Reminds me of that old staple of bathroom stall graffiti, “Flush hard, it’s a long way to the cafeteria.”

  • Concerned Citizen

    I totally agree with you. I love Carlos and Nick is turning into a bigger Douchebag than Devilbear IMO. This is why I prefer Top Chef Master. The chefs are professional and gracious with each other. I can not see anyone from season 6 (Voltaggio Brothers) putting their warm plates over someone cooking their food.

    Also I start looking for your recaps Thursday evening. They always brighten my day and make me laugh. Since Happy Holidays is such a hot button phrase…Merry Christmas, Happy Hannikuh, Merry Kwanza, Happy Festiva and Happy any other celebration occurring this time of year. 🙂

  • vallegirl

    Why? Most chefs specialize in a cuisine. Mexican is no different from French or Italian or molecular gastronomy. Rick Bayless specialized in Mexican, too, and found a way to fit his style and his cuisine into as many challenges as he could. How do you cook your own food but also cook in a variety of styles and cuisines?

    Shirley also said she’s a “shadow chef” meaning, per Shirley, that she’s particularly skilled in copying other chefs.

  • Ouiser

    Can Carlos cook anything other than Mexican food? I don’t recall him cooking any other style. My opinion, a Top Chef should be able to cook more than 1 style of food. You could almost say the same for Shirley with Chinese food. But on this challenge, not only did she not cook Chinese food, she won with good old American home cooking.

  • vallegirl

    I saw the whole Nick/Carlos thing differently. Carlos wanted to use an oven AFTER Nick finished cooking his pork, but Nick got pissy and said he needed it to warm his plates? Seriously?

    Also, someone should tell Shirley that when she reflexively calls the best cooking station before anyone else has even had a chance to see what’s in the kitchen then wants to use a massive flat top to cook fried damned rice, she is in no position to judge anyone else’s selfishness.

    Carlos is slow to speak up and doesn’t defend himself well, but I thought Shirley and Nick came off laughably, dickishly, self-absorbed.