The moment is upon us, Trashies – who will be crowned the winner tonight? I’m not sure but I think it rhymes with Bethanne Finn. Carson introduces us to the judges: Adam salutes the audience and I salute right on back … that pretty, pretty mug deserves it; Ceelo sparkles like shiniest referee who’s ever set foot on a football field; not to be outdone, Xtina looks smashing in what looks like her nod to late 70’s era Lauren Hutton, fabulous big hair, disco dress and everything; Blake, I’ll miss you most of all.
Tess, Will and Jacquie stand up there with Carson as he tells us this is the biggest finale they’ve ever had. Performances by: One Republic, Paramour, Celine Dion, Neo, Alan Black, and Lady GaGa. That is quite a line up. Rewind of last night’s performances. Like Ceelo, I look forward to see who America voted for and Carson tells us that half the songs on the top ten iTunes are from the Top Three in this show. The Voice is Big Time y’all. What’s that I hear, American Idol? The bells they toll for thee.
See what happens when you mess with a winning formula?
First up is the Top Twenty doing the first group sing “Tonight Is The Night”. Tess, Jacquie and Will open this up with a few short solos before we see the rest of this season’s contestants up on stage joining in. After hearing Tess, Jacquie and Will these past few episodes I’m convinced the voting public definitely got it right. Woof – Jacquie’s sounding pretty sharp. This particular song is not her friend. It was cute to see everyone up there. Nic still annoys me.
Back from break and Carson wants to know how Adam’s feeling and he talks about how the last three finalists put it all out there and he’s proud. Carson comments that they can drop Ceelo’s in Times Square for New Years, he’s so sparkly. Ceelo calls it his disco balls look. More like “Oompa Loompas doing an eight-ball” look. Ceelo marveled at the contestants ability to change it up so often with the song choices and delivering. Carson tells Xtina how slammin’ she looks this evening and how is she feeling? She would be excited to be the winner tonight and gives a nod to having a great time being back judging. Blake is non-committal on who might win tonight.
CONTESTANT BRING BACK: JACQUIE
Jacquie gets to bring back a few of the contestants to help her do her song and she choose Matthew, Caroline, Cole and James to do “Bohemian Rhapsody” with her. She tells us that her and Matthew are buddies for realz; Caroline was one of her BFF’s on the show; Cole is picked because she admired his “Rich Girl”; James is her bud and she thinks they sound good together. Plus his range is insanity times infinity.
Cole, Caroline, Jacquie and Matthew side by side under a dark spotlight for the opening lines of the song. They do sound pretty good except I think it might be Caroline (?) sounding a little too high for a second or two. James takes the “momma…just killed a man” line before it goes to Caroline and then Matthew. They’ve edited it down to just the power notes, folks – I’m not mad. Whoops – James fucked up on the “momma mia” part – he must have gotten nervous and forgot to sing his line and then freaked out for a second. Overall, it was a bit of a mess.
Carson says that Tess is going to sing with one of her heroes so we cut to Tess in the green room finding out who she’ll be dueting with and she’s crying and being adorable. The rest of us will find out later. The way Tess is waving her hands around while freaking out I’m going to guess it’s Celine.
I’m just talkin’ bout Celine…shut your mouth
Back from commercials. Carson and Adam hanging out bro-ing it up and we get treated to the Sexiest Man Alive video montage set to “Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred. Ha! Ceelo says Adam’s not sexy while laughing; Adam says his BO is sexy (it isn’t); Blake calls him a beast; Xtina says he a distraction when he enters a room (agreed); general cuteness over his title.
I KNEW IT. Tess is going to sing “Love Can Move Mountains” with Celine. Full on chorus in the beginning. Does anyone remember when Celine had her contract in Vegas? I went there with a bunch of girls who all wanted to see Celine Dion at Caeser’s. Since I would rather stick a hot needle in my eyeball after standing in a sandstorm with my eyes propped open for three hours than see a Celine Dion concert, myself and another girl decided to skip it. Reviews from everyone after the concert said it was one of the most boring shows they’ve ever seen because all she sang were ballads. Total snooze fest, they said. Too much chest thumping, they said. I didn’t see any of that with her number with Tess just now. How can that Canadian daffodil ever be thought of as boring? Did you not see her sexy singing faces? Marvel at her dance moves that would turn Adam Shankman straight? This was a visual treat for the soul, people. Oh – and Tess was freaking awesome. Celine and Tess sounded like two pros up there and I loved it.
SPRINT PIMPBOX – COACH IMPRESSIONS FROM FANS
Too dumb…I just can’t.
Ryan Tedder wrote an original song for the winner and here he is with One Direction performing their single “I Lived”. They were fine. Olympic hopefuls out in the audience.
Ceelo-isms: Blake calls him a poet and we get treated to some of his best head scratchers of the season. Do they feel him? He uses serendipity in a sentence; he confuses Caroline on the regular; Xtina thinks he’s deep.
Up on stage is Ray Boudreaux, Preston Pohl, Matthew Schuler, Nic Hawke and Josh Logan singing “Treasure”. They sounded good and a little Nic goes a long way.
CONTESTANT BRING BACK: WILL
Will’s going to do “Wagon Wheel” with Johny, Cole, Caroline and Austin. Caroline is loved by all! Will says Johnny is unique; Will and Cole are soul brothers; Caroline’s voice impressed Will; Austin is super cool and his emotion comes through in his singing. Will thinks all their different styles will work and they’ll have a blast.
The stage floor is a digital wagon wheel – I hope no one throws up from vertigo. All the boys are on guitar except for Will who’s sporting a banjo. This is my favorite group sing thus far. Will was right and this totally worked.
SPRINT PIMPBOX: FAMILY EDITION
Jaquie’s mom gives words of encouragement; Tessanne’s mom is proud watching the show from England at 4:00 am local time; Will’s dad is proud.
Xtina’s review of the season: Blake cann’t sing like Xtina or he’d be in the hospital just by attempting it; clips of Xtina throwing down and making everyone around her feel inadequate; goofy noises and cute faces; I want her to be my BFF I love her so much.
Jacquie sings with Paramore, “Ain’t It Fun”. Lead singer Hayley Williams looks like a bad ass in her leather pants. Jacquie’s having a blast and this was a fun song to watch.
Back from the break and Carson introduces us to Stephanie Gray, Shelby, Kat, Amber and Tamara doing “My Life Would Suck Without You”. Another instance where the individuals weren’t as great as the whole. Not my Shelbie, of course. She was perfect.
Video cut – finalists running around the Universal backlot. Much giggling from the girls. They pull up to a Dr. Seuss set and this creepy dude dressed as the Grinch is there freaking everyone out. I thought this was the height of cornball until creepy Grinch tells everyone they get a new car by Kia. Will’s reaction makes me love him a little bit. He dibs on the SUV because of his kid; Jacquie wants the Optima; Tess gets the four-wheel drive. Nice prize.
FILLER TIME – FINAL CONFESSIONAL
What would it mean to win the Voice? Jaquie – everything; Tess is overwhelmed; Will says it’s not just the contract and the dough but about reaching people; Adam marvels over their opportunity; Xtina’s invested a ton into Jacquie and doesn’t want to let her down; each contestants wants to win for their respective judge and give proper thanks. Yawn.
Celine Dion and Ne Yo get up on stage to do their next collaboration “Incredible”. Celine’s bodice of her dress is pretty sexy – she looks better the older she gets. Neyo’s pretty smooth, no? Nice slow song and they both sounded wonderful.
SPRINT PIMPBOX WITH RYAN TEDDER – he explains his thought process on writing the new song for the winner and he plans on working with the winner in the future. The winner will sing the song on The Voice float at the Rose Bowl Parade on New Years Day. Good exposure!
Will Champlin and Aloe Blacc will be singing “Wake Me Up”. The song starts up with Aloe kicking it off. They have the backup band and singers up on stage with them. Will and Aloe’s voices mesh really well together but Will really needs to work on his stage presence. I love his voice but he’s about as exciting to watch as lettuce wilting. Still, one of my favorite performances tonight.
Carson gives props to the crew of the Voice. I bet he’s a super nice guy in real life.
CONTESTANT BRING BACK: TESS
Tess is doing “Hold On I’m Coming” with James, Preston, Olivia and Grey to help her out. James is the sweetest guy and she loved “A Case Of You”; Tess loves Preston’s voice; Olivia is an unlikely pairing but she feels their voices work together; Tess’s favorite performance by Grey was “Already Gone” and she loves her power.
What can I say? They all sounded like complete pros up there – a perfect blend of all their voices. Carson called it fun and says he can’t wait to hang with Preston.
Blake’s review of the season – he’s a dancing machine. He calls himself “Break It Down Blake” and we get glimpses of Blake’s attempts at shaking his groove thing. He does not succeed but I sure did enjoy his attempts. His moonwalk is a thing of beauty; Nic Hawk tries to teach him the Naked Chicken and it is delightful; Xtina feels he’s a lost cause which prompts Blake to two-step to “Footloose” intercut with an actual dancer dressed as him doing some sweet, sweet backflips. Totally stupid and very, very cute.
Here’s Lady GaGa doing “Do What U Want”. I’m not a fan of GaGa’s offstage shenanigans lately but this beyotch can sing her ass off and she gives good show. I do enjoy her performances. Xtina joins GaGa on stage and I can now die a happy death. This is diva-licious to the nth degree. The two ladies are wearing similar outfits, they have similar hair color and they both can do the drama like no others. I’m so in love. That was AWESOME – they brought the house down, fo’ sho.
GaGa tells us that the show called to ask her to perform and she said as long as Xtina agreed to perform with her, she was in. Carson says that they just met over this and Xtina tells us how GaGa is real and super cool. She says all the other chicks in the music biz are a bunch of bitches except for the GaGa. Okay.
During commercials we find out that The Voice will be back on February 24 and it looks like Usher and Shakira will be back, too.
And now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for – RESULTS. Carson’s on stage with Jacquie, Will, and Tess nervously awaiting the decision. Final comments – Jacquie: She thanks Xtina while trying not to cry. Will: He tells Adam he’s honored to have worked with him. Tessanne: She tells Adam that he was the best coach she could ever hope for and she loves him.
In third place: Will Champlin. Goodbye, Will. Work on your stage presence and enjoy your new minivan.
And then there were two. The winner of the Voice is:
Tess’s husband completely loses his shit out in the audience while Tess and Jacquie hug it out. Congratulations, Tess! Jamaica and the United States are very proud. Let’s hear the new single, “Tumbling Down”. She has a hard time at first getting her emotions in check to sing but she gets it together and remembers the lyrics.
Well, Trashies – what do you think? Did America get it right? I say YES. Tess was just leagues ahead of everyone and I really think Adam helped her win this with his song choices for her. I hope you all enjoyed my recaps this season. Thank you for sticking around and I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed reading your comments. If you like what you read join me over at the “Millionaire Matchmaker” where I get to eviscerate Patty Stanker (typo stays). Hugs and kisses, Trashies!