The moment is upon us, Trashies – who will be crowned the winner tonight? I’m not sure but I think it rhymes with Bethanne Finn. Carson introduces us to the judges: Adam salutes the audience and I salute right on back … that pretty, pretty mug deserves it; Ceelo sparkles like shiniest referee who’s ever set foot on a football field; not to be outdone, Xtina looks smashing in what looks like her nod to late 70’s era Lauren Hutton, fabulous big hair, disco dress and everything; Blake, I’ll miss you most of all.
Tess, Will and Jacquie stand up there with Carson as he tells us this is the biggest finale they’ve ever had. Performances by: One Republic, Paramour, Celine Dion, Neo, Alan Black, and Lady GaGa. That is quite a line up. Rewind of last night’s performances. Like Ceelo, I look forward to see who America voted for and Carson tells us that half the songs on the top ten iTunes are from the Top Three in this show. The Voice is Big Time y’all. What’s that I hear, American Idol? The bells they toll for thee.
See what happens when you mess with a winning formula?
First up is the Top Twenty doing the first group sing “Tonight Is The Night”. Tess, Jacquie and Will open this up with a few short solos before we see the rest of this season’s contestants up on stage joining in. After hearing Tess, Jacquie and Will these past few episodes I’m convinced the voting public definitely got it right. Woof – Jacquie’s sounding pretty sharp. This particular song is not her friend. It was cute to see everyone up there. Nic still annoys me.
Back from break and Carson wants to know how Adam’s feeling and he talks about how the last three finalists put it all out there and he’s proud. Carson comments that they can drop Ceelo’s in Times Square for New Years, he’s so sparkly. Ceelo calls it his disco balls look. More like “Oompa Loompas doing an eight-ball” look. Ceelo marveled at the contestants ability to change it up so often with the song choices and delivering. Carson tells Xtina how slammin’ she looks this evening and how is she feeling? She would be excited to be the winner tonight and gives a nod to having a great time being back judging. Blake is non-committal on who might win tonight.
CONTESTANT BRING BACK: JACQUIE
Jacquie gets to bring back a few of the contestants to help her do her song and she choose Matthew, Caroline, Cole and James to do “Bohemian Rhapsody” with her. She tells us that her and Matthew are buddies for realz; Caroline was one of her BFF’s on the show; Cole is picked because she admired his “Rich Girl”; James is her bud and she thinks they sound good together. Plus his range is insanity times infinity.
Cole, Caroline, Jacquie and Matthew side by side under a dark spotlight for the opening lines of the song. They do sound pretty good except I think it might be Caroline (?) sounding a little too high for a second or two. James takes the “momma…just killed a man” line before it goes to Caroline and then Matthew. They’ve edited it down to just the power notes, folks – I’m not mad. Whoops – James fucked up on the “momma mia” part – he must have gotten nervous and forgot to sing his line and then freaked out for a second. Overall, it was a bit of a mess.
Carson says that Tess is going to sing with one of her heroes so we cut to Tess in the green room finding out who she’ll be dueting with and she’s crying and being adorable. The rest of us will find out later. The way Tess is waving her hands around while freaking out I’m going to guess it’s Celine.
I’m just talkin’ bout Celine…shut your mouth
Back from commercials. Carson and Adam hanging out bro-ing it up and we get treated to the Sexiest Man Alive video montage set to “Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred. Ha! Ceelo says Adam’s not sexy while laughing; Adam says his BO is sexy (it isn’t); Blake calls him a beast; Xtina says he a distraction when he enters a room (agreed); general cuteness over his title.
I KNEW IT. Tess is going to sing “Love Can Move Mountains” with Celine. Full on chorus in the beginning. Does anyone remember when Celine had her contract in Vegas? I went there with a bunch of girls who all wanted to see Celine Dion at Caeser’s. Since I would rather stick a hot needle in my eyeball after standing in a sandstorm with my eyes propped open for three hours than see a Celine Dion concert, myself and another girl decided to skip it. Reviews from everyone after the concert said it was one of the most boring shows they’ve ever seen because all she sang were ballads. Total snooze fest, they said. Too much chest thumping, they said. I didn’t see any of that with her number with Tess just now. How can that Canadian daffodil ever be thought of as boring? Did you not see her sexy singing faces? Marvel at her dance moves that would turn Adam Shankman straight? This was a visual treat for the soul, people. Oh – and Tess was freaking awesome. Celine and Tess sounded like two pros up there and I loved it.