It’s post-tribal on Day 30 at camp. Ryan is his usual self-deprecating self but that ain’t gonna win a million bucks, buddy. Chrissy asks Ben for details about the blindside and the secret agent plan, but he blows her off and is snarky about it. She’s genuinely hurt. She calls him a jerk, which is a big step for her.
Don’t you mean jerk Marine?
Actually, she meant muthaf’in’ asshole, but ladies don’t talk like that. Chrissy interviews that she’s going to keep fighting to stay in this game and if she can pay Ben back for his vitriol along the way, even better.
REWARD CHALLENGE TIME! LOVED ONES CHALLENGE TIME! Ashley’s dad, Jim, comes out first, and he looks like
Bruce Jenner’s half-brother
They seem to have a healthy relationship, despite Probst’s serious attempt to creep it up. Next up, sobbing Ryan’s dad, who
left witness protection specifically for his Survivor cameo
Apparently, dude is just as big of a Survivor fan as his son and they bonded while watching every episode. I don’t believe this guy is Ryan’s dad, but he must be, with the way Ryan is acting like one of Mel Gibson’s kids in The Patriot.
Berry, Mike’s wife, is out next, and they seem to be normal and in love. Not surprised. Also, how tall is Mike? Or how short is Berry?
I bet she even trims his ear and nose hair for him. I want them to have a spin-off.
Lauren’s half-sister, Sunny, is out next, and she really, really loves Lauren.
Sunny actually really, really loves Survivor and convinced Lauren to try out with her. Lauren got the gig and she didn’t. Sunny seems okay with it and ribs her sister about losing weight.
Chrissy’s husband, Keith, is next.
I would bet Probst’s salary that Keith is Keith the IV and the family trust is dwindling fast.
They are ridiculously loving in a supportive, comfortably content way. Chrissy says she’s going to quit working and spend the rest of her life with her family once she gets home. Sure …
Devon’s mom, Sonya, is next. Devon and his mom love each other more than all the other couples put together. I want to party with her. She looks like a supportive wing man.
I hope one of my kids loves me this much as an adult.
Finally, Ben gets to hug his wife, Kelly. We get to hear how she saved Ben from himself again, and how his family means everything to him. His story’s getting a little trite at this point, but they seem to have a strong relationship.
And a great love life?
The “reward challenge” is this: each person and each loved one gets a bag with two marbles – one white, one black. Each Survivor castaway will pull a marble out of the bag, and then his/her loved one will pull a marble out of his/her own bag. If the two marble colors match, the couple gets to go to the next round. They will play until only one couple is left. This “challenge” does not test if the couples are “in sync” as Probst suggests — it’s simply a random lottery and is actually pretty cool, if also cruel.
Only Ben/Kelly and Chrissy/Keith make it past the first round. Chrissy and Keith match a second time but Ben and Kelly don’t, so Chrissy gets to pick three other couples to enjoy a barbecue back at camp with her and her husband. She chooses Ryan and his dad, Mike and his wife, and Ashley and her dad. Chrissy interviews that Ben deserves this slight from her, and revenge tastes sweeter than all the barbecue she’s about to eat.
Anything Ben can do I can do better!
At the reward-ecue, Chrissy talks strategy with Keith and then with Ashley, telling her that she should come over to the dark side because Ashley can’t beat the other three in her alliance. Ashley listens patiently, eating tiny bites and nodding rather than holding a serious conversation.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Ashley interviews that Ben is a huge threat, so Chrissy’s offer may be her best option, especially if Ashley can “make a big move” and get rid of Ben. Eye roll. Sack up or shut up. You guys have been threatening to do that for a few days and I’m getting pissed at Lauren about it, too.
Ben’s busy making a passable fake immunity idol necklace so he can fool people by planting it and looking for the second real idol to keep his other idol company. You know, the one he’s actually keeping to himself without whispering to everyone else about it? Good move, Ben!
That shit-eating grin is well-deserved.
He shows the fake idol off proudly to Devon and Lauren. Devon loves it, and the idea behind it, but Lauren sees through his shit and is annoyed that he just wants to embarrass Chrissy. As they’re walking, Lauren finds the idol … sort of. She sees a painted log and uncovers the string to the immunity idol necklace. The attached note says she must pick up the other half of the necklace, a seashell, at the next immunity challenge. The shell will be on the ground in front of her platform. Each half of the necklace is useless without the other half, so it’s imperative that Lauren work on her legerdemain to have immunity.
… and re-think my Ben alliance for the 32nd time.
DAY 33 IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Every person has to stand on a platform (with height and width adjusted for each person’s personal size and wingspan) and use their fingertips to hold two wooden discs tight against the edges of the wooden frame, like this:
Ripping off Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man because Survivor has to go back centuries to find new torturous challenge ideas
Why don’t the producers REALLY challenge these people: challenge them to write college admission essays or do improv or something else entertaining? Probst can’t hide his glee when he follows his traditional, “Take your spots, we’ll get started (hand clap)” with “It’s gonna hurt”. Sadistic much?
Lauren looks oddly comfortable, perhaps because she spies the immunity shell in front of her platform in the sand. A few others look like they are in devastating pain
Ben drops first, followed by Chrissy and Ryan. Mike shows signs of physical stress and Lauren taunts him. Very disappointed in you, Mama Bear. Lauren drops, but Probst calls her out on what looked like quitting rather than losing valiantly. Of course, we all know she just wants to sit down and claim her immunity shell. That’s exactly what she does. Thirty minutes later, Mike, Ashley and Devon are holding strong. I guess doctors and surfers have strong shoulders. Mike drops and Devon and Ashley are the last two. They start chatting about one of them quitting and letting the other one win. Probst calls them out on revealing their alliance. Devon’s all,
Dude, catch up … everybody knows.
Ashley offers a shoulder massage and Devon drops. Ashley “wins” immunity! Post-challenge-walk-back-to-camp, Lauren interviews that she has immunity now and with four people voting the same way tonight, Ryan, Chrissy or Mike is going home.
Back at camp, Lauren, Ashley and Devon head to the well. Ashley proposes getting rid of Ben at this vote, and then getting rid of the other three. Devon thinks Chrissy is more of a threat at challenges and has a better story in the final three. While those three are discussing this at the well, Ben overhears them, pulling an Officer Tony.
Ben approaches them and they all ignore the fact that Ben knows that they know that he overheard them talking about voting Ben out. Chrissy it is! *wink wink* Ben interviews he’s going to do whatever he has to do to stay in the game. Dude, just say you’re playing your idol.
Ummm … I was wrong. Apparently, Ben meant he was going to dime Lauren out to Mike and suggest that Lauren’s too powerful.
Ben is ruthless.
Ben then talks Ryan into voting out Lauren, but I don’t think he told Ryan why. Chrissy chats with Devon about “getting bigger threats” than her out at tribal. Devon walks off as Ben walks up. Ben asks Chrissy what Devon said and Chrissy bites his head off.
What game are you and Mike playing over there, Chrissy?
A game called “I can hold a grudge for another week”, Ben.
Somehow, Ben convinces Chrissy to talk to him privately and argues to vote Lauren out, blindsiding her and making her leave with the idol and the advantage. Chrissy’s rage is practical so she immediately sees his point, but feels emotionally compelled to vote Ben out. Mike talks with Chrissy and tries to get her to see reason: Lauren’s the right vote.
Since Chrissy won’t commit to voting out Lauren, Mike makes Plan B. He goes and tells Ashley and Devon that Ben told him everything.
Oooooooooo, I’m telling my mommy!
Devon tells Mama Bear everything, who then panics. For some reason, Lauren decides the best way to get Mike on her side is to GIVE HIM HER IMMUNITY SHELL! WTF? Are you woozy from lack of food? I don’t get it.
DAY 33 TRIBAL!
Probst opens with a discussion about Devon’s deal with Ashley during the immunity challenge. Devon clarifies he could have easily been talking to Lauren as part of his alliance. Ben pipes up that his feelings are hurt because Devon didn’t include him in that alliance. This leads quickly to Lauren and Ashley calling out Ben, and Ben admitting that he’s out for Lauren. Chrissy gets Lauren to admit that she left her extra vote paper back at camp, which means she can’t use it tonight. Mike shows everyone the half of the immunity necklace that Lauren gave him and then Lauren dimes out Ben for making a fake idol for Chrissy to find. Ben tells them all he “took the fake idol out of play” because he didn’t want to be seen as valuing his personal vendetta against Chrissy more than the game, and he puts the fake idol on around his neck. Mike then, like a kid on Christmas morning, throws the shell into the tribal fire saying it will never be played now. Lauren is mortified.
Can’t even feel bad for you, Mama Bear.
Mike tells Probst that idols and advantages are a blessing and a curse, and the tribe should just get rid of them. Ryan pipes up that the only reason idols are curses is because people who have them DON’T KEEP THEM SECRET! Our little Hobbit is the most rational person on this tribe, or at least, he’s learned his lesson. Lauren offers to give up her extra vote to Chrissy. Mike says he’ll take it if she wants to give it away. Ben suggests that they just leave it with Lauren and send her home. Devon tells Ben:
Lauren + her advantage < dangerous than you.
You just got schooled with Survivor math, Ben.
Everyone starts talking while Ben and Ryan whisper about keeping the vote with Lauren. Devon walks over to Mike and tells him they should vote for Ben. Chrissy whispers in Ryan’s ear and they agree they should still vote for Lauren. Then Ryan and Chrissy tell Mike to vote for Lauren, but he wants them to vote for Ben. I think Chrissy wins that convo???? Ben tells the tribe he’s writing Lauren’s name down, but no one was surprised to hear that. Everyone agrees that it’s time to vote. VOTE TIME!
Ben, after a wordy story about how he got it, plays his (real, secret) idol for himself. He’s very proud. It would have been more awesome if he had been wearing the REAL idol around his neck at tribal instead of the fake one.
I sorta love and hate you right now.
Everyone voted for Ben … except Ben, who voted for Lauren. I think we can all agree that she deserved to go home. Mama Bear, you were my favorite.