Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Part 2: The One Where Shannon’s Head Explodes

Wow!  A whole new week has gone by since we “talked.”  Hope you are doing great, my little trashies.

Previously, we confirmed Vicki to be the biggest piece of shit alive.  Well, dead or alive, really.  She accused Kelly of doing coke all the time and not spending time with her daughter.  What did Kelly do to deserve such an accusation?  She implied Vicki had a fat ass.  Yes.  You read that correctly.

Vicki at her finest.

So lest you think Vicki has learned one single thing about herself in the 175 years this show has been on the air, she hasn’t.  She is MORE wretched than she was in 2006.   MisRed doesn’t watch Atlanta but I read Phaedra was fired for doing something similar?

There is, however, some “logic” behind Vicki’s accusations, that is, according to Vicki.    MisRed can’t remember where she saw this- could have been on WWHL or at the tail end of last week’s episode- sorry, my brain tries to block out all Vicki related material.  It’s for its own protection.

Vicki said because Kelly called her FAT, which, she didn’t — Yes, she might have implied that Vicki needs to check her look in the mirror, which, ahem, Kelly is NOT WRONG—is because Kelly is thin therefore she must do cocaine.  I think Vicki even said she was COMPLIMENTING Kelly.

Like Vicki, I have no evidence, unless I attempt to re-find where I saw this info, which, let’s face it, MisRed is too lazy for that.  So you will just need to take my word – Vicki either said this or MisRed made it up.

The second part of the reunion opens with Andy, uh, stating the OBVIOUS, “We took a break and I feel like there is more dissension between you and Vicki.”

I will rip her throat out in 3…2…1…

We flashback to one hour earlier, when Vicki accused Kelly of doing cocaine and of never spending time with her daughter.  Kelly says she called Michael, and he denied telling Vicki anything.  Vicki asks if Kelly expected Michael to tell Kelly the truth?

In fairness she’s drawing on her Brooks experience.

Kelly was like- Yeah, I did.  Vicki says Michael told her.

Wait, which thing- that she does cocaine or that she’s never with Jolie?

Vicki backpedals saying that Kelly is all over the place with her accusations.  LOL Oh, Vicki.  Yes, Kelly is the one who is completely out of line here.  Whatever gets you through the day.

Kelly asks for clarification?  Vicki says Michael didn’t say she did drugs- but that was a rumor that came around.  Andy says, after airing the clip, of course, to serve his own evil agenda, “That accusation really hurt Kelly.”  Vicki says, she is sorry for repeating the rumor.

Tamra, rightfully, is like “HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED ANYTHING??!!”

No, Tamra, she hasn’t.

MisRed is assuming this is rhetorical because we already know Vicki is incapable to learning or growing in any capacity.  You will recall- Vicki repeated a rumor that Eddie is gay.  She also repeated a rumor that David beat Shannon- which seems to have some evidentiary proof.  What else has she repeated?  Oh, that Slade doesn’t pay child support- Tamra was in on that one too.

Vick, all annoyed, is like “Please, Tamra.”  Oh shut the f*ck up, Vicki.

Yeah, don’t start with Vicki.  Its so hard for her.

Emily, Captain Obvious, says, “Rumors are bad.”

Shannon says that they are both as bad as each other.  Kelly tweeted Vicki was a pig and Kelly says she apologized for it.  I mean, if anything we have learned Kelly has ZERO impulse control when it comes to social media, she’s as bad as a certain President we all know.  Vicki says, “I’ve never gong publicly and hurt her ever.”

Oh right because nobody is watching this f*cking TV show, right?  Kelly is like – “Bullshit.  You said I was looking for a billionaire, you said I left a millionaire to land a billionaire.”

Vicki takes her venom to other shows.

She did, she said it on WWHL.  Andy is like.. well you both apologized so let’s move on.

So we move on to Shannon.  Andy says it’s been a tough year for Shannon- she removed her wedding ring, and she downsized into a 4,000 square foot house.  LOL.  David has moved on, she launched a food line full of oozing cream cheese.

Oooooozing all over Emily.
Which is probably preferable to The Turtle.

Shannon has gained weight and is in the process of losing it.

Shannon does look more relaxed than she has all season- maybe she’s drunk.  OR ON COCAINE?!?!  Vicki is tweeting that as we speak.

Andy wants to know about Shannon’s divorce, is it final?  We learn, No, it’s not.  Mainly because David refused to hire an attorney.   They went to court with an accountant who reviewed all of the financial documents.  Emily wants to know if it’s a forensic accountant?

Sure.  Forensics because David shot his DNA is ALL OVER the OC!

Because, and I’m not sure if you knew this, she’s an attorney.

They went to court to determine if the amount David is paying in spousal support is an appropriate amount.  Shannon says her intent- when they decided to get divorced was to NOT go to court and to split everything amicably.  Oh, did she think she was married to someone other than David?  Shannon says David didn’t hire an attorney because David thinks he can do everything better than everyone else.

Emily is like- he’s an idiot.  He doesn’t know California law or procedure and it’s probably causing a delay.  Neither does Emily’s husband, the Turtle, because he can’t pass the California Bar exam, but MisRed digresses…

Andy wants to know if David is still dating Leslie?  Shannon tenses up and says they have moved in together.  Shannon’s daughters like Lez… and Shannon is okay as long as her kids are okay.  Haha.  Can we get a lie detector on Shannon please?

Andy, it’s not nice to try to give Shannon a stroke. 

Andy says he heard a rumor from Vicki, Lez is knocked up?  Shannon is like… it’s a rumor that’s out there.  Andy asks Shannon if she knows if it’s true or any additional info.   Shannon is like “Nope.”

Andy asks all of the ladies how it feels to have their exes move on, and to possibly be pregnant with someone… Jesus Andy, twist that knife.

Kelly says Michael is dating someone and she hopes to meet her.  So she can kick her in the face.  MisRed may have added that last part.  Kelly says she hopes whoever Michael dates, she is good to Jolie.

Shannon says the one thing that has been a difficult pill to swallow is, David and Lez have moved into a VERY AFFULENT gated community in a 6 bedroom house, and Lez’s kids live with them.

This is where Shannon irritates me.  This is a privileged woman.  She has a lovely home.  She is not struggling.  She has food to put on the table.  She’s so privileged she didn’t know you had to PAY for WATER.  Yet, she is having a hard timing swallowing that her husband has moved into a nice home.   I’m sure it hurts that David is now providing for another family, but it is something that happens.  But SAY THAT.   Say it’s a difficult pill to swallow that my husband has moved on and is living with another woman and is helping to raise her children and I have to do it on my own.  These women don’t know how lucky they are.

Shannon says she asked her kids once if Lez cooked dinner, and was told Lez looked tacos one night and Shannon claims “Then I just dropped it.”   Shannon says the kids said Shannon’s quinoa bowls were much better.

WAS THERE EXTRA CHEESE?!?!?!

Shannon claims to not have needed this validation but you KNOW she grilled them on every element of those tacos.  Did she use flour or corn tortillas?  Hard or soft?  Was the meat 80% lean / 20% fat???  What brand seasoning packet did she use?  Was it OLD EL PASO??!?!?!?  Was there sour cream???  Light or full fat?  Did she have pico de gallo or did she just dump some of David’s jarred salsa backwash on top???  Did she make her own guacamole or just BUY the Wholly Guacamole mashed avocados??? DID SHE ADD CILANTRO TO THAT MASHED AVOCADO?!?!!?

Well… it got back to David that Shannon had set up an interrogation room and grilled the kids about tacos and Shannon feels like she can’t ask about anything going on at David’s.  She feels like she is walking on eggshells and she just wants to make sure the kids are okay.  Shannon says that she’s been told that she has to give her kids some space.

And look at how great that turned out?

Tamra told her to not crowd her kids and to not text them all the time.   Well, yeah, Tamra is the OC Mother of the Year.  Two out of her 5 kids, kind of, even speak to her.  Wait, does she have five kids or four kids, including The Missing Link?  Oh wait, I just remembered, I don’t give one single sh*t.   Tamra explains she pushed Sydney and texted her constantly and it backfired.  It also didn’t help that Tamra’s Insta is more important to her than her kids so…yeah, it’s understandable how the kids might not want to be involved.

Andy asks Shannon if she is dating?  Shannon says she is and it’s exciting to get out there and meet new people.  She says it’s an adjustment, but she’s been doing different things because David wasn’t the most social person, so she didn’t really go out much during their marriage.

And it feels really good to go out.  Andy is like “And David didn’t have a problem meeting other people.”  Yeah well,  David never stopped dating, … he didn’t have any adjustments to make.

A viewer says she hates the way Shannon talks about her body negatively and does she worry that it will impact her kids?  She says she tries to keep it in check, but she definitely beats herself up more than anyone on earth.  But she’s trying to do the right things.

Could you imagine if Shannon WASN’T trying to keep it in check?

Gina says it is difficult to see how much emphasis and value Shannon puts on her herself as it relates to her weight.  Shannon agrees somewhat, but she’s really just trying to figure it out.   You can tell Gina is on Shannon’s last nerve.

Andy says “Vicki apparently thinks she’s a medium and you’re an XL.”

Shannon laughs and it like – Yes.  We flashback to Vicki in her, completely age inappropriate. macramé onesie attempting to buy Shannon a t-shirt at the Jamaica outlet of Thornton Melon’s Tall and Fat.

Vicki says it was a joke- she was looking for more of a sleeping shirt because  they would never wear a shirt like that out.  Sure Vicki.  Nice try.  And PS, that tacky t-shirt looks better than 99.9% of the outfits you pick on your own, so maybe don’t knock it.  And you wear a MEDIUM shirt to sleep in?  No wonder Steve the CC is having trouble with his eyesight.

Andy asks Shannon for her reaction when she saw that and she was like- whatever. “Compared to other things that I heard, that was nothing.”  Andy congratulates Shannon on her “journey.”  Shannon says she is excited for the future.

Andy wants to review all of the bullshit that happened on their various outings:

• Tres Amigas go to Mexico and Tamra breaking her foot.
• The ropes course when Shannon tried to murder Vicki.

Please do better next time, Shannon.

• Shannon “Celebatory” dinner for her food line on QVC.
• The Golf Outing for Vicki’s 87th birthday.

Andy asks Shannon what was the most embarrassing part of Mexico? She says, when production filmed her eating tacos at a taco truck.  She had NO recollection of eating tacos that night and she was completely embarrassed.

Give the girl some tacos!!

Then Shannon heard about it from David as it relates to their divorce.  Fuck all the way off, David, you colossal DICK.

And Shannon, really?  Not when you were on camera in your spanx in the hot tub?  I mean, she really had NOTHING to be embarrassed about- she looked great, but it was the spanx that made her look ridiculous.

Tamra tells her all of this stuff is “hearsay” and it’s not admissible in court.  But is it?  I mean, it’s ON FILM, it’s not like Vicki just spreading a rumor.  Not that I think Shannon, or anyone, doesn’t deserve to cut loose and have fun on a girls’ trip.  Emily says, Shannon’s behavior on a girl’s trip isn’t relevant to a divorce or a custody battle.

Legally speaking…

Good thing we have a lawyer present.

Seriously, these women should have an attorney with them at all times.  And possibly a lion-tamer.  And maybe a snake charmer with the ability to kill, for Vicki.

We review everyone talking about Emily’s marriage after Emily had to leave the Shannon Getting Blindsided with a Matchmaker Happy Hour because Turtle was watching his own kids after coming home from work early.  The girls surmised Emily might be in a bad marriage and Turtle might be controlling.   If you will recall Shannon thought the things she was hearing about Turtle reminded of her the things that went on in her own marriage.

And remember how things got blown out of proportion when Gina told Emily about Shannon’s comments.  Gina didn’t make the comments seem anything other than what they were but Emily blew the comparison out of proportion and was completely offended.

I mean, if someone was comparing MrRed to David, I would be offended too.  But comparing Turtle to David is not a crazy comparison.  I mean, except David isn’t a total dork.  And a pussy.  And David can reach the top shelf of the refrigerator.

Comes from the Latin words abusare / abusus 

Tamra , at the golf outing, wanted to know who originally brought up the word “ABUSE?”  WE rewind… literally.  And as it turns out, Emily is the one who mentioned the word “ABUSE.”

That’s a BINGO

If you will remember that word was the crux of the issue between Shannon and Emily.  LOL.  These dumb betches.

The blame gets piled on Shannon because the situation reminded Shannon of her own marriage.

They discuss that Emily ATTACKED Shannon on the golf course.  Emily denies “attacking” Shannon and Tamra agrees it was not an attack.  Kelly says Emily did attack Shannon or possibly the better word is “schooled.” Gina then says that Shannon shouldn’t have been talking about her marriage and putting it ON Emily.

Shannon is like- why don’t we all close our mouths?

Agreed.

Gina goes after Shannon as to why she drew a comparison between Emily’s marriage and her own marriage.  Gina failed to see the correlation or comparison because she’s never, once, seen Turtle eat salsa in an aggressive manner.  Shannon asks why everything that she says has to come under review by Gina??  Gina want to know why Shannon won’t OWN it.

Actually, I’m renting it and forgot to pay the water bill.

Gina is now the “own it” police.

Emily says she doesn’t feel she attacked Shannon, she thought it was just a conversation.

Honey, you are on a “Housewives” show.  Multi-season blood feuds have been started over a tray of sprinkle cookies.  Over someone not wearing underwear.  Over a someone not thanking someone for a nutcracker.  Over Tom.

Shannon says she has been working on less reactive.

Andy is like…. how is THAT going?  LOL

Shannon claims she has really dialed back her reactiveness. We flash back to the golf club where Shannon stormed off to the bathroom after a confrontation with Emily and Tamra.  And look, we didn’t even need to go to the Jamaica footage.

Dr. Gina.

Basically, Gina is like you are lying and Shannon is NOT making improvements.  Then Shannon blames Tamra for coming AT her at the golf course.  Oh ok, so Tamra is to blame.  I mean, she probably is, but Shannon does have a difficult time NOT freaking out and making it all about herself.

Shannon tells Gina, “Why don’t you concentrate on you and not me?”

This is stupid.  I refuse to recap this nonsense.  MISRED IS TAKING A STAND.

Andy asks Tamra if Shannon is less reactive this season.

lol

Tamra is like um… uh… sure.  Shannon is like- that is not very convincing.

Tamra is just trying to avoid the turd catapult Shannon has positioned directly at her.

Andy asks if Emily is upset about the situation with Shannon comparing her marriage to Emily’s marriage?  Emily says she was upset with Tamra for blowing up the situation when they were questioning her marriage.

That’s the worst Tamra has got?

Tamra says Emily didn’t even go home  the night of the happy hour, she went out with another friend.  Nice deflection, betch.

Emily is like- no, I didn’t.  But then Emily says she was supposed to have met with Shane’s ex-wife to discuss custody- she didn’t want to say that on TV- but in the end, she had the date wrong and DID go home.

Um. who cares?

They discuss the Turtle sitch when he tossed Gina out… Emily said one thing to Gina’s face and something else to Turtle’s face. Andy wants to know why?  Um, because Emily lives under tyrannical rule and doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow living in a condo and driving a Jetta.   Gina says the Turtle never gave her an apology, but she is cool with Turtle now.  Everyone discusses the fact that Turtle is a dick, and they are like “He has walls…”  Yes, yes, his tank has walls.  We can’t just have him ROAMING around loose.

Turlte has walls.  That’s putting it mildly.  And probably, incorrectly.

Andy proceeds with Emily’s clip package.  Emily is a lawyer by day and a party planner by night who married a Persian Mormon without ever going on a first date.  They never even banged before they got married.  They review her “fertility journey.”  Her journey with her mentally ill Mom and torturing her on live TV.

And I’m going to embarrass her on TV.

Andy asks how much the visit from her Mom meant to her?  Emily hadn’t spoken to her mom in a year- she wouldn’t return her calls or texts.  Their relationship has greatly improved.

They discuss Pary- Emily feels really blessed to have Pary as a mother in law and they have a really good relationship.  We learn theTurtle is Mormon but his parents are not.

Turtle rebelled by becoming a Mormon.

He became a Mormon because his neighbors, when he was growing up, were Mormon.  Um, that’s the dumbest thing I ever heard, but whatever.

MisRed’s next door neighbors growing up with criminals and juvenile delinquents- who took my sister’s Barbie Corvette and sunk it in their pool, but look how good MisRed turned out?

Andy asks if anyone else would marry someone without boning? They wouldn’t.

Kelly is like- I need to know if he has a PhD!!!  LOL

Andy wants to know if the kids are being raised Mormon- they don’t really know.  Wow you guys are really on top of it.

They next discuss the baby box from Emily’s miscarriage and the letter from her grandma.  The other ladies were sad to see that.  It IS so sad, y’all.

Gina thought it was nice to see Turtle being more compassionate to Emily.  Wait.  That was HIM being compassionate?

Awww look, Turtle is comforting…. THE DOG.

 In the words of Ramona Singer:  Whoa.

Emily says she and The Turtle go to therapy, so he can be more affectionate.  Emily says the Turtle doesn’t like to openly show affection.  Vicki says Steve the CC is the same.

Well that’s because Steve HATES you, Vicki.

Emily says that when the cameras are off, Turtle is always grabbing at her butt, etc.  Well Jesus, he’s probably trying to pinch her and make sure she’s REAL!!?!?!  How else do you explain how he landed a beautiful woman like her in the first place??   He’s a total dork.

I mean, seriously, now, MisRed has dated a few unattractive guys.  But there was always something ELSE about them that made them super attractive to MisRed.  The first one had a killer bod- you know, for a High School kid and the second had, hands down, the funniest personality of anyone I’ve ever met.  But Turtle is unattractive, has no sock game and has a sh*tty personality. MisRed does NOT understand the appeal.

Emily says she got a fair amount of body shaming on Social Media.  She says she NEVER looked at herself as being fat or anything.  She knew she was a bigger woman- she’s 5’9” but she never viewed herself as fat.

But TONS of peoples on Social Media called her HORRIBLE things.  That sucks.  I know I’ve called Emily big, but I think I’ve always qualified it by saying I don’t think she is fat, but she- like everyone, needs to look in the mirror when choosing clothing.  And would I want to look like Emily and have her body?  HELL YEAH.

Now we get to the Tamra clip package.  Ugh.  Her broken foot, Eddie being ill with AFib, their move, blah blah blah.  Does anyone give a shit about Tamra? Her faith has been tested… yes, her particular brand of Fake Christianity has been tested.

Mom, there’s something you should know,  I am cornholio.

We see Tamra with her son Beavis and she’s so proud of him for graduating High School and actually continuing to speak to her.

Andy asks why they haven’t seen Spencer in 10 years.  As we suspected, because Simon wouldn’t sign-off on the paperwork allowing the kids to be on the show.  Spencer signed his own release this year. Tamra says her relationship with Sydney is still not good- she’s away at college- Tamra texts her but Sydney NEVER responds, but Tamra doesn’t think it’s the point of no return.   Let’s check in with this situation in 10 years and see if Sydney has texted back.

Looking in my crystal ball at Season 23

MisRed’s guess is no.

They discuss Eddie’s heart issue- they went to a top specialist and he’s much better now.  It was a longer story than that, but we don’t give a shit, as long as Eddie will be okay we don’t need to discuss.

Tamra and Eddie have sold their house because they never felt the house was home and they moved into Coto. Andy asks if she is within casserole delivering distance to Vicki?  Tamra isn’t.   Vicki says if Coto, “It’s the hidden secret of Orange County.”  Andy is like… it’s not that secret.

A viewer asks why Shannon doesn’t go to Tamra’s gym.  Shannon says she just didn’t have the time to drive to CUT fitness.   Plus warped floors are not her jam.

In September, Tamra celebrated a birthday but neither Vicki or Shannon were there.  Vicki didn’t go because Kelly was there, and Shannon wasn’t speaking to Tamra at the time.  Shannon clarifies she wasn’t invited.

Tamra says that Shannon gets pissed off at things that air on the show, etc.  and then ices people out.  Tamra offers the example of Tamra and her Mom discussing Shannon not knowing that she had to pay for water.  Tamra is like- that was a joke.  Tamra says that Shannon has texted her paragraphs and paragraphs about what a horrible person she is.

A wise woman once said:  Sayitforgetit,writeitregretit.

Tamra says that she iced Shannon out because of how Shannon treated her and her make-up artist  in New York.  I have no memory of them being in New York, do you?

Could not have been THAT great.

Andy asked what happened in New York?  Yeah, MisRed would love to know too.

OK, so basically, Tamra and Shannon went to NYC, Shannon wanted to stay at the Plaza.  Tamra took her make-up artist with her as a treat because the make-up artist’s mother is fighting cancer.  And an hour before they were supposed to be at dinner, Shannon demanded Melissa do her eye make-up and Tamra got pissed.

Vicki chimes in that the Plaza is way overpriced.  Shut up, rubber face, nobody asked you.

Shannon asks why Tamra just didn’t say “You are being selfish right now?”   Tamra says she did say that.

Ok TIME OUT.  A) Shannon is 75 years old and she needs to be told when she’s being selfish?   B) If Tamra straight up told Shannon she was being selfish, you know exactly what would happen.  Shannon would says she’s blindsided and it’s not her f*cking plate and that how she is being misjudged, blah blah blah.  So I don’t buy this- Oh, just tell me horsesh*t.  .

Seriously?  Just say “No.”   Tell Shannon Melissa is off the clock and Shannon can do her own eye make-up.  Why does MisRed have to be the brains behind this operation?

Shannon is like in full blown denial.

Tamra says that whenever she tells Shannon how she feels Shannon flips out.  Shannon says that Tamra doesn’t tell her things accurately.  So, they really aren’t good with each other.  Tamra says she gets frustrated with Shannon.

It comes out that Shannon was dating someone while they were on the show- but he treated her like crap.  Gina says it’s Shannon’s obligation to share her life and she picks and chooses what to share.

Poor Gina.  She was away from her rotten kids for a few hours…

Gina says she was excited to help Shannon get hooked up with the matchmaker and she could have been at home with her kids, and little did she know Shannon had a boyfriend all season.  Way to make it all about you, Gina.

Tamra says Shannon’s two favorite words are “Me Me Me and I I I, Poor Me, Victim Victim Victim.”

For those playing at home, that is MORE than two words.

Shannon says she felt she could LEAN on Tamra, but little did she know that it was so difficult on Tamra.  Tamra is like- I have a lot of carp in my life too- Eddie is going through these heart procedures, schlepping kids here and there. Blah blah blah.  Shannon says she HAS checked in on Eddie and Tamra does know too.  Tamra is like – Yeah, AFTER I brought it up.

Jesus.  Even Vicki has checked in on Eddie.

Andy asks if Shannon felt it was weird that Eddie became good friends with David.  Shannon says no, but Tamra says that she heard about it endlessly from Shannon about it.

I mean Tamra is a lot of things, and MisRed cannot even believe she is sticking up for Tamra, but Tamra has treated Shannon with kid gloves throughout the season.  Unless you count her constantly talking about her behind her back.  Which I could understand how Shannon could be upset about that.  But Shannon can find a reason to be upset in ANY situation, so Tamra probably can never win.

But not to be forgotten, Tamra has had her share of flip-outs.

Net/Net they really aren’t good with each other.  Tamra says she gets frustrated with Shannon this season.  No sh*t.   .

If the shoe fits… 

Andy asks if Shannon felt it was weird that Eddie became good friends with David.  Shannon says no, but Tamra says that she heard about it endlessly from Shannon.  MisRed can completely buy that.

Next week- Vicki twerks.  Gina and Shannon fight AGAIN.

Tamra and Gina fight.  Vicki states that “Depression isn’t a mental illness.”

Proving she’s not only a piece of sh*t but a STUPID piece of sh*t

Gina and Kelly address the fact that Turtle is a dork and a pussy.

Kelly channels The Turtle

Tamra says Shannon is a master manipulator.

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