Last week, Cynthia and Will showed lactose who’s boss and had sexy talk over ice cream. NeNe tried to avoid Gregg and his achy breaky heart and then she hosted a Girls and Gays party so she could finish offending the 12% of America she hadn’t yet reached.
The show picks up with Kim harassing Kenya about her marriage and Kenya responding with mother/daughter pimp accusations.
In this case, f***ing is used as a verb.
Kim tries to play innocent by saying that she was just asking about her husband but that’s like Matt Lauer saying he was just looking for his missing stapler. Sheree tries to keep Kim down on the couch and then Kroy appears before out of no job, I mean nowhere. Was Kroy waiting outside or did he wait because Kim had no intention of staying for the whole shoot like she did in seasons 4 and 5? The guests are looking at the fight through the windows while Gregg finally found the jump start his heart needed. As Kim throws an object across the table and knocks over a glass, he and NeNe race over to their rent-a-couch and try to clean it up.
“Now I’ll never be able to return the couches to the Ikea outlet.”
Kroy has had an easier time tackling running backs. It’s 47 minutes later and he’s still trying to drag Kim out of the house. Kim says that no one plays with her man, money or kids which is almost in order of importance. Money is first. Always. Cynthia says that normally kids shouldn’t be mentioned but Kim pushed Kenya until she got a response. NeNe doesn’t normally like kid talk either but all bets are off once your mother calls you a human Dyson.
Porsha is still at home playing with wigs because she’s waiting for production to arrive for a totally unplanned scene. Kim, Sheree and Kroy arrive with Kim yelling “Bitch, please come to motherf*** door” because she failed her Jehovah’s Witness classes. Porsha welcomes them in for Hennessy and hair follicles so she can finally be in a scene with a non-Williams.
Back at NeNe’s, the remaining cast members try to make sense of what happened so they can pick a team for the rest of the season. Cynthia wants them all to give Kenya credit for keeping calm but NeNe tells her, and her wig, to calm the f*** down. It’s unclear if this is because NeNe still wants to be friends with Kim or if she’s jealous of Kenya and Cynthia’s friendship. NeNe says that Kenya must have said something and Kenya explains that Brielle has tried to start Instagram beef. Kenya ignored it but since Kim started, she had to finish it. Cynthia emphasizes that Kenya wasn’t to blame and NeNe thinks her big-wigged friend is being foolish for standing up for Kenya.
“You give a friend 18 months of the silent treatment and this is how she repays you…”
At Porsha’s, Kim’s embellishes and says that Kenya said the tickets were for her “injured son”. We never heard that and Sheree never heard that and the entire time Kim was yelling in the house, she specifically said the word “daughter” over and over. Porsha says that mentioning someone’s injured son and ho daughter crosses the line. I watched this about 12 times and yeah, sounds like ho to me. Funnily enough, Kim didn’t jump off the couch and attack the Vegan She-Hulk.
Kandi brings Ace to the studio where they meet DonJuan. Sheree is coming over to share gossip but Kandi feels guilty for the time she spends with Ace. She should feel bad for subjecting him to the cruel and unusual punishment of sitting through Sheree’s version of events. Kandi and DonJuan remember how Sheree caused trouble by butchering the black baby comments years ago and they hope she’s less delusional.
Kandi: Not to brag but I’m on the cover of Essence.
Sheree: That’s nice. I’ll be starring in Avatar 2: Voyage to Chateau.
Sheree says that her stories are always accurate and then tells a pretty inaccurate story. She took gay-ish Kim to the party and repeats the “injured son” line. Both DonJuan and Kandi express disbelief at the injured son part which means they had enough time to get the real story or they would be really good at To Tell the Truth. Sheree says that she didn’t actually hear that part, can’t confirm whether anyone else did and don’t ask her again because she needs Kim for access to scary blonde wigs.
She invites Kandi to a healing girl’s trip in San Francisco. Kandi is looking forward to it so she can catch Part II of Kenya and Kim Kong.
Cynthia and Noelle get together to bake cupcakes. It looks like they just put a bunch of cupcakes in the Bailey Agency. Noelle has called off her plans to move to North Carolina because her boyfriend is an all or nothing kind of guy and she wants them to both live their own lives for a while. Cynthia is proud of her but even prouder of her own ability to land Will DeLaNoPhone. They hug in celebration of both of them being hundreds of miles away from Peter.
Gregg is back on butler duty. He’s admonishing their dog who’s just gotten hair on their lawn furniture. Why do they keep filming outside? Also, Gregg says that he’s on new meds and NeNe is shocked to find out that he’s on nine medications. What’d she think he was popping all day, Dippin’ Dots? His new meds are working out better and she’s glad she doesn’t have to hold a mirror under his nose sporadically to make sure he’s alive. He’s okay with her going on the trip because, let’s face it, she’s neglecting him anyway.
“The “G” is for ‘gonna take it because I have nowhere else to live.'”
Kenya is crying at home because her paternal grandmother who raised her died. Cynthia brings her Audrey II. We see a video of her grandmother recalling how she took Kenya in and raised her. It was sweet and Cynthia says that it means even more because she chose to raise her. Cynthia is about to leave but plugs the girl’s trip before she gets the DeShawn demotion.
Sheree is prepping for the San Francisco trip by lying in bed and telling her kids not to have any parties in the chateau. She can’t have them using up all her Solo cups. Will and Cynthia Facetime while she packs. He starts the convo with “oh yeah” instead of hello. I don’t trust him. He says he has access to a rather sizable boat. Cynthia’s too old to be a yacht girl and she’s already smuggled fibroids so she’s not going to be a mule. Let’s hope this is all legit because we know how Cynthia’s leg reflexes are on boats.
Marlo visits NeNe and as they tour her closet she shows off everything from her “underwears” to her sequins. She invites Marlo to San Francisco but then keeps saying San Fran like it’s hip happening lingo. Marlo is picking up a car in California anyway so she agrees to go as a surprise guest. You know who needs a school? Marlo. Maybe she can use the Bailey Agency on its off months so we can all learn how to get cars, clothes and condos without advertising bargain bin style on Twitter like the Biermanns do.
At the airport, Sheree is there early so no one sees her getting dropped off in her borrowed Pinto. Porsha arrives next and tells her assistant to check her in. Can that even happen? I thought airports had rules about people handling other people’s luggage. After all, a disgruntled assistant could sneak counterfeit Indian hair in there and get Porsha arrested…again. Kim isn’t going because she heard there’s Black babies in San Francisco.
Kandi arrives and totally ignores Porsha. Cynthia gets there, notices the tension and they head to the gate with no NeNe or Kenya in sight. Cynthia says that they’re a couple of people short but Kandi says they have one person too many. Like the second grade, this is all going over Porsha’s head.
Kenya and NeNe make it to the airport and they all arrive in San Francisco together. Sheree shares that this trip came on the orders of her life coach, Jim Beam. NeNe says she would be a great life coach but don’t ask for advice you can’t handle because it all starts at 120 decibels.
They talk sex and Cynthia refuses to say how long it’s been for her while Porsha says it’s been five months for her. It’s a damn shame Trump stopped immigration. NeNe starts the investigation into Sheree’s love life and Kenya searches for clues like it’s the moldy basement of a chateau. Kenya guesses that she’s in love with a convict and she’s right. Sheree’s in a corrections department sanctioned romance with Tyrone from the infamous “Trump check” argument in Season 5. They dated for 8 months but lost contact when Sheree was between seasons and her phone ran out of minutes. She didn’t know he was locked up because he didn’t want her involved in the craziness.
“One day he called me, I accepted the charges and the rest is history.”
I’ve never seen a group of people happier for a woman to be in a correspondence relationship with a felon. Damn, Bob Whitfield is that bad.
NeNe specifically brought Marlo to SF to back her up because Kenya stole Cynthia. Marlo decides to wear a veil with cat ears to dinner so NeNe leaves her. Before the trip, Marlo actually asked NeNe for rules regarding who she could speak to but she failed to get outfit clearance. Amateur.
Sheree arrives at dinner in her same sweatsuit from the plane ride. I have to assume that she and Tyrone decided to wear matching outfits for the day. Kandi is annoyed that Sheree didn’t do a costume change because she could have been picking caviar out of her teeth by now.
Marlo arrives at the dinner and everyone seems uneasy. Sheree says there’s an elephant in the room and it’s not on Marlo’s head. She says that Porsha wasn’t invited to NeNe’s party and that was hurtful. NeNe says that the last time they talked, Porsha told her the door was closed. Guys, just watch this if you want a blow by blow. Or call Brielle. I can’t transcribe this mess because it’s mostly the two of them arguing over whether they are angry or upset. If only Roget was around to settle this.
Then NeNe says that Porsha took food out of Phaedra’s mouth and Porsha’s voice kind of cracks in response because that’s the real elephant in the room. Porsha says they’re all accountable for their own actions which is hilarious for many reasons. Porsha took years to apologize for the Kenya dragging, blamed Cynthia for the boat kicking and blamed Phaedra for filling her head with lies that she willingly repeated.
“If my stupid dentist didn’t die, I wouldn’t have this underbite.”
NeNe says that she protected Porsha after the Kenya dragging. Thatt’s true. Then NeNe tells Porsha to roll back the Dish Nation tape to figure out why she’s mad. They keep showing the same clip of Porsha saying that NeNe was placing a curse on her life by admonishing her on the reunion. I see NeNe’s point because she gave Porsha legitimate advice to stop assaulting people on camera but NeNe also has a tendency to talk down to her friends and it can get old after a while.
Even Kenya, who many say was set up to be dragged by NeNe and Phaedra at that reunion, basically confirms that NeNe had her back and kept her on the show. I wish NeNe had let Kenya talk because I think we were about to get some behind the scenes info. While all of this is going on, NeNe’s bun is trying to throw itself off the balcony but Marlo keeps pinning it down against it’s will.
Kenya’s intervention failed so the two debate whether NeNe tried to get Porsha fired or not and then they start calling each other bitch like they’re a dueling Meredith Brooks. NeNe says Porsha needs discipline for what she did to Kandi and Kenya agrees that they all feel that way. Then they just trade “F%*# yous” until the cameraman’s arm falls asleep.
Next week, Cynthia teaches Porsha how to make up with NeNe. The women go on a wine tour and NeNe voices concern over Sheree’s relationship with a scam artist. What’d you think? Kenya or Kim? NeNe or Porsha? Gregg or Kenya’s dad? Pepsi or Coke? Love you for reading and commenting!
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