Hello!!! I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving! MisRed has, officially, reached maximum density and now she has to sit down and digest this sh*t sandwich of a reunion. MisRed probably doesn’t need to say that she hates recapping reunions. It’s a lot of talk talk talk and nothing gets resolved. They are worse than a channel that’s all Vicki all the time. VickiVision. MisRed shouldn’t say that too loudly as I’m sure that will be her next venture. First KAC, now VickiVision.
Oh look, some workers are touching up Vicki’s face before the show.
The show opens with the “ladies” arriving at the “studio.” Shannon asks Vicki if she put on make-up to come to the set? Vicki says “No, I slept with it on.”
At this point, Vicki probably removes her whole face and just tosses it on the nightstand.
Ew. Why is MisRed remotely surprised? We’ve all heard the rumor that Vicki has B.O., right? So, if she didn’t wash her make-up off, there’s a good chance she didn’t shower that day. Oh, and Vick- your BAD skin? Maybe if you cleaned it, you wouldn’t have as big of an issue. Vicki repulses MisRed.
Jesus. That just put MisRed in a REALLY bad mood.
We see Gina and Emily arrive. Emily says her goal is to not threaten to kill anyone.
Why are they outside? Did Bravo put their dressing room in some kind of double-wide out back?
Then we see previews of the reunion intermixed with Mandy Cohen asking the ladies questions to fire them up. We learn Emily has a binder.
Bet it doesn’t have colored tabs to separate all of the fake cancer docs
And we haven’t even really seen the real New York Gina yet. Shannon hasn’t really spoken to Tamra.
Andy has to talk to Shannon, on camera, while she’s in her underwear.
The official show opens. Mandy says hello to everyone. He says hello to Vicki, saying he is eyeballing her new face. Vicki says, “Thank you.” God bless Andy sometimes, as he says – I didn’t compliment it.
Bahahaha. Every once in awhile Andy cracks me up.
They split up the Tres Amigas?!?!!?
Andy greets Shannon and asks about her weight loss- 32lbs to date.
212lbs if you count David.
He tells her she looks great and the look on Tamra’s face is priceless.
I’m the only one who is supposed to be skinny, betch.
I’m sure because she can’t take credit for any of it. She will probably find a way to try to attribute it all to her.
Andy says Vicki’s kids were really worried about Vicki going under the knife again. Vicki agrees, “They are worried about me going under general aesthetic.”
ANESTHESIA, YOU IDIOT!!!
It’s only because they didn’t know where the insurance stuff was before. Now they know where the money is, so they are fine for Vicki to be a human version of Operation.
The hair needs to be dyed, but otherwise, pretty much, spot on.
That is, if they can wrestle that black box away from Steve’s slimy faux Latino paws.
Andy asks why Vicki has an insurance policy on Donn? Vicki says yes, she does, and she bought it when Donn was 42 and she is the owner of the policy and has paid the premiums. Andy thinks it’s weird Vicki would profit from Donn’s death. Vicki says she just considers it “my alimony coming back to me.”
Personally, I love that Vicki had to pay alimony. I know some people, including Vicki think that its ridiculous that Vicki had to pay Donn, but if the situation were reversed, nobody would have an issue with Donn having to pay Vicki alimony. Plus, Vicki cheated on Donn with Brooks, Donn had dalliances as well, from what I understand, however, would you want to go where Brooks has gone? I sure wouldn’t. Steve must have a Deathwish. What kind of insurance does he have on Vicki?
Andy begins to paint the picture of the season… or as I like to say, “paint the picture of boredom.” The season opened with the birth of the “Tres Amigas” Shannon, Vicki and Tamra. More like the rebirth of Cerberus.
We review the three women drinking and acting like fools. Oh, and then we get to see Tamra’s tits for the millionth time.
Why do we continue to be punished?
And Vicki and Shannon kissing- ew, I blocked that out.
Andy says the reunion last year was really the beginning of their “forgiveness tour.” Shannon says they said they planned to take “Baby Steps” but they were instantaneously back to their normal friendship. This really tells you something about how awful these three hags are.
Andy says Shannon went from telling Vicki she would never speak to her again to kissing her on the lips. “Do you feel it’s because David is out of the picture?” Shannon says that a big part of their rift was due to what Vicki was saying about David and their marriage, but they made a vow to not rehash the past and to just move forward.
Well that’s a great method of growth. Just sweep all the REALLY BIG stuff under the rug and not deal with it. Great plan. Because stuff like that doesn’t, like, fester or anything. And nobody on these shows ever hold a grudge.
Vicki says her favorite moment of the trip was just everything- she just had fun and that’s all she wanted to do in life- “to have flippin’ fun.” Every syllable Vicki utters is like nails on a chalkboard for MisRed.
Gina interrupts saying she is glad they all had fun, however, at the Grandma Party Vicki said, “I never want to be that girl again, I don’t want that life.” She was referring to Gina’s 34th Birthday Party as the offending event.
Vicki says, “I just meant I didn’t want to go out to bars.”
Sure. What about Andale’s? We should assume we won’t see you there again?
Gina says she didn’t have her birthday party at a bar- it was “a classy, beautiful party at a restaurant.” And it was. With Sequins.
Vicki repeats she doesn’t want to go to bars.
Yeah, we can tell.
Andy is like- “And yet, there you were whooping it up at Andale’s.”
Vicki is like- I know, that was fun.
Kelly says, “Everything Vicki says is hypocritical, so don’t get offended.”
<SHOTS FIRED DIRECTLY OVER VICKI’S BOW>
Vicki tells Kelly “This isn’t about you.” But the word hypocrite is Vicki’s hot button, so let’s get the popcorn. MisRed is convinced Vicki doesn’t know the meaning of the word. She probably thinks Kelly is calling her a Hippopotamus. Good thing Carole Radziwill and her huge “hippocampus” isn’t here.
Gina says this is an opportunity for Vicki to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
LOL Oh Gina. Babe in the woods, Gina. Vicki never thinks she’s wrong and she never apologizes for anything. And she CERTAINLY wouldn’t apologize over something like this, at least not sincerely.
Kelly has reloaded saying, “This is Vicki’s MO. She’s hypocritical. You’ll see it.”
Andy asks if Vicki can’t see how she is being hypocritical?
Vicki says, “I don’t want to be single again.” See? Vicki doesn’t know what the word hypocrite means. Really, by this point, she should- she’s been called “hypocrite” enough times.
Gina says she doesn’t like being single either, but – I can’t help it that I don’t have a husband. Kelly says she likes being single. Vicki comes back around saying “I didn’t know what you guys were doing that night.” Typical Vicki. Shoot first, ask questions later. She then gives a half-assed apology to Gina.
Andy moves onto the Brooks topic, asking Shannon -Vicki told you several times in Mexico that Brooks was her soul mate. A viewer wants to know if Shannon thinks Steve is Vicki’s soul mate? LOL As if Vicki has a soul.
Vicki is like – “Are we really gonna talk about Brooks anymore?”
Vicki Gunvalson, master of the English language. And again, a HYPOCRITE. She’s more than happy to call out the similarities between her situation with Brooks and the Dirty John podcast / mini-series because it suits her at the moment. Because she can USE it to portray herself as a victim and can garner sympathy. Poor Vicki being taken in by a con man.
Shannon wants to clarify that prior to the Mexico trip, she had only met Steve briefly twice. She has since gotten to know Steve and she thinks Vicki and Steve are great together and “they are in love.” You know Vicki threatened to take out an insurance policy on Shannon if she didn’t support her at the reunion.
Emily says she admires Vicki and Steve’s relationship. WOW. Think about how BAD Emily’s relationship must be if she ADMIRES Vicki’s relationship? That is just sad. She admires chicken thawing.
Kelly came to play. She says, “How do you know?” Emily clarifies, she met Steve a few times and he was very kind. Hey, anyone can be on their best behavior for first meetings. Well, anyone except The Turtle, that is.
Andy thinks it was interesting that Vicki tried to keep a lid on her behavior in Mexico because Steve told her to behave. We flashback to the scene where Steve told her she shouldn’t be doing anything in public that she wouldn’t do in front her grandkids. Yeah, well, Brianna went into Witness Protection to keep Vicki away from her grandkids, so Vicki doesn’t need to worry about her grandkids seeing her pee herself.
Tamra says she hated “tame Vicki.” Tamra says initially she was worried because she saw Vicki changing so much and she was worried Vicki was changing to make Steve happy.
Vicki is like “No, I know myself. Steve doesn’t tell me what to do and I don’t tell him what to do.” Oh Vicki. LOL. Vicki completely changes her personality to fit whatever man happens to be bleeding her dry at that particular moment.
Andy is like- but he told you to put a lid on it and you put a lid on it. Vicki back peddles. Kelly says, to no one in particular, “She can’t admit to anything.”
So far… MisRed is LOVING Kelly.
Vicki says “Look, we are in a position- he is 60, I’m 56, I’m sure at one point or another there was a conversation where he said, ‘Don’t embarrass yourself.’” Everyone is like- yeah, it was ON CAMERA. He told her to behave.
Also, exactly what “position” are they in??? Does MisRed really want an answer to that question? No, probably now.
Kelly is like “Hypocrite AGAIN!!” Vicki tells her to shut up. Kelly says, “Just say ‘Steve doesn’t want me to behave that way.’” Vicki claims neither of them wants her to behave that way and then tells Kelly to dial it down.
Andy says this season was the end to Vicki’s apology tour and it included her apologizing to Eddie. And with all of that behind her, Vicki focused on becoming the future Mrs. Lodge. We get a clip package of all of Vicki’s desperate attempts to convince herself that Steve is the perfect man for her. And then all of Vicki’s desperate pleas for Steve to give her a ring.
Creepy Alien Finger
Andy thought it was so sweet how Steve took care of Vicki. Vicki says she is attracted to Steve’s stability.
Oh yeah, when I have fallen in love with men it’s always because of their BIG, throbbing stability.
Listen, I get that having a man who is “stable” is appealing. However, that is not what Vicki wants, deep down. Vicki wants to be admired and told she is perfect and to be put on a pedestal. Is Dr. Frankenstein taking new patients?
Andy asks Vicki when she thinks Steve will ask her to marry him? She says she doesn’t see him getting down on one knee and proposing. She sees them deciding together.
See, this just goes to prove how delusional Vicki is. She wants- more than anything- to have Steve drop to one knee with a professional photographer present, and a gospel choir, and a helicopter dropping rose petals… basically Vicki wants a Bachelor type proposal.
Andy says “Are you going to ask him? You kind of already did.” Vicki maintains that they will decide together to get married. Andy asked about them going to premarital counseling – Vicki says she doesn’t want to be divorced again. Shannon says she and David went to multiple counselors before they got married so… you never know.
Andy asks who in the group thinks Vicki and Steve will get married? Only Shannon raises her hand. And then Tamra does, after Shannon shoots her the dagger eyes. Similar to judgey eyes, but more diabolical.
Andy says, “Do you want to marry Steve, or do you just want to get married?” Vicki CLAIMS she wants to marry Steve. Ugh.
A viewer says she just saw the trailer for Dirty John and wants to know if Vicki sees the similarities between that story and she and Brooks? Of course, Victim agrees 100% that her relationship with Brooks was like Dirty John. She says Brianna was adamant that Brooks was a bad guy. Vicki says that he was in her ear saying that nobody else wanted her to be happy, blah blah blah.
Oh yeah. Identical.
Ok, yes, both men were con men, but Brooks wasn’t HALF as smart as John Meehan or 1/10 as good looking as John Meehan or 1/100th as diabolical and evil as John Meehan. And let’s get one thing straight, Vicki is no Debra Newell- and she sure as HELL is no Connie Britton. Sorry, that’s two things. Vicki was conned because she’s dumb. Three things, sorry. She was blinded by a few compliments from a toothless hillbilly. Connie Britton would never fall for that sh*t. If you have to buy a man TEETH, he is not your Prince Charming, trust me, especially not in Orange County. No offense to the toothless.
Andy says “Brooks wasn’t a murderer, so let me make that…”
Vicki says, “He murdered my self-esteem and my pocketbook…and I’m going after him.”
Vicki says she is going after him for money he owes her- and he owes her a lot.
Kelly is like- does he even have any money to go after? Seriously. She could take those teeth back, I suppose.
Vicki proclaims to have an excel spreadsheet of how much money Brooks owes her.
To be clear, she’s going to spend a ton of money trying to get back a ton of money from a man she supposedly doesn’t care about and doesn’t want to talk about. Also… who is to say that this is even money Vicki should be looking to recoup? Personally, I’d LOVE to see this excel spreadsheet.
Andy asks Vicki if she thinks Brooks studied the show to land Vicki. Uh yeah. Duh. Like who would fall in love with the Vicki of TODAY? She’s a monster. Maybe when Donn met Vicki, she was a tolerable semi-human. She was probably a nice mid-western gal who hadn’t had her ego overinflated by being on a TV show.
Kelly thinks Brooks told Vicki everything she wanted to hear, and Vicki agrees. Uh duh… we’ve all been saying that for YEARS.
Vicki thinks she shouldn’t have left Donn. THEN we get a flashback of Brooks at a reunion fighting with Briana and comes out that Brooks told Vicki to leave Donn for him.
And she did.
Vicki thinks she’s in a better place now, but the 5 or 6 years of hell were “not right.” What 5 or 6 years of hell? Years where Vicki claimed she was happier than she had ever been? Years when Brooks filled her “love tank.” Years when she garnered sympathy from his fake cancer? Sure, once everyone found out Brooks and Vicki were slimy liars, and everyone stopped talking to them, sure then it got to be hell. A hell of Vicki’s own creation. I wonder if next year she will refer to her years with Steve the CC and Faux Latino as being “hell”- you know once she figures out he’s only interested in her for her money?
Blech. I hate Vicki.
We move onto Gina’s clip package. Who is Gina’s hairstylist? They should be taken out back and beaten to death.
Andy says, “She came on like a strong cup of cawfee and she quickly became an OC statistic with her divorce from hot, hunky invisible husband.”
We review the disintegration of Gina’s marriage and their decision to divorce. It’s sad, blah blah blah. We review how she’s crapped up the casita with the clearance aisle from Ross Dress for Less. Oh, and how Vicki said Gina has no moral compass and will be burning in hell, rich commentary considering the source.
Gina said she started the show with her marriage in a down but wasn’t sure it was going to trigger her to end her marriage.
Shannon says when she started the show, her marriage was in a similar place. She thought David would see how badly he was treating Shannon and turn his ship around.
But then he realized Shannon was his wife…
Did Shannon also see how she was treating David? Of course not. Shannon has been on this show for how many years and her behavior has ONLY escalated into the crazy stratosphere.
We learn the following: Gina is not having sex with Matt anymore and she hasn’t told her kids yet that they are divorcing. She basically tells her kids that when she “goes to work” she has to live in her small house. She says when they moved from Long Island their relationship wasn’t enough.
Tamra says “Oh I heard you were divorcing him because he never brought you flowers.” Shut up Tamra.
Gina says that the flowers thing was a symptom, but he has never complimented her or built her up. Gina thinks these things are important. She says she sees him complimenting her daughter and that’s how she knows that Matt is a good person and a good Dad, but he’s not meant to be her husband. Gina gets upset- she loves and respects him and wants to have a good relationship with him.
Shannon agrees- she says her kids grew up with a lot of volatility because she and David fought all the time.
Then Vicki’s Italian Dinner is under the microscope. The dinner where she boned that creepy chef. The ladies were trying to get to know Gina, but instead it seemed like they were badgering her about her marriage. They had hoped Gina would learn from all their collective mistakes.
I mean, if anyone is a cautionary tale it’s these ho-bags.
We see Vicki saying that for sure one of them- either Gina or Matt- is cheating. Gina says that people don’t divorce because of affairs, but rather have affairs because they are unfulfilled in their relationship. Shannon doesn’t believe that- she and David went through a 2-year dry spell and she never looked outside her marriage for sex.
Kelly is like… yeah, well David did.
Andy says Vicki was very upset that Gina doesn’t believe in God and called her morally bankrupt.
Actually, it was that Gina has no moral compass.
Vicki says she believed at the time that Gina had no moral compass. Emily says she doesn’t believe that morality and religion go hand in hand.
Vicki says morality and religion go hand in hand because of the Ten Commandments.
LOL. Vicki is so delusional. Ok, MisRed is going to get trippy on you now… In the Religion of MisRed- MisRedicism let’s call it, you don’t go to heaven because you believe in or fear God or because you know the Ten Commandments. You must, actually, put the beliefs into practice. Put the commandments into action.
Let’s take a peek at the 10 commandments and let’s see how many Vicki has broken.
- You shall have no other gods before Me. Vicki values money more than anything.
- You shall make no idols. Vicki put Brooks before her own children
- You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. Vicki compared herself to Christ on the cross.
- Keep the Sabbath day holy. Ok, maybe she hasn’t broken this one?
- Honor your father and your mother. She thinks her parents are birds who slam into her window.
- You shall not murder. Vicki has murdered MisRed’s will to live.
- You shall not commit adultery. Uh, yeah. Check.
- You shall not steal. Three words: Kill All Cancer.
- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. Uh, she’s the biggest liar in Real Housewives History.
- You shall not covet. She wants a new face 3 to 4 times a year.
Ok, so maybe Vicki rests one day a week, but I’m sure we have her on that one too.
Gina is like- yeah, well, I may get into heaven before Vicki does. Which is probably true because Vicki is Satan with a chin implant.
Of course, Vicki is PISSED… and it’s AWESOME!!!!
Andy sets up the next segment saying: Vicki and Kelly were once ride or die friends, but this year when Vicki hooked up Michael with another woman and never told Kelly – things changed.
Vicki, of course, EVEN NOW, sees nothing wrong with her behavior and nothing wrong with what she did. We see Kelly seeking advice from Jolie, who advised that Vicki is a snake and they can be friends again, but it’s NOT going to be the same as it was before. MisRed is exaggerating slight. SLIGHTLY. Kelly says she forgave Vicki but doesn’t necessarily trust her.
Then we review Kelly’s hatred for Steve the CC and his speaking to Page Six… and then her confronting Steve at Tamra’s Red party. Which led to Kelly telling Tamra and Shannon that she heard Steve is only using Vicki for money. Which we all already knew.
The current sitch is: Kelly and Vicki do not speak. Even Steve and Michael do not speak.
And Vicki and Steve do not hang out with Michael anymore. Michael is not dating the girl that Vicki set him up with any longer, he is dating someone new. How does she know this if they don’t hang out? A viewer asks if Kelly had a problem with Michael hanging out with Vicki? Kelly says her only issue is that Vicki didn’t tell her that Vicki had set Michael up with a mutual friend.
Vicki STILL maintains that she did nothing wrong and that it was Michael who didn’t want Kelly to know. Vicki says that she isn’t really friends with either one anymore.
The issue is Kelly felt Vicki was DISLOYAL to her. And Vicki was.
Vicki is back pedaling faster than lance Armstrong on the downhill. Her story has changed so many times on this topic- and even at the reunion we get an entirely DIFFERENT version. So, you know what? Vicki lies constantly, she is always either playing the victim or twisting the facts to show her in the best light possible and MisRed is OUT. She refuses to believe a single thing Vicki says anymore. Which is not any different than where MisRed stood on things 10 seconds ago, but I am now DECLARING it.
Emily said in her blog that Vicki’s excuse for not telling Kelly kept changing. It’s completely true and Vicki is a lying sack of shit. Glad Emily and I agree.
Kelly says Vicki chose Michael’s side and Michael will always have Kelly’s back. Vicki is like, will he? Then she proceeds to say, Michael said being married to Kelly was 14 years of hell.
Can someone call Donn to weigh in on his years of marriage to Vicki?
Kelly asks, if Michael said this, and he was so miserable, why was he not the one to file for divorce?
Kelly asks what would have happened if she ever went on a date with Brooks- then Kelly retracts and says she would never go on a date with someone with no teeth.
Kelly says that Vicki is like a fart- silent but deadly.
Except Vicki is never silent.
Vicki says is not nice to say that and that Kelly has no class and is unkind. Kelly says Vicki is unkind on the sly.
Kelly calls Vicki a liar. And then calls her “Lies-a Minelli.”
Hang on, don’t drag Liza into this?!?!
Hey! What did I do???
What did Liza ever do to anyone on this show???
Kelly says she sees red flags with Steve and Vicki has Steve doing her dirty work on Instagram because everyone thinks Vicki is a piece of crap. Vicki denies it Steve does her dirty work. Ironically, she doesn’t dispute the fact that she’s a piece of crap.
Vicki tells Kelly to shut her mouth. Kelly corrects her saying, “my big fat mouth” right? (harking back to a conversation Vicki and Tamra had about Kelly saying the Steve is Vicki’s bitch who is just with her for the money. And Vicki said Kelly needs to “Shut her fat-ass mouth.”
Kelly tells Vicki to turn around and look at her own ass in the mirror.
Vicki then says “I don’t do cocaine. Sorry.”
We are sorry too. Vicki might be tolerable on Cocaine.
Kelly is like- Neither do I. They erupt into a fight and Kelly can’t believe Vicki would say that something like that, especially when Kelly has a kid.
Vicki says that Kelly is never even with Jolie.
Kelly is upset, legit. She disputes the cocaine accusation and says she has a kid and it’s WRONG to say this kind of thing on TV. Also, she doesn’t know where Vicki got the information she is never with Jolie. She says she and Michael have one week on/ one week off. She offers up a piece of her hair for a drug test and adds if she did cocaine, she would probably be really skinny!
Andy comments Vicki has upset Kelly saying she’s not a good mother. And Vicki is like- I never said she was not a good mother. Andy is like… you just said she does cocaine and never is with her kid.
What else is there to construe from the conversation? Not sure I know a lot of good moms who are absentee and on cocaine, but perhaps my social circle is limited.
Emily says Kelly and Vicki need to fix things with one another and Vicki should not talk to Michael about Kelly.
Vicki says she doesn’t like the way Kelly treats people. Besides, Vicki reasons, Kelly said Vicki had a fat ass.
So totally the same thing…
If Kelly is going to go after Vicki, Vicki says she will hit right back. Ok, Kelly threw a baby punch and Vicki dropped a nuke. The punishment didn’t exactly fit the crime. Although rumor has it the holocaust was started because Anne Frank said Hitler had a fat ass.
Not saying Kelly is an angel, but Vicki is the worst. Also, let’s flip the argument, what if Kelly had accused Vicki of doing cocaine? Vicki would have gone off the rails screaming about her grandkids and business and standing in the community. I can just imagine.
Andy asks where do Kelly and Vicki go from here? Kelly says it’s horrible that Vicki said Kelly does drugs and Vicki said, “Well you said I was fat.”
They break for lunch.
When Tamra is the moral center… you know you have problems.
Tamra goes over to Vicki and Shannon and says that Vicki can’t say that Kelly does cocaine. Vicki is like- that’s what I heard. Tamra says “You have to have evidence.” Vicki says she has no evidence.
Of course she doesn’t.
Tamra and Shannon are like- you can’t say stuff like that.
Also, Tamra calling for evidence is rich. Remember all the evidence she had that Gretchen was cheating on Jeff? Tamra isn’t exactly the best investigator.
In the dressing room, Kelly calls Michael in tears and asks him about what he told Vicki? She does coke? And she is never with Jolie? Being married to her was like 14 years of hell. Michael says he never said any of those things to Vicki.
Kelly says, “You know I don’t do drugs!” as she takes a gulp from her glass of champagne.
I, kind of, believe him. And I kind of believe Kelly. I think she has dabbled in things, but she doesn’t strike me as a coke addict. I think she’s a lunatic without chemical enhancement, which is quite an achievement.
Vicki says that Kelly is playing the victim. Plus, “She said I was a fart.”
Can we get a show of hands – Who thinks Vicki is a fart?
Shannon says, you can’t say that she does cocaine all the time. Vicki says, “I never said all the time.”
Ok, firstly, Vicki is, at this, point beyond description. Her behavior is disgusting. But equally AS disgusting… neither Tamra or Shannon stuck up for Kelly. With friends like them, who needs enemies. I get it, I get it- they are the Tres Amigas, but that doesn’t give them a pass. They are a trifecta of GROSS.
The episode ends. Next time, Tamra goes after Shannon and Shannon is blindsided. Kelly and Emily get into it over The Turtle and god knows what else.
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