Another week, another housewives. The ghost of Kenya’s ditch house has given RHOA it’s lowest ratings in years or maybe ever. This season does feel a little weird. I don’t know if it’s the absence of long timers or the overbearing presence of these younger women that Bravo is trying to force upon us. Am I the only one who likes their housewives like their VHS tapes – old and tightly wound?
This week opens with Porsha and Eva working out for different reasons. Eva is getting rid of baby weight and Porsha wants her body to finally weigh less than her weave. Eva takes another opportunity to mock Cynthia for having a big butt and being 51 because she doesn’t realize that she’s no longer in LA and in Atlanta no one has a problem with either of those things.
NeNe and Gregg go to a hospital in Houston. There is no visible cancer but they recommend chemo. Gregg declines and NeNe goes along with it because they’re going to try holistic methods.
NeNe: I came here to wear wigs and depress the viewers and I’m all out of wigs.
Shamari, the new cast member, is married to Ronnie Devoe of New Edition and Bell Biv Devoe fame. She’s also a member of the group Blaque and is really impressed by both of their careers.
“It was The Supremes, The Beatles and Blaque. And not in that order.”
“My husband, the man, the myth, the legend – Ronnie DeVoe – invented the Post-It.”
“I miss Phaedra.”
Her babies are adorable, she’s annoying. Maybe she’s trying hard because it’s the beginning and she wants to make an impression. Unfortunately the impression includes telling us that she and her husband are the second coming of Beyonce and Jay-Z. I agree.
This version though
People have made a big to do about Kandi following Shamari’s kids but not Shamari on IG but the kids are super cute and do cute kid stuff. Shamari seems like all she posts is kid pics, passive aggressive inspirational memes and flat tummy tea ads.
Cynthia visits NeNe and Gregg. They bought a healing tree that they are totally going to smoke when the cameras leave. Cynthia supports Gregg’s choice to not do chemo but she’s saying it really slow like she really doesn’t. Someone told him to eat a snake and someone else said to eat dirt out of the ground. He’d rather take his chances with NeNe’s cooking.
Blaque is performing soon so Kandi invites the women to the show. She still has Porsha with the Stewart last name in her phone because Kandi lets nothing go! After being hung up on and then somehow accidentally calling a white man, Kandi gets through to her. They’re cordial and even friendly with each other. Porsha went to high school with Shamari and will go to the show. She can use this as community service to finally get that mail order GED. Kandi inquires what’s going on in the background and Porsha says she is at Dennis’ house. I always imagine that Dennis’ house is littered with animal byproducts, singles and dentist brochures. Kandi still stays quiet about knowing women he’s dated because it’s only episode three. She needs to stretch this out until the OLG spinoff contracts have been signed.
The women are at Shamari’s show. It’s a little low budget but it’s an opportunity for them to remind everyone that they’re basically the Rolling Stones of Atlanta. At the table, Cynthia invites them all to a potluck “Bailey-que”. Porsha says that Dennis is a chef so he’ll make her contribution. Did I miss something? I didn’t know that hot dogs were a chef-able food. Porsha is going to bring Shamea but Eva is annoyed and still holding a grudge from last season when Shamea asked about her alleged relationship with Missy. They already hashed that out last season. Eva “Desperately Seeking Storyline” Marcille needs to find new arguments.
Meanwhile, Shamari introduces Ronnie to everyone at the table. NeNe has opinions on Shamari and like Porsha’s dental habits, they’re not good. We don’t get any background but I’m sure that we’ll find out soon. Kandi has known Ronnie for years and his group is her tour’s opening act. For some reason, Shamari thinks it’s a good idea to ask if he, practically an employee, has tips for Kandi regarding Xscape’s concert performances. He says the show is great but they need to work on placement. Kandi channels her inner Momma Joyce and says that she’ll go early and watch their show to see how it’s done. Kandi, and I, think that that information needs to be given to his wife who’s performance was visual oatmeal.
Eva says that she likes Shamari better than Shamea not realizing that Kandi is good friends with Shamea too. Then Eva says that Shamea is black and so is Shamari but with a “q”. Kandi doesn’t like that comment and wonders if it’s an implication of Shamea being dark skinned. I thought the same thing based on how she said it not so much what she said. She denies it and I’m not willing to watch the episode again so we’ll see where the rest of the season goes.
Kandi and Todd are opening a second OLG restaurant. While they’re at the location, Carmon comes over because she’s their insurance agent. She works for the company with the catchy song, not the khakis. Then Jami, Porsha’s former assistant who she attacked in an alleyway at a Christmas party while dressed as a snowman, arrives. Instead of, you know, actually working on the restaurant they discuss Dennis and his dating strategies.
He has a habit of buying women Rolex watches, getting their names and faces tattooed on him, and feeding them assorted meats. The editors cross cut this with Porsha and her boob sweat telling her mom Diane about all of the watches, tattoos and meatloaves Dennis has given her. Jami also says that he had a long term girlfriend that he left for Porsha while Kandi says that she knows several girls who overlapped that relationship. Diane cries at how happy Porsha is; my mother would’ve already been on the phone with the FBI to do a background check on any man who’d tattoo me on him and spend tens of thousands of dollars on me after only five months of dating. Of course I hope that it works out but it seems too much, too soon, too legit to quit.
Next week, Shamari is irrationally excited to announce that she’s been in an open relationship. Marlo calls Eva America’s Next Top Liar and Kandi goes to the baby doctor. Love you for reading and commenting and Happy Thanksgiving!
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