Knock Knock mother*cker… time to wake up, Season 13 is over.
Are you blindsided? Is it because you have too much on your plate? Are you all about the thrills and not the bills? Did you just rent a casita? Are you a lawyer? Did you just have your 210th plastic surgery procedure? Are your floors warped? Well, whatever your excuse, get ready to be thrilled bored, because this betch is sliding into home plate.
Previously this season… Vicki has tried every Lucy-style method to try to get Steve the Crooked Cop and Faux Latino to marry her or to, at least say he’s happy he met her.
That might be an exaggeration…
Yeah, well, maybe if he didn’t hate you, Vicki, he would marry you. Eddie has AFib. It’s probably self-inflicted. He’d rather roll the dice on a good old-fashioned heart attack than to spend one more day with Tammy Sue. Shannon is getting divorced and has cream cheese oozing out of her salmon. Kelly got divorced and is playing hide the sausage all over town. Gina is getting a divorce and is living in a tiny, sad, gaudily decorated room. Emily should get a divorce and have the Turtle return to the sea. There, we are all caught up.
Seriously, Shannon has been the focus of the season with her erratic, but completely typical for Shannon, behavior. She’s been painted as aa alcoholic and a crazy person, so yeah, this season has been great.
We open with Emily, she is reviewing the set-up for her Femme Fatale party with her sister-in-law the She-Turtle. No clue what her actual name is, and at this point, why bother learning?
Emily has, apparently, been in Vicki’s closet because she is wearing a dress that is, um, not a great choice. She’s planning the Femme Fatale party for Mother’s Day. Makes sense.
We move to Gina’s house, the full-size hot mess, not the pint-size hot mess she rents on the weekends- and she is cutting old food out of her daughter’s polyester bear skin rug. Delicious.
Why do we have kids on this show again?
Gina’s Mom, Penny Marshall, is visiting. Gina says she can come to Emily’s party, but she should know it’s a Femme Fatale party.
Shirley has a date with the Big Ragu and I have to cover her shift.
Making our dreams come true.
Over at Vicki’s house, she says to Steve the CC, “Look at the flowers I got from Michael and Briana and you on Mother’s Day.” Clearly, she has bought and sent these to herself.
Flowers obviously bought on the freeway off-ramp.
Why would Steve need to look at the flowers he supposedly bought her?
She is about to have the scaffolding removed from her face. She asks Steve if he thinks “anyone will notice I had a tweaking? I don’t want to look any different.”
Oh Vicki. Do you listen to the nonsense that comes out of your mouth?
Vicki says “It’s like I had a tire change.” Steve is like… Huh? Vicki says “That didn’t make sense. Ignore that.” Vicki is so stupid.
ARCHIE!!!!!! Thank god. I knew there was a reason I tuned into this episode!!! Archie is outside playing with Shannon’s kids while Shannon cooks up some burgers inside. She is expecting a lot of people to eat these burgers, that is, if the number of forks she has on the counter is any indication of the number of eaters.
No thanks, I’ll just have a nacho.
Seriously, I think I count 20 forks.
A business built on connections…with a dollop of cream cheese.
Shannon calls the girls in to try the burgers. She interviews “I’ve never built my own business before, and to be able to have the opportunity to start something at this age of my life and create something that’s successful. I mean, there’s not a bigger confidence booster out there. And all of that is going to create complete financial independence for me, and I don’t have to rely on any ex-husband.”
Um… yeah. Let’s get one thing straight… Shannon hasn’t exactly built this business. Yes, she has to make sure the sh*t tastes good, but let’s just say, if MisRed wanted to start a food line on QVC, it would be approximately 5,000 times more difficult. And MisRed actually HAS some connections at QVC so for the average Joe Schmoe to do it would be nearly impossible. So, okay Shannon, you can give yourself a soft pat on the back, but let’s talk in five years and see if you have achieved complete financial independence.
GIVE HIM A BURGER!!!!
The girls like their burgers. No word on how Archie feels, but somebody better give him a burger. Especially considering all he’s been through this season.
Then, um, out of the blue, Sophie tells Shannon she thinks she needs to go on birth control for my “cramps.”
Which is code for, I want to bone my boyfriend without ruining my future with a bun in the oven. Well, at least someone is using Tammy Sue as a “cautionary whale.” (I love that line from Juno… I’ve been looking for an opportunity to use it. So, I shoe-horned it in here.)
Just because all of your friends are WHORES doesn’t mean YOU are going to be a whore!!
She says she wants to go on it for her acne and her cramps. The other two kids are cracking up, and I’m sure Sophie will shank them later. But Shannon is NOT READY to talk about Sophie being on birth control. Sophie says all her friends are on birth control. LOL. Well THAT’S a good reason.
Maybe they can get a BOGO- and get David’s new penis holster on the pill as well. Oh wait, I forgot, she is probably looking to lock him down.
Shouldn’t Shannon be talking about this kind of thing to her privately? I bet Mandy Cohen slipped Sophie a few hundees to bring it up on camera.
Emily heads over to “Wicked Chamber.” Emily explains to the sales person she is having a Femme Fatale party.
You better make sure you like that rubber suit… no refunds.
Whoa, the Wicked Chamber has some very CLEAR rules- NO REFUNDS or EXCHANGES and Y’all, they reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, so don’t push your luck. Kelly and Tamra show up to join. My god Emily looks gigantic in this scene, she’s like 8 feet taller than Kelly.
This is where they are going to get stuff for a Femme Fatale party? This is a sex shop- whips, chains, ball-gags, etc.
Emily explains “Femme Fatale is like a very confident seductress.” Uh, yeah, ok, partially that’s the definition, but there is a CRITICAL piece missing.
Per Miriam Webster….
Kelly declares “I want to look like a ho.” Well, why should today be any different?
Tammy Sue is confused about the purpose for the party. Emily says, “It’s about celebrating women, and moms and mothers and like, for my mother-in-law” and all the men’s lives they have ruined. Okay, MisRed added that last part.
Emily says “The Femme Fatale empowers and inspires women and every single women out there has that femme fatale inside hat just wants to come out.” Come out and ruin a man’s life.
WTF. A) Betch needs a dictionary. And B) This is the dumbest theme for a party, especially one on Mother’s Day. And C) Does this empower women?
And why do women turn any costume party into the opportunity to dress like a Hooker? Halloween- every costume is slutty. Slutty Nurse. Slutty Vampire. Slutty Mouse. Slutty Nun. You rarely see a Slutty Baby, so I think we have some REAL opportunities here, but MisRed digresses.
A Femme Fatale party could be an AWESOME theme.
THIS is Femme Fatale
Everyone could have dressed old-hollywood glam… and there could be ruined men lying all around. Like Ryan. And Simon. And Michael. And Vicki’s first husband. And Matt Keough if he’s not in jail. And Frank Curtain. And Slade. And Duff. And Koko- no ball in house KoKo. And any man who came within 25 feet of Quinn Fry’s Venus-Fly-Trap-Snatch.
They start trying stuff on. They are clearly confused about the theme.
This is NOT Femme Fatale.
Kelly is like- I’ll just get a ball gag and call it a day. Oh wait, she has a full selection at home. Seriously, Kelly tells us she is “a frequent member of this place.”
This is weird.
Emily, grabbing her boobs, says “Hey, I didn’t tell you my Mom is coming.” She has never met Emily’s sons and she hasn’t been in California for 5 years. She explains the mother has been in a dark depression for a long time.
Gina calls Emily, looking to talk to Tamra, she thinks they need to talk about Tamra missing Gina’s birthday. Tamra is wearing an Aviva Drescher mask while this conversation is taking place.
What did Aviva ever do to MisRed? She exists. That’s enough.
Tamra plans to come by “the casita.”
Ugh. Every time I hear the word casita… I want to kick myself in the d*ck.
Tamra agrees to go to the casita. <kick> She interviews that she’s not just mad at Gina, but she’s “kind of hurt.” She didn’t think Gina was the type of person to run to Shannon to talk crap about her. Yeah, I mean, talking crap is usually Tamra’s job.
Tamra is willing to work things out but she really needs to understand why Gina was doing this. Ugh. Tamra is the worst. Why did Tamra bad mouth everyone in a 500-mile radius? That’s what I want to know.
Gina asks Tamra to help Emily pick a whip for Gina. Another one who is super-clear on the party theme.
Some time later, Tamra arrives at Gina’s casita.
Cozy is code for small and sad.
Ugh. <kick> “Welcome to my casita.” <kick>. The word casita is mentioned 3 more times.
They get right into it. Gina says she was really hurt Tamra didn’t come to her birthday dinner because it was “my 34th birthday” which, as you know, is a HUGE milestone, “and it was the first time in 11 years that I haven’t celebrated with my husband.” And somehow having Tamra there is supposed to make that better? It won’t. Trust me.
Tamra says “I know. Sorry.” Which absolutely ZERO genuineness or actual contriteness. She says she really opened up to Gina about Shannon and it’s the first time she’s ever opened up to anyone about the “sh*t that I’m dealing with.”
Yeah, that’s not true. 100% not true. Let’s see to whom Tamra has opened up about Shannon:
The Twitter Universe
Andy CohenAnd you KNOW she has called Lynn Curtain and Piggy and Meghan King Edmonds. Hell, she probably even called Jesus Juggs.
Tammy Knickerbocker probably got a call as well.
Jeanna Keough got a cyst and decease letter about it.
Rumor has it Doug’s de-tached balls even got a call.
Tamra goes on to say Shannon told her Gina was going around telling everyone that Shannon is “mental.”
I’m pretty sure I saw an ad in the LA Times and in WWD.
Gina rolls her eyes and says she never said that. We flashback to Gina telling Shannon “That day you weren’t around, there was a lot of talk about your mental health.” Gina says Shannon is telling Tamra blatant lies and she skews the truth. Actually, Gina says “her truth is a little skewed.”
MisRed hates the worth “truth” with a preceding pronoun and is refusing to acknowledge the statement. MisRed blames Oprah, know that.
Tamra says she has never known Shannon to be a liar, but she does exaggerate. Which is, kind of, the same thing.
Ok, you wanna play ball? Let’s play.
Gina says if she REALLY wanted to f*ck Tamra over, she could have told Shannon the REALLY bad stuff Tamra has said about Shannon.
Oh. Dear. God. Here we go.
“You complain you are fat for three years and then do not lose weight.”
And Gina has the receipts.
We flash back to Tamra saying this to Gina. Not for nothing… Shannon HAS lost weight, so, kindly, f*ck, all the way, off Tamra.
And “You support her on QVC even though you don’t really believe in microwavable meals.”
Gina has ALL the receipts. Even the carbon copies.
Flash to Tamra saying she supports Shannon’s business venture even though she doesn’t really believe in “frozen, healthy food.” LOL, Like it’s Santa Claus. She doesn’t believe in it, betch.
It oozes right out of the middle…
Maybe someone needs to write a holiday story about the miracle of the frozen, healthy microwavable meal. The Cream Cheese Stuffed Salmon in a little manger… surrounded by the Tres Amigas… and then the Angel of Groundhog Day shows up an there will be six more weeks of Hanukah.
Listen, I don’t necessarily love microwavable food either, but do I want some herb cream cheese oozing out of my salmon? Yes. Yes, I do.
And pass one over for Archie too!
Gina says she understands why Tamra was frustrated with Shannon- she felt like Shannon wasn’t pulling her weight in the Tamra / Shannon Friendship. And that’s why she would NEVER have repeated the REALLY sh*tty things Tamra said about Shannon.
Tamra’s like – Yeah, betch, if she wasn’t so fat, she could have easily pulled her weight. Just kidding.
LOL. Well, there’s no way Shannon will ever know about those things now. Oh, wait…
Gina says she didn’t intend to cause an issue, even though it did. Tamra says she believes Gina. So, net/net, they hug it out and Tamra says they are fine.
Translation: You have too sh*t on me, I’m going to shut up.
Gina interviews “I’m just going to say, ‘Shannon, this one backfired on you.’”
Um, and MisRed predicts we will see Shannon backfiring ALL OVER GINA’S ASS at the reunion. Maybe Tamra too. And possibly Kelly too. We shall see.
Emily goes to pick her mother, Carolyn, up at the airport.
I love how Amazon can’t even be bothered to double-check the episode description.
Emily says her mother is “on a high” but there is always the possibility of “a low” again. Emily wants to keep her expectations low for their relationship as she doesn’t want to get hurt. Maybe she should do the same in her relationship with The Turtle. Just a thought.
The mother was there the day Emily’s sons were born but hasn’t really spent any time with them since. Emily lays it on thikc in the car. This woman just got out of a deep depression- stop attacking her.
Welcome to our Tank.
They arrive back home, and Turtle is as excited as you might expect. Turtle seems like he can’t stand anyone’s family but his own. And he does not fake it.
Yay you are here… how soon are you leaving?
Turtle needs to address his sock game, it’s a felony in progress.
Bombas. Look into it.
Emily introduces her mom to Luke and Killer. I’m glad the mother is there, maybe she can straighten these two little f*ckers out. They discuss how the mother has lost a year of her life due to depression. Carolyn is apologetic but she’s also like… I cant’t really DO anything about it. Emily interviews that you have certain expectations in a relationship with your family and if they don’t live up to that expectation, you can get angry.
Why does MisRed feel like we shouldn’t be seeing THIS on TV either? First Emily’s therapy session with Turtle, now this?!?!? I understand these topics are important but address them on This is Us or some sh*t like that. MisRed comes here to see how Tamra will, week after week, figure out a way to, accidentally, show us her tits and to see how Vicki’s face has re-melted into something new. If MisRed wanted to FEEL THINGS she would, like, watch the news.
Emily immediately informs her mom that she will be gone most of the following day setting up for her party. Her mom is planning on attending the party. “Yeah, I packed my rubber suit and my bull whip.” Uh oh, she’s confused on the theme as well. Rut Roh.
The Femme Fatale party is being held at Pary’s house. Upstairs, she and the She-Turtle are lacing Emily into her dress.
Is it 18 inches yet, Mammy?
Would staples be easier?
Remember when Mammy laced Scarlett into her dress for The Femme Fatale Party at Twelve Oaks?
Now THIS was a Femme Fatale!!
Kelly is getting ready for the party and she is bringing a date. His name is Alex.
Did Kelly pick him up on the playground?
Kelly explains she and Alex have been friends for a few years. He’s a little younger than Kelly, but she decided after she got divorced, he was hot enough for her to date. Kelly puts the final touches on her outfit with a black hat and a tacky lips necklace.
Gina prepares for the party at her house- her big house. Her son is with her. He asks if she’s going to “sleep in your little house?”
Even the kid throws shade at the Casita.
Gina is worried about how her son will handle the divorce news. They haven’t told the kids yet. I’m not a doctor, but don’t you think it might be time? If the kid is already noticing that you are living elsewhere part-time he knows something is amiss. Kids are smart. They don’t get dumb until they are teenagers.
Gina isn’t leaving the house in her Femme Fatale outfit, she doesn’t want her mother to see it, she’s embarrassed. Well, I mean, she hasn’t been embarrassed by the rest of her outfits this season…or all the tacky crap in her house… why start being embarrassed now?
Tamra gets ready. Her glams squad comes and asks the theme. Tamra says “Femme Fatale.” The make-up artist says -Oh, I always thought it was “Femm-ee Fatal-ee.” Oh good, Tamra hired the brain trust. Thankfully they are just troweling on some putty and stapling in some plastic weave and leaving.
Shannon shows up at Tamra’s house. She is, apparently, going to a Poison concert after the party. She is getting renovated as well.
Shannon says “Who has a hooker party when they’re getting honored as a mom?” And… Shannon also very clear on the theme.
Tamra says she likes to dress for the theme, but she has a hang-up about the Femme Fatale Party because “I just feel like it’s going to be one big orgy.”
- Tamra had a sex party for the launch of her sex tape / gym advertisement.
- Tamra takes any opportunity, and sometimes INVENTS opportunities, to “accidentally” show her knockers in public.
- GOOGLE FEMME FATALE you dumb, dumb, ho.
Tamra thinks it’s going to be old ladies in leather. For f*ckssake.
Tamra puts a bondage bra on Shannon.
It’s as accurate as any of the other Femme Fatale outfits…
OVER her floral print blouse from Nordstrom Rack.
Tamra tells Shannon about her conversation with Gina. So, you know, completing the full stir. Because if you want to stir the pot, it’s better to do it in BOTH directions. She says Gina was coming to Shannon from a place of concern. Shannon doesn’t buy it- not four days after her surgery. Shannon thinks Gina brought it up to upset her.
I agree the timing may not have been the best but I don’t think Gina was trying to ruin Shannon’s plastic surgery. Stir the pot and be a low-key betch, absolutely.
Tamra says that Kelly is the one who started the talk about Shannon being mentally unstable. Shannon is like- yeah, her of all people who can snap in a second!! And then Shannon goes on to throw Emily under the bus too, saying she has some nerve trying to diagnose Shannon when she is the one who threatened someone’s life.
Oh My God. MisRed threatens to kill someone once a day MINIMALLY. That doesn’t mean I’m actually going to kill someone. I mean, firstly, MisRed doesn’t believe violence is the answer. And secondly, MisRed would NOT do well in jail.
Shannon says labeling someone is irresponsible and unethical. And it’s potentially damaging. Yes, maybe. It could be, Miss 30-year-old. Tamra agrees Emily should not be comparing Shannon to Emily’s mentally ill mother.
Shannon thinks both Gina and Emily are both “shit-stirrers.”
At the Femme Fatale Fete, Pary is all gussied up- she actually understands the theme, to some degree.
No. And Maybe.
She admires all of Emily’s work. Emily says she has to please Pary because she doesn’t want to wake up tomorrow “living in a condo and driving a Jetta.” Way to alienate ¾ of your audience, honey. What’s wrong with driving a Jetta? Solid German engineering.
A few other party guests show up, it looks like a few of them may have looked up the definition of Femme Fatale.
Gina arrives and hugs the Turtle briefly. We get a brief review of Turtle tossing Gina out of the poker party. Who cares? Other than that was our first real clue that Turtle was a crabby, controlling dipsh*t.
Tamra and Shannon descend the stairs from their spackling session and you can FEEL the hatred emanating from Eddie directly at Shannon.
And you know, MisRed doesn’t feel things, so you know this is REAL.
Shannon and Eddie have a supremely awkward interaction on the way to the party. You can tell Eddie wants less than nothing to do with Shannon as Shannon tries to make small talk. “Do you know Emily? Do you know Gina? They aren’t the nicest to me. Do you know David’s much younger girlfriend?”
I need help.
Yes, you do.
Over at Vicki’s she explains her face lift to Steve’s family under the guise of Steve’s daughter needing to “help her” that night at the party. Um, what exactly does she need help with? Not stopping for another plastic surgery procedure on the way to the party? Tightening the laces up the back of her head? Holding her head under the water?
No. And No.
Once she arrives at Pary’s house, Gina changes into her dress and has draped some kind of dead bird over her shoulders. How many ostriches had to die in the name of the Real Housewives? #justiceforostriches
Gina tells us her pleather thigh-high boots have only been worn previously in the bedroom- specifically to get knocked up. Great. Thanks for sharing. And ew.
Emily’s mother arrives and meets Gina. Emily really feels like there is an opportunity for she and her mom to rebuild their relationship. Sure. Maybe after Turtle divorces Emily for having another baby, Emily and her mom and finally form a bond.
Shannon, Tamra and Eddie arrive… Shannon thought the theme was “Grandma Fatale,” as in Dead Grandma.
No. And Hell No.
Her dress looks like it was recently peeled off someone’s couch or perhaps stolen from the Chik-fil-A mascot? Although Tamra might look MOST on theme, which isn’t saying much.
Pary asks if Eddie is Tamra’s son?
Bring Pary back, please. We can ditch Emily but keep Pary.
High Five Pary!!!
Of course, Tamra is offended. She says “My son has no hair and my other son is blonde!!” What does either of those things to do with the fact that Pary thought Tamra looks like she is old enough to be Eddie’s mother.
Kelly and her date, Alex, arrive to Emily’s party. Her date is wearing jeans.. slightly underdressed. Vicki and Steve and entourage arrive. Vicki isn’t dressed as repulsively as usual.
This is boring.
Let’s talk about talking about each other.
Gina and Shannon sit outside with Tamra and they discuss “the situation.” Tamra thinks it’s better that they all talk about it together. Well, that makes a change. Usually Tamra just wants to talk behind peoples’ backs. Shannon launches right in saying that she is a lot of things, but she is not a liar. Ok, whatever Shannon.
Gina says that when she went to Shannon’s house, she didn’t really say particular names or particular things, but only that there was a lot of talk about Shannon in Jamaica and Gina was concerned.
Shannon says that she is “completely mentally sane.” Well nobody that is insane every claims to be completely sane, right? She simply blew up at a dinner party after a bunch of shots. LOL. Wait… what did she blow up about?
Oh yeah, about Tamra not extolling Shannon’s virtues as a friend.
Imagine if someone had actually DONE something TO Shannon?
Gina is like- I didn’t actually say any of the bad things about Shannon, she was just relaying the message. Gina thinks Shannon should be THANKING her. Vicki would want a casserole, so Shannon is getting off light with just a “thank you.”
The phrase is “Don’t shoot the messenger” for a reason. If the phrase was “Serve the messenger cupcakes and wine,” it would be a different world, and MisRed would be sending out more messages than friggin’ Groupon.
Gina says she is concerned for Shannon based on what her friends are saying about her and based on how she is acting.
Acting? How am I acting?
Of course, Shannon is incredulous. She has no clue what Gina means. How is Shannon acting?? Shannon thinks Gina is a pot stirrer.
Shannon says Gina said the following:
- Emily is in a bad and abusive marriage. Jury is still out. And Gina didn’t say that.
- Shannon is responsible for Emily threatening to Kelly. Gina said she would have told her friend not to flip her wig as it wasn’t the right time or place.
Tamra says Shannon needs to learn to let things go. Yes she does. So does 85% of most of the people on these shows. Two words: Sprinkle Cookies.
Gina says she was only trying to inform Shannon of her friends concern for her. If Shannon is fine, then it’s cool. “I don’t even care. I was trying to be your friend.”
Tamra gives the poop a stir asking if she went into the convo with Shannon wanting to tell her what her friends are saying about her? Gina is like- of course not. Gina thinks Tamra is blinded by Shannon’s bullsh*t. Actually Tamra is blinded by Tamra’s bullsh*t- she does not need additional input from Shannon.
Gina says she thinks they are at the point where she doesn’t understand Shannon and Shannon doesn’t understand her and maybe they can just be cordial. But Tamra says she doesn’t want that. Of course not, she wants to keep the drama going- Tamra is a drama addict. As is Shannon.
South of the Border, Vicki informs Steve’s Mom that she has proposed to Steve the CCFL a few times. Helga, the mom, is like “Good luck with that.” Helga says when Steve is ready, he will be ready.
Vicki says, “Well maybe I won’t be ready.” OMG Shut up Vicki. You are such a desperado, you would have gotten married in the recovery room of your last surgery if Steve had asked. Or if ANYONE had asked. They only thing that you make you UNWILLING might be lack of consciousness, and that’s just an untested theory at this point.
Vicki says when THEY decide they are ready, they are going to have a country-western themed wedding. She and Steve are going to ride up on their horses. Sounds great.
Inside, Carolyn (Emily’s Mom) is talking to Kelly and her date. Oh no. They discuss Ohio, and Kelly says, of her date, “He’s Big Dick Daddy from Cincinnati.”
Oh dear. Carolyn’s face is PRICELESS.
Does he take appointments?
Quick, someone peel off her face and stick it on Vicki.
Kelly, Emily go to sit down with Tamra, Gina and Shannon to see what exactly is happening at their pow wow.
At the sit-down, Shannon tries to explain- of the night in question- she had drank a lot and more emotional than normal. Ha. She says she’s sick of having her mental state called into question, especially when she has been working SO HARD at being non-reactive.
Well, work harder.
Kelly clarifies when she suggested medication for Shannon it was because she just didn’t want Shannon to have a stroke.
You threatened to kill Kelly. Twice.
Emily tries to jump in and Shannon says – “Well, we haven’t even discussed your diagnosis of me.” Emily attempts to clarify but Shannon just interrupts her saying “The same could be said about you. You not only once, but twice, threatened to kill Kelly.”
Emily eventually gets out an apology to Shannon- she never wanted to hurt her by saying she was an insane wildebeest who belongs in a mental institution painting watercolor with her own drool. Shannon half accepts.
But then Gina tries to jump in.
Shannon interviews that she just wants to get out of there and get to the Bret Michaels concert.
Vicki lumbers up and sits down. They discuss her plastic surgery.
Yeahhhhh, you are a little less revolting…
Gina says “Oh! You got rid of your gobble wobble!” Vicki is, of course, insulted, she says she didn’t know she had a gobble wobble.
My belly button is in the back of my head but I never had my neck done!!!
Uh, yes, you did. Don’t lie. Her doctor even said he was giving her a gobblectomy in her initial consultation.
Shannon runs to go change into her rock concert outfit.
Tamra says she thinks the discussion went well. Everyone else is like… uh ok.
The party continues. And Shannon shows the girls her concert outfit. Kelly thinks Shannon’s erratic behavior is frustrating for Gina. Thanks Captain Obvious.
10 to 1 Bret boned Shannon
Shannon leaves and laments the season. She says she is so proud of herself and how she has started this business and is raising her girls. WHAT ABOUT ARCHIE?!?!?!
Tamra tells Gina, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, her life is going to be amazing.
Vicki thanks Steve the CCFL for all he’s done for her for the past two weeks while she has been recovering from surgery. Vicki continues to try to pry a marriage proposal out of Steve by suggesting they go to “premarital counseling.” Steve will say anything just to keep those checks coming in.
Kelly talks to Gina at the bar. Kelly’s date and her little gay boy toy are there- I don’t remember his name and frankly, I don’t care. Oh wait, it’s Jack. Gina says Jack is a trust-fund baby. Kelly says Jack has a PhD- Pappa Has Dough. And that her date, Alex, has his PhD too- Pretty Huge Dick.
Classy. If Kelly hadn’t thrown her mother down the stairs, that Tribble might be proud of her.
Emily hugs her mom and says how proud she if of her. “You’ve made a complete 360 from where you were.” It’s a 180, dumbass. Emily has been hanging around Vicki too much. Carolyn thanks Emily for her support.
Tamra says it’s been a hard year for her dealing with Eddie’s health, and it has tested her faith. Yes, Tamra the good Christian. LOL.
The party ends and Gina and Emily jump in the pool. Great. Who cares?
This season was a complete waste. This cast, with the exception of Kelly and possibly Gina, needs to go. Someone suggested they move Kelly to NYC. I wouldn’t mind her sparring with Bethenny- calling her a c*nt and whatnot. Thank you to everyone who hung in there with MisRed this season- it was a GROUP EFFORT for sure. Not sure where I will land next- probably on Bev Hills. It really is a toss-up for who I loathe more- Vicki or Dorit, so we will have to stay tuned. I love you guys!!!! xoxo
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