It’s Sunday night, so you know what that means: Real Housewives of Atlanta! And also the Walking Dead (not feeling this season though, tbh). And most importantly, a show brave enough to go up against not one but BOTH of those powerhouses – 90 Day Fiance! Who will make me the most uncomfortable this episode, I wonder?
Smart money’s on Luis
We begin with Elizabeth picking up Andrrrei from the airport, and honestly looking pretty great.
YES GIRL. #nudelipliz
In true Andrei fashion, he’s a little surprised Elizabeth is a good driver because:
Elizabeth has found a new apartment for her and Moldova Lova, and when they arrive I am so distracted by Andrrrei’s body I kind of forget he’s a misogynistic jerk.
I get it, Elizabeth
They have a mattress but no bed frame assembled, so they decide to just get-down on the floor mattress tonight.
Get out of there, camera crew!
Let’s head to Georgia and check in on Molly and Luis.
Just noticing how frightened Luis looks here
They’re taking Kensley to the park for some bonding/rejection time, so of course Molly has put on her finest 90’s background dancer ensemble.
Luis can’t even push Kensely on a swing without being lackadaisically creepy; she wants him to stand behind her and push like a normal human, but he’s kind of half-heartedly side pushing. Kensley is also a bit of a jerk (like all children) and says “you’re in my country now”.
Someone’s been hanging out with Grandpa
Luis and Molly chat briefly about his stepdad responsibilities, and what’s okay/not okay to talk to Olivia about (asking if she’s using her boyfriend strictly for sex is definitely on the “not okay” side). Onward, to the bleakest storyline – Thai David and Annie.
Or should I say – Tobo? (You owe it to yourself to watch this video if you haven’t)
Annie and David have made up after the bachelor/bachelorette party debacle, but Annie does have a small request.
It would also be nice if he had a house, but cutting down on drinking will do.
Annie packs up and says goodbye to her mother; it really is hard to watch, because this could be the last time they see each other. David spent their plane ticket money on water buffalo, there’s no way he can afford to pay for Annie to visit her family.
I’m not crying, you’re crying
Papa, Annie’s dad, gives David a wooden sash that is supposed to bring luck and prosperity (NEVER TAKE IT OFF, DAVID), then they have the world’s most uncomfortable looking hug and head out.
No water buffalo is worth touching this man
Speaking of uncomfortable looking, Azan is taking Nicole to the gym to start working on her fitness. We find out he wants to be a personal trainer in America, which I think is a great plan – let’s see him in action with Nicole!
Azan takes Nicole through a warm-up, jogging, and assorted strength training as the other gym goers don’t even pretend to not stare.
Nicole struggles through the workout, but isn’t happy Azan wants her to change – then Azan drops the bomb that if she doesn’t commit to getting healthy he won’t come to America. Oh, and also this gem:
This relationship is going places! Just like, for example, a dumpster
In New Hampshire, Spanish David and Evelyn are going apartment shopping.
That shirt really brings out her mullet
It’s actually a house they’re checking out, and Evelyn is really excited about the crappy old kitchen because it’s “vintage”.
Is mid-80’s vintage? I don’t know.
The house/apartment goes for $1200 a month, which is over their $900 budget but includes heat (which in no way would be $300 a month, but whatevs). David is unenthused about the “vintage” house, but another selling point is that it’s only 5 minutes away from Evelyn’s parents’ house!
Evelyn is irritated that David isn’t thrilled to be living in Bumblefuck, New Hampshire, but like everything else in their relationship she lets the irritation fester within her and doesn’t resolve anything. Fun!
Over in Los Angeles, Annie and David have arrived and are ready to move into their new home in Chris’ basement.
Ew, now I’m picturing him doing Adult Baby roleplay, no no no
On the drive home from the airport, Chris tells Annie there’s a Thai Town in L.A., so if she gets homesick she can go there and it’s totally the same. Nikki and Chris have thrown David a surprise/welcome home party with lots of U.S.A. themed food and decorations.
Welcome (to our) Home!
Talk turns to the wedding, and people are yacking Annie too much.
Nikki’s brother asks if they want to have kids, and David says “I try every night!’
Ew ew ew
It’s revealed that David’s kids are only a couple of years younger than Annie, and none of them know about her or the impending wedding. This is a great plan.
Nikki reiterates to the camera that she is only okay with this rooming situation because Chris asked her to be. David is upstairs worrying that Annie will become accustomed to this lavish lifestyle, and it’ll be hard for her to adjust to living in a cardboard box in Kentucky when they move out.
Back in Morocco, Nicole is sleeping in just a tad.
She’s very lazy, a little bit
Azan says it’s common for her to sleep until 3 or 4 p.m., which makes zero sense to me. Since she’s got to be well rested at this point, Azan takes her and May hiking.
First the gym and now this? You’re a madman, Azan
At the top of the mountain, Azan emphasizes how important it is to him that Nicole be able to do basic physical activities like walking. Nicole explains that the reason she’s so tired/lazy all the time is that May wakes up in the night and needs to be fed. And changed. Multiple times. Uh…I’m not a parent, but is it normal to feed a three year old and do more than one diaper change in the middle of the night?
I am worried for this child
Doubts fill Azan’s mind – what if Nicole never changes? What if she doesn’t ever wake up before noon? Most importantly, why is he still pretending this relationship isn’t a sham; this is heading rapidly into Mohamed/Danielle territory.
Twangy acoustic guitars signal our return to Georgia, where Olivia and Molly are having a bonding pedicure session.
I hope they tipped these women WELL
Molly, Olivia, and the two nail technicians talk about love, and how sometimes you don’t even have to have a conversation with someone to know it’s real love.
It seems Olivia is resentful of Luis taking up her mother’s time but also that she’s having to eat plantains, which she pronounces “plantins” no less than ten times. Molly says she’s sorry for being so dickmotized by Luis lately, and she and Olivia make plans to go dress shopping and pick out food for the wedding.
She’s really fixated on this plantain thing.
In New Hampshire, Evelyn has plans to drag David to the recording studio and has wrangled her mullet into a topknot.
The music producer Evelyn goes to is inexpensive, so that’s another reason she absolutely cannot leave this area. David just wants her to think about maybe moving somewhere, or going on an adventure for maybe a year or two – but weren’t you JUST LISTENING, David? She can’t move because of her producer and family and how could you be so selfish?
Evelyn sings a little soft little ditty, and it could just be me but it sounds like her entire throat is filled with cotton.
Hair still looks good, though.
The music producer jumps in as Evelyn’s backup – they already have a working relationship which could never be replicated, so quit trying to haul her off to Virginia, DAVID
Don’t take my frog voiced kween
Thai David and Annie may have the bleakest storyline, but this one really gives me the uh-oh feeling; that’s right, it’s Josh and Aika time!
Did you know he was once arrested for punching a woman in the face? Great job, TLC
No creepy modeling agencies this time, we’re headed to go ring shopping. Oh wait – she already has an engagement ring that she doesn’t like for some reason.
Aika is not having Josh’s recycled ring, even though it’s special to Josh since it was his mother’s. She told him to give it to the woman he really loved; he already did, but this is a do-over so just be cool, Aika!
Aika wants a two carat diamond that’s around $13,000 and doesn’t understand why Josh won’t get it for her.
Because he’s a 40 year old with roommates, maybe?
That ring isn’t happening today (or let’s be real, ever), so Aika is stuck with the ex-wife’s leftovers.
Back in Georgia, Molly is taking her giant yellow truck, her mom and daughter, and going dress shopping. She tells us she’s not traditional and wants a crazy wedding dress, but in respect for Luis she’s going the normal route. Let’s see what she tries on!
The dress shop lady asks if Molly’s dad will be giving her away, but he’s a lowkey racist, so he’s probably not. They suggest Molly’s mom can give her away instead, and she’s down for it.
“I just can’t believe she’s getting married, honestly”
Now it’s time for what will surely be a lovely dinner; Elizabeth’s dad and brother are meeting Andrei for the first time. Elizabeth is worried they’ll fight, but Andrrrrei assures her those worries are unfounded.
Like okay, Moldovan Shrek
They get off to a rocky start when Elizabeth’s brother mispronounces Moldova as “Maldova”, then makes it worse by saying he’s never even heard of that country. Andrrrei gives a little Moldovan history lesson (yes, was part of the U.S.S.R, very small, thanks for pretending to care), then Elizabeth’s dad gets down to business: how are you going to support my daughter so I don’t have to support both your asses?
THEY’RE WEARING THE EXACT SAME COLOR SHIRT
In typical chill Moldovan fashion, Andrei’s not worried about it. They just have to pay for rent and food – how much can that cost, anyway? The interrogation continues: what if Andrei decides he wants to move back to Moldova? What then?
Look, I love Moldova, okay?
Elizabeth’s family is less than psyched about her potentially moving to Moldova, and her brother still can’t quite figure out how to pronounce it.
The subtitles couldn’t handle it.
The bottom line is that Elizabeth’s dad wants Andrei to say that they’re staying in America forever and ever amen, but Andei can’t say that for sure; so Elizabeth and Andrei are on their own.
Good luck paying for that dream wedding without Daddy’s money!
In Arizona, Josh takes Aika to a “Sorry I Gave You My Ex’s Ring And Won’t Buy You A New One” dinner where Aika makes the valid point that she gave up everything for Josh and he can’t even give her a new ring! He says he wants her to be happy, but obviously he doesn’t very badly because she keeps telling him ALL SHE WANTS IS A NEW RING. Oh, also she wants to have a baby as soon as possible.
With him? Are you okay, Aika?
It turns out they can’t have a baby right now, because Josh is incapable because of…reasons? Okay, Josh.
Over in Georgia, Luis having some bonding time with Molly’s brother, Uncle Jesse. Luis is overjoyed that Jess likes him, unlike those ingrates Kensley and Olivia. They go to some batting cages, and much like Molly’s children, the ball machine doesn’t accept Luis.
Why you don’t love me?!
Luis says Kensley should just move in with her real father if she loves him so damn much, and he’s thinking about moving back to the Dominican Republic anyway because Georgia is so boring. Suddenly, Luis and Jess’s budding bromance is danger; Jess doesn’t want to lose his sister (plus Molly can’t, you know, just abandon her children and business).
Our final stop is Morocco, where Nicole is starting to second guess her relationship with Azan.
“Like, how MUCH exercise are we talking?”
Azan wants to go out with some friends, and – shocker! – Nicole would rather he stay home with her and May. Look, if Nicole can go out WITH RANDOM DUDES it’s only fair for Azan to be able to do the same. I mean, not that he’s with random dudes but I wouldn’t judge him if he was.
It seems the main reason Azan wants to go out is to get away from May – not that he hates her or anything, but constantly watching a kid is stressful. It sounds like he’s totes ready to be a dad! He meets up with a friend at a café to talk about all the sports matches he hasn’t been able to watch because of May taking up all his time.
“I’ve made a huge mistake”
Azan’s like “ugh, she said in American men have to help their wives or whatever”, and his friend tells him “no, that’s just how relationships work”. Meanwhile, May has woken up in the middle of the night crying so Nicole makes her a sandwich.
Is this normal? This doesn’t seem right.
Azan is worried about how he’ll reconcile his culture with living in America, and really he wants to stay in Morocco anyway. WHY IS THIS RELATIONSHIP A THING? I DON’T GET IT. Can this fake love be saved? Tune in next week to find out.
Enjoy your midnight sandwiches!