Hello lovelies! Welcome back to another riveting episode of RHONJ. This week we start with Lady Marge and Joe B picking out wallpaper for the ballroom. He wants traditional and she wants something grand.
If it were up to him, we would have a motorcycle in the middle of the room ….. somehow, someone is going to take that as a slight
Lady Marge is using this scene as an opportunity to talk about evening with Dolores, even though Joe thought she was out with Danielle. It is Lady Marge’s hope that Dolores takes back all the goodwill she created with her to Siggy. Apparently Siggy’s step-son and Lady Marge’s son went to school together and she was under the assumption that they had mutual respect for each other but she is finding out that may not be the case. She gets weepy with Joe about her kids and reassures her that he will help her get through this.
FINALLY we return to the scene of the crime from last season’s finale RAILS!!! Where Dolores and Teresa are meeting to discuss the state of their relationship.
Hello my name is Borloress and I use history as an excuse to say I am good person also TN Gal came up with my amazingly accurate name
Teresa comes in and they get right down to business. She feels that Borloress hasn’t had her back and her vibe has been all weird. When Borloress asks for and example Teresa cites Siggy going all crazy in Florida and the stuff that Danielle said about her caring only about money.
Really, you believe that crazy bitch over me
Borloress says shes not sure if Danielle is so crazy that she thinks that conversation happened or if she is just trying to drive a wedge between them so she can hurt Teresa.
Tre’s blinks are not as rapid with the falsies on
Borloress again whips out her best Caroline and says with her hands, let me give you a little advice… don’t trust her because there is something so not right about her like she’s on drugs or something. Borloress says more like medication, yes because those who take mental medications cannot be trusted and says that Teresa doesn’t have her back because she heard they were all talking about her polyamorous living situation. Teresa doesn’t back down and is asks why would you let your ex move in when you are moving forward in a great relationship. Borloress like everything else has an excuse for that too. He asked me to move in. He has always been a good co-parent and provided for us. When Teresa still isn’t getting it, she says 20 years ago when I kicked him to the curb it was because there were things going on I wasn’t willing to put up with like you have been willing to put up with in your marriage. BOOM!
FOR all of her talk about what a straight shooter she is and no bullshit she is Borloress sure backed down on this one. WE ALL have seen the pictures and heard the rumors but sitting across the street from someone and saying your husband cheats is something entirely different. So what does Borloress do, she says that she has been a good friend and never talked to Teresa about the rumors and lack of respect in her marriage but now that she is making comments about hers she going to say something but diplomatically. She tells her she never saw him cheating but you know he’s a lot of work and when he got in trouble he took it out on Teresa and she deserves more. Wow, way to give it to her lightly Borloress. Teresa says she don’t need to worry about that and Joe is getting the help he needs at camps.
Over at Siggy’s she is making a ridiculously large sundae that she never intended to eat for her and Borloress. She is stress eating guys because she has this workshop retreat coming up because after she does her 2 hour events of reciting Pinterest quotes and motivational posters, everyone wants more. What she cant figure out is how to juggle it all. OMG your children are grown not toddlers or even babies and technically only one lives at home. But Borloress is like you can have it ALL! I am not sure I can make it through another season of someone trying to have it all, it’s a boring tired storyline and stupid in this case because its not like she is putting in 8+ hours somewhere and then coming home to a gaggle of kids, a dirty house and an unsupportable husband.
The more she talks about this seminar/overnight retreat the more I am not sure what her actual goal outcome is for this. When it is a religious retreat or even a corporate retreat there is a commonality at the end, but this is sounding more and more like my own personal hell. Also, she wants to invite everyone but she isn’t sure how its going to be received since she has been a horses ass as of late. To her credit Borloress encourages her to call Lady Marge who is nothing but kind an gracious in accepting the invitation. After the call they talk about including Danielle who Borloress admits that if she going to encourage Siggy to give Lady Marge a chance she can tolerate Danielle.
At a sun-filled café called Sofia, Melissa and Lady Marge meet for salads. Melissa gives her stock what’s been up with her, the kids are so busy and a lot of work especially Antonia. Poor Antonia’s burgeoning womanhood has been chosen to be her parents storyline this season and Melissa relates the story of Joe breaking out in hives when she was born. But this time we get another layer to the story, he also was shocked by the fact she came out with a vagina.
I never realized how much Antonia takes after Teresa and her daughters
UGH, that is not a story that kids want to get out. But the real point of this meeting is that Melissa wants advice on how to set her boutique apart from every other boutique in Jersey. Lady Marge is happy to introduce her to some people who can help her with that because she believes that blowing out someone else candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.
Word to your mother
The talk turns to the tasting and a certain someone’s childlike behavior. Lady Marge brings up that fact that Siggy also attempted to shame Melissa at the purse party in her home. Melissa cant believe with all of that’s happened with Siggy recently that she has invited them all to her Women’s Empowerment Retreat.
I like that Siggy’s antics have a name now
I will give it to Melissa, shes got Siggy’s number because when she talks about discussing with her what happened at her party she hesitant because Siggy either cries or does something so dramatic that deflects from what they are supposed to be talking about.
Siggy apparently lives at the Gap and has a denim wall in her closet.
Blah blah I want you home more but I need to build my empire, whatever that means. Why can’t anyone on this show say “figure” properly. If Lady Marge comes for me I am coming for her, sigh what is wrong with you.
Over at Lady Marge’s house her ladies in waiting are helping her pack.
Id’nt it WEird dat Siggy invited you….
Lady Marge reasons that maybe she just wants to make-up with her, the unnamed assistant says unless she’s plotting something against her. Lexi advises her that if there is hiking involved “WAlk behind ‘er.” At Borloress’ house she is asking Frank to bring her luggage down and he tells her he’s not her bitch.
Real question guys, does Borloress not have closets because she always hanging her stuff all over house
Joe jokingly tells Melissa not to come home unless she confronts Siggy about how not at all empowering she was to Melissa. While Teresa gets Audriana to help her pack.
Melissa shows up at Teresa’s for the party van to pick them all up and makes Teresa roll her luggage to the van because she is made of sugar. Teresa drops the news on Borloress that Danielle is coming and she says could care less but her eyes say different.
Siggy arrives at the retreat separate from the girls and meets up with Vicki as well as a woman I guessing is the event coordinator to discuss how the day is going to play out. In the party van the girls are discussing what exactly they have signed themselves up for and Lady Marge points out that Siggy’s recent Instagram post is concerning for her because it’s a picture of Siggy and bow and arrow.
Does she get random professional shots of herself that she can use at any given moment
Lady Marge is concerned that’s a message to her and Borloress looks at her like she is paranoid. Is she though because Siggy has been straight nutter butters every single time they interact. Melissa and Teresa agree based on the message being about haters coming for her, its most definitely aimed at Lady Marge
The ladies are greeted with warm hugs from Siggy and Vicki. They grab snacks and settle into the first row that Siggy and production saved for them.
I wonder what the men in this audience did to have to suffer through this shit
Siggy and Vicki obviously have not rehearsed too much because they jump back and forth like sketch comedy being performed at summer camp. Siggy starts out telling everyone that she wants every to get naked…. Emotionally. OMG, I can’t. I am so embarrassed right now for these two and here are the gems they rattle off next.
- There is no perfect person in this world.
- You have the right to be vulnerable.
- You have the right to be your authentic self, whoever you are you are unique.
- You have to program yourself to be positive and that is work.
- We all have gut instincts, trust them.
- Whatever people say about you is none of your business, it doesn’t change who you are.
- Some people are going to read you well, others you are going to explain yourself to.
- Surround yourself with positive people, negative people will bring you down.
WOW, mind blowing. I feel like everyone in this room could have gained the same insight from dropping acid.
The events coordinator and I are wearing the same expression at this point.
Then they take questions. A woman in the audience stand up and asks if given all they have been through is there anything they would have done differently, Vicki tells her its OK to give herself permission to fail AND Siggy takes the opportunity talk about herself to tell everyone about Lady Marge.
Her verision of course is full of her being the victim of being misunderstood because she keeps showing this person who she is and they still don’t like her. Hmm, I wonder why!?!??! At this point all the ladies are looking at Lady Marge who is just sitting there not trying to draw attention to herself.
Is this bitch for real
Teresa mutters this is pretty fucked up to Lady Marge while Siggy prattles on that if someone hurts your feelings you have the right to tell them fuck you.
You see what I just did there
She blames her anger on Lady Marge using her name to make fun of her. This triggered her because as a kid she was so made fun of because of her name. BOO FUCKING HOO. My real name is so unusual I have never met anyone with my same name, EVER not even a different spelling. Nicknames are a part of life, good or bad and its not like she hasn’t profited off of Soggy. She calls Lady Marge out in the room and tells her she wants a chance to get know her so SURPRISE she will be rooming with her and Borloress.
They finally release everyone to the other room for the empowering part filled with uplifting retail opportunities.
Its like a shitty job fair with branding
But Siggy insists this isn’t about her its about you and that’s why only one question was taken at the Q&A.
After hitting all the tables Teresa and Danielle take a moment while Teresa fills her in on Borloress had to say about her. She told her about trying to come between them and that Borloress says she is on drugs.
Did she now…………… how original
Danielle says that Borloress has attacked her character and now she is making baseless claims about her, she says Borloress has no imagination except for the imaginary boyfriend she claims to have.
The ladies settle into their respective suites to get ready for dinner. Siggy and Lady Marge have another moment while Borloress admits that she has trust issues and is a conspiracy theorist. In the other suite Teresa talks about how funny this retreat was that they were here to allegedly work on their insides when the empowering part was all about the outside.
At dinner Siggy’s suite is the first to arrive and Borloress bravely orders buffalo wings while wearing a white dress. The ladies start to talk about the issues with Danielle and Dolores when the other suite show up and from somewhere Vicki appears too. They start to talk about how tomorrow is going to be about opening up and healing wounds as I start to realize I need to dust the corners of my bedroom walls. Danielle who may be good at a lot of things like getting engaged does lack timing and says while they are all being open lets talk about Borloress accusing her of using drugs.
So what who cares, you have a history of being crazy, you could be on drugs
You guys, Borloress has a tell. She avoids eye contact and puts stuff in her mouth when she doesn’t want to be a hundred percent honest she tells Danielle if she had questions about what she said, she should have asked for clarification ….. if she had said anything AT ALL. She said that Danielle has a history of being dishonest and we get a montage from season 1 of when they all found out about the BOOK.
I just wanted to use this photo because its one of those outfits that’s been burned into my brain since I saw it in season 1, the hair, the hat… Its LL Cool J meets 90’s Mariah crunchy curls and it is glorious
You know I am of the school of thought that people rarely change and I think that Danielle probably does have a lot of issues. However she has raised two very lovely daughters who seem very grounded and successful in life thus far so she can’t be totally awful. Also, Borloress is working pretty hard to discredit her and attack her character, anybody who has to work it that hard has skeletons to hide. The ladies share their thoughts on the seminar and my favorite part is when Teresa tells Siggy she doesn’t like the name they want to use for the retreat Siggy looks like she is trying to swallow her teeth.
The next morning the girls are enjoying a breakfast of carbs and fat. The ladies in Teresa’s suite are discussing the quick make-up of Siggy and Lady Marge when Danielle makes an excellent point. That of course she has to make up with Lady Marge because she is supposed to be a relationship expert and if she invited her here while still hating on her she would look like a failure.
She wanted to show everyone, see how good I am at what I do
SNAP! That is some excellent insight. The ladies gather in an outside pit and sit on stumps thoughtfully covered in blankets. Vicki explains that this exercise is about confronting someone who has hurt you in the past. GEE, I WONDER WHY THEY CHOSE TO DO THIS EXERCISE. When asked for volunteers everyone looks at their feet so Siggy volunteers and uh you know randomly chooses Lady Marge. Teresa shakes her head at her to try and tell her its a trap but Marge jumps up and doesn’t hold back.
WAH THE CAKE ON THE FLOOR I FEEL BAD FOR PASTRY CHEF…
BOO HOO KISS, KISS JOSHUA
Siggy looks pissed
But you know whose loving it, the Gorga Girls.
Lady Marge ends deadpan face looking at Siggy , dropping the mic. I think Siggy for all her hugs and kisses has felt superior to the other girls because of her education, where she lives, her perceived success but with Lady Marge its an even playing field AND Borloress might be right Lady Marge is sneaky but in the way you don’t want to underestimate her for a minute because she’s got your number hussy.
So, what did you all think? This was sort of a lame duck episode all the way up to the end and it looks like we have reached the half-way point in the season because we got a preview of the rest of the season. So, what are your thoughts on this season so far? What do you think of the cast? What are you most excited to see coming up? Looks like we are getting a Thanksgiving eve treat with a new episode this week!