Previously on Sister Wives:
- The family went to Alaska.
- Logan brought his girlfriend with him because he hates her.
- Maddie brought her boyfriend so that they could get permission from Kody to get married, because that’s a thing
It’s the Brown’s fifth day in Alaska, and Kody says it’s the most fun he’s ever had on a vacation. The kids are getting along and so are the wives. Janelle brings up the possibility of future grandkids, and scars Christine for life. Bear in mind, Janelle’s youngest is only 10 and Christine’s youngest is 5.
It’s funny that they bring up how awesome it is to have so many moms, because I think only the older kids think that way. Back in the day, it seems like they used to raise their kids together like that, but now everyone keeps to themselves (and hires babysitters when their no-job sister wives are perfectly available, Robyn). Logan suggests that one way to capture the essence of a plural family for their kids will be to stay close as a family. Yes, Logan, that’s called an extended family.
Janelle, Kody, and the older kids are going fishing, while Christine, Robyn, and Meri take the younger kids dogsledding. Christine likes this because people always tell her to be quiet when she goes fishing. She must not be listening the rest of the time, because people are always trying to shut her up. The fishing instructor points out that women tend to catch more fish than the guys because they actually listen to the instructions. Janelle can’t stop staring at Caleb and Maddie, because they look so great together. The fishing goes very well for everyon, except Caleb. At the end of the trip, he finally gets a gigantic halibut.
At the dogsled place, Nick, the creepo owner, tells them that he lives in the tent next to the dogs. The dogs take the family on this weirdly built car that has no steering wheel, which is used for their training. Christine says that she’s glad Kody’s not there because he would make jokes about how the owner just tells them to do something and they do it. She is spot on. Robyn retorts that Nick takes good care of the dogs. Robyn is full of shit, just trying to get on Christine’s good side. Christine makes a “bitches” joke about herself and the other wives. Robyn steals it later on when they are back together with Kody and Janelle.
Caleb shows up on the balcony and tells everyone to GTFO so he can talk to Kody directly. He thanks Kody for
paying for him to be there letting him come. He says he thinks Maddie is his soul mate, and he’s almost 30 and not married, and she’s there, you know? He says she’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and he wants to ask Kody for permission to marry her. Uggghhhhh. Dude, she’s an adult. You don’t need her man-child dad’s permission for this. Kody says he wasn’t expecting this (even though that’s all he’ll talk about this whole trip), and he’s totally cool with it because he’s family. Gross. He thinks marriage is the biggest challenge most people will ever face. That’s fucking depressing, especially for someone who’s married so many times.
Kody and Caleb bring a fish that they just got as a gift from someone. Kody says its from some friendly neighbors, but I think the neighbors are trying to poison them. Solomon really wants to see it. Aurora is super grossed out. Robyn grimaces, then smells the fish, and runs to the bathroom to throw up. Dayton stands in front of the bathroom door and tells his mom to just relax. Aurora suggests that maybe she not be around while their cooking the fish. Duh. Way to be dramatic, Robyn. After dinner, Janelle tells Caleb it’s the best fish she’s ever had. She seems very chill about this impending marriage proposal.
The wives and Kody head to dinner together with no kids. They toast to the vacation with herbal water. Kody lets them know that Caleb asked permission to marry Maddie. Robyn is skeptical because she doesn’t know him very well. Shut the fuck up, Robyn. Meri has an announcement. She is very nervous, and looks super embarrassed. She says she has been struggling with “stuff,” lately. She thinks it was probably triggered by Mariah leaving for college. I’m sure it has nothing to do with being unseated as Queen Bee. She feels very isolated for being the only empty nester. She says she’s going to do something, but she’s not sure what. So much for the whole everyone is everyone’s mom business.
Meri says she talked to someone on social media who really made her trust him. He said all the right things, being very kind, compassionate, and understanding. Since Meri has never been exposed to any of these things before, she was into it. Meri tells the wives not to be surprised if she disappears. Robyn wants her to let people know where she is and that she’s safe. Christine says it’s clear she’s going through something, because she’s been detached from everybody. Janelle is intrigued by the idea of just running away now that Meri’s brought it up.
Meri keeps bringing up how much she laughed with this person. It’s like she has never laughed with Kody before. She says it started as a friendship, but that he eventually expressed his love and attraction for her. The “attraction” should have been a dead giveaway that it was fake, Meri. She says she started caring about him, and was very confused because she’s married but getting ladyboners for an online person. She says she wasn’t going to act on it, and he “really pushed the issue.” Does this lady not understand the internet? She said she wanted to meet him, but he never did, and she started seeing cracks in his story. She says she knew it must have been bullshit, but it felt too good to abandon. Everything Meri says just makes me really depressed for all of these women’s marriages (except for Robyn).
Christine points out that Mariah’s been gone for 2 years, and Meri is still not sure what to do. Christine says she should just choose to do something. While the TLC gravytrain is still going on, she can basically do whatever the fuck she wants. The wives are all trying to soothe her while she is telling them she doesn’t want to be there anymore. This is the longest, most awkward breakup conversation I’ve ever witnessed. Meri is surprised Christine and Janelle are so supportive, since she’s been horrible to them.
So as Meri tells the story, it’s so fucking obvious to everybody that she was catfished. Like, there is no way not to know this from the very beginning. She says that when she started asking him hard questions, he would flip out. He threatened her with a tech-savvy friend of his, who he claimed could “do damage” to the family. She now thinks it wasn’t a man she was talking to at all. Meri thinks she was targeted by an online stalker (which is no joke, but come on, Meri). Kody is oddly quiet for once.
Kody doesn’t seem to understand that Meri is trying to break up with them. He seems so confused. I think Maddie and some of the older kids know, because they have horrible faces on at their final family dinner. Kody picks up Solomon and makes a speech about it being the last time they will be all together like this. He doesn’t want to ask Meri outright what she wants to do.
And there you have it, Trashies! Season 9 of Sister Wives is done! What did you think? I thought it was super boring most of the time. They spent way too long on the adoption and not enough time on the catfishing. Even Maddie’s engagement would have been more interesting. I think there’s a “tell all” episode after this one, and then we’ll have a long break. I hope I can still recap this show when it returns, and I hope you’ve enjoyed what you read this season! Thanks!
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