Hey Trash Bags!
Who can I run to??? To make this awful show end? We are on episode two of Kandi’s millionth spin-off, and I’d like to beg to the Bravo execs to PLEASE put a wrench in the Kandi Factory. UGGGHHH!
Alright, so to promote Kandi more, we begin the show at O.L.G. Restaurant. I’m assuming you all know that that stands for Old Lady Gang and is the brainchild of Kandi’s crazy mother and aunts…oh and her husband Todd. If you didn’t know that, I have no idea why you’re watching this show. Hey, I have no idea why I am watching this crap.
ZOLTAR SAYS: THIS SHOW SUCKS
Anyway, Kandi shows up in a turban to meet her old pal Tan. I recognize this woman from somewhere. I’m guessing RHOA. Apparently, Tan was in the band at the beginning, but the manager didn’t like her and they kicked her out. Some “customer” says to Kandi that she loves the restaurant and she’s a regular and sees Kandi in there all the time! I call BS on that, but, I digress. So, Tan is all bummed because Kandi hasn’t had any family trips lately. Uh, yeah…we know. I had the unfortunate fortune to catch the old classic Kandi’s Ski Trip on Bravo over the weekend. How can she film a family trip spin-off when she’s doing this spin-off?! Get it together Tan. This scene bores me, but we discover that the manager at the groups inception was Latocha’s boyfriend, now husband. Ooh! The plot thickens…NOT.
So, it’s 11 days before the BET Awards, so the band shows up (late) to rehearsal. Tiny decides to hold a meeting because there have been issues between Kandi and Latocha. While Kandi was not in the group they set up a company, and Kandi has always felt like an outsider. Clearly, she is pissed because she feels that their third album was geared for Tocha to go solo, but there was no way that Kandi was gonna end up being a Pip (that’s a Glady’s Knight reference for the Millennials- Google it). Blah blah, they argue and then Kandi turns on the waterworks, as usual. They agree to work together, but by this time the band has left, so they leave as well. Nice use of rehearsal time girls.
Oh, almost forgot. They also mention Kandi’s brother Patrick that died in a car accident in Mexico when Kandi was like 15. I guess he was a mediator between the girls. Oh, and they all wanted to bang him.
Moving on. Basically the next scenes are split between Kandi and Todd walking baby Ace and their dog, and Tocha and her manager, Rocky, eating at some Moroccan place. Kandi has The Little Mermaid hair on, the longest I’ve ever seen on her, and they are all discussing their feud.
A WHOLE NEW WIG
They recap the whole thing, and husband/manager Rocky ends up being the voice of reason. Hey, it ain’t gonna be Todd. He tells Tocha that she left the band and her solo career didn’t work out. Kandi was pissed when she left. Now that Kandi is doing well, they all want to get back together and she is feeling used and pissed…well, DUH.
They meet to rehearse again and we finally get to see them sing! Hello! We need more of this. Kandi and Tocha mend fences and agree to go to the Kandi Factory and get their performance ready for the BET Awards. They need a 4 minute medley with snippets of three songs. They have some fun working it out, and the set sounds great to me!
FINALLY we have a fun part of the show. We head over to Tamika’s house…hooray! Her husband, Darnell, is there looking fab in his full blown security gear, and Tamika and her daughter are planning her wedding. Her daughter O’Shun (Ocean) is 23 and has been dating her guy since she was 15. She wants a small, intimate wedding, but Tamika disagrees. She also disapproves of her daughters choice of turkey as a dish. This isn’t Thanksgiving and black people need chicken!! Her words, not mine.
MY FACE DURING THIS SHOW
They will talk it out later, then Tamika screams for her other daughter, Taniyah, to do the dishes. This one is following in her mother’s footsteps. She’s been writing songs and singing so she hasn’t done the dishes. That’s what a dishwasher is for mom, duh. The scene ends with the three of them getting in a pillow fight. This has been the most enjoyable part of 2 episodes. MORE TAMIKA!! I’d watch their family reality show…which I’m sure will be coming soon…produced by Kandi and Todd. Eyeroll.
They rehearse again, but everyone is late and choreographer, Drea, shows up wearing pants this time. BRAVO!!
Tamika’s daughter isn’t the only one who wants to enter the biz like her mom. TI and Tiny’s daughter, Zonnique, is a performer as well! Alright guys, they are KILLING me with these name spellings! As if I should talk (Leigh). So, she is performing at the show the day before the BET’s so she is practicing and Tiny stops by and chats with her. It’s a cute little scene and Zonnique looks pretty talented in her rough and stuff afro puffs!
I ROCK ROUGH AND STUFF WITH MY AFRO PUFFS!
Don’t worry guys, we are nearing the end. It’s rehearsal #7 and there are 5 days until the BET Awards. I love when they sing. Kandi points out that someone is singing the wrong words. Well, Tamika discovers that she has been singing, “Who can I run to, to fill this empty FACE with laughter.” Well, we all know that it’s supposed to be SPACE. She says she even sang that on the record. I love her.
Xscape has learned that they have sold out their Detroit show of 6000 people in 24 hours, so they better get their shit together. Then who walks in the door? None other than my least favorite person on Bravo…Kandi’s mother…Mama Joyce. Dun Dun Dun!
All the ladies tell us how strict she was/is, but how she helped them along the way. That’s a side I’ve never seen of her. Anyway, she has brought along a picture of Tamika on their first trip to Boca Raton (Siggy Flicker would be so proud!) Anyway, she’s bending over in a bathing suit and Mama Joyce names all their booties…calling Tamika’s an “astro ass.” Oh, how we laugh!! So, she asks the girls to sing and they are nervous, but they oblige. They sound pretty good, but the dancing is not on point. Mama Joyce tells them to cut the dancing and just sing. They are an older band and they are great singers, so focus on that! I have honestly never seen Mama Joyce be so coherent and, well, correct! The show ends there (thank God) so thanks for sticking through it with me! Next week we see Jermaine Dupri. Let’s hope he delivers!