Hello Trashies!!! Hope you all had a great week! This is the first time in MONTHS I have no obligations but be to be treated royally today as a I celebrate another year of getting older!
This episode was a bit a palate cleanser for what we have lived through for the last few weeks. However, this episode was a lot about raising kids, which is my least favorite Housewives story lines because it makes me feel bad for their kids and bores me.
It was always my hope that Briana and Michael would have started some sort of support group for those who have been forced to be a storyline in their mother’s quest to be a reality star. So, let’s do this.
We start at Teresa’s where she is helping Grandpa Eyebrows pack and talking to Milania about all the fun they are going to have.
It will be super fun with Nonno wearing these
According to Grandpa Eyebrows, everyone wear these in Italy
At a doctor’s office somewhere in Jersey, Dolores shows up to be with Siggy while she gets pellets in her butt. We get as close as we will ever get to Siggy admitting she has a problem controlling her emotions when she says that she has been a bit out of whack lately. The doctors come in and tell her that after they examined her bloodwork and she is missing all her hormones, just like Shannon Beador. While Siggy readies herself on the table to get injected she tells Dolores about everyone passing judgement on her relationship when she walked into the tasting and it really set her off. Yet conveniently forgets to mention that Lady Marge actually defended her. Dolores again talks about what a good friend she is who doesn’t pass judgement while passing judgement.
Look hypocrite up in the dictionary and you will find my face
Siggy tries to explain away Teresa’s ability to make decisions and Dolores doesn’t care. The doctors come in and Bravo actually gives up butt shots and images of the pellets going in, you watched already so I will spare you all the extra pictures. Hormone therapy is the new bikini waxing on Bravo! On the way, out the door Siggy leans over and literally kisses Dolores ass.
I never want to be in a friendship where this is OK
Over at Lady Marge’s house she catches Marge Sr. going through her closet. They have a sit and listen in the garden while Lady Marge fills her in about the events of the tasting. She makes at a good point that someone whose life is supposedly dedicated to empowering women she did nothing but cut her down. Marge Sr. finds it very funny that Siggy stuck her tongue out at Lady Marge. Lady Marge mentions something Siggy said to her that wasn’t actually shown, that Siggy has a heart of gold and Lady Marge has no heart. Marge Sr. is a good mom and tells her that she doesn’t know her and encourages her to reach out to Dolores based on the fact she knows a thing or two about unconventional relationships. So naturally she calls her to meet up for a chat right then and there. To say Dolores is less than thrilled is an understatement but she agrees to meet. Marge Sr. wisely tells her that Siggy may not be thrilled about this meeting. Lady Marge drops a tidbit that Siggy lives around the corner from her.
Hopefully she doesn’t try to blow up my house
In Puerto Rico Teresa is doing to the mom thing you have to do with kids and chasing them down with sunscreens before they burn.
Meanwhile Grandpa Eyebrows takes maxing and relaxing to the next level
Danielle calls to of course talk about the tasting and Teresa takes the call on speaker, which must have been awesome for all the people around her. Danielle says things got really dark with Dolores and she doesn’t know where that came from. Really Danielle, really.
I feel like this is something Kyle Richards would attempt to wear
Teresa talks about how shady Dolores has been and what a good friend Danielle has been in her moment of need following her mother’s death.
At Melissa’s house Joe is beating the meat and drinking wine. This is another scene in which Antonia is treated with suspicion and misogyny for being born a female child that I just LOVE. Joey, her younger brother is celebrated for having multiple girlfriends and receives a high five for being a player. While Antonia at age 12 is told she can no longer sleep at other people’s homes because she is too beautiful and after 12 women can’t be trusted. The middle brother makes a crack about her having a boyfriend and Joe immediately gives her the third degree. When Melissa tries to talk to him about being more open he starts on a rant.
Why don’t we just give her birth control on a silver platter and tell her to whore it up
His justification for being so strict… look what Eve did to Adam.
On the way to meet Lady Marge, Dolores calls Siggy who is out NOT buying booty shorts for No. 1 Sophie. Siggy is glad that it is Dolores and not herself going to the meal. On the way in Dolores is all swagger saying you come for me and my relationship I will take you down.
Simmer down overly tan lady, she actually didn’t say anything bad about your three-way relationship
They sit down and things are actually pretty chill, they comment on how they both do not drink but Dolores does make an excuse for why she can never seem to remember things. She has been around this group for a long time and when things get heated she tends to tune them out. How convenient. Lady Marge gets right to the point and asks Dolores what her damage is with her. Dolores conveys that she was upset about what she said at the table, when she called her Soggy and she called her an ass kisser. Lady Marge defends her actions by saying it was funny and making light is the best way to diffuse a situation. Dolores pulls out her best Caroline Manzo and says, let me give you a bit of advice, when you are new shut your mouth because you weren’t trying to be funny you were mocking her. Lady Marge does cite Siggy’s own behavior as pushing her to that point but Dolores defends her by saying Siggy is a passionate, animated person. I mean sure many people are but Siggy looked out of her mind in the last episode and her lasted defense… editing.
She almost hit me
She was just airing her pits, she gets hot flashes
Dolores says she sees no fault with Siggy’s behavior AT ALL. Oh honey, sweetie I honestly feel bad for you because I am starting to see why you get walked all over in your relationships.
Lady Marge asks her if she even knows what set her off because she thought they were fine. Dolores reiterates what her BFF told her that when Siggy walked in to the tasting they were all talking about Dolores’ three-way relationship. Lady Marge sets her straight and lets her know she was not, she was defending her decision because she is very close to her ex and it takes a lot to be in that situation. Dolores agrees and tells her about her journey, to put aside her anger to give her kids a great relationship with their dad and spent her nights babysitting everyone’s kids while they went out. From this Lady Marge understands more about her and Siggy’s relationship because of her isolation to have a friend so dedicated means a lot to Dolores.
Lady Marge then tells her story that she met her ex when she was 24 and he was 20 years older with custody of his three kids, who needed someone to love them. She raised them along with thier son but when they all grew up and moved on in life her marriage began to fall apart. That was when she met Joe but as a result 2 of her kids have not spoken to her in 6 years and that’s hard. Lady Marge starts to cry because she loves those kids. But most of all Lady Marge wants her to know that they can connect on many levels and she doesn’t want things to be weird. Dolores admits that maybe Lady Marge is has a heart.
Back in the Caribbean Milania and Teresa sit down and have a heart to heart over what I hope is a virgin daiquiri and cheese fries.
Stop Milania you only do that with cake, not cheese
Milania seems to be the only kid who really wants to film heart to hearts with Teresa and she is taking full advantage of it by discussing Nonno crying. Milania has her lines down but her delivery is flat.
Did you guys ever watch Laguna Beach? This scene totally reminded me of how after the show ended it came out that the show wasn’t scripted but often production would have them recreate conversations that weren’t on camera. Milania gets sad face and Teresa asks her if she is missing Joe and she snaps at her and then asks if she can go back in the pool. Kids!
In Jersey, Antonia and Melissa go shopping at their favorite kid’s store. Really this shopping trip a ruse to show Antonia she is a cool mom who she can talk to and have an onscreen moment saying that maybe she was wrong to judge Teresa’s parenting.
In Puerto Rico, Teresa and the girls are doing a photoshoot for Joe, which is nice and also a great idea. How many times do you walk away from a wonderful vacation with zero good photos. The girls are being terrors and mean to Tre; Gia is annoyed because she is always touching herself, Milania doesn’t want to be there, Gabriella doesn’t want to photographic proof she is part of this family and even Audriana is giving her sassattitude.
I loved this scene in season 1 she had them shout FABULOUS to take a picture
The photographer looks like she mentally scheduling her appointment to re-up her birth control at the lovely display of gratitude and after Teresa finally gets the picture she wants tells her don’t have four kids.
In the end, she did get a nice one, no photographic proof of chaos
Joe and Antonia go to one of those trampoline places that make you watch a 20-minute video of all the ways you can die there before entering. Joe also has heart to heart with her after he almost breaks his neck several times. We get nice afterschool ending where Joe is going to be a more understanding dad and trust her judgement.
At a steakhouse Dolores and Frank meet up with Siggy and Michael Campanella, where Siggy literally tries to give Dolores the shirt off her back. They ask Frank if he ever thinks about sneaking over to Dolores room for a quickie and he admits that he would have to get through 4 dogs if he even had any bad intentions. They are truly just best friends. The conversation turns to the pellets just as the drinks are being served.
My butt hurts but I feel energetic and sexual
Another table of swingers
Dolores brings up her meeting with Lady Marge and even here where she mentions to Siggy that Lady Marge said she didn’t say anything about Dolores relationship like Siggy had indicated, Siggy doesn’t say boo. Dolores talk about her getting emotional about her kids and Siggy has to make a dig about how its ok for her to get emotional but she doesn’t like it when I do it. UGH SIGGY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU. This goes back to what Melissa said a few episodes back when Siggy is upset the whole world has to stop but she doesn’t care when other people are upset because HER FEELINGS MATTER MORE. Even here Siggy and her husband are breaking down Lady Marge’s motives for emoting. Dolores says it was nice to talk to her one and one, she’s s not mad at her and there is no reason they can’t all hang out. Siggy tells her it’s never going to happen and Michael Campanella just there, smiles like a big dope and shrugs.
Siggy says she didn’t get a kumbaya feeling from their meeting at the diner it was more like Teresa and Melissa like you and now I am stuck with you. Even though Lady Marge apologized for what she said and you said cool?!?!?!!? I can’t with Siggy and her self-righteousness and apparently neither can the rest of the table because when she asks if she’s wrong or right the whole table is silent. Michael actually does my favorite move and stuffs food in his mouth when asked a question so he doesn’t want to answer. Frank speaks for the whole table and tells her she needs to cut the woman a little slack. You can tell Siggy is not pleased that everyone at the table isn’t blowing sunshine up her butt so she reasons that anyone who can get that emotional about step kids may not be so bad.
WHO ARE YOU THE GD WIZARD OF OZ
The episode ends with Teresa and Grandpa Eyebrows having a moment on the beach. He’s telling she needs to say no more and her kids need to listen. Teresa gives her 1000 excuse on why she isn’t and this time it’s because they have been through so much but he disagrees. Teresa says again that she was raised in strict house and honestly, I am confused because a few seasons ago when Teresa’s out of control kids were the storyline Kathy said they were just like her. Her mom let her do whatever she wanted too and she hell on wheels. At any rate, I agree with Grandpa Eyebrows that when she asks something of them, they should do it no questions asked. The talk ends up leading to her mom and poor Grandpa Eyebrows starts crying. She tells him that she is mad too that Joe should have been more on top of things and her dad is silent but I doubt it’s because he is at a loss for words, except to tell her she has him now. A sweet way to end the episode, but Bravo please stop showing Grandpa Eyebrows crying let him grieve in peace.
Next week, Siggy’s retreats are happening, Lady Marge is invited and Dolores and Teresa face off.
So, what did you all think of this episode? I wish they would have shown more of the island, not just the resort. My husband is Puerto Rican, born on the island, we had been putting off visiting for too long and now we know it will never be the same. I am glad that they gave the island and its people a shout out at the end.