Hi Trash Bags!
Kick off your shoes and relax your feet…Kandi has another spin-off…eye roll. No, she’s not getting married or having another baby, she’s getting the band back together. If you know me at all (or just can deduce the reasoning behind my alias) you know that I love hip hop, rap, and R&B. So, in 1992 when I was 11 years old, clearly, I was a huge fan of Xscape. Little did I know that years later I’d be watching one of the members on my least favorite Housewife show- Atlanta. (post your hate mail below)
For the Millennial’s, the band got together when Kandi was a freshman in high school and the others were a bit older. They had a bunch of chart topping hits and then they broke up in 2007. Okay, I wasn’t a DIE HARD fan, but I don’t even remember this. Obvi they had been replaced by my love for Destiny’s Child years before…and thank you Kandi for writing some of their hits! Anyway, apparently Tamika kinda wanted to go solo and she went on some radio show and said that Kandi had slept with their producer and creator, Jermaine Dupri. Guys, he’s major. If you don’t know who he is…why are you watching this show? Just Google him. I can’t give you the history of hip hop people!
MONEY AIN’T A THANG…OR IS IT?
Anyway, she also said that Kandi basically banged everyone at So So Def (his company). Umm…honestly guys…I think I believe her. Kandi seems VERY angry about this. Alright, back to the show. So, they didn’t speak for 9 years, and obvi, Tamika’s career didn’t take off, and Kandi’s did.
So, the reason that they have gotten back together is because (Kandi can do whatever she want’s at Bravo) Jermaine was going to make a movie about them without their consent. Kandi is a pretty wise business woman, hence, she needs to get paid for this crap, hence the show.
Bored yet? I was. So, Kandi wanted a public apology from Tamika, so they all went on a radio show. Blah blah…Kandi pretends that that is all she wanted and they aren’t getting back together. It’s all pretty lame.
WHO WORE IT BETTER? BOYZ II MEN??
Alright, enough with the backstory. The four women go to dinner, it’s pretty uneventful, and Kandi claims that she is not satisfied with Tamika’s apology…that she did ON THE RADIO! Ugh. Shut up Kandi. This scene is useless, they are getting together to perform at the Essence Festival in a month or something. More importantly, I can’t stop staring at Tiny…of T.I. and Tiny. She looks insane, and I am reminded that she had eye surgery to change her eye color. Correct me if I’m wrong.
So the ladies have their first rehearsal and Tamika is late because she is having stomach issues. Apparently, this has been a previous problem, so Tiny calls her and tells her to get her ass there…hey a little diarrhea shouldn’t stop you! Tamika responds with the line of the century, “You ain’t got no compassion for my booty hole.” Yes people, I have a degree in Broadcast Journalism. Please kill me.
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY KANDI
They begin to sing the 1998 classic, “My Little Secret,” and I chuckle because I forgot that one of the lines is something about a message on her beeper. Oh! Those were the days! I actually never had one because my mom said they were for drug dealers. I knew that. How did she think I bought my drugs in high school?! Kidding.
They still sound pretty decent, but Kandi gets all pissy when she discovers that they changed some of the words and melodies to some song. Well, she left the group in 2001 and they toured without her. Get over yourself Mrs. Burruss-Tucker.
Oh gawd. Here comes Drea, the choreographer wearing simply a leotard and knee high boots. I can’t. Her ass is COMPLETELY hanging out and she looks so familiar to me. I’m thinking maybe she was on Making The Band with Diddy, or whatever his name is today, or some other show. I watch her entire scene…and then it hits me! She was on Hollywood Exes…she’s R Kelly’s ex wife! I died.
MS. KELLY IF YOU’RE NASTY
She teaches them some sexy dance moves and Kandi can’t dance and is also all offended. Umm…do you NOT own Bedroom Kandi? Sex toy central? Whatever. Tiny actually takes the words right out of my mouth and we move on to a scene with her and her family.
If you know anything, you know that Tiny is/was married to the rapper T.I….who I find to be freaking gorgeous! They have like 7 kids and are getting divorced. It’s a cute little scene with her and her mom and almond milk…that’s about it.
ALL IN THE FAMILY
Alright, so Latocha has made a playlist for their upcoming debut and Kandi doesn’t like it. Cue the biggest a-hole of all time, Kandi’s manager, Don Juan. BOOOOO!
MY FACE WHEN HE COMES ON SCREEN
Basically, Kandi hates the playlist and the other ladies hate her. T.I makes a pit stop and agrees with Kandi that they should start the show with their signature hit, “Kickin it.” I don’t even care at this point. This show should be a half hour.
The band gets the opportunity to perform at the BET awards and Kandi doesn’t think they are ready. This forms a bit of a rift among the women. Kandi and Tiny head outside to discuss the situation. Kandi gets all worked up, as usual, and cries. Tiny is actually a great voice of reason. She might be my favorite. She talks her off the ledge, and we are done. I would say that I was super glad that it was over…I was. However, the upcoming scenes look pretty good! Bear with me people! Love you and see ya next week!