Hello and welcome to a pinnacle episode in the saga of Lady Marge vs. Soggy.
This week Marge arrives home from Vegas with good news about the shoe line to big house with her right-hand lady, Lexi she of the indistinguishable accent. Marge is telling us what a clingy man is when Jodi Goldberg shows up with the hot gos.
OH, she’s her saleswoman… this is making more sense now
Omg you are never going to believe this, Siggy publicly shamed Melissa for the cake throwing by making everyone vote if she was a shitty person or not
Shut up… that makes my vagina hurt
Jodi also tells about the Siggy and Dolores screaming at Danielle but because they were off in a separate room she couldn’t hear what exactly the issue was. Lady Marge plans on getting the details at the tasting at Joe’s new place.
This like high school, it’s crazy and I love it
At Dolores’, Frank and Frankie are having a father/son moment in the living room fixing chairs while Frank asks the question that’s burning on everyone’s mind, what do Frankie’s friends think of Mommy and Daddy living together again. Apparently Frankie’s friends think they are swingers. Dolores walks in doggy bags for her boy’s courtesy of her doctor boo. Frank asks her if there are any I love yous being exchanged and Dolores gets all giddy.
This is the one and only time I have ever seen her truly smile
Blah, blah blah no one gets their dynamic everyone thinks it’s weird. I personally don’t think it’s weird. I think Dolores needed a story line and Frank was willing to play along besides I think they probably work better as friends than lovers. Frank wants to know if they are talking about getting married because who is going to remarried first has always been like a Mexican standoff. Dolores says that Frank Catania is the love of her life and either one of them getting remarried means their marriage is really over. I am pretty sure it was really over when you signed divorce papers or you found out about his side hussies. Dolores tells the muscles about the party the night before and Danielle’s accusations before Frank can even finish chewing. Frank says he can’t believe she didn’t knock Danielle out but what hurt Dolores the most is that Teresa didn’t believe her since they have been friends for years. I am starting to feel like Siggy and Dolores are taking “How to be a Housewife,” advise from the Jac Attack because this was her defense last year when she fought with the lesbian. But Frank the voice of reason is like Teresa has a lot on her plate and maybe her senses are slipping right now, she will never say you were right but she will come around.
At the restaurant formerly known as Saluga, Joe Gorga is replacing the front sign and picking out the photos for inside the restaurant. Last week when I was bored I went and read all of the Yelp review for the place and one comment that stood out that the family photos while a sweet sentiment were “overwhelming,” and mixed reviews on the food. I love that they talk to Grandpa Eyebrows in this scene like he is hard of hearing. Joe is happy to prove to his dad that he really is putting his name in lights and that his mom is looking down at him and Tre proud that they are working together on keeping her memory alive. Poor Grandpa Eyebrows, he is moved to tears by the pictures of his wife. So, they send him to the kitchen to make them food.
While he is in there Teresa nitpicks at the at the picture Melissa and Joe chose to represent them because it doesn’t show enough of her brother’s beautiful face.
Melissa tries to explain that he chose it but Teresa thinks it showcases her and her big mouth too much.
You’re not even a Gorga, only by name
Listen bitch, she stood in line at least three different government offices in order to make that change and had to redo countless accounts and paperwork she can be Mrs. Melissa Whoeverthehellshewantstobe as far as I am concerned. Teresa reasons that if they divorce she won’t be a Gorga anymore and Melissa storms out. Joe is not happy with all of this and tells her that he thought she was over all this shit, so what’s up.
Next Gia and Teresa are shopping at the California Beach Hut for new bikinis for Puerto Rico. Teresa tries to talk Gia into a relatively tame tankini and Gia informs her mom she doesn’t like showing that much ass. Teresa can’t believe a woman like her who has a fun and flirty fashion sense has conservative daughters.
Maybe because you dressed her like this as little kid
Teresa suggests that they get matching swimsuits again and Gia get a little snippy with her mom and Teresa’s botoxed face and plumped lips are taken back.
You making fun of me Gia
She wants to know why her and Milania are so moody. Even Melissa said that she lets them take advantage of her. Gia says that she and her sisters are good kids but Milania has no boundaries and she could really use them. Teresa again says she just needs attention and we are treated to her displaying her lack of boundaries with Teresa’s makeup artist. Gia says she is not the mom and she can’t tell her what to do but when they were home with Juicy there were a lot more rules. Gia tells her straight up that it seems like she doesn’t want them to be mad at her. Teresa is silent and doesn’t disagree because it’s true.
Siggy meets up with her parents, the incomparable Mordecai and Rachel.
She is of course here to talk about herself and JoshUA. He’s not respecting her and not including her in his future plans. I love how her stories she relates to other people always have her playing the role of the level-headed person in the room giving it to the other person straight instead of the person who gets angry and dissolves into pile of tears when she doesn’t get what she wants. Mordecai tries to reason with her that he is 18 and asserting himself more with a stronger personality, it’s part of growing up and maturing. This is not what Siggy wants to hear because she wants to be sure that he is staying close for college, which is odd for a woman who left her parents in Israel because she didn’t want to stay. Her parents point out she has her own life now and she needs to focus on that.
At Teresa’s Milania is demanding to eat what she wants while Teresa half-heartedly tells her no. Melissa and Joe arrive and things are tense to say the least. After they send the kids away to play they pour some wine and talk through what happened the other day. In a rare RHONJ moment Teresa apologies sort of, by explaining that she had a lot on her mind and she was upset by the comments she made about her parenting. Melissa is confused because all she said that was she is too lenient and Joe agrees. Teresa of course doesn’t see this as constructive criticism because she’s doing it on her “own.” Fortunately, Melissa is willing to let things go. They talk about the tasting coming up and prepare for the fireworks. Then Joe pretends he hadn’t already heard about the public shaming Siggy gave to Melissa and the shit talking Dolores has done. Joe also acts like they aren’t on a show called the Real Housewives and acts like woman fighting is something brand new to big events or the sole purpose of the show.
At a romantic Italian restaurant, somewhere Michael Campanella and a hobbling Siggy go to celebrate their anniversary. One of the MANY things that crack me up about Siggy is that she insists on wearing really high heels she can hardly walk in everywhere. They recall how they met 11 years ago today, they lean in for a big romantic kiss …
Michael immediately removes the 10lbs of lip-gloss Siggy left behind
Siggy tells him how she met with her events coordinator to discuss upcoming Siggy’s Pinterest quotes events and she tells him they came up with overnight retreats. She reasons that they will soon have 3 at college and only No. 1 Sophie at home and she is not ready to be a lady who lunches.
You have to be kidding, this was never supposed to be more than a silly career to keep you out of my hair from 9-5
Now normally I would ask who in their right mind would want advice from Siggy but I read her twitter feed and there plenty who are ready to subscribe to her business of bullshit. She would be doing this with Vikki a divorce attorney for women who are looking for empowerment and as a bonus to be yelled at over stupid, pointless shit.
Remember her Trashies?
Yes, that is the star of the divorcing Bravo show that lasted 1 maybe 2 seasons. I only watched because I loved watching the participants quibble over their stuff that they thought was priceless only to find out it was crap. Like an Antique’s Roadshow with more broken hearts and resentment.
I just want to make people happy by making me happy with their attention and adoration
Michael is not thrilled, especially because she is looking at doing this twice a month. These two use the word ‘like’ so much when trying to say something simple I can feel my inner professor from college raging inside of me. He says he gets it because he sees her and how she and the audience get off on this basic bull so he’s willing to make it work.
Next Lady Marge is leading her troops into battle to talk shoes.
Espadrille’s are going o be huge this year
Lady Marge talks about how everyone always told her she would never be able to make the Macbeth Collection happen and yet she did. She wasn’t born to the luck sperm club she’s made it on her own. They tell her from start to finish its going to take 4-month process to get everything out but if she’s willing to go to the factories in Milan it might speed up the process. Oh, I see where this is going….
Over at Gorga’s Homemade Pasta & Pizza the finishing touches are being made in preparation for the tasting. Teresa comes in and loves the picture that Joe and put up of them.
Need more boobs
I honestly thought that when Melissa mentioned a picture of her and Joe I though she meant her husband not a picture of her brother. Joe goes in the back to check and see how his dadis doing and jokes with him the food better be hot or else.
That’s right because immigrants have to be nice and do what they are told
Joe give the staff to rundown for the night and they are looking for honest opinions.
I like the Sur rejects they hired for this event
Teresa doesn’t think they will have a problem speaking her mind, except Dolores because it will depend on what Siggy thinks.
At Siggy’s Michael Campanella has learned his lines and says he can’t believe they have to go to this event and act all happy when these women have been so rude in their homes recently at no fault of Siggy’s. Siggy says she is going to go support them because they have been friends and as long as Lady Marge doesn’t come at her she will be fine. As far as Dolores and Teresa go, she better pick Dolores to believe.
At Dolores’ house that apparently does not have closets she and Frank are getting ready while she gives him the lowdown on how this night is going to play out. They work out a signal when he is ready to go, after his third meatball.
Frank is rethinking if this all worth the paltry Bravo paycheck
While waiting for everyone to arrive, Teresa asks Melissa what she thinks about the Danielle and Dolores situation and she says that she feels that Danielle is honest and maybe a little misunderstood. Lady Marge and Joe B. are the first to arrive. The call
Grandpa Eyebrows out from the kitchen to meet her and to say he is impressed is putting it lightly.
Blonde all over?
Siggy comes next and Lady Marge looks genuinely thrilled to see her. They exchange pleasantries and they seem all fine, Lady Marge thinks that means they are putting everything behind them. Danielle arrives next with #20 on her arm. Teresa asks Siggy where her sidekick is and she doesn’t mean her phone. Really this is just an opportunity to open up discussion on her invisible new boyfriend and discuss the strange living situation with Frank.
So, what who cares it’s her life
Siggy is happy that Lady Marge is defending Dolores but you know she is a snake so one slippery move and she’s not to be trusted again. Danielle takes the opportunity to ask Teresa if she believes her when it comes to “what she said.”
Do I believe you……………
Teresa says that she’s known Dolores forever but Danielle has really been there for her in the last few months. Siggy points out that she can’t really see Dolores confiding in Danielle, which is a valid point. But when Lady Marge’s tries to defend Danielle, Siggy says she doesn’t know anyone here well enough to have an opinion. All the good will that Lady Marge gained for defending Dolores has gone right out the window because you know loyalty and friendship is apparently synonymous with infallibility. Melissa gives her two cents that Danielle is misunderstood and Siggy is pissed because she is the MOST MISUNDERSTOOD PERSON HERE.
This one I can’t take it
I heard that bitch
For this Lady Marge will pay. Joe gets up and makes a speech.
I worked in restaurants all my life and then I don’t know what happened I got interested in building homes with fake sinks, owning fake document shredding companies, being a butcher, a baker and candlestick maker
Michael helps Siggy with her boob napkin
The first dish comes out and everyone loves it, Siggy emphasis this by screaming perfection at Joe. Lady Marge tells Melissa she is going to need recipes, as if Melissa cooks.
Oh, hey Melissa do you have a sharp knife so Lady Marge can continuously stab me in the back when I leave
Dolores finally arrives and greets everyone but Danielle, which is shady because she does hug her boyfriend. Dolores again tells us what a good person she is and how she has always been the Gorgas and Giudices, unlike that Prostitution Whore.
The tension is so thick that Joe Gorga asks Dolores what’s going on with the ladies mostly because Dolores is being fake and extra. Dolores says that Danielle is up to her old tricks again. Now correct me if I am wrong but the issues the ladies had with her last time around was that she wasn’t forthcoming about her past and being shady towards Dina but I don’t remember her being an out and out liar. Nevertheless, Dolores adds another layer to this saga by embellishing the story and saying Danielle told Teresa she called her a greedy bitch. Melissa asks if there is a possibility if she said something that was taken out of context and Dolores denies having said anything to her at all. But Melissa wants to know why Danielle would lie because if Danielle said something that was a lie she knows she would upset Dolores. Siggy calls her delusional.
And these lips don’t lie
Then Dolores starts in on Ellie May Clampett and this gives Siggy the opportunity to talk about her coming at her from the back door and she ain’t no back-door girl. Ugh, Siggy that does not make sense, how did she come at you in the back door. Then we have to hear about the fucking flower memorial again, this time her defense was that they were at the funeral and she wasn’t. They are being so loud that Danielle and Lady Marge can hear them talking about them.
They are just recapping the same drama over and over again
Melissa tries to reason with them that sentiment was sweet and meant a lot to Teresa and her but it’s really about Siggy’s feeling and stabbing her in the back because she brought her in to the group. Teresa tells us in her talking head that Siggy is out of control.
Teresa comes over purposely to break up the party when Melissa is telling them that she thinks they need to cut Lady Marge a little slack and Siggy tells her, “fuck that shit.”
Oh so Margaret is allowed to have feel, feels but I am not
Cheese and rice, maybe if you didn’t try to beat everyone over the head with those feelings to see things your way, maybe someone would listen to you. Dolores again reasons that she planned it and purposely left them out. I don’t know if you guys have been keeping up with the blogs or podcast Lady Marge has been on but she did clarify that she had only planned it that morning after seeing the floral arrangements at the hotel, which would have been before she knew definitively the Not-So-Dynamic Duo decided to go to ditch them all and go for juice.
Lady Marge can hear Siggy getting loud and screaming about not being willing to forgive her and she decides to walk over. Teresa explains that Siggy is still upset about the flower memorial and Lady Marge feigns shock that they are still talking about this because of course she could hear them earlier. Siggy employs Michael Campanella to verify that she can never forgive.
This may have been why Lady Marge couldn’t locate Michael Campanella in the dictionary under “man”
That’s how I feel so fuck you I am not over it and I don’t have to be
hahahahahaha omg Siggy you are so funny
Lady Marge NOW is shocked because she thought they were made up. Then things get real weird and catty.
All you care about is your brand and it sucks, it’s nothing but cheap GINA stuff, you don’t like it do you Dolores
No, I don’t like any of her stuff, except that dress I wore in Boca BEFORE we hated her
But dear god watching Dolores and Teresa finger point and out bitch each other out was GLORIOUS.
Of course, you think she is wrong you think Siggy shits gold
Don’t tell me what I think, that’s Siggy’s job
Lady Marge who has remained very calm up to this point an says ladies, your 50 this is dumb and Siggy snaps.
You’re one of the ugliest people alive for MAKING FUN OF ME
Lady Marge just sit there and then Siggy starts screaming about wanting to leave because this is draining and then this happens.
and a little of this
hahahahahahaha omg what is wrong with her
I swear I thought she was can hit her at one point. Dolores is on the way out the door when Danielle decides to ask her where her boyfriend is and why he didn’t come. She sees them all talking about her and decides to go over and confront Danielle.
I am not Kenya Moore, he’s not fake I am going to pick him up right now
They start getting loud with each other when Teresa pulls them apart and shows Dolores the door.
Next week the Giudices and Grandpa Eyebrows land in the Puerto Rico. Joe does a flip and Siggy is feeling sexual. So, my lovelies what did you think this week? What did you think of Siggy’s over the top performance? It reminded me of last year when Jac antagonized the lesbian and when she barked back Jac acted like she was afraid for her life only Lady Marge didn’t bite. Are you glad Melissa and Teresa made up? Let me know in the comments below.