Hey guys! Quick check-in tonight: I just got out of an all-day off-site meeting that is going to continue bright and early tomorrow as an all-day off-site volunteer event, which is hella lame for a number of reasons: a) ew, talking about feelings with your coworkers, b) manual labor/ charity, and c) not enough time to either begin or complete a drunken (the only way it should be done) RHOD recap. But I didn’t want to leave you babies hanging, so I’m creating a space for you all to talk about it until Saturday when I post the full recap. Here’s what happened on Real Housewives of Phallus this week:
- Cary sent rotting unrefridgerated fish to her friends and said, here’s some rancid death tissue for your culinary stores, please accompany me on a trip across the world to a strange land where people speak backwards and you all will be miserable. Thanks!
- LeeAnne went wedding dress shopping with some nameless friend-ofs and Stephanie. D’Andra had other shit to do and This Bitch thinks that she’s “PSYCHO” for turning down the chance of a lifetime to see another woman try on dresses. LeeAnne landed on quite possibly the most vampy ass wedding dress in existence.
- LeeAnne is still a good friend because she upheld a promise she made to D’Andra to let D’Andra host a product launch at a store that LeeAnne has like, nothing to do with. So good job, LeeAnne. How does it feel up there on the cross? Are your arms getting tired? Anyway, everyone wore sexxXxxy pajamas for some reason and Brandi gave the greatest “shocked” face I’ve ever seen since this meme:
- LeeAnne learned that if you come at Mama Dee you best not miss.
- Stephanie and Travis renewed their vows which means the crispy briar patch that was Stephanie’s womanhood suddenly bloomed into a lush and fragrant garden. All the sleeping soldiers from eons ago awoke from their slumber and cheered. The once-terrorized villagers emerged from their spell and rejoiced in the town square, for love is alive once more.
- The girls left for Copenhagen and had a pissing match over first class. Basically, everyone who wanted to pretend they could upgrade to a first class seat did and we all marveled at their humble camaraderie.
- LeeAnne and This Bitch cemented their Axis of Evil over what a terrible bitch D’Andra is and it basically played out like this. You can infer who’s the raven-haired evil lioness genius and who’s the shit-for-brains hyena:
For a detailed play-by-play, join me on Saturday, Trashies. Until then, sound off in the comments! xoxo
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