Celebitchy — Chris Rock Announced to Host the Oscars: Will He Offend Sean Penn Again?
I love Chris Rock, but he’s best when he gets to perform his own material and cut loose. The Oscars should have gotten rid of hosts ages ago, honestly, but if this means we get Chris Rock trolling humorless ragehole Sean Penn about wonky penis-noses and self-righteous asshattery, then I am ALL IN.
The Frisky — Excuse Me, Bill Murray and Jenny Lewis Are Possibly Maybe Dating?
I realize that this piece may expose my hipster roots, and that not everyone loves Jenny Lewis (or knows who she is), but I kind of feel like Zooey Deschanel is feeling a disturbance in her manic pixie dream girl orbit today. When you think of fuck buddy situations, I don’t think that Bill Murray comes to mind, or, well, anyone old enough to be your dad, but I guess he loves him some Rilo Kiley (get the band back together, guys). I hope Sofia Coppola makes a movie about their relationship (I’m sure it will be overrated but have an amazing soundtrack).
TMZ — Khloe Kardashian: Lamar Has Sworn Off Drugs…and That’s Why I Took Him Back
Look, I wish Lamar a speedy recovery and I hope that he’s truly serious about kicking his drug habit, but…he’s an addict and it’s really easy to say that you’ll never ever do drugs again when you’re lying in a hospital bed. Khloe seems serious about making this work, but you just know that Satan’s Employee of the Month, Kris is just rubbing her hands together and cackling as she thinks about all the money she’s going to get to roll in with a “Lamar in rehab” subplot on the show (if Lamar relapses Satan promised to invite Kris to his timeshare at the Ring of Fire Resort and Flame Spa.)
Dlisted — Goop Burps Up the Old “Bras Give You Cancer” Myth
Oh good, Dr. Gwyneth is on the case. I guess a cure for cancer is not far off: it will be fair trade, and created in a wild orchid scented lab in a yurt made by an indigenous tribe that live off the golf course in Torrey Pines. I can’t wait for the next Goop newsletter when Queen Gwynnie digs up that old gem about how if you swallow your gum, then a large gumball will form in your stomach and explode (never happened, mom!) It’s this kind cutting edge information that makes Goop such an important medical newsletter.
Jezebel — Ibiza Ravers to be Oppressed by 6:30 am Club Closing
Once again, the Communists win.