Hello Trashtalkers!!! I am SOO excited that this show is back on television! These couples look even better than the losers from last season, except I already miss Mohammed and Danielle. Danielle’s sad eyes haunt me to this day. But I think Donald Trump cast all these losers to push immigration policy. So without wasting any time, let’s meet the new couples!!
Alexei and Loren
The first couple we meet is Loren and Alexei. Loren is super NYC and living a fast face lifestyle as someone’s assistant. Hah. She met her Jewish Giant, Alexei in Israel, and wanted to GET IT IN immediately. This is the most normal couple out of all the six couples. However they are moving in with Loren’s parents in Florida as soon as Alexei arrives in the country so they could be fun to watch, and she seems like a real handful.
Loren meets up with her parents in Toronto to meet Alexei for the first time. Her father is not impressed that his daughter had to import her fiance, but NYC was not a big enough meat market for this young lady. I like her dad.
Mark and Nikki
Mark and Nikki are a serious May-December romance. He could even be her grandfather if you ask Mark. Creepy. Mark lives in Maryland and runs a rent a piano company, which is a thing in Maryland I guess. His motto is to paint the day happy and he has zebra sheets. He tells himself in the mirror each morning, “You are a specimen!” Yes, yes you are Mark. Mark married a Filipino women in the past, but after four kids she scooted away from him as fast as possible. He recently met Nikki on an online dating website and then told her that he was going on a vacation to the Philippines!! How convenient. Mark proposed after a couple days with a zip tie and I immediately feel awful for this poor girl. And she is just a girl, at 19.
Mark’s sister MC has come to town to see him and hear about his new girl. She is supportive, but also wearing cut out leggings over 50 so I don’t trust her judgement at all. MC at least says, hey, you already did this K1 Visa thing once and it failed so aren’t you nervous? True, and side note to the US government, how many K1 Visas are people allowed? Can’t we stop this man from importing teen brides?
Mark has insisted that his daughter Elise move into the guest house before Nikki arrives in the US. Elise is 21, and the star of the show. She calls her father out on his bad decisions and the fact that he is Nikki’s easy way out of poverty. Mark even tries to re-gift his daughter’s clothes to Nikki, sexy clothes too, but Elise says that is not OK. Boundaries, Dad. Elise wants to vomit all over her own father. I am looking forward to Elise speaking her mind!!!
Josh and Aleksandra
This is maybe the best couple, as Josh is a serious Mormon and AlekSANNNDRRAAA is a Russian Go Go Dancer. Amazing. But I am getting ahead of myself. Josh talks very slowly as he tells us that he loves the Mormon church, family, and not having sex. Josh was working as a Missionary in Prague when he met Aleksandra. She used to work as a Go Go Dancer but promised to God to change so now she is ready to move to the US and be a Mormon wife. Josh seems like a complete control freak and gets off on the fact that this girl has changed her whole life to be with him. Not a good start if you ask me. Gross.
Josh is super excited and nervous for Aleksandra to come to the United States and meet his family. Josh has a bunch of siblings but one is named Heber, which is awesome. His parents are like, um, marriage is forever, sad face, so don’t blow it with a dancer. And don’t blow any male dancers either son, cause that is even worse than marrying a Russian whore.
Finally Aleksandra arrives and she seems like a huge catch for Josh. I like her and her hair.
Devar and Melanie
Melanie lives in Pennsylvania with her son and met Devar on vacation in Jamaica. He was a lifeguard. Nice. Melanie is very into Devar’s body and the spent a whopping 20 days together before his proposal. Her son Hunter is going to get a new daddy -who is very good at push ups.
Melanie meets up with some friends to drink and talk about Devar’s impending arrival to the US. They are like, what are you going to do when people openly judge and make noises in your face about your different races? Um, I don’t live in Pennsylvania, but if that happens in her town then she should leave, regardless of Devar. That is not OK, and I’m from Connecticut.
Melanie is traveling to Jamaica to bring Devar back to the states. I wonder if he is planning on life guarding in Pennsylvania?? We see clips in the future that she openly wants a pre-nup and I am excited!!
Next week we meet the remaining couples, who seem great, and all of the lovey dovey magic of the first episode is already over when reality hits these losers! I can’t wait!!!
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