Hi, Trashies. So, this is the last week this recap is going to be late. After coordinating an office move, WE’RE DONE! OK, small moment of celebration. Oh! Also, I had a silly weekend. My Twitter handle is @PopePhilly. While the Pope was in Philadelphia, a lot of people tweeted at me. One of them was even an Italian news station. I bet they were wondering why the Pope was talking about Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelorette so much.
Let’s get to the show. HOLY SHIT THE MUPPETS ARE HERE! I love them so much. Also, 1:04-1:24 will never not make me laugh:
AND ALFONSO RIBEIRO IS THE GUEST JUDGE TONIGHT!!! And Miss Piggy is a way better host than Erin Andrew. In case you didn’t realize, it’s TV night! So, let’s get started.
Carlos is up first with a jazz routine to “Thank You For Being a Friend” (the theme from Golden Girls). Really? Why would they make Carlos dance to this song? He’s having a hard time giving up control to Witney. I just want her to look at him and say, “Shut up. How many dance competitions have you won?” Then she should hit him with her mirror ball trophy while Alfonso laughs.
Witney is adorable as an old lady. She looks like an awesome mix of all four of the ladies on Golden Girls. The dance was OK, but I’m not sure jazz fit the style of that song. I would have loved to see an more elegant foxtrot or something. Alfonso starts! He says the dance was good, but Carlos needs a little more energy and shouldn’t be so safe. Julianne agrees with Alfonso – the dance was good, but Carlos was a bit hunched. Bruno claims that Sophia would have said, “Get out of here. In Sicily you’d get arrested for that!” When the hell did Sophia ever say that? Carrie Ann feels like Carlos isn’t improving throughout the competition. He needs to just make his movements bigger.
Boo. Erin is back.
Carrie Ann – 7
Alfonso – 8
Julianne – 8
Bruno – 8
I think that was more than fair. Carlos is good, but he’s not improving. People like that on this show.
Paula and Louis are doing a samba to the theme from Gilligan’s Island and she is missed that she has to be Mrs. Howell and not Mary Ann. Anyway, Paula is having a difficult time. She’s old and tired and can’t pick up the dances as well as the younger contestants. Oh, then there’s some BS about Paula being abandoned before. What the hell does that have to do with anything?
There was just so much…stuff in that dance. Also, why all the people? Also, who was that in the fat suit as the Skipper? Paula’s grandchildren are cute when they bring her flowers. Julianne, like me, feels like the theme went a bit too far and there were a few missed steps. Bruno calls the dance a shipwreck. So, there’s that, I guess. Also, Paula had none of the bounce the samba requires. Carrie Ann offers a little praise when she tells Paula that, despite the kind of bad dancing, the spirit of Gilligan’s Island was there. Alfonso is just happy that Paula is trying and is showing that she wants to be there.
Carrie Ann – 5
Alfonso – 5
Julianne – 5
Bruno – 5
Why is the audience booing so much? Those scores are more than fair.
Tamar and Val have a tango to the theme from Mad Men. Tamar thinks that it’s sexist. Isn’t that the whole point of Mad Men? I’m a feminist through and through, but shut up Tamar.
Tamar should war red always. I adore that dress. Bruno flails and rants about dirty business. I need an adult. Carrie Ann calls the dance “must see TV.” However, there may have been a tiny lift. Alfonso calls Tamar a front runner. However, she really does need to let Val lead her. That’s what happens in dance. Julianne loves that Tamar let her fierce side take a back seat to the theme of the dance.
Carrie Ann – 8
Alfonso – 9
Julianne – 8
Bruno – 8
Alfonso is going to over score a lot of people tonight, isn’t he?