Well Y’ALL, here we are. We’ve made it to the end of this travesty. This was a pretty bad spinoff- all things considered. There were two big fights, neither of which were filmed. Did they take place after the crew was off work or was Jax doing too much cocaine to be filmed for legal reasons? We may never know. This show is hardly even funny anymore, it’s just sad and dark. Jax is insanely manipulated and abused and it’s on full display. The worst part of it all is Brittany’s family – mostly Sherri – urging her to stay with him and MARRY him. She’s legit star struck over him. He’s a reality star, sure, but he’s still a manipulative piece of shit and he’s probably cheated on your daughter many times. It’s looking like they are now broken up, and I sure hope that’s true. But I’d love it if she stayed on the show. She doesn’t have problems with any cast members, they’d all film with her, it would be hella drama, and she could start her own bullshit reality career! It’s honestly hard for me to even recap this and make jokes because it just makes my stomach hurt, but I’ll do my best because it’s not like anybody else watched the damn thing!
The “previously on jax and brittany take kentucky” is just a montage of Jax saying the word spark.
Jax puts on his best ripped up tshirt and meets Mamaw in the gazebo, where she’s likely been sitting for two days, waiting for camera’s to show up. She asks Jax how he met Brittany met, andCara blesses us with their perfect meet-cute. I love Cara. I want her to be on Vanderpump Rules. So basically, they were in a club, Cara said “Hey Jax, come talk to Brittany!” and Jax said, “I would eat her ass right now.”. Love at first sight! Then two weeks later, he flew her out for a feasting session, and he just didn’t asy anything when he noticed she’s brought suitcases.
We’re going out for “the Last Supper” at what they refer to as a really nice restaurant. Is it the same place we’ve already eaten at several times? Oh well, thank god Jax has the oppurtunity to make a joke about loving balls. *Sherri bursts into the talking head with a bible and lots of questions* They ask Jax if they’re coming back for Christmas and he says probably not. One of my favorite things on any reality show is when we get just that perfect edit of someone saying something, cut to them saying something contrite, and back. He’d told Memaw on their one-on-one that he would be back for Christmas. Jax? Telling a lie? CRazY! Sherri brings up the fact that Memaw is clearly hot for Jax, and we all cheers to that! Then, he leaves to go to the bathroom, and the females all surround Brittany to ask her what the fuck is really going on.
Sherri’s glam tonight: Caitlin Jenner as an emo 7th grader
Jax and Don have a sit down. Don has replaced Sherri as my queen. Jax is so full of shit, it’s painful to watch. He’s got 5 or 6 go-to excuses and sayings in his head that he thinks will get him out of any situation but Don is NOT buying it at all. He goes for the story of how he’s going to propose, which totally would have worked on Sherri and Memaw, but Don just doesn’t even react. Amazing. Jax goes and talks to Ashley and Cara- who has taken a choice today with her dark lipstick, and I can appreciate a girl taking a risk. I keep forgetting that Ashley exists, even though she’s half of what this fight is about.
Twelve hours later….
LOL so dramatic kill me
Brittany is sitting on a toilet trying to get ahold of Jax and you can just feel how embarrassed she is. So embarrassed, she’d do anything to distract everyone from her failing relationship. She’s even wear this atrocious shirt.
She goes outside to Tiffant and Sherri to tell them about last night’s fight. Sherri looks terrifying and her behavior isn’t much different. She immediately starts making it anyone’s fault but Jax’s. Brittany tells her mom that she feels like she always takes his side, and she doesn’t even deny it. She just continues to treat Brittan like shit and like she just needs to apologize, even though it’s pretty clear Brittany was not the one in the wrong. Jax gets back, wearing that ridiculous all black outfit he wears when he’s grumpy. He says he never wants to see Cara again, which is honestly the most offensive thing he’s said yet so fuck you, Jax. All he’s doing is lying and demeaning her in front of her fucking family and Sherri just SITS THERE AND LETS IT HAPPEN!? Jax never lets anyone speak, he only digs himself into a bigger hole while talking over her the whole time, and Sherri tells Brittany to apologize and this scene could make me cry it’s sooooo upsetting. I really hope Brittany is strong enough to get the fuck out of this situation. It at least seems like she’s starting to see the light.
Now it’s time for the Clarence ceremony, and Jax has to even make a shitty dig here by saying “Yeah that’s the only reason I’m still here”. FUCK YOU!! Jax claims he doesn’t want to make it about himself, so he draws attention to himself by walking away and pouting. They sit down on the steps to have a talk before they leave. Brittany’s face is so familiar and makes me so sad. Brittany can’t voice her opinion for more than a sentence before Jax does the “yeah uh huh I’m wrong I’m always wrong” classic Jax move. Brittany says she’s just going to stay and BEGS Jax to ask her not to, and he doesn’t do it.
Brittany stands on the porch, holding her dog, watching Jax and Sherri drive off into the sunset. I think we all knew this was how this series was going to end.
We’re done! I for one am so thankful we don’t need to be abused by this bullshit anymore, and I bet Bravo is glad too. I hope you got some enjoyment out of these recaps, because god knows you didn’t get it from the show itself!
I’ll still be recapping Real Housewives of Dallas, and you can like my facebook page (Kat Lock – it’s a pic of me singing) for any other kinds of updates, or just follow me on twitter so we can talk about all the trashy tv we love to hatewatch. @grumpykat42 on twitter & instagram!
That’s all for self promotion (oh hey I’m also in a band…), thanks you all for reading! Everyone go comment what part of this series made your stomach hurt the most! Mwah!