Welcome back, Trashcans! It feels like it’s been forever but really it’s only been one exceptionally hot summer since last we spoke. Sorry for being so fucking slow. I am busy relocating from the glorious Northwest to the void where Jamal’s heart used to be. It smells like freesia and lube here.
Let’s jump into the solid gold trashcan that is Empire, shall we?
So we begin with the Free Lucius! concert, and there’s someone on stage that is probably famous that I don’t recognize rallying the crowd in support of LL and critiquing the racist motivation behind his incarceration. Cookie, dressed as a peacock, soothes Hakeem, who is channeling Jaleel White. Jaleel is upset that they are expending so much effort in support of LL the Tampon. Cookie reminds him the only reason they are putting on this big show is to get money from Mimi Whiteman. Yes. Mimi Whiteman.
Cookie and Jamal compare plunging necklines. Jamal is dressed sort of a like a cult leader. Then Cookie descends from the sky in a cage dressed in a gorilla suit. There’s a lot of sophisticated racial commentary to make here, but if that’s what you are looking for, maybe go somewhere else? I’m a dummy. All I can think of is Marlene Dietrich’s Blonde Venus, also replicated by Uma Thurman in the Batman movie where she portrays a “sexy” greek salad.
Cookie delivers a rousing speech, and the crowd goes insane. Then she quickly greets all the guest stars. She talks shit to Al Sharpton first, then to Andre Leon Talley, who calls her out on her last season Gucci. She disses Don Lemon.
IMPORTANT: Is Empire mad with Tom Ford? Is TF not lending them clothes? They slammd him a few times this episode….is there some dirt I don’t know about?
Porsha and Becky are back, looking amazing. Hopefully they are given more lines this season.
Finally, we meet Mimi Whiteman, dressed in the devil’s black and red and a Colonel Sanders necktie. She’s somewhere between Foghorn Leghorn and Satan. I hope she gets her pitchfork and horns soon.