Previously on the RHOC- the girls played Volleyball, everyone except Meghan, mostly because Kelly didn’t invite her. Lydia thought Shannon was making fun of her for having breast implants. Which is ridiculous.
The assumption in the OC is that you’ve HAD breast implants, not that you don’t.
Kelly threw a party to say goodbye to her breast implants. Vicki had plastic surgery to make her face look like a breast implant. There. I think you are caught up.
Seriously, Lydia tried to broker peace between Tamra and Vicki- but will Shannon stand for it? No. Unless there are nachos around in which case…
Kelly is up early to get her breast implants removed- she is excited because she will be free-er.
She still has that 180 lb growth hanging off her right arm
Kelly has a headache- and anxiety. She is nervous and Psycho Mike is, somewhat of a comfort, you know, for a Psycho.
The Doctor asks Kelly “what are we doing today?”
The sight of Kelly’s knockers brings the nurse to tears…
Can you fix this general area?
See, my thought is- he should probably already be aware of what they are doing that day. (I know, I know, the Dr wants to make sure Kelly knows what’s happening.)
Where am I?
And proceeds to play hangman on her titties.
Nope, sorry, no Q
Bahahaha- Shannon is exercising.
Well, exercising and cursing at her spin bike. In her interview, Shannon says “I told David. David? David! That ‘spin’ was my LEAST favorite form of exercise…so he bought me a SPIN BIKE!”
Read between these lines, BIKE!
Girl, you should have said “eating pizza is my favorite form of exercise…” then David MAY have bought you a pizza.
If David had gotten her an actual bike, she would be gone and too tired to come back
The bike is yelling at Shannon saying she is not going fast enough. Shannon despises exercise. Then she has to get OFF the bike, but she can’t get her shoes out of the pedal clips. It would be faster to just cut her feet off.
We are back at Kelly’s surgery. Is there any opportunity for Kelly to die?
It’s in decent condition for having been inside Kelly Dodd
Otherwise I’m not particularly interested. The doctor says, “She has a lot of loose skin, he’s out in the waiting room.”
Pyscho Mike is sitting in the waiting room, he’s one of these people who didn’t bring anything with him- reading material, an iPad- nothing. He just sits there… plotting.
Kelly is home. She says she looks terrible and she really can’t have visitors.
Even in an anesthesia fog, she is lucid enough to diss Tamra.
Michael says she looks great- even without make-up. He says she’s not one of these people who is unrecognizable without make-up. And Kelly replies “Like Tamra.”
Vicki arrives for the obligatory visit, with an orchid, and says to Kelly, “You are so pretty.” And then interviews “She looks like a hot mess.”
Then Vicki says, “I have had a lot of surgeries…” then proceeds to list some of them face, brain, face, chin, face, tits, face, abdomen, face, tits, face, tits, face, penis removal, face, face, face.”
She had this lopped off too!
Net/net Vicki hopes Kelly is ok.
Meghan dressed like a bruise to meet Tamra
Meghan meets Tamara at a clothing store. Meghan is going to go by and see Kelly because she knows she hurt Kelly’s feelings, and she just wants to be done with it. Tamra tells Meghan about Kelly’s party and how Shannon was off the rails. Tamra says that Shannon is overly sensitive right now, but she can’t let every little thing send her into a tizzy. Well, this is the essence of Shannon- so I’m not really sure what’s confusing Tamra. Shannon should have a perfume that when you put it on, you start flipping out. Essence of Shannon.
Battle of the Orcas. I mean, Orchids.
Shannon stops by to see Kelly. She has brought a much bigger orchid than Vicki. Haha, these bitches. Shannon said people wonder how she could forgive Kelly for being a twatknuckle and Shannon says it’s because Kelly has shown remorse- UNLIKE VICKI.
I mean, it’s probably because Vicki has sex with multiple partners- that’s MisRed’s theory. Kelly asks about what happened with Lydia the previous day. Shannon, again, says that she didn’t hear that Lydia had breast implants, so she was confused by Lydia was “done” with her. Then they review the hand gestures that accompanied Lydia’s being done with Shannon.
Shannon throwing up gang signs
Really, this is what we are boiling this down to- the specific gesticulation that accompanied the argument? They really should only fight via text with emojis- that way, when they screenshot it and review it at the reunion, they will be accurate.
They cut back between Shannon and Kelly and Tamra and Meghan, saying how Shannon is so unhappy in her marriage that she’s taking it out on all of the other relationships around her. Kelly, actually, had some lucid thoughts for once. She was probably still on pain-killers.
Coming up, Vicki has canine influenza.
Piggy is teaching one of the Gias how to make Sarma. Meat rolled up in grape leaves. Really, so stimulating. Dicko and Boy-Gia come home.
Dicko says the Sarma looks like a big joint- like a Cheech and Chong joint. Piggy wants to know what “Cheechy Chong” is because it sounds Chinese, not Armenian.
Piggy and Dicko argue again about Gia going to New York for school. Dick doesn’t think Gia will be able to deal with being so far away from her family.
Meghan comes by to see Kelly and brings Kelly a new bra.
Kelly wants to know if Meghan wants to see her tits. It’s a regular Mardi Gras up in here. Kelly apologizes to Meghan for everything, and Kelly and Meghan make up.
Somehow this will come up again…
Eh, who cares, except we get to see my favorite character- the Lopsided Bag of Hair that raised Kelly.
Lydia is planning to have a “Balls Voyage” party- she wants to have “Balls” everywhere- but for it to be classy. She says she has been planning the party for a long time, yet she’s calling to invite people the day before. They want to have a party on a boat, but they can’t actually afford to take the boat off the dock- they didn’t say that but I’m assuming.
Lydia calls Vicki to invite her to the Balls party- and Vicki is sick- very sick- with a rare strain of Influenza B. Or at least she is pretending to have a rare form of Influenza.
Anyway, she can’t come to the party, and she can’t breathe and probably will need to Uber to the hospital. Then she will hold it against everyone for not coming to visit her. Sorry, MisRed was flashing back to GLAMMMMMIS DUNES.
Kelly meets Meghan, Shannon and Tamra for dinner. Oh, how nice, Alfredo is there.
Heather sends her best regards.
Shannon is not really drinking since she’s been on a diet.
Since I’ve been on my weight loss quest…I’ve barely had a drop to drink.
We see a montage of Shannon drinking at basically every, single, scene.
Not a drop.
They are all amazed that Kelly is up and about so quickly. Piggy joins them at dinner.
Piggy asks if she should follow Kelly’s lead and be up and out to lunch the day after her “reconstruction.” Meghan says that her mother had breast cancer and a double mastectomy and reconstruction and Meghan was with her the whole time. Piggy asks if Meghan has the BRCA test and Meghan confirms she did and was negative. Piggy says she was negative for the BRCA gene as well- Meghan is confused and says, “Do you have cancer?”
Well, in her interview, Piggy is STUNNED, that Meghan would just ASK her that?!?! She says, “Should I ask Meghan if she has a brain tumor?”
I mean, it is a fair question. if Meghan had her brain removed, which I’m not entirely sure hasn’t happened already, people would QUESTION why- was there something wrong with the brain, did she have a tumor or what. No one has elective brain surgery.
Ok, so what we learn is this. The doctor found some abnormal cells in Piggy’s breast. It was 3 millimeters. Piggy alternately says it’s cancer and abnormal cells that can turn to cancer.
Clear as mud.
So… we still do not know if Piggy had cancer or pre-cancer or what- but she had a preventative double mastectomy.
Tamra’s phone rings, it’s Lydia. Tamra, foolishly, reveals that she’s with Shannon and Kelly, and Meghan, and Peggy. Lydia is like “did you forget MY invitation to dinner?” Tamra promptly blames Shannon.
Shannon did arrange it- and Meghan says that she doesn’t think the exclusion was by accident. Lydia invites them all to Doug’s party, but of course they want to know if Vicki will be there. .
Lydia hangs up and is very insulted that she was not invited to dinner.
Shannon says that she and Lydia aren’t on great terms. Shannon says that Lydia called her the evening of the volleyball game and apologized for overreacting. What upset Shannon, aside from the fact that there weren’t any nachos at Kelly’s party, was that Lydia was making assumptions about Shannon and not allowing Shannon to explain. The girls all make fun of Shannon for being dramatic.
Piggy, in particular, thinks Shannon is being dramatic. Kelly says that Piggy was adding to the drama by trying to referee the fight. Piggy didn’t seem to recall this and Kelly said that Piggy was being like a “Peanut Gallery.”
Oh dear lord- Piggy doesn’t know what a “Peanut Gallery” is. In her interview, she says that she goes to Art Galleries but they don’t serve peanuts there.
Kelly tries to clarify. Piggy didn’t want the situation to escalate and Kelly says that Piggy shouldn’t have “gotten in the middle.” Piggy says she wasn’t in the middle, she was BEHIND THEM.
OMG, I cannot with this one. Her argument was she was LITERALLY standing behind Tamra and Shannon.
Kelly is like- didn’t you go to UCLA? How do you not understand the things I’m saying?
Piggy says they didn’t learn “peanuts” at UCLA.
Tamra says, “Maybe they taught that at USC.” Shannon smirks.
Piggy says that Kelly is just trying to make up things Piggy didn’t do…and then says “NEXT.”
Piggy gets up to use the restroom. As soon as she’s gone, Shannon questions the whole cancer thing with Piggs. Shannon recalls at the lunch she had with Piggy that Piggy said that she didn’t have cancer, so Shannon is confused.
Meghan says she has retired her PI’s license, but frankly, MisRed thinks somebody needs to call CITY OF HOPE!!!!
The girls think that maybe Piggs had some “abnormal cells” and she’s calling it “cancer.” PIggs returns to the table.
They talk about going to Lydia’s Balls party- and Shannon says, “Since Vicki isn’t going…because she has Influenza B.” The B is for betch, BETCH! Kelly says that Influenza B is very rare and Meghan wants to know how Vicki knows what “letter” it is. Kelly says she was tested. Meghan is like- what difference does it make what LETTER IS IT- Vicki is being dramatic.
Bahahaha. Vicki has so tainted this group they don’t even believe her when she is at death’s door.
Let’s go to the text message, shall we? Of course, Kelly has the text. Meghan and Shannon think Vicki is being dramatic, Piggy doesn’t think it’s funny to kick Vicki when she’s down.
Come on, Piggy- it’s fun to kick Vicki when she’s down, up, sideways, having sex with multiple partners, being ignored at her own birthday party, yelling at the driver of the little family van.
All of it.
Kelly is like- I’m not making fun of her, whatever Vicki needs I’ll be there- she’s a good friend to me.
Meghan asks Kelly to text Vicki and to get the name of the hospital and her medical record number.
She’s not kidding.
The girls all laugh- well, except for Piggy.
Vicki might die! hahahahahhaah
Next week- Dough has his balls hacked off. Dicko tries to explain Piggy’s “cancer.”
But let’s zoom in, shall we- what do you think THIS conversation is about?
No! I’m more boring than YOU.
No, I’m DEFINITELY more boring than you.
It’s a battle of the witless.
Shannon returns to having 30 to 40 negative thoughts per minute and Steve the Crooked Cop tells Vicki to fix her issues with Tamra.
Ok, kids, this was a very short recap for you- a mere 2,190 words- all pure gold, I might add.
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