Welcome. Welcome back to the land that time forgot. Or is it the land that we want to forget about at this time. It’s early- let’s circle back to this.
Let’s see… where were we? Kelly confronted Steve the Cooked Cop and Faux Latino regarding him speaking to Page Six about she and Michael. We see another side to Steve CCFL, he’s not just a boring loser who defrosts chicken and is sponging off Vicki. He’s a gossiping, cowardly, boring loser who defrost chicken and is sponging off Vicki.
Emily threatened to kill Kelly because she called The Turtle a string of names including, but not limited to, dork, pussy and loser. Gina called Shannon out for stirring the pot, and Shannon no likey. Shannon strapped on her judgy eyes and told Gina not to judge Kelly, yet had no problem judging Gina’s decision to get a divorce. Kelly told Tamra that Steve CCFL is only with Vicki for her money. Tamra, in turn- under the guise of being a good friend and not feeding the rumor mill, but we know better- told Vicki what Kelly said, and Vicki flipped her nylon wig. Gina is getting divorced and nobody understands why- they aren’t fighting, they love each other and they are still having sex. Steve CCFL “threw” Vicki a surprise party and only invited his family.
MisRed thinks that catches us up… Oh, and for those asking about my dog- he’s going great. Pig has taken to only eating cold cuts, but that ends today. Seriously, for a 14-1/2-year-old dog, he is recovering amazingly well. And after that vet bill, he owes us, at least, another year.
Tamra arrives at the doctor with Kelly in tow. Why do these betches feel they have to take someone to the doctor with them? MisRed has NEVER- not even once- been tempted to bring a friend to a doctor’s appointment. Tamra is wearing a shirt that reads “Broken Bone Story $10.00. Always trying to make a buck.
Tamra is over her broken foot, she just wants to be out of the walking boot. She informs us once the boot is off and Eddie is off all of his heart medication, they are going to be “banging like monkeys. Do monkeys bang?”
- Monkeys, surely bang, but mainly the practice “self-gratification” or at least the ones I see at the zoo do.
- Rabbits bang.
While they are in the waiting room, they rehash the fight at the “Red” Party. Kelly says she doesn’t like it when the men get involved in their fights. We learn, from Kelly, Steve CCFL dumped Vicki the previous summer.
At least the other little bitch just lives across the street from his Mommy.
Vicki didn’t tell anybody, and they got back together, but while they were apart, Steve moved in with his Mother.
So sad. And I’m just looking at Vicki’s outfit.
Kelly went to Cabo with Vicki, who was hysterical, and consoled her “like a good friend.” Kelly says, “How she got him back, I have no idea.”
The balance in his checking account got too low so he needed an infusion. Vicki needs her “love tank” filled and Steve needs his bank account filled. Steve slips Vicki the HBI (Hot Beef Injection) and Vicki slips Steve some hundreds. It’s a give and take.
Tamra says she thought Steve had a house, why would he move in with his mom? Kelly says he sold his house, so he doesn’t have it anymore. But who knows what the truth is? Kelly says in her talking head, Vicki has a pattern. She dates the same kind of slimy dudes, they move into her house – “Her house is like a revolving door of men.”
I’m working on installing my own revolving door.
So, it matches Sonja’s vagina. Does Vicki need an EZ Pass because she and Sonja could probably work out a deal- a BOGO or something.
Tamra goes into the Doctor. It’s a throw-away scene except Kelly thinks she might want Tamra’s doctor to “sit on her bench.” She says he’s young and cute. He’s a little “chin-y” and Abraham Lincoln-y for my taste.
Dr. Chin. Hmmm. He doesn’t look Asian.
Gina and Emily meet at a farm to go strawberry picking. This is MisRed’s idea of hell. Just go buy them at HEB like normal people!! It’s a scene with kids and frankly, MisRed can’t be bothered. Interesting the farm gets young kids to pick their strawberries. Really cuts down on the child labor they need to hire.
Why don’t we just buy these at Whole Foods like normal people?
They discuss the dinner the previous evening when Gina and Shannon had a difference of opinion regarding whether or not Kelly should have confronted Steve at the Red party. Uh, who cares? The one thing we get from this scene, and it’s not new information, Shannon has not made any effort to befriend Gina and she is very cold. Shannon never makes an effort to befriend anybody, it’s no different with Gina.
Next year Shannon and Gina will be best friends.
Gina says there are so many opinions regarding her marriage and impending divorce. She values the other women’s opinions, but she knows what’s going on in her life and she can’t let other people’s opinions dictate her path. Right now, she is living in the moment. Then her kid threatens to pee on the strawberries.
Elsewhere, Vicki meets Tamra for some wine tasting and gossip, apparently. Vicki and Tamra are wearing the same sandals.
Bad taste travels fast.
Another super-flattering Vicki outfit.
Vicki says she ran into her “old friend” Domenico at the mall (with Steve, of course, because they are so in love they spend every waking moment together) and Domenico wanted to come and cook for Vicki’s friends.
We flashback to an earlier Season of RHOC, and certainly one of Vicki’s original faces- where Domenico was asking Vicki what size breast she uses when cooking and Vicki responded “Double D.” Ew.
Frankly, I’m shocked Domenico even recognized Vicki-it was 2007- that scene was 11 faces ago. But this footage tells us something else- that Vicki has always been a disgusting garbage person.
Vicki is having everyone over the following night for Domenico to sexually harass them and talk about their breast size.
Vicki tells Tamra she and Steve looked at a house in the desert. Great. You guys should go there and never come back. Vicki then says she and Steve are SO happy together. Vicki is laying it on a little thick for this to actually be true. Plus, Vicki is a pathological liar.
Vicki says “I feel like I want him more than he wants me all the time. Like, I just feel like I’m overly loving on him.” Um, yeah. Vicki has zero ability to self-assess. Vicki, you are UNLIKEABLE, that’s the bottom line. You are grossly insecure, needy, clingy and desperate, yet with a hugely inflated sense of self-worth and misplaced confidence. Not big attractors.
He’s a regular John Revolta.
Tamra says “But he ACTS like he loves you, right?” Yes, yes, he’s getting a Golden Globe in January- Best Actor Pretending to be a Latino and in love with Vicki Gunvalson. It’s a pretty new category, not sure if you’ve even heard of it.
In Tamra’s interview she says, “Steve seems like the perfect guy, but so did Brooks.” Have another hit of acid, Tamra. Nobody EVER thought Brooks was the perfect guy. Nobody ever thought Brooks was a decent guy. I’m not even sure if anyone thought Brooks was a guy.
Tamra says she just wants Vicki to be happy but warns Vicki “Just don’t let Steve take your money like Kelly said.” Vicki CLAIMS Steve has more money than she does.
Vicki, you need to do the CONVERSION the faux-Pesos to Dollars.
Eddie can probably help with the math.
Tamra says “She told me he had to move in with his Mommy when you guys broke up, because he didn’t have any money.”
Vicki says it’s not true. Yes, he moved in with his Mommy but that it was only because his house had a rental tenant in it. That seems reasonable. Hate to give Steve CCFL the benefit of the doubt but it not completely unbelievable. I mean, it’s a hell of a lot more believable than him being in love with Vicki.
Vicki confesses in her interview that she and Steve CCFL broke up and he gave me his real fears.” Vicki’s vacant soul, her monthly upkeep charges from the wax museum, her reflection, the amount of wardrobe items with cut-outs… She claims one of his fears to be Vicki being so busy. Vicki says she has learned from previous relationship what to do and what not to do.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s a good one, Vick, you’ve learned. Yeah right.
Vicki claims they learned they needed to communicate better. Vicki says Kelly doesn’t know the facts and she should “shut her fat-ass mouth.” Tamra says Kelly told her that her divorce from Michael was a mutual decision. Vicki says it wasn’t- Michael wanted to stay married to Kelly. Tamra says that’s not what Kelly said. Vicki said “She was always yelling at him. She didn’t like him.”
In her talking head, Vicki spills “Kelly and Michael had a very volatile relationship.” Thanks Captain Obvious. “And she did not talk kind to Michael.”
Sweet Jesus Vicki, where were you raised that you think “talk kind” is proper English?
A charcuterie board is delivered to the table that was, oddly, already there in the previous scene
Maybe Vicki ordered a second board to fill up her cut-outs.
Tamra tells Vicki she had dinner with Gina, Emily and Shannon. Vicki asks how Gina is doing? Tamra says Gina told them about filing for divorce. To which Vicki responds “So ridiculous. You have three little kids and you don’t work… How are you going to support your children?”
Here we go. You knew it was coming. Interesting Kelly seems to get a pass from working in Vicki’s eyes. So did Shannon, come to think of it. Vicki is so resentful her first husband was, supposedly. a loser and deadbeat dad, she projects it onto EVERYONE. Vicki makes shitty choices when it comes to partners. Even Donn. While Donn seemed like a great guy, she completely took him for granted. And we’ve heard stories about Donn too- that he was unfaithful, and wasn’t that great to Vicki’s kids, and I just read today that he likes to frequent a Swinger’s Club and have sex in public. But look how Vicki treated him?!?!?! If your spouse is never around and takes no interest in your life or your life together- why would you stay married to them? Notice he never tried to have sex with Vicki in public.
Tamra thinks it’s weird that they are getting divorced, because it seems too peaceful. You get divorced after a lot of fighting, or someone is having an affair and Tamra isn’t buying it. Well those are the reasons YOU got divorced, Tamra.
Vicki says she doesn’t like Gina’s “flippant attitude about marriage. She took a vow to be married.”
Um, so did the two of you. 5 vows to be married between the two of you, hags. And Vicki, you hop on the first penis that gives you a glance. Pathetic.
Vicki says she wishes Gina would learn from the other women’s mistakes and take their lessons and apply it to her marriage.
Tamra is like- Betches can’t learn from other betches mistakes. Vicki says you can. Oh, Shut up Vicki. You don’t even learn from your OWN mistakes. And Tamra, you shut up too, just because I said so.
Gina meets Kelly to walk up and down some stairs for exercise. Gina thinks the workouts in California are weird.
Oh yeah, because there are no stairs in New York .
Didn’t Heather and Tamra work out on these stairs too?
This is a throw-away scene. They talk about Gina’s divorce. Gina maintains the divorce is amicable. Kelly doesn’t understand why they are getting divorced? Gina says they are best friends, they don’t fight, they still have sex and are attracted to one another…what’s the problem. Gina maintains she and her husband just aren’t right for each other anymore.
Can we end this scene? This is beating a dead horse. It accomplishes nothing.
It’s Italian night at Vicki’s House! Great. Vicki comes into the kitchen where Domenico, the Chef, is ordering people around. She says “Hi, baby.” Ew.
Gonna need a DNA check to make sure it’s the same Domenico.
Um, what, from the bottom of my heart, the f*ck happened to Domenico. This guy ATE Domenico. Domenico dances with Vicki in the kitchen, and you know if the camera weren’t there Vicki would have pinned him down and mounted him- that’s how turned-on she appears in this scene. It’s gross.
Vicki wants to do the horizontal samba.
Domenico asks if Vicki’s boyfriend would be jealous? Of what? He hates Vicki.
Vicki tells Domenico, “Donn did not like you!” Domenico is such a pig he is eating it up. It’s ridiculous because Donn doesn’t seem like the jealous type. And also… it’s Vicki. Any man would be happy to have another man take Vicki off his hands.
Vicki and Domenico go through the guest list and Domenico wants to know which of the ladies he can sexually harass without a husband coming after him with a gun. Domenico is instructed to flirt with Shannon, Kelly and Gina… and maybe Vicki.
Vicki is vile. Every dick within a 10-mile radius goes limp when Vicki walks in a room, 20-mile radius when she “Woo Hoos,” 1,500-mile radius when she shrieks.
We get a montage of the women leaving for Vicki’s house. As Emily is leaving, she and Turtle have a discussion about Kelly and how she and Kelly have met and cleared the air. Turtle would be willing to have Kelly apologize to him.
I’ll indulge an apology.
Well that’s MIGHTY big of him.
The women arrive at Vicki’s house. Tamra thinks Vicki and Domenico have a spark and this is who she should be dating. Tamra thinks Vicki banged him.
Welcome to an evening where you will be embarrassed to be Italian. And a woman. And alive.
Gina arrives to Vicki’s house and she is all ready for some good Italian food, like she used to get back in New York. Listen, I know people are rolling their eyes, but there is nothing like East Coast Italian food- except in Italy. MisRed lives in Texas and has lived in other states and the Italian food SUCKS. When I moved to Texas, I asked where I could get decent pizza (I knew asking for GOOD pizza would be out of the question.)? A lady told me “You should just call The Papa John’s. They deliver it right to your door with a nice side of racism.” MisRed might have thrown in that last part.
Vicki greets her with “Hi Princesa.” Honey, you can’t even master rudimentary English, now you are trying to Italian by way of Spanish?
Shannon and Kelly arrive- what is it ugly hat day at Vicki’s?
Emily pulls Kelly aside to ask her if she will apologize to Turtle. Kelly is like… Sure. “If he’s Mormon, he will accept my apology.” That’s an odd statement.
Gina says she loves Italian food and her mother’s maiden name is Sangimino, so “obviously, I’m Italian.” Actually, you are American. American of Italian descent.
Vicki says the women don’t know what they are doing in the kitchen. It’s true. A basic knife skills class could benefit them greatly. “They are disrespecting my kitchen.” Says the woman that makes an iceberg lettuce salad, tops it with some boiled shrimp and cocktail sauce and calls it dinner.
Then Domenico brings up “breasts.” And how they have big breasts, medium breasts and small breasts, and how they need to “pound” them.. Ugh. This asshole is so gross. Kelly announces she has “big breasts.” Thanks. We were completely unaware.
Lo batterò con il mio cazzo.
Then Shannon channels 2011 yelling “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner” for no apparent reason.
Actually, I’m surprised Shannon didn’t show up in a chicken suit. Maybe she didn’t know the menu. You know how she loves a theme.
Vicki is pissed about the Mommy comment.
Shannon takes Tamra aside to tell her Vicki called Kelly the previous day to talk about Kelly saying Steve moved back in with his mother. We flash back to the car ride over and Kelly tells Shannon about Vicki’s phone call, and how she had told Tamra this info and Tamra went right to Vicki and told her “VORbatim what I had said that.”
Then Kelly comes over and relays the whole situation to Tamra as Shannon walks away. She’s probably looking for a nacho. During the phone call from Vicki, Kelly, apparently, asked if Steve would be at Vicki’s house? Because if Steve was going to be there, Kelly wasn’t going to come. They continue to gossip, and Vicki walks up and catches them. LOL.
Hutsay pusay, tiay’s ightray heretay.
Kelly says that she said Steve moved back in with his “Mommy.” Vicki says “He doesn’t say Mommy, He says Mom. But it’s good.” Kelly clarifies that she is the one that said “Mommy.”
Vicki says- in the most victimesque manner possible- “I wish I could go live with my mom. It’d be a great thing.”
OMG VICKI!!!!! Shut the f*ck up. Your Mom died. Granted, Shannon killed her with BUNCO, but she was 83 years old. Yes, it was unexpected and yes, you have every right to be sad, but she didn’t die at AGE 30, she lived a good, LONG life. At some point, your parents reach an certain age and their death is inevitable. It doesn’t mean it’s not sad, but you grieve and move on. You don’t try to make everyone feel badly simply for saying the word “Mom.”
My Dad is 88 and is in good health, however, I am fully aware that he could pass away suddenly and while I would be devastated, I know it’s a possibility. Three years down the road, I wouldn’t be making anyone FEEL BAD for saying the word, “Dad.”
Why is nobody mad at Tamra in this situation? This is TWICE now (this month) that Tamra has taken something Kelly said and run back to Vicki with it. PEOPLE! STOP TELLING TAMRA THINGS. “Tell a Tamra, Telephone.” It still holds up after all of these years.
I guess Tamra does get a little flack from Vicki and Kelly for “talking sh*t.”
After the ladies f*ck up the dinner preparation, they go outside to eat. Vicki says she just wants to have a nice night and find peaceful ways to work through their differences. Bahahahah.
Instantly, the topic of divorce arises. Vicki starts lecturing Gina about how every one of them has had pain and Gina just isn’t there yet. Vicki, who just wanted to have a nice night, remember, says, “You are just so nonchalant about divorce. Like, it just bothers me, to tell you the truth.”
Gina tries to explain she and her husband are trying to take a different, more modern approach, and they can structure their family however they choose.
All of the other women, save Emily, chime in and give their opinions that this divorce is not logical and that they need to be fighting more.
Vicki says, “I don’t want another statistic in Orange County.” AS if Vicki is the Mayor of Orange County and worries about the divorce rate and how it could impact her numbers in the polls. Shut up.
Such a nice night.
Gina maintains she will be fine and she knows her husband and he is a really good man, but they just are not on the same page and that’s why they are divorcing.
But Vicki knows better – she says Gina isn’t experiencing the PAIN yet. Gina says she won’t experience “the pain.” Gina interviews because of what these women have been through in their pasts they think they know more than Gina does. Every married couple is different, and every divorced couple is different. Gina just wants the women to leave her alone.
Listen is Gina still sucking the ether and living in some fog that her divorce is going to be roses and sunshine? Maybe. Who knows that’s going to happen when it comes down to them actually untangling their lives, deciding who gets what and where the kids will be when, etc.
At this point, no matter what the topic, it’s 4 ganging up on 1. They may THINK they are being helpful, but they are badgering Gina.
Gina tries to remain calm saying that she knows who she married, and she knows who he is.
It’s all fun and games until he has to pay you $30k a month
Shannon says they ALL thought that, but until it comes down to the financial part. That’s when everyone goes “off. “
Gina tries to explain that they aren’t about money, and the money won’t be an issue. She says she would give up her alimony to save her family dynamic and on the flip side, her husband would pay her double to preserve their family dynamic. And that’s just who they are, and this will never be an issue of money.
Granted, we don’t know Gina’s husband, so we can’t, for sure, say what he will be like when it comes down to brass tacks, so it’s hard to say if Gina is living in a dream land. These other women, however, every one of them was married to a total asshole. I mean, Psycho Mike has “asshole” as a medical diagnosis. You mean to tell me you didn’t know David and Shannon would be divorcing and David would be a complete dick within the first 10 minutes of seeing him on-screen? Same with Simon? In Vicki’s case, she is the asshole, but we knew that from Day 1 as well. So if Shannon thought her divorce was going to be amicable- she’s even crazier than we thought.
Of course, Shannon feels attacked. UGH. Shannon Beador, Professional Victim, reporting for dinner. She says, “You’re insinuating that I’m saying it’s all about money.”
Well, yes, because that’s what you just said. See above.
Gina says she’s not saying that, she doesn’t even know Shannon and knows nothing about her or her divorce. Shannon is the one who said things go off in the divorce when it comes down to the financials, so if Gina is insinuating Shannon is all about money, it’s because Shannon is the one who brought up the topic in the first place.
Kelly chimes in that when you have assets that you built together it’s a different story. True. Wait. Exactly what assets did Kelly “build” in her marriage to Michael? Not sure one can place a value on tacky faux white leather furniture from Home Goods.
Gina says the just have their house and she’s not in that situation.
Then they are all yelling over each other.
Vicki says, “You took a matrimony.” Um. Took a matrimony? “You went in front of God and said, ‘I will marry you. Till death do us part.’” Uh, so did you, Vicki. TWICE. Gina is like- I don’t even believe in God. Vicki continues “You don’t believe in God?” The Religious Zealots of The OC GASP!!!! “Are you serious?”
Gina says she believes in a higher power. Kelly tells her- “That’s God. Everything I’ve ever prayed for has been given to me because I believe in God.”
Vicki, Satan’s Handmaiden, puts her hand on Gina’s shoulder and says, “That might be what’s missing.” Gina says she believes in HERSELF. Vicki continues, “That’s not enough. That’s why you are in the place you are in.” Gina says she is not in a bad place.
In Vicki’s talking head, we hear this, “I’ve never heard somebody be so flippant about God. She better hope she’s right that there is no God, because if she’s wrong, she’s gonna pay for it for eternity. That’s a long time.”
But don’t worry, because I’ll be there too.
Who died and appointed Vicki to be The Church Lady? And you know what Vicki? Gina is going to have plenty of company because your gelatinous, inappropriately dressed ass is going to be there too!
Vicki continues to preach at Gina “But you don’t have a moral compass inside your soul?”
Trust me I know. I don’t have one.
Kelly jumps to Gina’s defense saying Vicki shouldn’t say she doesn’t have a moral compass. Gina is like- yeah, that’s a stupid thing to say and you sound like an idiot right now.
Vicki then tries to back track “I said, ‘Do you not have…”. Kelly is like- No. That’s not what you said. Gina says that Vicki sounds stupid and she doesn’t do stupid. THANK YOU GINA!!!!!
Vicki with another pearl of wisdom “I’m a lot of things, but stupid I’m not.” Um, yeah you are. You speak of a moral compass…
Ok, let’s do some Vicki math here…
+Mother who chooses a man over her children
+Desperate Sea Hag
+Sex with multiple partners
Gina interviews that her morals in check. She says she doesn’t have morals because she believes in a certain God, she has morals because she tries to be a good person.
Is this sloppy bitch for real right now?
Vicki continues and it’s just such bulls*t. Vicki is a HYPOCRITE. She claims to be a Christian, and likes to spew Bible quotes, all the while living a sinful life. Vicki can do whatever the f*ck she wants, but she even said it herself “Before you judge me, you better be perfect.” And where is YOUR moral compass Vicki? Did you leave it in the bed with multiple partners? Or did you leave it behind at Kinkos when you are helping Brooks with his CANCER SCAM????
She continues to rail on Gina and Shannon starts to join in.
Gina, upset, gets up from the table and goes inside and who can blame her? It’s a gang-up. Gina is like- “Back off.” Shannon, of course, can’t believe Gina told her to back off?
Ugh. Shannon. Honey. Settle down. Not everything is about you or is an attack on you. You are a peripheral pest in this fight, at best.
Vicki says that she thinks one of them- Gina or her husband- is cheating. Emily says that maybe all of this is just a front and Gina isn’t willing to show her true feelings.
Kelly says the divorce rate is 70% in Orange County and Vicki says that’s why Briana moved. Because moving out of Orange County will allow her to put her feet on the couch? Let’s be honest, Briana moved to get the f*ck away from Vicki.
Tamra says it’s really none of their business. YASSSSSSS. FOR ONCE TAMRA IS RIGHT!!!!!
In the bathroom, Gina is crying and calls her husband. We only hear her side of the conversation, but she is upset. She says that the fact that they two of them are not right for each other just isn’t good enough for these women and she really needs him to give her a pep talk.
Emily gets up from dinner to go check on Gina. In the bathroom, Gina explains to Emily that she just doesn’t show her emotions to everyone.
I understand. They are assholes.
Emily says Gina’s situation conjures up a lot of emotions in these other women, and Gina just needs to be confident in her decision regardless of what the other women say. And Emily is a lawyer, so she should know. Did you know that? Oh, and she used to be a divorce lawyer too. So she double knows.
Gina and Emily head back to the table. Vicki chastises Gina “We had dinner served and you never came.” Gina says she was upset. Vicki continues “Why couldn’t you sit down and eat your dinner and be upset?” Gina says she was too upset to eat Domenico’s $3 pounded breasts.
Vicki, Gina isn’t your kid. You don’t scold an adult for being upset after you were the one who did everything in their power to UPSET said adult. You are clueless. What’s less than clueless?
Meanwhile, Shannon is like “Too upset to eat? Is there such a thing? I’ll just have a nacho.” Just kidding, MisRed made that up.
That’s right, STUPID!!!
Gina says she doesn’t show her emotions to other people easily and Vicki says, “Well it’s really none of our business.”
VICKI IS THE WORST. Take that “none of our business” sentiment, rewind 30 minutes, apply and carry on with your evening.
Gina says that she respects where they are coming from, but all of their situations are different. Shannon interviews that she hopes Gina’s divorce is amicable, but she needs to be prepared that it might not be amicable. Good point. However, it’s Gina’s life. Let her live it.
Sometime later, over at Emily’s house, they are picking grass out of the dog’s backside. Get the f*cker groomed, and don’t be disgusting. Kelly is on her way over with Jolie, presumably to apologize to the Turtle.
Why does every guy insist on having a heinous leather recliner?
Turtle sits on his throne- a leather recliner. Wonder if that came from Petco? When I go, I only see little castles and coral and seaweed. I haven’t seen actual furniture for the aquarium.
Kelly sits down to talk with Turtle. Emily asks Kelly if she can leave them alone for a minute? Turtle cowers saying, “You should be asking ME if it’s okay to be left alone with HER!”
I would like for Kelly to flip Turtle onto his shell and put him in the middle of a main road.
Ok, I guess you are just a bitch, not a LITTLE bitch.
Emily decides to stay to protect Turtle. Kelly starts with Turtle saying she is going through a divorce and she is sensitive to when people talk about her. And Vicki and Steve have been talking about her in the press and she doesn’t like it. She says she was on edge when she saw Steve CCFL- Turtle wants to know what he said that set Kelly off. Kelly says she doesn’t really even remember, she saw Red, but she probably needs a court reporter to record what she says and read it back to her- Turtle says that could work against her. Kelly rambles but eventually apologizes.
Turtle says in the future if she wants to confront someone she should just have the evidence out and confront them that way. It’s not terrible advice, you know, considering he is a Turtle. They resolve their issues and Kelly asks what they are doing for the rest of the day- Turtle says, “Probably talking trash about you.”
Ok, now that was funny.
We get a mid-ish-Season trailer for what’s coming up this season. Vicki gets a gobble-ectomy.
How is there anything left to piece together?
At what point can they no longer do plastic surgery? Like, if the Doctor has plastic’d all of the original DNA out of someone can you still do surgery? Shannon’s daughter wants to go on birth control.
Are you trying to give me a STROKE?!!?!
Oh good, we’ve been waiting for Shannon’s head to, literally, fly off and explode.
Shannon appears on QVC.
Vicki tells us she need sex four times a day. Ew.
We meet one of Kelly’s dates, she says “He has his PhD too. Pretty huge dick.”
The girls go to Jamaica. It looks like major drama, given the artful stills by Bravo editing:
Then there is THIS unexplained situation:
What the actual f*ck?
We see Vicki in a macramé bathing suit.
Um…. Can someone finish this recap, MisRed has gouged out her own eyeballs.
STOP! SHANNON TIME!
Shannon flips her wig and demands they stop filming.
Dear 6 lb, 8 oz Baby Jesus, lying in your little ghost manger… can you make the madness stop???? MisRed needs for Vicki Gunvalson to go away. She can leave the show. She can go to jail. She can just POOF turn to dust after a botched plastic surgery. It’s your choice, but please, please, let her be gone. Without Vicki, Tamra will shrivel up. There will be nothing left to fee the pussing goiter that is Tamra. Everyone else can stay.
What did y’all think? What do you think of Vicki’s version of Christianity? In MisRed’s opinion, it’s Christians like Vicki who give Christians a bad name. She’s disgusting. But you know who isn’t disgusting? YOU! Love you guys, love your comments and thank you for your support!
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