Hey Trashies! What a week it’s been, huh? Tons of action, and a lot of unanswered questions; that is, if you’re brave enough to question Paul.
So, you Trashies have been clamoring, yet shying away from, more backstory content in the recaps, and now you got it, whether you want it or not. For the first half of this episode, we get to witness the moments we didn’t see from last Thursday’s crazy double eviction. 🙂 🙁 Then, it’s the world premiere of the trailer for the first ever BB Comics movie, The Revengers — sweet! But first, a shout out to my old friend Bobby Moynihan, who awesomely pointed out on VPR/WWHL season 4 that James Kennedy looks like ET in a hoodie.
Great to see you again, Bobby! Congrats on your BB dreams coming true, and also scoring that hot new show, Me Myself & I, premiering September 25th on CBS! <3
And now a word about BB Celebrity, which my beloved co-recappers Scarlett and Miki may cover with me this winter, particularly if they book Nick Lachey. Here’s a list of confirmed houseguests:
Drita D’Avanzo from Mob Wives
Tiffany Pollard (aka New York), from VH1’s Flavor of Love
Bradtheladlong, a “controversial YouTuber”
Lance Bass, from NSYNC
Natalie Nunn, from Bad Girls Club season 4
And Dog the Bounty Hunter
Hmm, won’t Lance need someone to play with?
Okay, on with the show. Josh has fully awoken and is our final hope, particularly since he tattled on Paul to Chucklenuts in his goodbye video. However, Christmas is weirdly protecting Paul, to the point where we’re wondering how much he’s paying her.
We open with the Final 5 hyperventilating and stalking about. Paul congratulates them on making it to final five, which is a huge accomplishment in BB Land. He says all his plans came out perfectly, and his head blurs as we flash back 45 minutes.
Can we just keep it that way?
Now we revisit a tearful National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day evicting Chucklenuts, who stalks out to terrorize Julie in a truly excellent exit interview. Julie’s the best, amiright? Seriously, think what she could do with Putin.
“Stay right there. And keep that polonium in your pocket.”
Back in the house, Alex whimpers, “It wasn’t ME, Jason, it wasn’t ME!” and this is where things get confusing. Paul shouts at Josh, “So if I was on the block, I was going!” Josh moans, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, he’s too strong now.” Hmm, WTF?
Alex interviews, “Jason was my ride or die, and he walked out of here without a hug.” She doesn’t know if he thinks she was a part of this maybe, or something.
The moment you realize your ride or die DGAF
Then she weeps that she loves Jason Dent, and nothing hurts more than not being able to protect someone she loves.
“No farewell boob squash? Poor thing!”
Alex interviews she’s pretty sure Raven and Josh voted out Jason, but it couldn’t have been Paul. “I still trust Paul,” she says, “which is all I can do right now.” Which also happens to be all any of them can do, ever.
Back to the eviction, Josh is blubbering, “It’s just a game, I’m sorry,” while Paul shouts, “You would have done the same to ME, Josh?! You would have done the same to ME?!” Josh says, “Yeah.”
Otay, time for some ‘splainin’…
Paul shouts in the Diary Room that Alex can’t think he had anything to do with this, because Jury, so now we flash back to a few days ago, when Paul told Josh the plan, which was to tell Alex he was supposed to be backdoored (due to the evil Kevin), and then he and Josh should fake a fight. “That’s how you get away with BB murder,” shouts Paul. Josh thinks it’s weird and only benefits Paul, but Paul points out he has no options, so it’s a go. Flash back to the scene of the crime.
“Whooooaaaa, did I BOBBLE too HARD?!”
Josh wails, “You guys are too STROOOONG!” Paul snips, “Stop talking, dude!” and pulls Alex into the couch room. There he asks, “What do we do?” a million times, while Alex moans, “Jason didn’t even trust me.” Paul interviews that he has to make sure that if Alex wins the next HoH, she won’t take a shot at him and his pathetic final 3. So he tells her that if she wants to play this game, they need to beat Christmas and Josh later; like, say, after Alex is evicted. Alex is like, d’oh-kay.
Then we flash back to the HoH competition, where Alex wins, and shouts up at the Holy Jason in the Sky. Then she puts up Raven and Kevin while Josh bawls his eyes out. Christmas is very concerned, because when Josh gets consumed with his emotions, he sort of snaps out of his trance, or as she puts it, “goes rogue”. Yeah okay, not buying it, NGCSD.
Now we flash back to the veto competition, during which Josh won (with Julie’s help), and strangely didn’t shake things up. Well, it turns out he was trying to buy back some good will from Alex, who asked him to vote out Kevin — a sound strategy she’s stuck to for several weeks out of sheer hatred. Also, she asked Josh not to use the veto. So, opportunity wasted there. At least he went rogue voting for Kevin, which might hurt Paul in Jury (that is, if Rapeynuts comes to the rescue).
So Raven gets evicted, which again could wreck the Jury for Paul, but strangely, Josh makes himself look guilty by apologizing to her over and over as she leaves. Whaa?
I don’t din din dog, either…
Paul says, “And then there were five. What the hell? What the hell?” and weeps. Meanwhile, in the couch room, Josh tells Alex he voted for Kevin, and he didn’t want Jason to leave. She tells him to pull himself together. Paul comes in weeping, but the moment Alex leaves, he breaks out into a diabolical grin and hisses, “We are IN!” Josh is shocked.
”You mean, you’re not My Friendship Boy?!”
So Alex is really shaken up, and assembles all of them except Kevin to tell them she always wanted to play a straight game, and she loves and trusts them all (especially Paul), and all she ever wanted in life was to evict Kevin. Then Paul convinces NGCSD and Kevin to throw the HoH to Josh, only he lies to Kevin that they’re throwing it to Christmas, because he knows Kevin would never throw an HoH to Josh. In the couch room, he cries, “Papi, we made it!” to Josh, then turns up the heat, and pressures him into taking the next, Alex-whacking HoH.
Christmas meets privately with Paul to tell him she’s very concerned about Josh, and going rogue is not okay. Paul tries not to laugh in her Alvin-the-Chipmunk-cheek face, causing us to wonder at this point if she’s doing it for free.
Just then, Kevin Frazier from ET announces on the monitor the first ever BB Comics movie trailer, The Revengers. The gang oohs and ahs as they’re treated to the world premiere of the trailer, an epic production starring former HGs in BB Comic form. There’s Nicole as Oktober Fist, Frankie as the Pink Flamingo (how’d you do that, itchy?), Yeasty Moob Cowtoy, and Big Meech, among others. The plot is something to do with HGs being turned into zombies by the Funeral Director, played by Dan Gheesling of BBs 10 and 14, and the non-zombies joining forces to fight back.
Lurrve Frankie’s trompe l’oeil hot bod
This is a memory challenge, where the players must remember details of the trailer, and place the appropriate cardboard cutout in a clear box to indicate their answers.
Question 1 – Who said, “We’re the Revengers”? The answer is Frankie. Josh, NGCSD and Kevin get it right.
Question 2 – Who appeared in the School is Cool poster? The answer is James Huling, and everyone gets it right.
Question 3 – Who asked, “Who the hell are you?” The answer is Momma Day, and everyone but Kevin gets it.
Question 4 – Who is the second to be hit by one of Big Meech’s giant tears? The answer is Mr. Pectacular, and Paul is the only one who gets it.
Question 5 – Who was the first to use the word “friends”? The answer is the Funeral Director, and Kevin is the only one right.
Of course, Paul is about to blow a gasket. Kevin puts on a polka-dot scarf and interviews tearfully in the Diary Room that he wants to get a letter from home and see pictures of his family, it’s very touching. But then we remember he toothbrushes his head, and start to wonder what the scarf smells like, and all of us snap out of it, to Paul’s great relief.
Question 6 – Who was first to use the word “revenge”? The answer is Nicole, and Josh is the only one right.
Question 7 – Who spoke the last word before the first person was hit by one of Big Meech’s giant tears? The answer is Frankie, and they all get it wrong.
Josh wins his second HoH, yay, Our Boy 2.0 made it to the Final Four!
Paul smarmily interviews that he accomplished the impossible, he got a one-legged girl to win a race, and he got Josh to win a mental comp. What a Dickwad.
Alex is scared.
Kevin is embarrassed, and says that if he knew they were throwing it to Josh, he never would have.
Back in the house, Josh does a bunch of camera talk, and basically comes to the conclusion that he’d blow up Christmas’s game if he went after Paul now. Noooooo…
Time for the nomination ceremony. Josh picks Kevin and Alex, and gets even more blood on his big, meaty yet innocent and caring (though at times super-annoying) hands, ugh. Next Wednesday, we get a surprise eviction! So there’ll be quite a lot of “pulling off” to enjoy over at Scarlett’s this week, oh goody!
Spocko Safari out, ya @#$%’s
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