Welcome back, trash! We have all somehow made it to week 3. I apologize for the late timing of this recap but I have started a new office job and I’m killing myself to stay awake most of the time- but I haven’t forgotten about you all! Correction: y’all. Alright,. now I’m in the proper mindset to do this.
Let’s pick up right where we left off, with Jax talking to Don about how Brittany has lost her spark. Don is worried this might be bullshit- which it clearly is, and Jax is purely baffled someone figured it out. Maybe the scary marimba music tipped him off. They play pool and discuss the fact that there’s a big get-together tonight with all of Brittany’s single mom friends. Jax sarcastically says “Oh great, that’ll be no drama at all”! Said sarcastically because he already knows he’s going to start some.
We meet up with Brittany’s brother and they vaguely discuss a surgery, then Jax- knowing reality tv- asks for an explanation for us. Thanks, Jax! So they are raising money because they need around 16 thousand dollars, which is probably what Jax spent on one of his nose jobs, or even Brittany’s boobs.
We’re out at the club and Jax is showing off to the girls by buying a bottle, and showing off to us that he can afford more than anyone in the room- this theme is repeated later. So Brittany’s so-called best friend clearly binged the last season of Vanderpump and is ready to come for Jax, but with the evil look in this girl’s eyes- I think she’s after a recurring role on VPR. She’s got season 1 Stassi eyes.
“I can’t feel my teeth.”
She’s also got that way of completely forcing words into someone’s mouth that we love on these shows. Yes, Jax is spouting bullshit, but he did not say “Brittany’s not worth it”? She is yelling at Jax trying to look angry, but she’s so excited about being on tv that she can’t stop smiling.
Next morning, we’re meeting again with Briattney’s brother to throw together a “real life gofundme”. Jax complains to Brat about her friends and they have a passive agressive conversation where Brat says “I’d give up everything in my life right now for kids” and Jax says “Yeah I don’t think brittany wants to be a mom yet.”
The auction event begins and for some reason we are shown Mamaw deciding how many raffle tickets to buy, and I think it’s the hardest decision she’s ever made in her life.
Mamaw claims she went out and bought the same boots as Jax, but we all know she was checking to make sure they were properly using their bunk bed, and stole them.
Jax pulls Frosty Mama aside to ruin things just a little. He’s repeating his spark story while Don asks Brattney how she is. Of course, she’s totally fine. Sherri bites because she’s been waiting for someone to talk about her weight gain. We see a picture of her in 2014 before Prince Jax stole her away, and it is true she looked a lot skinnier, but she in no way looks unhealthy. If anything, the ffake boobs Jax bought her make her look bigger than she actually is.
I just need to comment on the fact that instead of saying “coming up”, it’s “comin’ on up” MAN they’re committing to this. Jax and Brat planned on giving 500$, and Cara is back for some more screen time. She starts off by saying she’d like to apologize. Jax, always remembering we need the exposition, asks “apologize for what?”. He may not know what the word exposition means, but I appreciate him for applying it. She clearly doesn’t really want to apologize, she just wants to have appeared to.
Jax scares the shit out of everyone at the event by saying he has an announcement, but instead of a proposal, he wants to remind us all that he’s got money. They raise enough money and everyone is celebrating, so Frosty Moma and Ice-Cold Don discuss Jax’s spark accusations. Don sees the bullshit, but Sherri can’t see anything behind the clumps of mascara on her eyelashes.
Next wee, we’re going to church. Can I get hheeellll yeAH? No. We’re in church, Kat. I already chuckled at the preview, so I’m somewhat excited. Thanks y’all for reading! Be sure and comment all your thoughts!! See ya next week!