Ohmigod, it’s a double eviction night! Which two people that aren’t Paul will go home? It’s so exciting!
I just punched my screen while uploading this picture
For eviction number one we’ve got Kevin and Jason on the block. Paul has somehow managed to convince his alliance to vote in a tie and then make Grilled Cheese Appreciation Day pull the trigger on sending the cowboy home. This is good for Paul, but it makes him look like he’s on Alex’s side. It’s super bad for Paul’s alliance, but they’re so stupid that they don’t care. Josh is at least starting to figure it out, but he’s the only one.
Do not make me root for this idiot
Gear up guys! Tonight we get a WHOLE WEEK of morons blinding following Paul’s orders in just one hour.
So Alex thinks her and Jason are in good shape, since Paul used the Veto on her and he’s clearly on their side. Paul will continue this façade by only having Raven and Josh (and then Black Friday as the tie breaker) vote for Jason to go home. This way he doesn’t get any jizz on his hands when he jizzes on everyone’s faces.
Oh good, he’s super committed to the floatie thing
Josh is starting to melt down a little over the whole thing and he spends most of the episode crying. It’d be sad if he weren’t such a ridiculous little bully.
Imagine how bad you would feel if someone chased you around the house with pot and pans
I’m invincible cause I have a friendship bracelet
It’s a tie! Exactly like Paul wanted. How surprising! HoH All Hallows Eve breaks the tie and sends Jason out the door. Paul continues “Playing the part” of Alex’s ally by berating the fuck out of Josh, who is already in tears, about doing exactly what he told him to do. Josh just keeps ugly toddler crying and saying he’s sorry. Why the fuck is anyone putting up with Paul still? This is fucking ridiculous.
Please just snap and ruin everything. We’re counting on you, doofus
Jason is pissed as hell and walks out without saying a word to anyone.
“Are you surprised, Jason?”
“I don’t understand how this happened. I did everything Paul said. How am I not the winner?”
“It’s almost like you should have played the game.”
“They’re all a bunch of phonies.”
Josh uses his goodbye video to tell Jason that it was Paul’s plan to get him out on a tie, but then Paul uses his goodbye video to pretend he’s stunned and the house is full of phonies. Jason is even more pissed. Well.. Shit… At the very least maybe the jury will get so turned against him that Paul doesn’t get the money again. I do acknowledge that he’s the only person playing this season, and for sure the only one left in the house that deserves the prize, but it’s be SO FUNNY if he lost again.
The face of a man who’s realizing his friendship bracelet doesn’t mean shit
HoH time. It’s a real or fake news thing, and it involves headlines about things that happened in the house that season.
Everyone is handing Paul the win, including producers. Real or fake?
Alex wins, and keeps pointing up at the sky and saying, “That’s for you, Jason.” Guys… Did they kill Jason when he lost?
and guess who’s the first one to rush out and give her a hug.
Alex jumps straight to noms and puts up Kevin and Raven. BORING UGH. Alex says she’s putting Raven up because she voted for Jason. So why not put up Holocaust Remembrance Day for actually sending him home? Or Josh for blind-siding him? I don’t understand any of these idiots.
I made my noms by thinking long and hard about what would be the least interesting
Veto comp time! It won’t matter at all because Kevin and Raven have won a combined total of exactly jack shit. Everyone has to dig limes out of big bins of lemons and drop them into tubes. First one to four wins. Don’t forget to hit your Dollar Store tap light!
It’s weird that these guys have balls in their face that aren’t Paul’s
Josh wins and decides it’s too much effort to take Paul’s dick out of his mouth long enough to play an actual game, so he doesn’t use the Veto.
The 2nd houseguest evicted tonight is Raven. She does a stupid cartwheel on her way out.
“Why did the house vote you out?”
“Well, Kevin sucks at everything.”
“Bitch, you suck at everything.”
“Yeah, but I’m dying.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Aren’t we all dying though, Julie?”
Back in the house, Josh is melting the fuck down. God I hope he loses his shit and blows everything up this week. It’s the last and greatest hope for an actual interesting episode this season.
Help us Meatball-Wan Kenobi
Oh, big announcement. This winter CBS is finally doing an American version of Celebrity Big Brother. Will this nonsense be any more interesting when the fame-whoring useless idiots have massive drug debts to pay off and super need the prize money? Probably not, but I bet we’ll all be there to find out.