Jezebel – Oh God Alec Baldwin Please Stop Forever
Here’s an utterly icky exchange between everyone’s favorite talking tuxedo Alec Baldwin and HBO Documentary Films President Sheila Nevins, captured in the last moments of Nevins’ appearance on his podcast Here’s the Thing. It’s too long for me to transcribe here (Bobby at Jez did that for me, or you can listen to it here around the 34-minute mark), but in a nutshell, Baldwin basically just shits all over Nevins’ passion for film-making by lasciviously remembering a time he spied on her making out on a terrace in her bathrobe one time in Paris, then very boldly insisting upon her the idea that she wants “love, passion, and romance,” proving once and for all that a woman is never too old to have her talents and skills overlooked by a horny old fukboi who just wants to get you in a bathrobe. Hurray for Sheila Nevins, who answered Baldwin’s slimy line of questioning with: “I don’t want it. I don’t believe it. I want to make a documentary that wins a prize.”
The Blast – For Once, the Duggars Say No to a Family Reunion
It’s time for our monthly check-in with America’s most holy scourge, the Duggar Family! And thanks to celebrity gossip ingenue slash TMZ’s tenacious little sister The Blast, no less!
Anyway, as you may recall, the Duggar family is currently suing the city of Springdale, Arkansas, its police department, and InTouch Magazine for releasing reports of Josh Duggar’s early assault on the girls when they were all living under one pious, puritan roof. Back when little Josh was “jus’ discoverin’!” and inadvertently flirted with the filthy, lecherous machinations of Jezebel herself (and, ya know, molested his own sisters). There are actually two lawsuits at hand – one from the elder sect of Duggar daughters and one from Josh, who is pushing to have the lawsuits consolidated (I can’t imagine that being ousted from TLC’s line of programming and generally shunned from modern society pays enough to fund a lawsuit, so I get it). The girls are dead set against this, obviously, since they don’t want “to sit alongside their assailant during a trial” and working with Josh would give “the false impression that the victims and the perpetrator are ‘in this together.’” Which makes the idea that these kids filmed a fucking TV show and LIVED IN THE SAME HOUSE TOGETHER for years all the more abhorrent. Three cheers for Jim Bob and Michelle. Stellar army you raised there.
PS: Like the Bounties of Our Father, there really is never a lack of Duggar candy on the internet. Click the link to read some gobsmackingly hypocritical garbage from Josh’s playdough crumb of a wife, Anna.
Page Six – … But Here’s a Reunion I Can Get Behind
According to “spies” (aka lowlifes who wear sunglasses in nightclubs and will sell their first born to lick the condensation of a drink Miley Cyrus put down 15 minutes ago), former
succubus Kardashian victims Scott Disick and Kris Humphries were both partying at Marquee last night. Solid decision for Scott, who just spent last month in the hospital on 5150 psychiatric hold. Unfortunately, according to our little celebrity CIA agents, Disick and Humphries did not cross paths, which could have resulted in an uproariously good time. Scott and Kris were two of the most hilariously outspoken opponents of the Kardashians’ signature brand of self importance, and I miss their curmudgeonly alliance.
Brothers in shell-shocked alliance.
Speaking of the Kardashians, apparently this look is still a thing. So I dunno. Don’t stalk up on shampoo just yet.
TMZ – Yeah This Guy Seems to Check Out
Let me introduce you to upstanding New York City resident and Madonna megafan Robert Linhart, who speaks for the people and their inalienable human right to camp outside a celebrity’s home, refusing to move at the behest of local police. Robert Linhart, civil martyr that he is, initially sued the city $5 million for damages after he claimed that NYPD “roughed him up” in the process of his arrest. As a side note, there is footage of said arrest, which includes shots of Linhart detained against a car along with his enormous placards spray painted with maniacal, terrifying messages to Madonna, so interpret “roughing up” how you will. Linhart has since softened his stance, asking instead for a paltry $3 million – $1 million of which he promises to donate to hurricane victims.
I hate to tell those hurricane victims that they may be waiting a while.
People – Jay-Z’s Mom is Gay?
… Jay-Z’s mom is gay, I guess! Here’s a story about how Gloria Carter came out to her son. Or, for a more animated reenactment, just imagine the inverse of this:
Have a gay old time this weekend, folks! And stay safe if you’re in the South East. We’re thinking of you babies. xoxo
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