Possibly not for long, but then today I heard Abbey has had her sentencing pushed back to December so probably to the end of the season at least. Its also starting to look like she might just get probation – she claims she was following what she thought was legal advice. Quite how you end up thinking that smuggling undeclared currency into the country in plastic bags is on the up and up I don’t know. ‘Oh THAT $750,000? No I thought I didn’t need to mention that. For, eh, reasons. Y’know. I wrapped it in plastic bags and stuffed it behind a loose brick in the basement because that’s how you declare earnings on foreign travel, so my accountant says. Look over there! A dragon! …well it was worth a try.’
Back to business, how is Abbey coping Post-Maddy? She’s going to start a wondrous new reign of equality and fairness. Until the new cash cow presents itself. Oh, and boys. Boys have to learn to dance somewhere don’t they? They don’t just pop into existence at 18 fully formed at ready to body pop. Not now Madonna’s stopped touring that is – Abbey’s genetic engineering program isn’t cost effective anymore. (You know she would if she could.)
Hey if Abbey goes to prison, can we rename this Dance Cons? Anyway Abbeys New Start stops almost before it gets going. Here is the story.
All the sprogs and their moms regroup outside, saying how busy they’ve been. Well, Nia and Kalani do, JoJo looks a bit downcast in an ‘out of work’ way. I did look at the schedule of stalking they put up on the wikia, and Nia and Kalani did seem busy.
The Moment Jess realized she needs Abbey more than Abbey needs her
Already the sharks are circling over the new opportunity – but it also turns out that the moms have been bitching on social media over the break.
Did I post that drunken rant or delete it? Curse you, Red Wine.
Kira is a bit more brazen and calls Ashlee a horrible person, but that they all are when they’re fighting
to live vicariously off their daughters for their daughter’s futures. It doesn’t wash with Ashlee. I sometimes think Kira is smart, but then when she talks I realize its because she doesn’t say that much. Who could with Jess and Jill nearby doing their foghorn attention grabbing routines all the time.
Jill and Kendall turn up late, as Abbey is about to start her speech, but that’s pretty irrelevant. Abbey does her ‘New beginnings’ speech, which goes over well. Basically dangling the prospect of being the new Maddy in front of the girls.
It’s all about a fresh start. And avoiding Prison. Mainly the latter.
With Abbey there is always the implicit threat though that if they fail to perform they get replaced. So we move on to the Pyramid. Yes there is one, and it goes all the way back to the last week of before the break. Also, the crappy editing has moved Abbeys speech to before the pyramid, but the girls faces are there behind her, so it happened afterwards.
Kalani is outraged when she ends up bottom, for doing things she can clearly no longer remember. Abbey probably can’t either, but she walked the last group dance according to Abbey. I don’t remember. JoJo is next, then Nia – who mentions some of her break activities and has been working hard. Kendall, and lastly Brynn on top. I can’t help feel this is more how Abbey sees them now rather than how they were last episode.
Ashlee mentions that she went to Europe with Abbey over the break. I believe the itinerary was Norway, Scotland, England, Gibraltar, then France. That’s barely a European tour, more ‘going to Britain and hopping over on the Ferry to Norway and France.’ Gibraltar is a British colony still under British rule, so counts as British soil – don’t ask, it pisses the Spanish off no end. Still, its interesting that Ashlee was with her. No I didn’t go to one of her dance workshops. Knowing my luck I’d end up having an affair with Abbey and being talked about in a using way by Abbey on the program. God I’dve loved that.
This week the competition is in San Jose I think, National Dream or something. The theme is ‘When the Saints go marching in’, called ‘the Saints’. Abbey introduces the Boys, which sends JoJo in particular into a frenzy. They’re called Will and Yadiel.
I found them in a dumpster, they’re probably fine
Judging by the reactions of Brynn, JoJo and Kendall, they might cause some friction after all. The boys are also dueting, Kendall with Will doing ‘Bag borrow and steal’. Brynn duets with Yadiel, doing ‘Scary Sweetheart’. So far it looks like business as usual, fueling the feuds and making the girls fight like cats to be number 1.
The timer for Jill and Ashlee’s first fight has begun. Any bets on over three minutes will be refused.
Abbey does back up her promise of being more involved by attending some rehearsals. The young lad Will seems a pretty sharp dancer, incidentally.
The timer lasted about one minute. Ashlee confronts Jill over the social media comments. Jill claims its ‘old stuff’. Like last month, but yes, technically that is old. Jess then says something almost sensible, that Social Media isn’t worth losing your shit over. Ashlee then complains nothing has changed, but then she started it. Did she think Jill had a personality change over the last few months?
A subplot comes into focus now – Nia’s new found popularity. Along with Kalani, I think Abbey has seen her as one of the old reliable work-horses of the group, not a star. Nia has started finding a lot of work through her singing though, even getting noticed by Beyonce, and now Abbey is introducing more voice elements, and is pushing to get more involved with Nia’s career. Sharks can smell blood in the water from miles away, Abbey is the same with cash.
The Scary Sweetheart dance seems a bit dark and weird, its a date that’s gone wrong. Brynn as the girl is fighting off her date? I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with that as an entertainment piece if either of the kids involved were mine. I’m probably a prude. The dancing isn’t going well though, they look all over the place, and for once it might be true as Jill is getting squirrely.
On another note, Abbey’s Drinker’s Tan is getting worse over rehearsals. The purple blotches are showing through her make up and tan, and you have to think that the pressure is getting to her. Its also getting to Brynn, who can’t get her head round beating up her date in dance form.
She might still be good for new body parts, like a liver.
Brynn’s imminent collapse is like catnip to the other DMoms, and they can’t resist slagging her off. They work themselves up into a righteous fury over it, and confront Abbey. It feels like hanging a lamp for later, nothing happens yet.
On the bus, Abbey looks a lot better, so maybe she’s skipped the breakfast Bloody Mary today. There is some chatter about Brynn’s duet tanking, as Brynn is like a rabbit in a headlamp and Yadiel is worried too. Jill helps smooth things over by causing a massive fight with Abbey over it. Jess and Ashlee join in. Its the kind of pre-competition prep any team needs.
Ashlee and Jess calmly discuss how to do what’s best for their kids.
So its dance time. With more swipes at Brynn on the way.
First up is Kendall and Will.
The best bit of this dance
Will is pretty good and Kendall is meh. He does make her look good though. It comes across a bit odd, they don’t match all that well, but Will does make the whole thing work. If they win, its his work not Kendall’s .
Next up is Brynn, and it looks like she gets nerves and can’t go on. Abbey has to go and administer one her sensitive ‘suck it up’ speeches. Its not Brynn though, its Yadiel who is funking it. Yadiel’s Mom blames Brynn, which makes the other Dmoms happy, but Brynn (backed up by the other girls) tell the real story – Yadiel is flaking.
‘That little shit! I’ll tear his balls off.’
It’s possible she phrased it differently. Like, ‘No it was him who was nervous.’
The irony is that being blamed for it makes Brynn freak. One ‘suck it up you little bastards’ speech from Abbey later and the two kids go out on stage.
Its a much better dance than Kendall’s, in that the two dancers are better, but Brynn slips. That combined with the waiting is almost certain to sink it.
There is a post-mortem where the Dmoms still blame Brynn. They’re like leathery old dinosaurs stomping about the water holes bellowing at each other.
The group dance.
Jill wants the girls to get over the drama (that she, yet again, caused) and focus. Maybe one day she’ll work out that not starting the drama would help. Despite Abbey losing her voice, she seems to be relatively
sober sane today.
Guess who starts it off?
Its really Will who has replaced Maddy, sod Brynn or Kendall. If I were him, I wouldn’t fall asleep near Abbey or he might wake up finding she’s adopted him. The dance itself goes down well and seems ok.
I can’t help but think this is a fix, but who comes top over Brynn and Kendall? Brynn gets Fourth place. Cue more bitching. Kendall comes in third. Jill thinks beating Brynn and Yadiel is all that matters, but Abbey won’t see it that way. And maybe it wasn’t a fix.
The group dance gets First place, so Abbey will be pleased with that at least. The happiness, as ever, does not last long.
Jill launches into accusing Brynn of not doing the dance, against what her own daughter said, but it suits Jill to believe it was Brynn. Jess and Jill storm out, presaging yet more threats of leaving ALDC all together. Dum Dum Duummmm! So the new beginning lasted barely one episode. Of course, if they were happy all the time we wouldn’t watch it, so its a good thing really.
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