Wow guys, can you believe there’s less than a month left of Big Brother? I CAN. Let’s find out who’ll throw what comp today!
Last week, everyone threw a sprinting HOH competition to hobbled Jingle Bells (but not TOO obviously, of course), Alex mocked Kevin for being stupid enough to trust Paul, and Jingle Bells put Jason and Alex on the block as pawns, wink wink.
Good idea, Alex.
We pick up this week directly after the nomination ceremony, and Alex is almost worried that her ride or die Jason is on the block with her. Almost. Luckily, her cat ears clamp down just a little tighter and squeeze the thought out of her head.
That was a close one!
Jason, however, manages to be actually be concerned.
What’s going on, yeehaw?
He talks to Paul, who claims that HE’S worried he’ll be backdoored, but Jason knows that’s a lie. Later, Jason goes to talk to Kevin, who tells Jason for sure that Alex and Jason are targets. Jason’s like “how the hell would Kevin know that I’m a target if I don’t even know I’m the target?”
Uh…that’s not how this works.
Next stop on the Whistlenut Is Lowkey Freaking Out Express is the pantry, where he corners Josh. Josh bluffs pretty well that he has no idea what’s going on, and then Paul pops in to reiterate his backdoor concerns.
“I’m so scared you guys. Gumpy, pissed, and whatnot”
Josh thinks it’s a little sketchy that Paul is covering all his bases so well, and will take no blame for the Jason eviction. Yeah, that is weird Josh. It’s almost like Paul is manipulating everything and controls every aspect of the game and will win no matter what. Huh.
Finally, Jason and Alex chill with Christmas and talk about how great her nominations are.
Us being on the block together makes perfect sense!
Christmas hops back up to her HOH suite to tell Paul and Josh about how happy and dumb Jason and Alex are.
“They just blindly trust you, Paul! Haha, what losers.”
They agree that if Paul wins the veto, he’ll pull Alex off the block and Kevin can be nominated in her place; this way, everyone will still think Kevin is the real target. And everyone will still love Paul, so…win-win?
Jason and Alex are calming down a little bit, but know that they really need to win the upcoming veto comp just in case.
Again with the pulling off…y’all gotta start listening to yourselves
Oh, they’re also totally cool with Paul winning veto and saving one of them, because that way Paul will be safe too! Josh walks in on Paul, Alex, and Jason talking about how amazing it’ll be when Paul wins veto and pulls one of them off the block. Jason asks Josh if he’s in an alliance with Christmas; he claims to be joking, but Josh is like “PAUL HAS BETRAYED ME”.
Poor Josh tries to express his ever growing doubts to Christmas, but she shuts that down faster than a meatball rolling off a table hits the floor.
Meatballs are notoriously fast
Now that Christmas has reminded Josh what he’s supposed to think, it’s time to pick players for the veto competition! Everyone but one player will compete this week; Christmas draws Kevin, Alex gets Raven, and Jason gets players choice, so he picks Paul because he trusts him more than Josh.
I don’t know, he looks more trustworthy in suspenders than Paul does.
Oh also, the winner of this competition not only wins the power of veto, but also a back stage tour to Bobby Moynihan’s new show – Me, Myself, and I. So we get more filler in the form of an ad for that show that the houseguests laugh uproariously at. Well, it is the only TV show they’ve seen in months, so probably even Young Sheldon would be funny at this point.
I for real love me some Bobby Moynihan, though.
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door –
BA DA BA DA DADA BA DA DA DA
Everyone is super psyched to see Bobby, but no one more than me – these houseguests are grating on me hardcore. Josh is thrilled that Bobby has played homage to him, and Raven is just thrilled to show someone new her pacemaker.
Bobby zings everyone pretty hard in the Diary Room, saying maybe Raven should lead with a handshake instead of flashing a pacemaker, and nailing Kevin’s mirror face.
Please stay forever, Bobby
Now it’s veto comp time! Josh, the only one not playing, makes the incredibly astute observation, “I walk outside and I see crates! Big crates, little crates, all kinds of crates!”
Good job, buddy.
What’s in the crates? The Punch Slap Kick Machine!
I like where this is heading.
In this comp, players are (you guessed it) punched, slapped, and kicked by the machines; then they have to answer questions about the experience. I don’t know about you, but I’m beyond ready to see Alex get slapped in the face.
Feels good, man.
The game drags on for what feels like a year, with questions like “how many slaps?” and “what happened after the kick?” and it’s actually less fun than I anticipated.
But yes, still cathartic to see everyone slap-kick-punched.
Eventually, it comes down to a tie between Alex and Paul, so they have to go to tie breaker mode. Alex freezes – she can’t remember if she’s supposed to try to win or not! GEE I DON’T KNOW, ALEX. It’s a veto comp, and you’re on the block – what do you think?!
If you don’t know, I can’t tell you.
Alex eventually decides to try to win, but after twenty or so more tie breaker rounds, Paul emerges victorious.
After the comp is over, Josh tries to convince Paul not to use the veto; so that way people will be mad at Paul too, not just Josh and Christmas.
Yes, but how does people being mad at Paul help Paul?
Paul says thanks but no thanks to Josh, and reminds him that independent thought is frowned upon. The door swings open and suddenly Whistlenut is there, wondering what they were talking about. Paul’s like “Tattoos! Tattoo Talk, right Meatball?”
I‘m dying inside
Ha ha we are all great friends
Outside, Josh attempts a final time to express his concerns and doubts to Christmas – this time she shoots him down faster than a plate of Swedish meatballs get eaten during a buffet (I don’t know why I’m forcing these analogies either).
Josh goes inside and Christmas follows, immediately switching into rage mode.
Christmas tells Josh to quit thinking, quit talking, keep on meatballing. Raven walks in at the tail end of the conversation and wants to know what’s going on.
Well, what she actually does is creepily whisper “Ju Ju, what you do?”
Christmas is like “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, GOODBYE” and scoots out, leaving Josh to sulk and Raven to wonder what’s going on and probably dance around the HOH suite.
That night, Josh still wants Paul to not use the Veto, and Paul and Christmas are getting angrier and angrier. Well, actually Paul is remaining pretty chill but Christmas’s neck vein looks like it may explode.
“I must destroy you”
There’s only one thing left to do this episode, and it’s the veto ceremony. Paul has a really tough decision to make.
Suspenders or pool floatie
Paul tells the house that he has decided to use the veto, and he is using it on Alex.
Enjoy those hugs while you can, guys.
Once Alex steps down, Christmas says everyone in the house has been on the block except for one person; so hop on up to the block Kevin.
Kevin’s putting hits out on everyone when he gets home.
Actually Christmas, you know who else hasn’t been on the block once? PAUL. Oh well. At least tomorrow is a double eviction, right? RIGHT?
Until then, enjoy this picture of what I imagine Alex and Jason will look like when the votes come back tomorrow night.