Hi, Trashies! So, the cast for season 25 of Dancing with the Stars has been announced! Let’s start making fun of them, shall we?
OK, first, I have to share something cool. My sister’s boyfriend’s band played at this after party for a golf tournament last month. Some guy was there and he took a photo with my sister’s phone:
Apparently he was on DWTS at some point.
I missed him by minutes (the last shuttle back to the hotel was leaving) and he got up on stage to sing and dance to “It’s Not Unusual.” Now that I’ve shared that with the only people in my life who would truly appreciate it, let’s get to the snarking for real!
Victoria Arlen dancing with Val Chmerkovskiy
Victoria is a Paralympic swimmer. Here’s hoping that they don’t give her the sympathy points that they often do to Paralympians. Girl is clearly a badass and can hold her own.
Nick Lachey dancing with Peta Mergatroyd
Nick was a member of 98° and his brother Drew won a super early season. Most people probably know him as the ex-Mr. Jessica Simpson.
Vanessa Lachey dancing with Maks Chmerkovskiy
Vanessa is married to Nick. That’s pretty much her only claim to fame.
Drew Scott dancing with Emma Slater
Dres is on the HGTV show Property Brothers. I only know this show exists because HGTV is the only thing the TV in the cafeteria at my job gets.
Lindsey Sterling dancing with Mark Ballas
OK, Lindsey is kind of awesome. I can’t snark too badly on her, though I do have to hate her a bit for being paired with Mark. Mr. Philly has a major crush on Lindsey (he has a thing for women who play string instruments), so I guess he’ll be watching this season with me.
Jordan Fisher dancing with Lindsay Arnold
He’s a Disney Channel kid, so he’s already on ABC’s payroll. We have to have at least a few of these each season.
Sasha Pieterse dancing with Gleb Savchenko
Another one on ABC’s payroll. She’s from the Freeform (previously known as ABC Family) show Pretty Little Liars.
Frankie Muniz dancing with Witney Carson
He’s pretty much only known for being the title character on the show Malcolm in the Middle. I think he has a Disney Channel movie or two under his belt.
Nikki Bella dancing with Artem Chigvintsev
Nikki is a WWE Diva and engaged to John Cena. That second point is my favorite thing about her because he’s a pretty stand-up dude. Girl has excellent taste in men.
Terrell Owens dancing with Cheryl Burke
Terrell is a former (current?) sportsball player. I think he played for the Eagles at one point. I went to college just outside of Philly, and I remember hearing about him a lot.
Barbara Corcoran dancing with Keo Motsepe
Barbara is a business woman and on the TV show Shark Tank. Can we just take a moment to recognize that she is 68-years-old? Damn, lady!
Derek Fisher dancing with Sharna Burgess
Another former sportsball player (the one with the baskets). I have to root for him because TEAM SHARNA!!!
Debbie Gibson dancing with Alan Bersten
Was she “I Think We’re Alone Now?” or was that Tiffany? Oh, wait Debbie Gibson was “Only In My Dreams” and “Lost In Your Eyes.” I’m not entirely convinced that the 80s mall pop stars aren’t just the same person.
So, there you have it, Trashies! Another crop of “stars” for us to kind of maybe root for! Tune in on 18 September when the season starts.
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