Let’s see, what happened last week…besides MisRed surviving Hurricane Harvey? Kelly and Shannon “made up” let’s see if it even lasted a commercial break. Vicki “ignored” Tamra and Shannon yet still bent Briana’s ear for seven hours about how “over them” she is. Piggy continued to butcher the English language and Dicko insulted butterflies far and wide with his ridonkulous impression. Lydia, Dough, Tamra, Eddie and David. David! David? Ran a Spartan Race and unfortunately, none of them got hurt. Shannon blamed the Spartan Race for making her fat. Oh wait, I’m confused. Shannon’s weight gain is still Vicki’s fault.
Earlier this season we learned Kelly sent a text to Meghan stating the ultra-dull Jim Edmonds was having a long-term affair.
Let’s see how Vicki can disgust MisRed this week.
Here’s why I hate Bravo- the opening of these shows always make it seem like it’s going to be a GREAT episode. We see people at the beach, pelicans frolicking in the surf… and then we see these idiots. Tamra is vaccuming Cunt Fitness- and Eddie says “Hey babe, I’m the one who is Mexican.” Very nice, Eddie, very nice.
Aspen doesn’t fit in the dresser drawer anymore…
Kelly meets Meghan at a baby store. Not a store where you buy babies- but a store where you buy sh*t FOR babies. Meghan needs a crib for Aspen. Is MisRed the only one who thinks that Meghan should have this already? I mean, she had a shower and a Sip and See … Kelly and Meghan rehash what went down on St Patrick’s Day- which was, apparently, the day before.
Meghan has photos of Shannon and Kelly kissing on the lips.
Ew. Not that MisRed has a problem with same-sex kissing- on the contrary- but I have a problem with interspecies kissing. Kelly is a creature from the lava and God knows from where Shannon was hatched. Kelly says “We look like lesbos.” Ladies and Gentlemen, the always elegant and politically correct, Kelly Dodd.
Kelly tells Meghan that Shannon, the previous evening, texted Kelly to meet up AFTER their drinks that the Harp. When they met, Kelly looked down at Shannon’s phone and Shannon was recording their conversation. Once Shannon realized Kelly saw that she was being recorded, Shannon put the phone below the table. Hmm. That’s weird. Or not. It all depends. We ARE dealing with Shannon here. We cannot exactly apply rational thought to Mrs. Beador.
Piggy is going to NYC with her daughter to check out the two schools to which the daughter was accepted. Hmmm, is that the correct order? Don’t you check out the schools and then apply? What does MisRed know- she has dogs. Dicko questions the purse Piggy is bringing with her to NYC, as the purse cost $60,000- and Dicko thinks Piggy will get mugged.
A plastic crocodile died for this bag
You a$$holes SHOULD be embarrassed to have spent $60,000 on a purse.
MisRed isn’t rolling in dough (that’s a moniker for money, not Lydia’s husband), but if she was, she would have a difficult time spending $60,000 on a purse. Don’t get me wrong, she has shelled out for a Louis Vuitton- but that was over 10 years ago and that baby is still going strong.
Anyhoo, back to this ridiculousness… Piggy says her parents insisted she go to college and get her degree. She was an English major.
Sorry, MisRed blacked out there for a minute. Piggy was an English Major at UCLA? Like THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES, UCLA?!?!?! Huh. That is a mind-blower. AND SHE GRADUATED?
The Dicko look-a-like girl then runs through the reservations they have to eat in NYC. Dicko thinks this trip is a good excuse for them to go eat in NYC.. Dicko doesn’t want the kid to go away and Piggy doesn’t want to hold her back.
Dicko tells them not to spend too much money because they don’t have a money tree. Go pawn that $60k bad or the million dollars + cars in your garage.
Piggy hugs the less-Dicko-looking daughter and says “Bye Felicia.”
Dicko says “Who is Felicia?”
Over at Kelly’s she is cleaning out the refrigerator- throwing out rotten tomatoes. Ugh. Don’t get me started about tomatoes in the refrigerator.
Just because the ladies at Sephora say it’s a good idea…
Kelly got into a fight with her bronzer. And apparently the Bronzer won.
The Lop-sided-Bag of Hair enters and asks, “how was last night?” Kelly complains that she is the only one who throws away the rotten food. Kelly tells her mom about Shannon recording her. Kelly is pissed because she told Meghan that she wanted to talk to Shannon face to face about the recording… Lop-sided interrupts and says “But Meghan called Shannon and told her, right?”
Lop-sided Bag of Hair for the win!!!
I maintain Lop-sided-Bag of Hair is the smartest one on this show.
Shannon then texted or called Kelly, Kelly says “called” but was scrolling through her phone like it was a text. Kelly may not be smart enough to know the difference. Shannon denied she was recording Kelly and Kelly, despite how it looked, chooses to believe Shannon as they have just made amends. But now she needs to deal with Meghan…
So Kelly calls Meghan and is like- why did you call Shannon? Meghan is like- Uh, because I didn’t want your budding friendship to be ruined. And Kelly, rightfully- wait someone take my temperature, and mark it in the log book- MisRed is on Kelly’s side- was like “But I told you I wanted to talk to Shannon face-to-face.”
Yeah, sorry, not sorry.
Meghan was like- “you are right, I should have let you handle it. I couldn’t help myself.”
She couldn’t “help herself?” WTF. It’s not like sitting in front of a delicious donut and taking a bite because you couldn’t resist said donut- this is butting into a situation in which you aren’t involved just to be a “shit starter” to quote Kelly Dodd, Season 11.
In interview, Meghan rationalizes that she didn’t want Kelly’s crazy thoughts to ruin their new friendship. AND Shannon can barely use an iphone- sort of, implying that if Shannon was recording Kelly, it would have been by accident.
Come on- my Dad- who is 87 can barely use an iphone- not buying the old Shannon is too old for technology. I mean, some on, what is Shannon 53- she’s not exactly ancient. Plus, if Ramona can operate and iphone at the age of 75, I’m pretty sure Shannon can do it. Oooooo, check out Ramona Singer getting hit with some OC shrapnel.
Don’t be such a B. I., Okaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy?
Christ on a bike, we are only 9 minutes into this episode.
Kelly now can’t trust Meghan. I mean, really, no one on these shows should trust anyone.
Meghan meets Vicki for lunch. They kibitz about Meghan’s baby. Both have REALLY great looks on their faces.
Meghan interviews that she thinks it’s time for her to put her Meghan King Edmonds Private Investigator hat back on. Ugh. But Yeah!! I love anything that ends with Vicki in hot water.
They order this tomato tower that looks AWESOME, btw. Hands down, best part of this episode.
Meghan goes in guns blazing- that at the Lamborghini party Vicki stated that she has apologized to Shannon and Tamra many times and has never gotten an apology back- and that Vicki made herself sound like a victim. Vicki states that she IS a victim. Vicki continues to say that she is a victim in certain ways. Meghan wants to know in what way Vicki was a victim and was hurt? Vicki says that Shannon and Tamra are constantly accusing Vicki of being involved in a scam. Vicki says that she never benefitted so it couldn’t have been a scam. Ok, excellent rationale…
Meghan, rightfully, is like- but she got the attention she craved and that’s equivalent to benefitting financially. MisRed, judge and jury agrees. But alas nobody brought Vicki a casserole.
Vicki says that it took her a year to “get over it” and decide who she wanted in her life. Bahahaha. Yes, Vicki is the one who picks and chooses friends here. Ugh.
Vicki says that she would never hurt Tamra. Meghan asks Vicki why she told Kelly the rumor that Eddie is gay, if she didn’t want to hurt Tamra. Vicki says she simply asked Kelly if she had heard the same rumor, which Kelly confirmed she had. She never meant for it to get back to Tamra. Meghan is like- yeah, rumors have a funny way of getting back to the person they are about. Then Meghan asked Vicki why she spread the “rumor” that David beat Shannon. Vicki admits she probably never should have told Kelly that information. But Vicki says she has all of the text messages and photos to prove it. Kelly asks why she doesn’t reveal them if she has all of this evidence? Meghan questions why Vicki didn’t care about Shannon’s well-being and call the police. Vicki says that she didn’t think it was her place- so she just gossiped about it instead.
Vicki says that Meghan can’t say anything about their conversation and Meghan doesn’t exactly agree.
Wait… so I can’t trust you?
She says that has to talk it over with Jimmy, but if she decides to say something to Tamra and Shannon, she will let Vicki know. Vicki says she never wanted to hurt Shannon, and Meghan is like “Well you might have.” Bahahahah, good one, Mehag.
Shannon and Tamra go to a vintage/costume shop because they are going to a charity event- Drag Queen Bingo. Shannon is dressing up as Bret Michaels, because she has the long blond hair and has “more of a manly body right now.” Bhaahahah. Tamra tries on a brown mullet wig and says “I always joke that I’m white-trash, so I figured I could rock a mullet.” Um jokes? Tamra IS white trash- that’s no joke. And I’m sure this is exactly what she looked like before she started peroxiding her hair in the 4th grade.
Tamra is just begging for a case of head lice…
Shannon hasn’t told the other girls that they have to dress like men because she thinks they won’t do it. While in the Costume Shop, Meghan calls Shannon…
Meghan reveals she had lunch with Vicki and that Vicki confirmed that David did beat Shannon. Meghan says that Vicki said that she has all of the text messages to prove it. Tamra reasons that if Vicki did have proof she would have showed it last year. I, actually, agree. If there was any way for Vicki to “clear her name” she would have done it by now.
The Trailer Park has arrived.
At Shannon’s house, Tamra arrives and acts like man. She walks down the front hall yelling “Shannon Beador… you whore!!!” Just like David does when he gets home on Friday nights to beat her. Oh wait, that’s Dicko, my bad.
It is joke.
Tamra has her front tooth blacked out. It least it might be blacked out or she could have just not put in her front tooth for this scene. Shannon and Tamra get made up to look like dudes. Shannon should have just stop plucking her chin hairs a few weeks ago, and she wouldn’t have needed any make-up.
When the makeup is complete Tamra is like- OMG Shannon IS Bret Michaels.
UNSKINNY BOPP… and it’s all Vicki’s fault!!!
Well, yes, they both are rocking that diabetes. Shhh MisRed, that was mean.
Kelly and Lydia show up at Shannon’s and are like- Oh My God. Lydia says that she is a Christian and is reluctant to go to Drag Queen Bingo.
If this doesn’t make Dough’s balls dry up and fall off, nothing will.
At Vicki’s house, Steve is unwrapping some iceberg lettuce, perhaps to make a nutritionally bankrupt salad? In interview, Vicki calls Steve a “trophy” and that he “satisfies” her and he knows she “needs a lot of it- like 4 times a day.”
Hang on. MisRed needs to throw up.
Vicki says that Ryan called and says that they need to do more “family things.” Vicki wants to buy a boat and get another lake house. Vicki wants for she and Steve to buy a boat together.
Let’s make a major purchase together so that when we break up, we can fight it out and I can play the victim…
Seriously, Vicki, give it up with the ripped jeans- you are 75 years old.
They toast and then asks him to marry her and he’s like “Huh?” Vicki just brushes it off and says in her interview- maybe next year.
The other ladies are on their way to Drag Queen Bingo. Vicki wasn’t invited to participate in the evening and she tried to make Kelly feel bad about participating saying she doesn’t like being an outcast. Well, here’s a tip, Vick- don’t be an asshole and you won’t be an outcast.
Dicko had made other plans so Piggy can’t come. Piggy would have been totally confused by this evening anyway.
What is this men dressing like women?
Nice to see Kelly has let her chest-hair grow in…
The girls are on their way to Bingo in some kind of van-type-vehicle and the subject of Meghan comes up and they, kind of, agree that she is stirring the pot.
Every rose has its thorn…David. David! David?
When they get to Hamburger Mary’s- Meghan is there waiting- not dressed in drag.
For F*cksake Andy Cohen has no shame…
But Shannon quickly rectified that situation while Meghan pumps her breasts.
MisRed will never unsee this…
They meet Tamra’s psychic, Scott- the one who first said that Brooks was faking cancer.
And bad teeth…
Lydia asks some questions about Scott and his psychic abilities, and Scott says “the Biblical question” his ability.
Lydia is very uncomfortable with this whole scene- the drag queens, the psychic… even though the Bible doesn’t have any passages denouncing drag queens. She must have missed the passages when Jesus and John the Baptist got jiggy with it at Lucky Cheng’s in NYC.
Scott the psychic asks why Vicki isn’t there- and Kelly says it’s because nobody wanted her there. Scott says, “even you?” Kelly denies it. Scott says there is some kind of conflict between Kelly and Vicki- Kelly says she’s never done anything to Vicki- and Tamra says “but she will do something to you!!” Kelly says that it’s becoming clear that there is an agenda here- that Tamra brought her psychic to talk shit about Vicki. Scott says that he can’t see everything but knows that Kelly will do something that will cause her and Vicki to separate.
Wake me when it’s over…
Oh good, we have the obligatory Piggy / Dicko scene- PLEASE NO BUTTERFLY. Dicko asks why Piggy is broken out on her face? Piggy says it’s due to the stress over her daughter going to school.
Dicko doesn’t want Piggy to push the kid out of the nest, and that Piggy is pushing too hard. Piggy wants the kid to make her own decision and to be confident. Dicko doesn’t want the kid to go. Dicko stopped his education to work and take care of his family so he doesn’t view it as being something important like Piggy does. But this is the one thing Piggy will “step her foot on.” Come on, you knew that was coming- we couldn’t have a completely coherent Piggy.
Back at Hamburger Mary’s…Bingo starts. The head queen states that if someone calls out a false bingo- they will get beaten with a black strap. On the 2nd ball call- Lydia calls BINGO!
Bitch, I only called 2 balls so far and those are ones between my legs.
Shannon brings the card up and promptly gets her ass hit with the strap.
Shannon takes it like a man.
Shannon has a future in the plumbing industry…
Nice job Lydia. That strap probably would have broken Lydia in half- so it’s best that Shannon took the hit.
Shannon returns from her beatin’, she promptly asks the table if they are going to order any food? Kelly ordered herself a turkey burger- but didn’t order anything for anyone else. She then offers to split the Turkey burger with Shannon and Tamra.
Tamra asks the psychic if Kelly is going to be nice to her. Scott says “she’s going to try.” Then Meghan asks if Kelly will be nice to her. And Kelly says to Meghan “You aren’t nice to me.” Meghan is like… what do you mean? When am I not nice to you?
Then the whole Shannon trying to record Kelly on the iphone thing came up. In her interview, Shannon claims to be a techno-neophyte, and she doesn’t even know how to “use the Facebooks!” She doesn’t even have Uber because she doesn’t know how to get the app. Uh huh, right.
Kelly wanted to speak to Shannon face to face but then Meghan called Shannon first. Yada Yada Yada. Shannon looks at it was Meghan trying to be a good friend. Kelly looks at it as Meghan being a sh*t stirrer. Kelly says that she is the one that has always been close to Meghan.
In case you missed it above…
Meghan retorts that she thought they were friends too, until Kelly told Meghan, when she was 7 months pregnant, that Jimmy had been cheating on her.
Then Tamra is like- you told Meghan that? Kelly goes “It was retaliation!” Shannon then jumps in and says how it’s one of the most hurtful allegations you can tell a woman. Kelly rationalizes that Meghan threw the accusations first.
Text for Tat
Meghan was like- no I was just asking if you were having an affair since I heard that. Meghan and Kelly go back and forth about who said what and who texted what. And of course, Kelly has all of the texts and starts to ready them aloud.
If this broke her…
her head would have exploded at Tamra’s bachelorette party.
Lydia gets up from the table because she’s uncomfortable with this whole scene- drag queens, spankings, psychics, turkey burgers, cheating allegations…
Meghan tells Kelly that she is immature. Then Kelly says that Vicki told her that Meghan was talking about her. Meghan says she told Vicki that Kelly had texted her about the affair.
Tamra looks like she should be hiding out under a kiddie pool on an episode of COPS
Shannon says to Kelly, that she will look back on this and see what role Vicki played in this. Kelly is like- they always want to find a way to point fingers at Vicki. Kelly thinks that Meghan is the source of all of the problems, not Vicki.
NO WONDER YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN’T TALK TO YOU!!! I mean, YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR BABY WHO IS HOME ALONE….
Then Kelly tells Meghan that she is just thirsty and that she should be worrying about her baby and not be out stirring the pot. Meghan gets upset and goes to the bathroom. Shannon is like- you don’t say stuff like that to a new Mom- every Mom is doing the best they can. Well… MisRed doesn’t really agree with that- but whatever. MisRed doesn’t necessarily think Meghan is a bad mom.
Take it from me, you’re a good Mom.
Tamra goes to the bathroom and tells Meghan that she’s not a bad mom and that Kelly did the same thing to her- accusing her of being a bad Mom. Well, I think it’s been established that Tamra isn’t exactly mother of the year, right?
Meghan says that she has had Kelly’s back through thick and thin and she never thought this side of Kelly would come after Meghan. Meghan says goodbye to everyone, including Kelly and Kelly just ignores her.
Next week Piggy has the fight with the bronzer… Lydia takes Kelly’s side against Meghan.
Shannon confronts David about being distant.
Vicki calls Tamra and asks her to meet for coffee.
Vicki’s enters her own birthday party and no one notices.
Of course, Vicki is wearing a completely ILL-FITTING dress.
Vicki should consider a 4th pair of Spanx
Wretchen is back and asks someone to clarify that he actually SAW Eddie kissing another man.
He confirms he did, indeed, witness Eddie kissing another man.
Vicki, burn that dress and start over.
Vicki is shocked! Shocked, mostly because thought she was the one who started that rumor, she never considered that it might be true.
OMG, this week took me 17 hours to recap. MisRed is exhausted. Thank you for all of your comments last week- particularly concerning my safety. You guys are sweet. xoxoxxoxo. If you haven’t listened to the Watch What Crappens Pod Cast of their Live Show- you must! Do it now!! Love you guys and I love your comments. xoxox
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