Previously on Biiiig Brotherrrrrr: Maven freaked out. Kevin yelled at a bunch of kids to get off his yard. Paul made all the choices.
What the fuck are you wearing, Julie?
Jason decided not to use his Veto this week, but the whole house wanted Kevin on the block and now everyone is mad at him. Raven is so mad she’s southern, which is something I totally forgot she was supposed to be all season.
I’m so upset I forgot what my regional dialect was supposed to be
Jason and Alex hide in the storage room while Raven screams in her weird ever-changing accent and Paul wanders around with an inflatable toucan because someone put way too much stock in those Pick Up Artist books from 20 years ago.
“Peacocking” is supposed to be slightly less literal, Dickbeard
Team Mean Girls (Paul, Josh, Xmas) are stoked. Mean girls are always stoked when other people are upset. On the plus side we’re finally seeing Matt have emotions, but somehow even his righteous indignation is beige.
Does Josh know there’s a camera behind that mirror?
The beige meltdown basically consists of Matt thinking Jason is a “Punk Bitch” and Jason swearing up and down he never told Raven he’d use the veto on her (he did, we get flashbacks). Jason, for his part, seems to have completely forgotten he promised to pull Raven down, but they manage to make him remember and the fight kinda loses steam.
I’ve made a terrible mistake
Matt wants to help Raven out by turning the house against the two people who tried to keep Mark last week. He gets Jason to admit it eventually, because Jason is not built for deception under pressure. Alex is totally built for it and continues lying, so everyone assumes Kevin was the 2nd vote.
Josh decides he doesn’t trust Kevin and it’s time to blow up his super horrible strategy of being nice to people that are about to get voted out, because that’s hella suspicious behavior. Everyone knows the correct strategy is to bang pots and pans and scream circus music. Basic human decency is crazy suspect in the Big Brother house.
Josh basically does his overgrown toddler shouting accusations and refusing to listen to anything or ever back down. Kevin’s figured out that everyone is using Josh as a weapon by convincing him he’s figuring stuff out on his own. Josh won’t hear any of it though. Josh throws a tantrum, cries, and hides in the corner. Josh doesn’t understand why people don’t like him. Remembrance Day tells him it’s because he’s too real. Lol. Too real like Kanye. Kanye Real just means you’re an obnoxious twat full of self-righteous anger. And also you cry like a bitch when people disagree.
It’s just that Beyonce really deserved that award, man
Victoria Day decides that the argument between Kevin and Josh showed them that Kevin was the one who took the 25k in episode one, but not the second vote for Matt last week, which means it was Alex for sure. Damn, Xmas is a bitch, but her deductive powers are pretty on point. Aside from the part where she thinks playing to help Paul win is a good idea. She’s like Sherlock Holmes with a big bearded blindspot.
Shut the fuck up, Paul
Jury house time! Cody is sad he won’t win money, but stoked to be away from the lunatics in the house. Him and Elena talk about how no one’s playing the game and they’re all just giving the money to Paul. They wonder how anyone would think on their own if Paul were to get voted out. On the plus side a house with Cody, Mark, and Elena sounds like the least annoying way to kick off a few weeks in Jury House. Maybe we could just move all the cameras over there?
Team Jury House!
Eviction time. Speech!
I love my fake dying girlfriend!
I love my beige forgettable boyfriend!
Matt starts off with a penalty vote for breaking the have-not rules on purpose, and at the end it’s a 6-0 sweep to evict Matt.
“Hey Matt, why’d you try so hard to throw your game away for a crazy bitch faking a disease with a constantly changing accent?”
“I’m a born sucker, Julie. And I’m super boring.”
The goodbye videos are as boring as Matt. Every time I see a goodbye vid from Josh I hate him a little more, and that’s really saying something because I hate Josh a lot. It’s just you can tell he thinks he’s super charming and hilarious, and somehow that makes his obnoxious behavior become infuriating. You’re not charming, Josh. Everyone hates you. You’re a bully. Your mom is probably embarrassed as fuck to have raised you.
The best argument for 65th trimester abortion
No HoH tonight, since it’s raining. Pfffft! Make em play in the rain. Paul’s got a floatie on already.
Fuck you, Paul