It’s the last part of the reunion ladies and Toms. Let’s give these women a sendoff into the abyss of off season obscurity, shall we?
The women discuss the Truth or Dare game that included Tinsley’s Hershey highway exploits with her ex. The Mortimers weren’t too thrilled with the reveal and banished her retroactively to a world full of accent mark eyebrows, Palm Beach resident impersonators and awful memories of the tawdry act.
“There was so much Vaseline.”
Sonja offers lessons on how not to embarrass wealthy families – who still have patriarchs. If your husband is old enough you can wash thongs in bidets, own a Blackberry and bang your friend’s pirate castaways til the baguettes come home.
Ramona still doesn’t consider oral sex to be actual sex and she never performs it on men. Her preferred method of dating is to let men come up to her Sears showroom living room, pleasure her and leave. Is there anyone who doesn’t believe that Ramona’s idea of being pleasured is having a guy read the Regency’s wine list to her until she falls asleep?
Next, we address Ramona’s ill-timed welfare check on one, Bryn Hoppy. Bethenny says that her porn movie was old news and Ramona brought it up to embarrass her. Ramona swears on Avery that she had just seen it for the first time and even has the texts to prove how much she talks about Bethenny behind her back. Bethenny counters that Ramona admitted that she meant to hurt her but Ramona phones it in with her tried and true, and accurate, “I was drunk” excuse. Ramona says Bethenny should have thanked her for her concern and declined to answer.
“I’m not taking ‘what to say lessons’ from the human Trojan virus.”
Ramona says that they’re practically the same person. They’re strong, opinionated, have blonde daughters and are successful although it took Bethenny until age 37 to be relevant. Luann, who was verbally dissected by Bethenny just last year, jumps to Bethenny’s defense and says the difference is that Ramona brought a kid into it. The corporate Skinnygirl account even hate-tweeted Ramona but she says that she loves the spicy margarita.
“It’s so harsh and full of chemicals. I use it for all my facials!”
Bethenny says she can’t be happy for others and it shows in her face – especially when it does that inside out thing like it did in Mexico. Luann says she’s been burned by Ramona and unlike Tom’s libido, it takes time to go away. Dorinda says after seeing their argument on TV, she couldn’t believe how intense Ramona was. Ramona blames alcohol again but denies taking pills. Remember, she doesn’t swallow. Bethenny says she just wanted Ramona out of her way but she doesn’t not like her.
On to Sonja and Tinsley in the house that foreclosure forgot. Tinsley thought Sonja’s jabs were funny and sisterly in the beginning but they became mean, and actually, more sisterly. Sonja denies planting the Page Six story but no one believes her. She plants more than Luann on a tequila bender. Sonja is right about one thing and Luann confirms as much; Tinsley was wrong for not giving Sonja a birthday card or present while staying with her. Tinsley apologizes for not doing more and thanks Sonja for giving her a way back onto the appointment list at Drybar.
We see all the highlights from Mexico which truly is the best vacation in housewives history. Ramona admits she was an asshole and that she and Sonja looked like stupid old bitches for fighting over rooms. That’s putting it lightly. Andy asks about Sonja’s elevated lesbianism on the trip and Sonja says she was willing to settle for Carole or Bethenny since Luann is taken. She would vomit if she had to be with Ramona and Ramona chimes in that it’s because they’re “like sisters” and one sister has started the Face/Off procedure but chickened out halfway through but went to Mexico anyway.
Dorinda and Bethenny rehash their argument. Andy didn’t understand why Bethenny was offended by the comments that she was controlling and wanted to be the best mom etc… Bethenny says she wasn’t offended, she just didn’t want to be psychoanalyzed by anyone with a higher blood alcohol content than Tinsley. Andy asks if those were Dorinda’s true feelings, particularly the snide remark about Skinnygirl. Luann also made remarks about the Skinnygirl part of the trip and Luann brushes it under the rug like Missy’s bra under the sofa at the penthouse.
Bethenny doesn’t want to focus on that and is ultimately happy that they all got along and had a fun trip. Ramona can’t believe that she had the good fortune to end up naked in a pool with the same woman who ignored her for most of the season. Nothing like co-mingling secretions to make things all better!
They do a season-encompassing rose and thorn but it’s pretty predictable except for Dorinda whose rose was Hannah finally getting just the right wardrobe blend of Teen Witch and Cyndi Lauper. Oh, and Bethenny who didn’t deem Ramona or their fight important enough to warrant a comparison to a dried out twig. The women toast and Bethenny makes a reference to Sonja’s prickly bush.
That’s it for this season! What’d you think? Thanks for hanging in there and as always, love you for reading and commenting!
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