This week on Jax & Brittany Out of Wedlock: Accents. Lots of them. We pick up right where we left off last week, with Jax telling Sherri and Mamaw he’s going to propose to Brittany…. but he tells us in the talking head “I mean, possibly. It’s a thing that might happen.” Anything MIGHT happen, Jax. You also might murder Memaw in her sleep tonight.
Back at the party, one of Brittany’s friends is talking about children for one second, causing Jax to fall into an instant coma. Remember like one minute ago when he was telling the ladies he was ready to pop out some kids? I love classic, hypocritical Jax. Truly. And then he goes calling out everyone in Kentucky for being hypocritical. Jax’s brain is an egotistical mindfuck.
“Here’s to snakes and condoms, two things we don’t fuck with!” – Shit. We’re all moms, here! So yeah I guess the phrase is fitting!
It’s morning time, which means it’s time to meet Mamaw and figure out what tasks and challenges Jax has to do today, but first we have to deal with a little confrontation. Memaw knows about the alcohol, shocking! As if she hasn’t been on every producer’s ass to figure out everything going on this whole time, come on. She’s really laying on the guilt and saying it’s all for Pepaw, and Jax goes ahead and throws in the phrase “God’s country”, an attempt to save face.
It’s didn’t work. This is Memaw’s country.
They get off easy this time, with a warning and a promise that it will never happen again. Uh-huh. Jax figures out a lazy cheat to his next challenge of feeding the cows, and everyone is impressed. Including Jax. Mamaw is soooo impressed that she confesses she thinks Jax looks sexy in a cowboy hat and I am fast forwarding.
Kentucky Fried Lickin’
After a long hard day of throwing hay off a truck, we decide to cool down with some water (vodka). Jax is clearly getting fed up with the fact that everyone is riding his ass about marriage, while they also have kids out of wedlock. See, here’s the thing. Yes, Jax, you have a point. I think it’s shitty and annoying that they are harassing you like this too (except for the fact that production probably told them that is a driving force of the series), BUT…. Their daughter did move across the country to be with you. It’s kind of fair for them to have some questions. Speaking of ridiculous questions… Jax asks Brittany’s sister if it was difficult having children out of wedlock. And here’s everyone’s reaction.
At least she has a beautiful story about her family overcoming their previous beliefs and accepting her as she was. Summed up, “well yeah pepaw said it’s fine so it’s fine we’re all fine”. Thankfully, this conversation gave us a flashback of Peter, Jax, and Schwartzy babysitting. So they’re going to watch Tiffany’s kids for the night and take them out to the fanciest restaurant in town: Applebee’s. We get a FaceTime appearance from Tom Schwartz which is basically the highlight of this episode. And even it was pretty boring. Jax thinks he could see himself getting pretty bored out here which is fair considering there’s no Sunglass Hut’s to steal from.
Now at Applebee’s, as any family dinner begins with a prayer for Arnold Palmer.
And then moving on to foot fetishes.
And that’s pretty much it.
Brittany clearly told these boys to ask Jax what he likes about her, because she doesn’t really know/wants to keep hearing how pretty her hair is. On the way home, they’re literally singing “Jax and Brittany sittin’ in a tree” – isn’t this kid like 13? This whole sequence could have so easily been turned into a horror film, two expressionless children singing, cut to Brittany cackling like a witch… Has Andy done this already, or am I going to have to learn how?
Next day, we go to Don’s house. Don has become my favorite person on the show by the end of this episode. He makes Jax get some frogs, Brittany almost says pussy, while he gives Jax the lecture. Jax goes on about how he thinks Brittany is getting depressed, losing her spark, it’s classic Jax complete bullshit. And Don is NOT HAVING it. It’s amazing.
It looks like we’ve got some real drama next week, and thank god, because this episode was beyond boring. Thanks everyone for reading! I also just started recapping Real Housewives of Dallas, check that out for some more drama/accents/dick jokes! Love you all!