It appears that the reunion will be three unnecessary parts. I say that because we aren’t going to get divorce dish from Luann who filed after the taping. We’re also not going to get Carole and Adam break up dirt because that came out just this week. We’re also not going to find out if Sonja’s installed an EZ Pass on her Holland Tunnel because she’s sober tonight. Waste. Of. Time. But lets see how far we get with this.
Tinsley is in a Little House on Layaway dress. Ramona is dress like Suddenly Single Barbie. Luann is wearing one of her wedding dresses which is strange because when do these women recycle an outfit? I’m thinking that it was the only thing she could grab as she stormed out of her house after last week’s Missy and the mic scene.
Carole, in one of the only moments she’ll contribute tonight, says that she’s enjoying marathon training. Tinsley also gets a moment to share how in love she is with Scott’s wallet. Sonja found a three bedroom place that she loves but she hasn’t put the townhouse on the market because it’s hard to sell a four story bidet. Ramona went on Love Connection but it didn’t work out when the guy saw how she treated the valet outside the studio. She did however find a man who loves to look down on 99 percenters and she’s in “heavy like” with him.
Ramona’s new guy was on blind date. She checked him out, Sonja egged her on and voila! She pulled a Luann and they’ve been dating ever since. Carole asks what happened to the blind date but like Queen Luann, Ramona ignored the collateral damage. I can’t wait until next season when we find out that the blind date was Missy. Luann is happy that Ramona has a man so she can stop focusing on her relationship with Tom. Ramona says she wasn’t focused on him, Tom was focused on everyone else. Score one for Goldie Pawn over there!
Ramona admits that she had a bad year. She admits to a boob and eyelid job but points out that she didn’t need them until her 50s because she’s humble like that. Then she says that she’s heard sperm is good for your face but what does she know? She usually flings it at the housekeeper for prompt disposal.
She says that she didn’t mean to damage Dorinda’s house by ripping down the production lights in the Berkshires. She admits being drunk and not seeing the damage or herself for who she really is. Ramona tries to make this into a deep aha moment but it’s like, just say sorry. Bethenny has a Skinny Girl ax to grind, it’s a really fragile, ineffective ax by the way, and says that Ramona ignored her assistant Julia whom she’s known for years. Ramona blames it on being abused but Bethenny removes that thing faster than Frenchie with a drunken Sonja. Bethenny reminds her that she claims she came from nothing so she should respect these losers.
“They’re almost people too.”
Bethenny calls her a horror show and Ramona says she is what she is. Andy mentions that Jill had the same opinion of Ramona as Bethenny but she counters that a monkey could have seen that. Ramona says that she has been mean and they offer her the angry divorcee excuse. She gladly accepts and says that she’s working on herself.
“I’ve been working really hard. Harder than Pedro at the villa I’ll tell you that.”
“His name was Alex.”
We see a super long video of Dorinda’s greatest hits which is apparently how we’re going to stretch this into three episodes. She translates “clip” for Andy. Shocker: it means shut up. Dorinda says she no longer believes in “go low, go high” so she just always goes high…to places and events.
Everyone accuses Sonja of planting stories. She denies it but everyone knows it’s true. She also claims ten month sobriety and everyone knows that’s not true. Tinsley says that Sonja drank at home but not like crazy.
“I needed the whiskey to kill whatever was in that ice.”
Then Sonja is questioned about wearing Dorinda’s special pajamas without asking. She never apologized and argues that they were in her closet! Dorinda reminds her that those box shaped little rooms all belong to the homeowner. Everyone has to coach Sonja into apologizing which she eventually does with the same tact employed in the washing of her thongs in her 18th century glacette.
It’s time for the little marriage that couldn’t. Luann says that she loves what married life brings, likes having a partner in crime and loves Tom. In short, she likes being Mrs. D’Agostino “right now”. Everyone raises their brows as much as the ‘tox will allow at that comment.
“Ramona, your doctor missed a spot…right here.”
Sonja finally gets a break when Luann admits sending her a save the date for the wedding but it was retracted when Sonja spoke negatively in the press. Andy wants to know what Ramona knew about Tom at last year’s reunion. Ramona makes them beg for it for about -0.2 seconds and then says that he kissed the Regency ex in L.A. after the NY incident. Then she says that Tom met a woman from Philadelphia at the Regency and went up to her hotel room saying that he had an open relationship. She says that nothing happened though. Anyone else think that Tom, possibly in conjunction with Luann, arranged for him to look like this raging cheater as a really big beard? I still can’t figure out why he’d get married if he truly had no intention to even try to be married.
Andy presses and asks if anyone else has heard more rumors since they’ve been married. Everyone is quiet. Bethenny says that they’ve all heard stuff but they’re numb to it. They have whatever arrangement they have and they’re all accepting it. Luann says it’s not an arrangement, it’s a marriage. It’s not open and she would leave if he cheated.
“I’ve already got my third wedding dress ready for my Iyanla episode.”
We see the clip of him removing his mic which Luann just saw last night. She didn’t have time to discuss it with him which is odd because I’d have held his Regency Diner’s Club card hostage until he told me what happened. Ramona says that he always goes over the line with women and Bethenny says he seems insecure and flirts to draw attention to himself.
“You’d think he’d wanna hide since he’s poor and creepy.”
Bethenny says that she has an inhuman way of dealing with this and she’s behind a countess shield. She says she’d be in a bathroom crying if he spoke to her like that. Umm, Bethenny would be in the bathroom crying like that if she saw an errant scuff mark on a subway station baseboard. Luann drops the bomb that she spent the night at a hotel. She says she always looks tough on account of her statement necklaces but he doesn’t realize how bad he comes off on TV. She corrects it to say that it’s also about how she feels.
“It wasn’t easy having “I brake for baldies” tatted on my ass.”
We also find out that Noel had a hard time accepting Tom because of the stuff he saw on the show. She says that they aren’t super close but things have improved since Tom’s taken down his christianmingle profile. Then Luann defends Tom hanging out with the L.A . girl because like her hairstyle he’s old and can’t change. She can’t stop him from going to the Regency but all of the other women are like, yeah you totally can. Then Luann says that the only reason he still sees Missy is because Ramona keeps bringing her around like she’s her court appointed ghost of Regency past. Lastly, Luann claims that Tom just has a strange sense of humor. You hear that guys? He’s a regular Gallagher – melon fetish and all.
Next week we’re going to move on to Tinsley, Sonja and alcohol and some more Ramona stuff. What’d you think? Love you for reading and commenting!