Previously, Dorinda helped Luann get Cabaret Costumes FO FREE.
But can you get them to give them to me for free, Dorinda?
Dorinda and Luann fought and made up, but Dorinda still thinks Lu owes her an apology. Sonja has been sucking Bethenny’s ass all season. Tinsley moved into the penthouse in hopes of living with Scott. Lu was in the clink for being drunk and disorderly and assaulting a cop.
Yes, I did threaten to kill them all, and I’ll do the same to you Judge Judy.
Two topics of note – first, the elephant in the room- the death of Bethenny’s boyfriend, Dennis. Obviously, this is very sad for Dennis’s wife, children and family- and of course, Bethenny must be devastated. Now there is news that Jason is now accusing Bethenny of “dangerous parenting” and, reportedly, requesting Bethenny be drug tested. I don’t want to comment too much on this as MisRed is reading the same stuff you guys are. MisRed has mixed feelings Bethenny, but this woman does not need any more emotional scars. But hey, at least she secured her storyline for next year.
Lu, the innocent victim, in white.
Second topic, Luann’s post-4-day-rehab-stint-interview with Megyn Kelly… not much to report, it was, basically, 9 minutes of nothing new. Interesting that Miss Andy was passed over in favor of Megyn Kelly? Andy IS on vacation this week, but MisRed is wondering if Lu doesn’t think she’s too big for Andy?
We open at rehearsal of Lu’s cabaret act. Wow, work must be scarce for Matt Damon.
I can scrape together rent money strumming for The Countess
Lu is getting nervous for her performance but she’s excited. Ben and she discuss how Lu needs to learn the names of her friends in #CountessandFriends. These friends must be really close if she doesn’t know their names.
At least Lu isn’t wasting money on a graphic designer.
Ben asks if they “Need to deal with Sonja?” Lu tells Ben that she did explain to Sonja that her elderly mother is going to be there, and her children and Lu doesn’t want to have to be Sonja’s “snatch guard.”
Yeah, Lu is going to have enough to do, you know, actually attempting to “sing.” You can get anything in New York- I’m sure you can hire a snatch guard for a few hours. Just look on TaskRabbit.com.
Sonja meets Ramona at a nail salon. Sonja says that “Taking on this cabaret has been EXHAUSTING for me.” What, exactly, is Sonja exhausted from? Not learning her lines and her cues? Also, what else does Sonja have to do? Shoving fans behind garbage cans can’t take THAT much time. Sonja interviews that she knows she can “wing this” and she’s done it before. Yes, she has. And it was a disaster. But Sonja says, “The real diva tonight is: Luann.” Well yes, her name is on the Marquee. Ramona asks Sonja if she’s going to show off her ass at the show.
Bahaha. Ramona asks it like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Almost like “are you wearing your leather jacket tonight?”
Sonja reveals that Lu called her and told her that- in light of the guest list, that Sonja should keep covered and not show her “T&A.” Sonja doesn’t understand “What’s cabaret without T&A? People are coming to see Sonja Morgan, they expect, that’s my shtick. That’s what they think of when they think of me. Synonymous. I was thinking, if my kid were coming, would I do it? Yeah.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, Sonja Morgan: Legacy. Anyone know if Sonja’s parents are still alive? Did they die of embarrassment?
Bethenny, joyful, as always.
We join Bethenny, at her apartment, in her Glam Room as she gets make-up applied and hair extensions inserted. Inserted? Is that what happens with hair extensions? MisRed has no clue. If it doesn’t happen a Costco, MisRed doesn’t know about it. Bethenny originally thought Lu’s Cabaret was going to be a joke – but it’s not. It’s actually happening.
I mean, it’s still a joke that everyone, except Luann, is in on, but MisRed digresses.
The hair stylist- obviously provided with strategic talking points by Bethenny- asks “Is Carole going to be there?” Bethenny offers an unrequested explanation of their current friendship status. That Carole isn’t into Bethenny because Bethenny is toxic and Bethenny isn’t into Carole because she has changed and has become superficial.
Have we ever seen Carole with a glam squad?
She says this as she’s having 7 pounds of make-up applied and hair extensions stapled in. Well it’s a good thing Bethenny has a mirror RIGHT in front of her… I’m sure she will see the irony. Not.
Yasssss! Lu is giving FULL Sacha Baron Cohen
Luann is having her makeup done and wig teased, Ictoria materializes from the dust bunnies behind a garbage can, to bring her mother flowers. MisRed instantly begins to itch. Ictoria has a faux sheepskin collar on her leather coat which you KNOW is infested with lice.
Money CAN buy you soap.
You know how protesters throw paint on people wearing fur? Can someone throw some soapy water on Ictoria? Lu is getting nervous for her performance.
She leaves her apartment in FULL DRAG. Seriously, most performers go to the theater in “street clothes.” Lu is in Street Meat Clothes, complete with a short-sleeved white monkey fur bolero.
She must have gotten a 2 for 1 deal with the purple one from last week.
At Tinsley’s Penthouse, she says she LOVES to entertain… with cheese platters she’s ordered from room service.
Who wore it better?
Dorinda shows up, channeling MisRed’s doppleganger- ENDORA. She is wearing a sequined jumpsuit and MisRed is digging it. The Blue Eye Shadow is a little much. A little Mimi from Drew Carey, but whatever- it’s a look.
Dorinda asks after Scott, who is not in town.
Tinsley in PANTS!!!
Tinsley offers Dorinda a drink and when Dorinda says she will have champagne, Tinsley makes Dorinda open it. Really? Tinsley is a socialite- don’t they teach you how to pop bottles in Socialite School?
Dorinda is more than happy to open the champs- as she was a waitress for a LONG time. Dorinda puts on a little show for Tinsley and shows her how to open a bottle of champagne.
Coffee, Tea or Me?
She pretends she’s waiting on a table and making small talk with the invisible people. See, THIS is the Dorinda that MisRed loves. The pre-slur.
Tinsley then hits the button to launch the nuclear warhead, “Is John coming?” Dorinda explains that he was not invited. Tinsley says, “But what about afterwards?”
I roll my own.
Dorinda says that isn’t how she rolls. And that after six years together, that it would have been a nice gesture to invite him. Tinsley says that Scott was always going to be out of town that weekend, so it wasn’t an issue.
In her talking head, Tinsley says that Luann had randomly invited Scott that very day. Tinsley is unsure if she is going to tell Dorinda- she is unsure why Scott would be invited, and John wouldn’t be.
Carole arrives, also in sequins, “What else do you wear to a Cabaret show starring the Countess de Lesseps…and friends?”
Dorinda’s stripes are going in the wrong direction for Lu’s history.
Orange jumpsuit? Leg Shackles? Just a few OTHER ideas that none of these betches has the balls to pull off.
Dorinda tells Carole that John isn’t coming. Carole is like- You should call Luann and make sure that’s correct. Dorinda says that she DID call Luann, and Luann said that Dorinda “should have asked me months ago. If you really wanted him to come, you should have bought a ticket.”
Oh Lu. As if anyone is, actually, buying tickets. Honey, don’t be ridiculous.
Tinsley and Carole agree that this is RUDE.
Then Carole gets out her dual-use bone. The REALLY big one.
The one she can stir the pot with and then pass onto Dorinda to chew on the rest of the evening. “I thought you got all of her outfits for her.”
Oh yeah!!! How could we forget?
Tinsley is like- Oh yeah!!! Dorinda says it was thousands of dollars in free outfits.
Dorinda interviews that she thinks this is Lu’s way of punishing Dorinda for what happened in Cartagena. Maybe. She says John has always been nice to Luann- on many different occasions, and that it’s rude that he’s not invited, especially considering what good friends she and Luann are supposed to be. I wonder what these “many different occasions” might be? And how much of the Colombian BamBam was involved?
MisRed has a few thoughts. A) Yes, it’s Rude. Especially coming from someone who is the self-appointed authority on class and manners. If Dorinda had just started dating John, okay- no invite, that’s understandable. If John and Lu had some BEEF- ok, no invite. Although I’m sure John is somewhere, right now, eating some beef. B) Lu could have tossed out the blanket excuse- I didn’t ask anyone to bring a date. Or. OR- most of the other girls don’t have boyfriends, so we are going to make it a GIRLS NIGHT. C) Lu could have said to Dorinda “Hey, Tinsley doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with Scott, if he happens to be in town for the weekend, I’d like to invite him. But John can still dry clean my costumes if he does it gratis.” D) Lu could have said “It’s a super small venue, I am really tight on tickets- please invite John to come to the after party**.
**Which I THINK may have actually happened because, earlier Dorinda says (after Tinsley suggested that surely (and don’t call me Shirley) John could come to the after party) “That’s not how I roll.” Plus, later, Lu says some stuff that makes me believe that Dorinda might not be telling the whole truth.
In her dressing room, Luann, who truly believes she is a talented performer, is chanting. It could be doing vocal warm-ups but it’s hard to warm up a gravel driveway, you know? Plus, my closed captioning said [CHANTING]. Lu tells us that earlier in the day, Dorinda started texting her about why John wasn’t invited to the show?
In Lu’s interview she says that she told Dorinda, “He’s always welcome, you only had to ask me, but you didn’t, did you?”Okay, MisRed calls BS. If John was WELCOME, he would have been invited. ALSO, it’s an awkward position to put Dorinda in- you extend an invite and then she has to ask if her boyfriend can come?
The girls begin to arrive at the show. Tinsley thinks it’s amazing how quickly Luann turned her life around. ???? From being a Countess to a drunk with a record? Well, it’s been a few years- she’s taken her time, really.
I love how people act like Luann was kidnapped and was sold into sex trafficking, only to escape and live on the streets of Guadalajara, in a cardboard box, with her faithful monkey, Jacques, whom she, affectionately, calls “Bananas,” only to hop an intermodal freight train that got her just over the border into Texas, where she scraped together enough money, selling fireworks on the side of the road, to get money for a bus ticket to New York, where discovered by Simon Cowell, who heard her singing the score to “Oliver,” while scrubbing toilets at Port Authority, whisked her away to Lucky Cheng’s, only to discover she is anatomically female, then not knowing what to do with her, sent her to Ben for a little My Fair Lady make-over and is now staring on Broadway and is the toast of New York City…
When in actuality, Luann has just made a series of bad choices and when forced to pay the consequences to these bad choices ran to rehab to make herself look good in the eyes of the court to get her charges lessened/dropped. Then, when the sh*t hit the fan with her kids and ex-husband, ran BACK to rehab to avoid having to address the situation at the Reunion. Not for nothing, the whole Cabaret thing was in the works BEFORE her arrest- so she is merely fulfilling her commitments- it just so happens that her arrest gives her a little bit of comedic material.
Tinsley goes on to say that she saw Lu’s rehearsal in Columbia and it wasn’t great. That’s an understatement.
Ramona joins Tinsley, Dorinda and Carole at the show.
Tinsley tells Carole that Lu invited Scott and she was reluctant to tell Dorinda. Tinsley shows Lu’s text to Carole. Carole- the pot stirrer- tells Tinsley that it’s better to be transparent and that’s her new motto. Carole thinks that Luann is not nice for leaving out John.
Sonja arrives and joins the table. Carole and Dorinda switch places at the table so Tinsley can drop the bomb on Dorinda. Carole makes small talk with Bethenny and Ramona. Bethenny brags about her new apartment.
Tinsley breaks the news to Dorinda that Luann invited Scott to the show- THAT DAY. Dorinda is like – You are kidding?
Whomp Whomp Whomp
Lu’s text came in at 10am inviting Scott. Dorinda tells the information to Ramona and Bethenny and Bethenny LEAPS to Lu’s defense because, you know, Luann is now Bethenny’s bitch, “Maybe it slipped her mind because of the show!” Dorinda is like- that’s bullsh*t. Apparently, the Dorinda / Lu texting happened an hour before the text to Tinsley.
Dorinda is like- I’ve been with John for six years and Lu has met Scott once. It could, in fact, be a safety hazard. Scott IS less shiny than John, and with all of these sequins, Lu could blind herself, fall off the stage and hit that big pumpkin head of hers.
Sequins, A Cautionary Tale.
Ramona then tells Sonja the information and Sonja is like “Dorinda needs to let this go. This is Luann’s night.”
Okay, I’m not saying I agree with Sonja- because Sonja just kisses whatever ass is in front of her, but I agree that it’s Luann’s night and NONE of this should have been brought up. Tinsley should have kept the Scott thing to herself – at least for the evening. I mean, the pile of leaves was already smoldering, it wasn’t necessary to throw the gasoline on at this moment. BUT either all boyfriends should have been invited or none and an appropriate explanation should have been given by the Cuntess herself. But all of this could be addressed at another time.
But then again, if this hadn’t happened this episode would have been a snoozer.
Tinsley thinks that Lu has an agenda, a “Stab Agenda.” Eh, maybe not the exact words MisRed would use. Bethenny, of course, interviews “Who cares?!? I don’t think there was like some demonic plot to excommunicate John. It doesn’t even make sense.”
Well, that’s exactly the issue with this situation Bethenny. If there was no demonic plot… your words, not MisRed’s, why – if not for the current tiff between Dorinda and Lu or some other demonic situation of which we are not aware in which John, somehow, wronged Luann <coughcoughcutthecokewithbabylaxativecoughcough> <coughcoughALLEDGEDLYcoughcough>, (Just kidding MisRed is totally making that up. Pulled it right out of thin air.), why would John be excluded but Scott Included?
And while we are at it… the REAL beef between Luann and Dorinda SHOULD be Dorinda setting Luann up with the Penis Ambassador to The Regency Hotel: Tommy D’ag.
The Diva has spoken
Dorinda READS Lu’s text aloud from 10am: “Not my problem. It’s my big night. Break a leg would be a better message. You should have asked sooner if you wanted him to attend.”
Fair enough. Lu IS putting Dorinda in an awkward situation by making her ask to bring him but to me, it’s an excuse. If Dorinda had asked weeks earlier, there would have been some other excuse. And I’m sure John knows some people who could break Lu’s legs if that’s what she’s after.
Bethenny tells her to be the bigger person. Oh, like Bethenny always is? Not inviting Ramona to things, attacking John at Dorinda’s bra party, spreading rumors about Adam, not RSVP’ing to events, calling Lu a slut and a snake and calling Sonja a fraud. Well that one is true…
MisRed does not dispute that Dorinda is a nasty drunk. She has anger issues, coupled with an alcohol issue- and it makes her VERY ugly when she’s in this state. However, more than any of these people, Dorinda does seem to be- when not wasted- the most supportive, the most caring, the most thoughtful of all of these women. And when people are like this they tend to get walked on. Their feelings tend to be forgotten. “Oh, be the bigger person.” Yes, she can be but then it’s just excusing the SMALLER person’s behavior.
Well it’s SHOW TIME. The music starts, and Lu enters. If Dorinda’s looks were capable of knocking someone over… Lu would be in the bushes. “She’s wearing the dresses I got her.”
How am I doing? Not well, BITCH.
Oh Jesus, buckle up.
Luann is trying to be cool, not all uncool and she dances across the stage like the whitest woman in history. Lu talks to the crowd. She says she “FINALLY made it. After being briefly detained.”
I was trapped in the system.
Cue the rim shot. She says that she had a list of songs she wanted to perform but had to rethink things- one of the songs was Jailhouse Rock.
Lu’s Mom and Sister
Ramona is in STICHES. Haw! Haw! Haw! “She owns it in such a funny way.” As if Luann wrote ANY of these lines. She does a few more jail/ drunk jokes. Then Rachel Dratch- who clearly lost all of her money in some kind of Nigerian Prince Email Scam – joins Lu on stage. They banter, and Lu tells Rach that since her divorce people don’t think she should be called Countess. But … wait for it: LOOK AT QUEEN LATIFAH!!!! Ugh. Seriously. Rach says – Yeah, it’s not as if she’s married to a King!
Rachel, honey, you can do better than that.
She has Laura Benanti join her on stage- and Tony Yazbeck- who won a Tony. In fact, he only changed his name to Tony after he won a Tony. His real name is Sidney. She also has Andrew Keenan-Bolger and Bridget Everett- who IS hysterical. Bridget makes Sonja motorboat her. As if one has to make Sonja do anything.
What we see of Lu’s show is fun and as Bethenny says in her talking head, she’s not taking herself seriously and is making herself the butt of the joke. Well, onstage, yes. Off-Stage, you know, she’s trying to get cast in any Broadway Show that will have her. Lu Miserable? Hamluton? Alludin? My Fair Lu? The Book of Lumon? The Luon King? Sponge Bob Lu Pants?
Everyone is having a great time.
Finally, Lu asks the audience if they like her outfit? Dorinda is like “Another outfit I got for her.” Lu doesn’t give Jovani any credit, she says it’s from her “I lost 10 pounds in rehab collection.”
Dorinda yelling out “Jovani! Thank you, Jovani!”
Like a dog with a bone.
Lu should have put it in the Playbill- Costumes furnished by Jovani or been like- do you like this dress? “Jovani was so kind to provide all of my get-ups for tonight.” OR SOMETHING. MisRed even took one for the team and went to Luann’s website and couldn’t see any mention of “Costumes by:” or even any other credit except for Billy Stritch.
Money can’t buy you class, but it can buy you all of THIS CRAP:
Bethenny says that Dorinda can’t be reasoned with when she gets herself all worked up like this. And that she “wastes an awful lot of energy on getting worked up. And I think Dorinda just likes to fight.” Bahahahaha. Where’s that mirror, Bethenny? Take a peek, honey.
Luann really is something. It’s amazing her head fit through the stage door. Lu hears Dorinda yelling “JOVANI!” In her talking head she says “Yeah, you gave me a showroom to go to and the dresses fit me like a glove. Don’t throw your jealous energy up here on stage with me! No, no girlfriend. I got this.”
And then Lu- uh- shimmies in her talking head.
Well that image is burned into MisRed’s retinas. And another thing- SHUT UP!
Using Vicki Gunvalson logic, Lu wouldn’t even BE here without Dorinda.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THAT STAGE WITHOUT DORINDA?
If Dorinda hadn’t introduced Lu to Tommy D’ag, she never would have rushed into a doomed marriage and gotten divorced 13 days later. Lu never would have bobbed up to the top of the newsfeed with her quickie divorce, and she never would have been offered the Cabaret. Which led to her drunken arrest and rehab, the major plotline for this act.
Lu then introduces Sonja and they sing “Money Can’t Buy You Class” with the Beat Boxer, and then… of course you know what happens next, Sonja unties her dress and flashes the audience.
Sonja interviews to “Give me a little credit, all of my dresses are trained to come off after 11:00.”
Yes, Sonja, yes. You are a messy, pathetic skank. Congratulations, point proven. So repulsive. And GROSS after Luann SPOKE to her about the specific thing. Thankfully, Lu takes it in stride, I mean, what else is she going to do?
Renee is SO HERE for the T&A
“Luann is owning the stage like I’ve never seen her own anything.” Ramona says. Of course, Lu only owns things because of The Count.
Carole says she loves the Cabaret- “Does Lu sing off-key? Yes, she does. But it almost doesn’t matter. Luann has found her sweet spot.” Yes, a woman channeling a Dude playing a Drag Queen.
Luann says she feels like she climbed Mount Everest. “Feels good to be at the top instead of at the bottom with shackles on my ankles.”
Yes, when Lu was caught up in the system for 3 whole hours. She’s a regular West Memphis 3.
We move to the after party at the Viceroy and the girls all arrive, and the place is crawling with desperate-looking dudes. Well, they came to the right place- Sonja, Ramona and Lu will all be there. Lu wants to ride the Street Meat Train all the way DOWNTOWN. The Local.
Carole has a bouquet of flowers in her arms. She says that some guy gave them to her at the show. Sonja tells her to “Give them to Lu- we forgot to get her flowers. Usually Dorinda brings a gift.” SEE?!?!? Put it all on the one who is always the most considerate, when she hasn’t drunk a trough of vodka sodas. Carole is like- yeah well, Dorinda isn’t too happy with Lu these days.
Oh, gotta go, that penis is from out of town.
Then Sonja spots a penis and is like Carole who?
Later, Bethenny and Sonja chat and Bethenny said she really enjoyed the show. “Like, I was actually trying to watch.” They talk about Dorinda and “Jovani.” Bethenny thinks Dorinda was being ridiculous- which she was- “She doesn’t owe her life to you, she wore a goddamned dress.”
Oh yeah, isn’t there some kind of issue between Bethenny and Ramona over a dress? Hmmm.
I wonder if it hadn’t been Luann, but rather Ramona or Tinsley or Carole. How awful would Bethenny have thought THEY were for not acknowledging the big favor Dorinda did?
Sonja says “Dorinda is making herself look really bad. She needs to go away like Luann did.” How will going to jail solve anything? OH! She means rehab.
Dorinda is ready to leave. Bridget Everett goes up to Dorinda and encourages Dorinda to do a Cabaret act of her own. Lu would accuse her of stealing her hair and her act.
Bethenny and Carole have a little chat. It’s a good conversation- light and not crazy, no accusations being thrown. They talk about Bethenny summering in the Hamptons. Blah Blah Blah. Carole interviews that this is the conversation they should have had months ago.
Ramona comes up. Bethenny is like “Can I just finish this one thought with her?” Not totally rude, but of course Ramona already has a bug up her ass with Bethenny regarding her not RSVP’ing to the Ageless party. Ramona is like- should I come back in 1 minute? 2 minutes? 5 minutes? Do you want to hear the fish special?
Bethenny is IMMEDIATELY unhinged. Ramona says “Actually, I have something I’d like to talk to you about. Give me a time slip.” Bethenny is like- call my secretary and she’ll give you an appointment. She’s joking, but it’s a bite.
Ramona is like, well, you know I’ll just do this now. “I am disappointed you never responded to my invitation to my celebration of my anti-skincare line.” LOL, I love when Ramona mis-speaks.
Bethenny doesn’t need to explain anything to anyone.
Bethenny could have apologized but she didn’t. She says “I get that you are disappointed. Noted.” Ramona asks why? “I don’t feel the need to give you an explanation.” Bethenny had ANOTHER opportunity to smooth this over, but she just cannot be nice to Ramona- it’s not possible. She could have easily said “I apologize that you didn’t get my RSVP. I had asked “Whassamattah” in my office to send you a note. It sounds like you didn’t receive it- I will speak to her. I heard it went well, Congratulations.” And then Bethenny could have done what she always does- just bash her in her Talking Head, which she did anyway.
Carole is like… Uh, yeah, I gotta go, I think Tinsley’s crinoline is on fire. And Carole slinks away.
Bethenny says she doesn’t take Ramona seriously, none of her businesses have panned out, and she isn’t successful. She has a point, but it was still an invitation and for her to NOT RSVP is rude. I’m sorrrry. Plus, what skin is it off Bethenny’s back? She goes to a party for a few hours, gets a few free drinks, maybe some grub and then nobody thinks she’s a horrible, nasty shrew. Net/Net Bethenny is over Ramona. She holds a grudge over her stealing that dress from her (unsuccessful) Talk Show and thinks Ramona is ridiculous. Which she is. But Bethenny doesn’t need to be a total c*nt 24/7, she could give it a rest. Maybe take a month off.
Wow. Not Whoa.
Ramona is like- YOU DON’T SUPPORT OTHER WOMEN! Wow Bethenny Wow Wow Wow!!! And Ramona STORMS away. Lol. The look on Ramona’s face was a riot and MisRed wishes she could have gotten a clearly screen-grab.
Carole advises Ramona to just lower her expectations when it comes to Bethenny, and that Ramona would be good to just, you know, see people for who they are. This way you won’t be always be disappointed. Probably good advice.
She’s a B I
And it’s a revelation to Ramona! Let’s see how long this lasts.
Carole says they should focus on Luann and her sobriety and what she has accomplished- although she’s a little upset with Luann about the Dorinda thing. But she hopes it’s just a bump in the road.
Luann finally arrives “Always leave people in anticipation, waiting for the STAR to arrive.” Luann really thinks this is something and that she has some talent. The next Cabaret would be #DelusionalCountessandFriends
In her talking head, Dorinda says always tries to do the right thing and to be polite and gracious. Dorinda congratulates Lu. She knew she just need to that and then she knew that she was free to go.
Bethenny wants to know why Dorinda is so upset over this Jovani thing? Dorinda says that Lu should be appreciative of Dorinda helping her and getting her these outfits. Bethenny tells Dorinda that she should just be happy that Luann is wearing the outfits.
Just like I was when Ramona stole my dress.
Uh… no. I mean, I suppose it COULD be worse- Lu could have taken the outfits and then NOT worn them. Yes, that would be worse.
Dorinda is like, “Absolutely, then don’t treat me like shit when I want to have my boyfriend here. Then do the right thing by me too.” Bethenny asks why she is connecting the dresses with John? Really Bethenny? Dorinda says that it’s someone doing someone a favor and then being kind in response. It’s not that hard to figure out, Bethenny.
Bethenny doesn’t have people in her life – she pushes everyone away so maybe that’s why she wouldn’t see or understand that relationships are give and take.
Luann says, “I’ve arrived.” Ramona GUSHES over Lu.
Tinsley, Sonja and Bethenny talk about why Lu invited Scott but not John. Bethenny wants to get to the bottom of the situation, mainly to stir the pot, so she decides to talk to Luann.
The looks on these women’s faces is priceless.
At the other end of the party Sonja explains to Ben, Lu’s producer “I’m not a star, but I knew how to get them crazy. As long as my dress falls off, we’re good.”
Bethenny asks Lu why she didn’t invite John but invited Scott? Lu says she thought he was coming, but she had an issue with him sitting at the table. Bethenny was like- Oh, so you told her that he could come? Lu is like- No, I didn’t because I had no more seats left.
She was just supposed to know.
In Luann’s Talking Head, she, in FULL DIVA says “I’m going on stage tonight, I don’t have time for this sh*t.”
I still have the runs from Colombia!
Bethenny goes back and relays Lu’s bullsh*t story – that Lu thought that Dorinda was just going to bring him. Dorinda is like “No. I only bring people that are invited.” Dorinda interviews that Lu never said that John could come, and if there was any insinuation, it was MURKY at best.
Welllllll, here we go back to my theory that maybe John was invited to the after party, but Dorinda had her nose out of joint and was like – either he comes to everything or I will deprive you of his shininess for the entire evening.
Lu comes up to the group and says that “It seems heavy over here.” Jeez, imagine if John had been there. Dorinda walks away from the group. Carole explains to Lu that they were trying to figure out why Lu would invite Scott but not John. Lu is like OMG.
Dorinda gets another drink. Lu tells the group, “I’m not letting her ruin my night. She ruined her own night. She didn’t invite John. She never asked me.” Carole is like- you told her no, that there were no more seats. Lu goes onto explain that it’s all via text and Dorinda then called Lu and screamed at her, asking her why is she not nice to John?
Dorinda comes back, and Lu is pissed and is like -I’m going to settle this and then enjoy my night. Dorinda slurs- “No, let’s not talk about it now. It’s your night, you look beautiful. The dresses are beautiful. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for inviting Scott last-minute.” LOL it’s the most passive aggressive string of compliments EVER uttered. LOL.
Lu is like WOW. Lu wants to clarify, Dorinda doesn’t want it. Dorinda goes into her whole, pointing / accusation act- which, really could have fit quite nicely into Lu’s act- equally as well as Sonja dress “falling off” in my opinion. “You aren’t going to lecture me tonight.” Lu says that it’s not a lecture, they are having a conversation… Dorinda is NOT having it and is like “Thank you so much for having me, thank you for inviting Scott, you look beautiful. Congratulations, my darling. Fantastic. Thumbs up.” And then she walks away.
Bethenny tells Lu to enjoy her night. Lu is disappointed and interviews “Really girlfriend?” She expected Dorinda to be so happy for her. “After what I’ve been through? Beyond.”
Was Luann enslaved and forced to row on the Mayflower? On the Titanic when it sank? In the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire? Was she on the Hindenburg?
OH, THE LUMANITY!!!
Was she the Lindbergh baby? Did she get a severed finger in her can of Coke? A rat in her KFC?
What exactly has Lu been through that wasn’t over her own creation and stupid decision making???
Dorinda tells Carole that she’s not going to be humiliated and she doesn’t care about her friendship with Luann and that she has tried hard to do the right thing and if this is how Lu is going to act, she’s done. She goes to leave, and she slurs to Carole “Stand up for me. Stand up for me.”
Ramona comes up to Lu and Bethenny and says that all of Lu’s outfits were so hot.
Licks her finger and yells “SIZZLE!! SIZZLE!!”
Bethenny hugs Carole and says that they definitely took a left turn.
Carole says, “We’ll get it back.” Bethenny interviews that “the seas were a little rough for me. But I’m stronger than that.”
Carole says she has no doubt that they will find their sweet spot again. Yeah, like completely and utterly estranged. Carole hugs Bethenny and tells her she really cares about her.
Sonja comes up to Lu, who is sitting with her Mom. Sonja asks Lu’s Mom if she is proud of Lu. MamaLu is like “I’ll have to learn to sing.” Yeah, maybe get your daughter some lessons, while you are at it, honey. Sonja tells her she should get up on stage and they can rig her dress to fall off on cue.
Tinsley tells Lu she has a gift for her. After all they both went through, she feels like Luann is her “Palm Beach Soul Sister.” Tinsley interviews that she is so happy, even though her relationship isn’t exactly where she wants it to be- she thinks it’s a great starting point for her future.
Tinsley’s gift, a set of pillows “What happens in Palm Beach…. Stays in Palm Beach.”
Lu interviews that “Three months ago, I was at my rock bottom. It took a lot of hard work and introspection into myself to be able to pull myself together for my new career in Cabaret.”
Luann IS the ONLY one who is taking this seriously?
Next week: The Reunion, Part 1 of 796
Bethenny is trying her hardest to channel Meghan Markel with her messy bun. Andy asks how a grown woman’s poop gets on the floor? Carole tells Andy that he is “full of sh*t.” This isn’t exactly news. Ramona yells at Bethenny, seemingly for having fake breasts. Bethenny accuses Carole of bashing her in her blogs, Carole says it’s merely holding Bethenny accountable. Bethenny gets off the couch and into Carole’s face- we assume with some receipts- and yells “Booyah, Bitch.”
Nothing like a phrase from 25 years ago to bring the point home. WHOA.
MisRed slowly exhales… what a season! Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain. HIT IT BOYS!!!
MisRed is going to decompress. Do you think Dorinda has a right to be mad? Do you think Lu is acting like a Diva? Is Ramona going to come out with an Anti Skincare line? And will it be successful? As always, MisRed loves your thoughts, comments and for your support all season! Of course, MisRed will be here for the reunions, but she can also be found with those musty old hags in the OC.
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