Hey Trashies! Last week, BB production put on a little magic show for us, featuring Cobot noises, a quote from Poe’s “The Raven”, Josh shouting “Boo Boo” all over the house, and the most awesome Christmas nickname (besides National Hot Dog Day) ever, thus sealing their place in history as the fifth BB-Beatle — Love! <3
On another, less exciting note, did you ever feel this show is turning into a real-life reenactment of George Orwell’s 1984? Any time any of these bozos show any signs of independent thought, they get whacked. Is there a secret Torture Chamber room hidden somewhere in the house?
We open this episode with Cody making more robot noises with his neck.
F*in’ awesome, right? 🙂
The players congratulate themselves on making it to Jury. Alex is totes excited to be HoH again. Josh never thought he’d make it to Jury, and he sure knew we didn’t think he’d make it to jury, so now here he is, final 10th or 11th, yay, Our Boy 2.0 has come a long way! Mark thinks Jess blew up Paul’s game at the eviction by announcing he was the biggest threat in the house (which is so adorably clueless of him), but to his credit, he thinks it’s weird how they’re all just mindlessly doing his bidding, without any thought to their own individual games. Indeed.
Now Alex Squishes her boobs on Chucklenuts, confirming the sad news that there’s some misbehavin’ going on amongst the married men on the show.
“Woo-ee, extramarital boobs in ma face!”
Cody paces the Have Not room, and adjusts his command chip to thwart as many of the others from winning the $500K as he can. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Raven quoths to Matt that she’d put up Mark and Elena, because they’re both very sketchy, and flip flop constantly.
Meanwhile, on Josh’s ex-HoH couch, National Gastroparesis Awareness Month is checking in with Josh. She’s worried that between Elena, who is persuasive, and Mark, a strong competitor, if they bring in “fifth wheel” Cody, they’ll have a strong alliance, and the numbers, because 2 + 1 = 5. NGAM sure can count wheels, y’all, thanks to her stint as a Nascar pit-crew babe.
Now Paul talks his “Paulpets” into putting up Mark and Elena as pawns, so they can either whack Cody or break up a showmance.
“Just call me the Showmance Killer!” says Paul Paul.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Kevin tells Cody over a bowl of Fruit Loops that everybody still hates him. Cody seethes in homicidal fury, then says he’d never go after his secret true love Alex, so putting him up would be a waste of her HoH. Kevin then explains in the Diary Room that he wanted to work with Cody, but Cody’s fight with Josh put an end to that. He does think, though, that it’d be a good idea to hedge his bets by keeping friendly with Cody, in the slim-to-none chance that he wins HoH again. Oh, the folly.
Just then, Alex walks in and sees them, then goes running to tattle to the Paul-clot. Disturbed, they decide to have a sit-down with Kevin, to make sure he’s not developing a mind of his own. Kevin says he was just eating Fruit Loops! They gots the wrong idea, see? He wasn’t talking to Cody, see, Cody was talking to him…
Upstairs, stealth chess player Mark is playing chess with Chucklenuts, and wins a major piece. He asks if CN wants to take his lame-ass move back, then brings up the puppet-master in the room. They secretly decide Paul needs to come down, but they must time it exactly right. Chucklenuts agrees to keep this little chat between them.
Back in HoH, Alex asks who wants to throw the temptation competition, while National Hot Dog Day gets an extramarital back-fondle from Kevin. Matt signs up to throw the comp.
It’s true, WAAH-ha-HAAAAA!
Now the gang is subjected to various annoying noises throughout the day, such as a baby crying, a drum solo, a construction crew, a chainsaw revving up, a dog barking, and so on. Then they’re called to the Den of Temptation, to lock in their choices for the final temptation challenge. Everyone chooses to play.
Bottoms up, baby
The players gather in the backyard, where they find a giant blueprint of the BB house (sans secret torture chamber) — it’s a noisy neighbors competition!
And the BB props budget is running thin…
The HGs have to remember where they were in the house for each sound they heard. Cody says he knows for a fact that he never heard any of the sounds in the Have Not room, so he’s just going to stand there for the whole competition.
Round 1 – Matt, Cody and Paul are incorrect.
Round 2 – again, Matt, Cody and Paul are incorrect.
By now, Paul’s crew figures out Cody is trying to throw it.
Round 3 – Matt and Cody blow it.
Fourth round, Cody gets it right by accident (lol), causing us to wonder why he didn’t just go in the HoH room for the entire comp, since he was never in there, as far as we know, since they hosed it down after Jessi-pro’s HoH.
Round 5, Elena, Matt, Josh and Cody answer incorrectly.
Round 6, Matt, Josh, Kevin and Cody are incorrect.
At this point, Jason and Mark are tied for the win.
Round 7 – Elena, Matt, Kevin and Cody are all incorrect.
Round 8 – Elena, Raven and Mark are correct.
Round 9 – Raven, Mat, Josh and Cody are wrong.
Round 10 — Josh, Kevin, Cody and Matt are wrong.
Mark wins safety, and Matt is on the block as the third nominee! Mark is glad they’ll see him as more than just a meathead now, like he needs an even bigger target on his back. There’s only one thing for Cody to do right now — strip.
Thanks, BB! <3
When done pealing off his shirt, Cody weeps in the Diary Room that he let Hosickle down. He calls the others psychos, and bravely resolves to persuade them to target Paul.
Meanwhile, Alex asks Chucklenuts if he’ll go on the block. Rather than mindlessly agreeing, Chucklenuts suggests Paul, saying he’s a better competitor (yes, yes, yes!). However, just as our hopes are raised, Paul enters and pretends to go along with the plan, then interviews he has to keep pretending to these dorkuses that he wants to be their friendship boy, while doing whatever he damn pleases. Rats.
Now Elena dons her Annabelle makeup, and has a freak out in the Diary Room.
Presently, Cody has a chat with Elena in the Have Not Room, divulging that Kevin said he, Chucklenuts, Alex and Paul have a secret alliance going on, and their targets are Mark and Elena. Elena is very upset — turns out she’s been rubbing up against Paul all this time for nothing! Later, in the couch room, Paul asks Elena if she’s having a problem. He tells her to trust, but she’s starting to wake up…
Throwing caution to the wind, Elena, Mark and Cody have a little pow wow in the couch room, during which Elena gets Cody’s promise he’ll take her off the block if he wins veto. National Hot Dog Day squeaks by on her rusty invalid scooter and overhears them, then confronts Mark in the kitchen, annoyingly calling him “Kitty Boo Boo” and “Honey” over and over, while accusing him of not being faithful to Paul.
Mark admits in the Diary Room that he does flip and go where the power is, but that’s because it’s Big Brother, not Leave it to Your Friendship Boy, a-duh.
It’s time for the nomination ceremony! Alex chooses Elena and Chucklenuts, on the grounds that Elena understands it’s just part of Big Brother to be on the block every goddamned week, and Alex really wants to “play” in a “veto competition” with Chucklenuts.
Quelle surprise… it’s backdoor for Cody, uuuhhh-gain.
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