Hey Trashies! This is gonna be a real quick recap cause I have to leave for a wedding in an hour and there’s no wifi in the cabin where we’re staying. I know. It’s like being Amish for a weekend or something. Anyway, let’s do this shit.
Previous on Biiiiiiiiig Brotherrrrrrrrrr: Josh won HoH, Paul made all his decisions for him, Jess lost the challenge and went up as third nom next to Elena and Raven, and Josh decided he really wanted to get Elena out.
The Chenbot tells us that Josh has traded in his pots and pans for power. Is… Is that a thing we can do? I have a set of Rachel Ray Ceramic Cookware that I’d like to swap out for controlling interest in a major corporate entity, please.
Raven, whom the internet suspects of either malingering or downright faking, isn’t worried about getting sent home. I really hope she’s faking because if she’s a healthy liar then I can stop feeling bad about wanting to punch a terminally ill woman in the face.
More like terminally annoying, amirite???
Grampa Kevin is hard at work trying to form an alliance with Cody to break up the remaining showmances. Cody is into it, except for the part where he has to work with Paul, because fuck Paul. He’s the worst. The BB producers have started making robot sound effects when Cody moves his neck, which is kinda hilarious. Are they reading our recaps over there?
“Who keeps making that whirring sound?”
Paul is also not feeling the whole alliance with Cody thing
Indoor voice, Dickbeard
Meanwhile in some other room Jess asks Josh if he can spell Drought. Turns out he can. You know what else he can do? Throw a hissy fit the likes of which you haven’t seen unless you’ve given a three year old crystal meth and boundaries. Paul encourages the fit throwing and Josh asks Jess if she can spell Evicted. Things get ugly but Josh assures everyone very loudly that he’s very smart and hella mature. There’s lots of yelling, Josh cries (cause he’s so mature), then he gets the pots and pans back out the way a mature adult would do.
My mommy says I’m mature
Cody charges him and gets all up in his face. Josh shits himself, but the house separates them before things can get interesting at all.
I hope there’s some clean drawers in your HoH basket
Eviction time! Speech!
“Thanks everyone for giving me a chance to talk about my totally real disease that I for sure definitely have”
“You should keep me because I don’t understand analogies”
“Fuck you guys and you’re all idiots for letting Paul stay here and run the house”
Damn, right when I start liking Jess she’s about to get evicted. Why does everyone wait until they’re leaving to be interesting?
By a vote of 7-1 Jess is evicted. Josh continues his bizarre circus bullying act WHILE Jess is saying her goodbyes, which is some next level toddler villain shit
Actual photo of Josh
Why didn’t you campaign to stay?
Because you gave Josh power and a kilo of meth
Why did you hate Josh?
Are… Are you serious? Is that a real question?
Did Cody drop the L word?
Goodbye video time! Grampa Kevin’s is sweet, Cody’s is a nice attempt at human behavior, Paul is annoying as fuck, Alex is salty, and Josh remains the worst.
Being evicted ain’t so bad
HoH time! Some magicians come out and do some fast clothing changes and then everyone has to answer true/false questions about the act. The questions are about clothing and hair so all the alpha males go out almost immediately, lest anyone questions their supreme masculinity.
Not looking! Thinkin about sports!
My live stream (which I legit pay for CBS.com to watch) craps out on me so I don’t get to see the last of this, but when it comes back on Alex has won HoH.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER CBS
So hey, CatEars is HoH. Yayboo! On one stupid cat ear she’s one of the least annoying people in the house, but on the other stupid cat ear she’s just gonna let Paul run her HoH again, and he’s the MOST annoying person in the house. So this is dumb.
I’m rooting for no one. I hate you all. Good night.