Well, it’s Big Brother time again – and the number of likable houseguests is down to exactly one, for me.
Hello, sweet prince
Can you believe we’re halfway through the season already? It seems like hardly anyone has gone home, but I guess that’s just because none of them really did anything interesting (sorry baby Ramses).
Anyway – this week Your Meatball Boy Josh is HOH, Paul is awful, Christmas’s “Ring of Replacement” temptation will probably come into play since they highlighted it in the “previously on”, and the nominees up for eviction are Jessica, Mark, and Elena.
Elena’s taking it really well.
There’s a lot of yelling in the Diary Room – first Josh telling us that Elena’s still the real target, and then Elena screaming that being a pawn is NOT COOL.
Good thing you’re not a pawn, then
I can’t keep referring to Cody as Cobot, because his disturbing trend of feeling emotions is continuing this week.
He’s a real boy
Later, in the pantry, Josh discusses strategy with Paul, Matt, and Raven – by which I mean Paul is telling Josh exactly what he’s going to do. Josh wants Elena out like NOW, but Paul wants Jessica out first, and this is the Paul show after all.
In a shocking turn of events, Josh decides to stick to his plan, not Paul’s, so he goes to let Jessica and Cody in on it, or at least hint at it. Things are still (understandably) tense between them after lord knows how many hours of pots, pans, circus music, and meatballs; but Josh tries to suggest to Jessica that she’s not the target.
While Cody watches from the shower and never washes his hair. Ew.
They just can’t get on the same page – Josh keeps talking about how Cody’s bringing Jess down, Jess practically falls asleep, then Cody gets out of the shower and cuts off Josh before he can get around to anything substantial. The only good thing to come of this encounter is Kevin casually strolling through the conversation.
I’m very into Kevin’s sweaters
Upstairs, Paul is lounging in Josh’s HOH bed like he owns the place, which I guess for all intents and purposes he does.
All Paul’s facial expressions make me angry now. What is this, childlike wonder?
Paul’s trying to convince Christmas – oh, I’m sorry, CHRISTMAS JOY, because he always says her first and middle name now – to use her Ring of Replacement to replace Cody if he’s drawn in the veto comp. Christmas Joy isn’t sure if this is the right move or not. Uh, pretty sure anyone who inexplicably says your first and middle name is playing you, so don’t listen to him Christmas!
Christmas scoots out of the HOH suite to talk to the actual HOH.
“Who wants to see my HOH couch?”
She tells Josh about her Ring of Replacement, and that Paul knows about it, and that Paul wants her to use it on Cody. Josh is still firm in his “Elena go, Jess stay” plan, and doesn’t want her to use it. We have a battle of the wills, people! Who will triumph? Meatball or, er, Screamy McBeardface?
Not great at nicknames, guys
Josh and Christmas go back up to Paul’s – I mean, Josh’s – HOH room, where Paul is now taking a beardy nap.
Like a beauty nap, but beards.
Paul immediately shoots down the idea of targeting Elena over Jess, because JURY – REMEMBER JURY? That’s right, we’re back to the ultimate goal of Big Brother; The Jury. He says if Jess and Cody are in jury together they’ll vote as one and no one wants to be stuck in the jury with them and jury jury jury.
The convo ends with Christmas saying it’s up to Josh, because you should always let someone else determine whether you use a very powerful game move that could theoretically save your game. Sure. Josh says during the veto draw, if Cody’s name is picked he’ll blink and then Christmas will whip out the Ring of Replacement.
At the Veto Comp Draw Name Pick Ceremony or whatever, Mark’s name is drawn so he chooses Alex; Cody stares intently at the box and wills his name to come up.
It works because Josh calls Cody’s name. Cody is so psyched, beyond psyched, but Christmas and Paul are staring at Josh and waiting for the Ring Signaling Blink. Well, in real time Paul is staring, in the DR he’s doing a lot of this:
Eventually, Josh does a little blink,
and Christmas leaps up to unveil her Ring of Replacement.
In the most irritating way possible, honestly.
She tells the houseguests that her temptation means she can replace anyone, and so she’s replacing Cody. Everyone is shocked.
Cody sits back down, Christmas hobbles up to take his place, and Paul makes a “Christmas came early” joke which really doesn’t work here. Boo to this whole situation.
Cody and Jessica retreat, heartbroken.
His hat is working overtime to camouflage all those tears
Joking aside, it must really suck to just keep getting swatted down constantly in this game, although most of Jess and Cody’s hardships are from their own awful decision making.
Christmas tells Jess it was nothing personal, but in the Diary Room has a slightly different story.
It was totally personal.
Jess resolves to win the comp, whatever it is, and what it is is…
Upon seeing the game setup, Raven exclaims, “It’s green, guys!”.
I mean, you’re not wrong, but…
Christmas isn’t medically cleared to play (such great timing of your Ring of Replacement!) so it’s Mark, Jess, Elena, Alex, and Josh playing this comp. Otev this year is a cute little pig who wants them to help find his family.
Oh wait, it’s horror week!
Look out – it’s got trichinosis! That’s a pork thing, right?
Otev is a possessed piglet,who needs the players to harvest souls for him, and in between commands he sprays them with green pressure washer strength vomit.
This…took a turn.
Each round, players have to dig in the muck to find the shoe sole with the correct number of players from previous challenges and not be the last back to the top. Cody watches from the sidelines, unable to do anything as Jessica and her extensions are eliminated from the competition.
Seriously, she needs to get evicted – for the sake of her hair.
Eventually it comes down to Mark and Alex; in her eagerness to get up to the top Alex drops her sole.
Which you need to, you know, win.
Mark is the winner and makes some kind of meatball/cannoli joke, while Josh yells in the DR about having to come up with another nominee for eviction now.
A guest camera operator from The Young and the Restless comes on the scene as we get slow piano music and lots of Jessica and Cody closeups.
Ours is a forever love.
Cody tells Jess that once she’s gone he’ll be angry, but also super bummed without her because I guess Cody was just a big ol’ marshmallow this whole time.
ME TOO I WANT TO SEE THIS TOO
After everyone washes off the Otev goop, Matt and Raven discuss replacement noms with Josh.
Also Matt forgets how to say “repercussions”
They both say they’d be fine with going on the block, because everyone is stupid this year.
At the veto meeting, Mark continues to try to make cannoli happen.
It’s not going to happen.
When Mark pulls himself off the block and nominates Raven, Elena is so shocked she falls asleep.
Maybe she has narcolepsy.
Raven happily hops up on the block, and my boyfriend’s mind explodes when I tell him those are extensions.
“But…why? So long!”
Well, that wraps it up for this ep. Who will be evicted tomorrow? I pray that it’s Raven, but I’m not getting my hopes up. In the spirit of horror week, I’ll leave you with this picture of Paul wearing Raven’s extensions – may he haunt you until he’s out of the Big Brother house.