Hi, Trashies. So, it’s that time of year. It’s time for the contestants to tell us a whole bunch of shit that we already knew in an effort to make this season last an extra week. Shall we get right to it?
There’s a big montage of moments from the “Tell All” shows from the past before we actually get to anything about this season. The first thing is some BS about Blake and Lucas (he of Whaboom infamy) that no one actually cares about and then we talk about DeMario and Lexie. Chris Harrison explains that he has taped proof of DeMario saying he dated Lexie, but DeMario maintains that she was just a “side check.” I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.
I’m only posting this photo because Alex looks hot as hell and I miss him.
There’s a little more fighting about Whaboom and then we get to the main event:
This racist piece of shit.
I gotta give Kenny a whole lot of credit. He keeps his cool and remains calm despite the fact that pretty much everyone up there wanted to punch Lee in the face. Also, we have to talk about how awesome Will is during this segment. Dean talks a little bit too, but I really don’t care about him (seriously, I don’t get the love).
And this is just here because I forgot how cute Will is.
We learn that the whole thing about Kenny pulling Lee out of the car didn’t actually happen. You know, as if we didn’t all know that already. DeMario, in an attempt to make himself relevant, defends Lee as a good person. Shut up, DeMario. No one cares what you have to say. Anyway, Kenny explains that he didn’t feel like Lee’s beef with him was racially charged. Simply, he thought it was just his reaction to insecurity.
Kenny is the first called up to the hot seat.
Again, no reason. Kenny is just pretty.
This segment is really nothing we don’t already know. Kenny and Lee were friends and then Lee turned into kind of a colossal turd. In short, no one actually thinks Kenny is “aggressive” as Lee claimed. Oh, then Lee claims that Kenny never actually pulled him out of the van (shocker, I know). Chris Harrison asks if the two will ever be friends. Kenny simply says he holds no ill feelings toward Lee, but he doesn’t know if they’d be friends. On a happier note, KENNY’S DAUGHTER IS HERE!!! AND THEY’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!
This girl is a motherfucking treasure!
Oh, and then the Lee hot seat. I’m not going to spend much time on here because I don’t want to give him any more attention than I have to. He claims that one of his particularly bad tweets was “a joke” and “half a tweet.” So, what was the other half? Please, give us some context, Racist E. Lee. It ends with him denouncing his tweets (after a lot of prodding) and an “I’m sorry if I offended anyone” non-apology. Let’s all move the fuck on.
Unpopular opinion: I don’t see the big deal with Dean. He’s just OK. I think he’s way too over-hyped. Fine, whatever. Rachel sending him home was some shitty timing. However, is there ever a good time to dump someone? His segment is practically him begging to be the next Bachelor.
With that, it’s time for Rachel to make her appearance!
Can we take a moment to talk about the fact that the Tickle Monster is sitting in a hand chair?
Dean comes up to talk to Rachel. He almost offers her an out by saying that she just said she was falling in love as a way to comfort him. To her credit, Rachel stands behind saying that. When Chris Harrison asks about DeMario, Rachel responds with, “Who?” and I remember why I’ve always loved her.
Then the conversation turns to race. Rachel knew that her being the first black Bachelorette is a big deal, but race simply wasn’t an issue with the men while they were filming. Yeah, that’s done once it’s time to talk about Lee. Watching the show back, Rachel is pretty pissed off about Lee. She promises to give him a lesson in black history, women’s rights, and gay rights. Lee gives another scripted apology, so let’s move on.
We end with a conversation with Matt and Adam. They just both say that they had good relationships with Rachel despite what was shown, and she sent them home when it was time.
Oh, and then Fred. Fred is a moron. He tries to make Rachel for bad for him for not “giving him a chance” and he already had feelings for her. I cringed so hard. He hadn’t seen Rachel in years. He didn’t have feelings for her. He was obsessed with a girl he’d known another lifetime ago. Shut up, Fred.
Other than that, everything is super complimentary and then we go to bloopers which is mostly things just falling over…until Rachel holds up some potato chips and says, “Mmmm…salty. Just like Josiah on his way home tonight.”
So, that’s it, Trashies. As usual, this was another super predictable “Men Tell All” special. Hopefully next week’s finale will be way more interesting.
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