Howdy Trashmii, and welcome to the latest installment of the Paul Abrahamian Show. This week, Paul wins his second HoH after having won safety for three evictions, and everybody (except Quaa-lona) is checking in with him before taking a breath. At least we have Hobot-pattot hanging on for dear life, to balance things out a tad.
After Jessi-ho reveals her temptation, Julie signs off, “Goodnight, houseguests, I’m not saying anything,” and she’s out. Hosickle goads Paul, “I don’t know who you’re going to nominate now, have fun with it, you’re going to be up late.” Paul bitches that he didn’t get a moment to celebrate his HoH win, then scolds her in the kitchen for “predetermining” his actions, or some $#*! like that. Jess explains in the Diary Room that she’s trying to strong arm Paul into not nominating her and Cody, so she’ll have the hex for another week.
“Translation: nottt sure I wanna waste it on Cody”
Josh confronts Shriona about not being happy he stayed, and we flash back to ten hours before the eviction. Josh is banging pans together and shouting at Mark, “We are bonding like a tick on a dog!” while doing his circus-music song and dance. Alex, Jason and the other Paul-bots crack up while they watch.
Then he looks right into the camera, and greets the woman who gave life’s breath to this precious Indigo Child we are all enjoying so much. “Good morning, Mom!” he says.
Thanks, BB, for keeping the volume down <3
Now Hobotty-patotty have a little cuddle pow wow, where Hobagicca explains her plan to Cody. Meanwhile, Paul is shouting in the Diary Room. Hilariously, he believes that if Jess is not bluffing, he’ll be able to put Mark and Elena up. He shares this strategy with Kevin and Chucklenuts.
Meanwhile, Mark boo-hoos to Cody in the bathroom. “I’ve become an outsider!” he moans. “My closest ally won’t even look at me!” Elena scoots by silently with laundry. Cody asks her if she plans to not speak to him either. She says, “I’m actively choosing to not speak to anyone right now,” then adds, “Whoops, I just did, haha!”
Matt comes in, and Mark asks, “Matt, are me and you good?” Matt very unsuspiciously replies, “What are you talking about?” Umm, you know… Big Brother? Then he interviews that he’s doing what’s best for his game, which by some strange coincidence, happens to be what’s best for Paul’s game.
Cody interviews that he doesn’t like Matt, not to get personal or anything. Maybe it’s the beard, or the sick-girlfriend thing, he doesn’t know. Whatever it is, he resents the hell out of having fought for Matt’s freedom, and all the other betas out there, too, fuck those betas.
Elsewhere in the house, Paul tells Alex and Chucklenuts he’s going to put Ho-botty-patottie up to call their bluff, cuz he’s making big boy moves this week, by golly. They ebulliently punch fists, and agree it’s gotta be “big boy moves” from here on out. Paul gets a nice whack on the ass from Chucklenuts, cuz that’s what big boys do, they whack each other’s butts.
“Whoo-ee, your ass is clamped tighter than a bear trap right now!”
Presently, Cody goes up to HoH Headquarters to lay a guilt trip on Paul. He shares that when he came back, he asked Mark what his interests were in the game, and Mark said himself, Fiona, and Paul. Paul interviews that Cody just handed him his next target: Mark. “Idiot,” he says.
Paul’s mind totally f@#$%-ed by Jessi-pro’s awesomely nebulous reveal, he secretly tells Alex his plan. If it’s true Quaaloady is safe, he’ll put up Shriona. He also works on separating Elena from Mark. Elena says she cannot leave the game because of her showmance. “I cannot look that dumb,” she says, suddenly looking sharp as a tack.
Paul tells her, “I have the power to bring you into a bigger plan. You…”
“Not Mark,” she says. Paul nods in confirmation.
Elsewhere in the house, Shriona have a little talk about Mark’s obsession with Cody. Mark says Cody is the only person he feels he can be himself with. Elena reminds him it’s a game, but she’s not his keeper, so he can pursue his ill-fated bromance all he wants. She gets up to leave, and asks if he wants her to shut the door. He says he doesn’t care, which seems to annoy her, in a literary-symbolism kind of way, so she slams it.
Hey, is everybody getting these pervo ads for the sex robots on CBS On Assignment?
“I’ll do whatever Paul tells me to, baby! Beep beep boop, whirr”
The gang gathers in the living room, and the curse is revealed. It’s a Temptation Competition! The HGs get to choose if they’re competing or not. The winner will get safety for the week, and the loser will be a third nominee. If only one person signs up, that person will automatically get safety for the week.
Cody tells Jess he’d like to compete, to which she responds that he doesn’t know what a poker face is. She doesn’t want people to see they’re worried, or her plan might not work. Oops, too late for that. Elena wants Paul to see that she trusts him, so her inclination is to not compete. Mark wants to compete, but is scawed. Somehow, though, he manages to fight back the tears.
Alex tells Josh he should lay low. As for her, she might or might not compete, depending on what’s good for her game, which she won’t know exactly until she checks with Paul. Meanwhile, Paul tells Matt to play, and Matt says, “Okay!”
Now they’re called one by one into the Den, where they lock in their choices and drink from a bottle of potion to seal the deal.
“It’s just like The Matrix, only booze instead of pills!”
Then they wait out in the yard. When the creepy announcer speaks, two of the gals, I’m not sure which, announce they just peed themselves. Here’s hoping it was Christmas and Raven — two sickies is enough to deal with this season, thank you very much. And the players are…
It’s Bowlerina! The players are tutu-ed up, and maniac Mark says, “I’m going to dance like I’ve never danced before.”
“Dude, that hat totally clashes with those leg warmers”
So the players have to twirl a suspended handle 15 times for 15 seconds of bowling time. Chucklenuts is up first, by random draw. He gets so dizzy he sees quadruple, and scores 3333:33337777.66668888. Next up is Alex, who scores 1:39.75; then Mark, who beasts it at 1:18:25; and finally, Matt clocks in at 2:35.25.
Mark won immunity, yay! And Chucklenuts is up on the block — that is, if there’s going to be an eviction.
Elena gives Mark a congratulatory hug, then interviews that she’s super scared Mark won safety, because she’s assuming Paul’s going to put her up. Is it just me, or is Fiona making more sense right now than the whole Paul-clot jammed together? Back in the house, Quaa-broma confer. Cody tells Mark that Paul threw a fit when he saw Mark’s time. Mark thinks it’s all come full circle, but he could still be dizzy from the comp. Cody gives him one of those intense “Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise, Scientologist” grimaces.
Betas ‘n Thetans ‘n SPs, oh my!
Jessica asks Paul if she’s going to be blindsided by the nominations. Paul says, “But you’re safe, right?” Jess says, “I have something called the Temptation Hex, and Cody and I are safe for a couple of weeks, but outside of that…,” and shrugs.
Paul is angered by how “super vague” she’s being. How dare she speak to him so vaguely! Especially after predetermining his actions! The nerve! He assembles his crew, and tells them that if J + C are safe, he needs a strong pawn next to Elena (haha!). Alex volunteers, then Matt. Matt interviews that he’s scared, but he’s a team player, so he’ll do whatever Paul tells him to do, forever and always.
Now Jess tries to have a chat with Paul. She wants to know if he has any questions about her hex. This angers him, because she had her chance. She was too vague before and she blew it, so now she doesn’t get to inform him further about the damned hex, no sirree. “Method to madness, keep that in mind,” he says, and walks off.
This is so good.
Time for the nomination ceremony! Paul nominates Jess and Cody, who sit smirking, but say nothing. Elena is stunned, because she thought she’d be put up. In the Diary Room, Jessica gets crabby, interviewing, “I’m surrounded by idiots. You tell them you’re safe, so they nominate you. It’s a waste of a week.” Right, only now they can’t be safe next week, unless she saves the hex and gives her Co-buddy the old Heave “Ho”.
For his part, Paul is pleased as pie. No pendants are revealed, no hissy noises ensue; now he KNOWS they’re bluffing. “Plan A is a go!” he interviews ebulliently.
A is for Ah-hahahahahahHAHAHAHAAAH!
Eviction night’s gonna be awesome, y’all. 🙂
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