Previously on Biiiiiig Brother: Cody returned to the house after being the best at controlling his balls, Jessica put the “Ho” in “HoH,” The Great Meatball went up on the block next to Ramses, and Dickbeard rallied the house against Hody to try and get their non-meatball pawn sent a packin.
This week, Meatball is dressing like the Unabomber because that’s his weird infant idea of laying low. He’s also fake crying all over the place and then doing these spazzy happy dances while yelling at the cameras when he’s alone. I’ve got $50 that says someone in Meatball’s childhood told him he was an Indigo Child.
In other news, Kevin stole my Meemaw’s Cardigan
Dickbeard sees a friendship forming between Hody and Meatlena, so he gets to work trashing Meathead to Ravark. Even though Ravark are two of the most likable people left in the house (even though Raven is annoying is fuck at least she seems to have actual human emotions) they’re fucking dipshits for trusting Dickbeard. Aside from looking like the sort of dude I wouldn’t leave alone near my drink at a bar, he’s also been documented lying to everyone and manipulating others to fight for an entire season ON FUCKING TV.
On the show you assholes are on but clearly never watched
Hosicle tells MeeMaw about her advantage and how she can keep herself and Cody safe for a few weeks. MeeMaw decides Bostonians before non-Bostonians and reveals the house plan to keep the meatball marinating for at least another week, which infuriates Hody to no end. Hosicle says she’s gonna grab Dickbeard by his stupid dickbeard and kick his scuzzy ass.
I hate when I agree with you
Too late for campaigning now! Eviction time! Speech!
“I’m the only genuinely likable person left so I’m sure I’m going home”
“Shout-out to God, who deeply cares about my reality TV career and who told me to dress like like-90’s era Nick Lachey.”
The votes are in and it’s 7-3 to evict Ramses. Bye only person left that I would want to get a drink with in real life. I’ll miss the brief moment you were on my screen when I didn’t want to murder punch my television. But I’m also stoked because Hody is miserable and angry and stupid and that’s funny.
Everyone here likes their meatballs at 98 degrees
Exit interview! Ramses tells Julie he knew he’d get evicted, and reveals he had almost no strategy for playing despite being a “Superfan.” All he did was align himself with a blonde houseplant and then flail around blindly when it got evicted.
“Superfan” this season means you’ve read 1984
We finally get some goodbye videos, and they’re sweet, even though Josh clearly had too much sugar and needs some Ritalin, stat. Like, I think there’s something legitimately wrong with that meatball on a developmental level.
HoH time! It’s a memorize shit you saw on the screens the night before game. All the answers are true false. Single elimination. Let’s do this!
First round takes out Elena, Second round takes out Meathead, CatEars, Quaaludes, Meemaw, and Meatball, Third and Fourth rounds take out no one, Fifth round takes out Cinco De Mayo and Chucklenuts,
True or false: A VIP Concierge is a nice way of saying Hooker
Sixth round takes out Mark and Raven, leaving Dickbeard to take on the role of fearless leader.
Yay! A bobbleheaded scumbag scream talking at the camera all week.
Time to find out the consequence for Hosicle taking the Halting Hex, but first she tells Julie (and the whole house) that she’s the one who took the temptation and she’s glad she can keep Hody safe for a few weeks. Is this strategic gameplay? Utter stupidity?
The devastating effect of untreated syphilis?
Any-ho, for the next few weeks there will be a voluntary challenge game before the nominations are done. You don’t have to play. Win it and you’re safe for the week. Come in last and you go up as a third nominee. At least this twist is a little interesting.
Stay out of it, Nick Lachey!