Welcome back, Trashters! Er, Trashers? Trashies. Trashionistas! At any rate, we are gathered together today to witness a veto comp and probably some more awful game play by Jessica and Cobot. How many times will Josh say “Meatball” (let’s take shots every time. Meatball shots!)? Will Kevin continue to be adorable? I’m not even going to ask if Paul will still be the worst because you KNOW that shit ain’t changed, so here we go!
TAKE. THE. VEST. OFF.
When we left the houseguests last week, Cobot had bested Cameron, Dominique, and Jillian in battle to return to the house; Jessica stunningly won HOH; then Jessica immediately screwed up by nominating Josh and Ramses for eviction instead of Paul and Paul.
And Kevin introduced us to DIY weight loss wraps – I’m into it.
In the DR, Jessica tells us that she’s nominated Josh because, well…you’ve seen the show, and Ramses as a pawn. But if Ramses goes, what will Mark use to keep up his buffitude?
“He’s squeezing me so hard right now!”. I am unsurprised by this news.
Josh cries (literally) in the DR –
Oh dang Mark, he’s coming for your Cry Crown!
-about how unfair it is that he’s nominated, because he’s a human being with a family and feelings. Don’t worry, it’s Christmas to the rescue!
Squuuueeeeaaaaaak (her scooter needs some oil, guys)
She gives him a pep talk; you know, get out there and give it 110% and win veto and take down the meatballs. Josh perks right up (for now), and Christmas scoots on out to spread cheer somewhere else.
Meanwhile, Jessica tries to figure out when – er, if – she’s going to be blindsided, and asks Elena and Paul to confirm they’re for sure voting out Ramses and aren’t betraying her. Paul puts on his serious eyebrows, and tells Jess to stop asking questions; which isn’t suspicious at all.
Back in the HOH suite, Cody pounces on Jessica, leading my boyfriend to ask “Do they like, have sex on this show?!”.
Only on the live feeds, dear. And yes.
Cody is so proud of his li’l escort girlfriend for making great decisions, and wonders how he struck gold by finding the perfect woman in this place. Uh, okay.
Over in the Den of Tarnation, Paul talks everyone into voting out poor baby Ramses to keep Josh safe.
What with all the “backdooring” and “pulling off”, this show sounds really dirty sometimes, guys.
Paul is certain that Josh will never ever ever EVER vote against himself, Whistlenut, or Alex. Great plan.
Josh isn’t unpredictable at all, so this checks out.
Once he has Whistlenut and Alex on board, Paul lets Josh in on the good news of his safety.
No matter how nicely you ask.
Paul advises Josh to stay in bed and act sad so as not to let Jessica and Cobot (Jobot?) in on the blindside pull off or whatever. Josh is cool with that, but sadly has caught Paul’s disease of DR Yell-itis, which somehow makes him even more annoying than ever.
In the kitchen, Cody mentions something about NASCAR, and Christmas is all like “oh hey, you like NASCAR? Remember how there was that one girl on the pit crew? Like, the first female ever?”
That’s right, that girl was Christmas! Cody strategically acts interested by “showing emotions”, but is still dead on the inside.
It’s time to draw players for the veto comp! Jessica draws houseguest’s choice, and picks Raven.
Haha, just kidding. She picks Cody, of course. Josh draws Whistlenut, and sweet baby Ramses draws Christmas and tries to not sound crushingly disappointed.
Jessica tells Ramses that she’ll do everything in her power to take him off the block.
Yeah, what moron put you up in the first place? Oh yeah.
Whistlenut talks about his son, and it’s actually cute beyond belief: “He probably wonders why we’re not doing any cowboy stuff”.
I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.
To lighten the mood, here’s a pic of Ramses trying on Paul’s stank vest.
Quick, take a shower, Ramses!
Oh snap, veto comp time! It’s the explosion comp, called BB Juicy Blast in this season, and Kevin is the announcer dressed in a grape suit.
It’s itchy, I guess.
I’m almost too distracted by Grape Kevin to listen to the rules, but I’m trying. The board will flash a list of smoothie ingredients, and they must pour the correct one Grape Kevin requests into their smoothie cup or they’ll be blasted by a homicidal squirrel.
Squeak squeak boom.
Josh takes this opportunity to say meatball a couple more times; he’s really trying to make it happen.
Quit encouraging him, editors. Also; shots!
Whistlenut feels good about his memorization skills, but is unfamiliar with smoothies. “I’ve never even had a smoothie!” he says.
“Is this a smoothie?”
Cody is also confident in his memorization, but he has an unfair advantage. Because, you know, robot. The first player to get a load to the face (sorry Mom) is Christmas.
“At least I got to play this time.”
Not only do they play the mandatory jingle sounds when she loses, but Paul gives us a little song as well.
The next question takes out Whistlenut, Ramses, and Josh in one fell swoop. Kevin says “The juice is loose!” which is eerily timely considering OJ was just released from prison last week.
Cody can feel Josh’s broken spirit from the next booth over, and it gives him strength. He decides to throw the comp to his lady love, for the noblest of reasons.
Too late 🙁
He says “if this goo gets all up in her hair, I’ll never hear the end of it”, but I think we all know he means “if this goo gets all up in her hair, it will fall out in clumps, so…”
So just like that, Jessica has won the POV. Oh good, since she feels so bad about Ramses being a pawn it’s great that she has the chance to take him off the block. Hurray!
Josh ups his spiral of emotions game by putting on sunglasses and a hoodie; he’s super sad around the house but screaming about meatball parties in the DR.
Shots! Shots! Shots shots shots shots!
Paul lets Matt and Raven in on the Ramses eviction party, and Raven is totally down even though she apparently thinks Ramses’ name is “Ramsey”. Come on, girl. Jessica starts to feel a little twitchy about how the vote will turn out, so she asks Raven about it and it turns out Raven is a terrible liar.
“Ramsey? No, he’s my favorite! Love me some Ramsey.”
Somehow managing to see through Raven’s amazing act, Jessica feels more and more paranoid and debates using the veto with Cody. However, she makes the fatal flaw of suggesting pulling Ramses down and nominating Cody’s secret love: Alex. Cody’s like “WHOA WHOA DON’T BE SO HASTY BEEP BOOP”
“I mean, I love Alex. I mean…uh. What?”
Jessica is dumb, super dumb, and agrees with Cody to not use the Veto.
I know, baby Ramses. I know.
Well, tune in Thursday to see Ramses get evicted I guess, damn. Total meatball count = 5, I think; we’ll see if Josh can beat that in his speech tomorrow.