My Trashies. How is everyone doing? Has everyone taken their Xanax?
MisRed, seriously, is so confused with these NY betches? Who does she love? Who does she even like? Where would she want to be without Dorinda? Who would she want to be with on a sinking boat in Columbia? Well, the answer to that is, of course, Luann. MisRed would surf that Diana Ross wig all the way to shore.
Like a dark-haired Classic Marge
First things first- MisRed is a dumbass. This is not news. The country is COLOMBIA. Not Columbia. I’m SORRRRRY, I’m sorry. Spell check does not support other women! Okaaaay??!!
Secondly, Carole is OUT. I’m sure everyone saw the news yesterday. Please see her official statement with the jabs specific to Bethenny in BOLD.
“I am sure this does not come as a surprise to any of the viewers, all of whom have been supportive, encouraging, and kind. My original curiosity about reality television has waned over the years and I am focusing on TV and writing projects that better suit my more steady temperament. I have worked with amazing producers, made great friends, and I’m thrilled to leave frenemies behind. I will remember this entire experience with delight, humor, and a veracious accuracy. Next.”
When MisRed went to grab Carole’s quote, the adjacent article is that Wilmer Valderrama has been to the hospital to visit Demi Lovato post-OD. Not Housewives related, but that guy has a curated list of poon that is really stunning. Seriously, there is going to be a wing at the Smithsonian: The Museum of Valderrama Poon.
Gets more pussy than Carole has cats climbing her curtains…
Who would have thought? Fez. Frankly, the guy should probably be in jail, I think he started dating her when she was 16 or 17 and he is 13 years older than she is. Where is this kids parents? Why am I talking about Wilmer Valderrama?
My next question- with Carole out, can Rey be in? MisRed cannot get enough Rey.
Give me an apple you bitch!!
Anyhoooooooo. The last episode was a, frankly, exhausting. Seriously, that recap was, like, 15 hours in the making- ridiculous. We are going to Reader’s Digest this sh*t today cuz MisRed has some laundry to do and some people to yell at- it’s gonna be A DAY.
We left off with Bethenny mid-I’m-not-in-charge-/-I’m-not-the-center-of-attention-breakdown in an attempt to seek attention by pushing people away thus garnering MORE attention. Seriously, Bethenny is a psychiatrist’s wet dream. Maybe Wilmer Valderrama should go into shrinking.
Bethenny is pissed off about, basically, everything. She’s mad about Carole having a date with Red Scarf. She’s mad about Carole being friends with Tinsley. She’s mad about Carole not blindly supporting all of Bethenny’s neurosis. She’s mad at Tinsley for having a boyfriend who sends her funeral flowers and Cartier. She’s mad at Tinsley for having zero career ambition and the money and/or boyfriend to support this goal. She’s mad at Tinsley for not booking a house on the beach. She’s mad at Ramona for being Ramona. She’s mad at Dorinda for repeating things Bethenny supposedly told her in confidence, but never indicated they were in confidence. The list is endless.
Carole has reached the point where she just doesn’t want to deal with Bethenny anymore. She doesn’t really understand what the fight is about or even from where it stemmed. She isn’t blameless, but Bethenny isn’t being direct with her. Thus, Carole is being UBER-Carole and this just pisses Bethenny off. So, this thing is headed for an implosion and big time and we hear it comes at the reunion and that’s why Carole “quit.”
That brings us up to date. Bethenny is blaming this breakdown on stress over her divorce and custody situation. But something tells me that we could throw a dart at Bethenny’s wheel of issues and anything could be to blame at any moment.
In the kitchen at the house in COLOMBIA, Bethenny is telling Dorinda that she has taken on too many tasks, too many businesses, too many places – every moment of her day is scheduled, and she is cracking. And she’s crying, literally, in the freezer.
I know Bethenny is a cold bitch but this is taking things a little too far.
Get it totally. But no one can fix this but Bethenny. She has staff with fancy titles like BRAND MANAGER- and she has them delivering cash cards to The Red Cross. Bethenny is one of these people that believe that if she wants anything done right, she needs to do it herself. All of this pressure is SELF-CREATED. She could TRAIN and EMPOWER the people she has working for her, and that way she could take a breath. She could let someone help her with Puerto Rico and / or NOT do another show with Frederic so that she can take time to stop and smell the funeral flowers before they are on her casket. She could be Tinsley for a second.
Dorinda’s talking head explains it all, as it often does. She says that in the past Bethenny has had allies to console her when the sh*t hits the fan, but now, many of them, have gotten their hand slapped for trying to be a friend to Bethenny, so they are RELUCTANT and are less tolerant. “At some point, you GET what you GIVE.”
MisRed put together an at-a-glance Fight Grid. By no means is this comprehensive … it’s a work in progress… like Bethenny. And Ramona. And Luann.
The other girls, who have been waiting for Dorinda to talk Bethenny off the ledge, are like… well, we are going shopping. On the way to shopping, they discuss Bethenny’s sitch. Sonja- who has been, sadly, brain-washed into blindly supporting Bethenny- says that Bethenny just needs to be with Dorinda and to cry on her shoulder. Carole says, “It’s negative, toxic energy.” This will be important later.
Sonja, the I love Bethenny Doll, says “You can’t act like she’s being rude or an annoying friend, I mean, she’s our friend.”
Carole claps back – “She’s been completely rude to me. She won’t even look me in the eye.”
Yeah, a Whitesnake tribute band was playing… I’ve been FWB with the bass player for ten years.
In Sonja’s talking head- complete with the look that she just stumbled in from a night at The Hunka-Bunka in Sayreville, New Jersey, says “And so what? That’s when you pat your friend’s arm. That’s why people hug each other. That’s ride or die, Carole.”
Well, yes, I suppose it is. BUT doesn’t, TRULY, being a friend mean being truthful. And calling your friend on their bullsh*t? If you have a friend that is being completely off the wall C R A Z Y, pissed at everyone for no reason, that is making people MISERABLE, that is fighting with people in public, MELTING DOWN in restaurants and in front of a poor woman who is just trying to cut up some f*cking fruit IN PEACE-
Juz let me cut zee fruit
it is not imperative you to pull that person aside and try to A) get to the bottom of this insane behavior. B) tell them the truth and recommend a course of, potential, corrective action. C) Try to help put things in perspective and check themselves and if all else fails, D) Get them some medication immediately. Medication could be: a hug, a slap, a cocktail, a f*cking Lindt milk chocolate truffle, a pack of zip ties, some bleach and a shovel, or a loving kick in the ass.
Sonja is feeding the beast in the name of free jeans.
Bethenny and Dorinda decide to join the girls shopping. Bethenny plans to buy her troubles away. Sonja immediately asks Dorinda if Bethenny is ok. Dorinda keeps it in check and just says- she has a lot going on. Sonja- now the town crier, as well as the town trampoline- says “She’s not trying to be annoying, right?” The girls are like ‘Ah this is so annoying.’” Uh, that’s not what they said. Sonja is the one who brought up the word “annoying.” Dorinda is like- I don’t want to talk about it- let her talk about it. Wise decision Dorinda. Probably the last one of this episode, but let’s give her a round of applause.
Dorinda interviews that Sonja thinks that she and Bethenny are BFFs and has to be involved in every single discussion.
Ramona is ready to climb on a burrow and go pick coffee beans
Ramona is trying to buy a hat to cover her face. May MisRed suggest:
Oh, dear god, Ramona has found a cowboy hat and a fringed vest.
Ramona needs a friend and STAT.
CLEAR THE COWBOY HAT
Dorinda pulls Carole aside and says that she really should try to talk to Bethenny. Of course, Bethenny has slithered up and is eavesdropping, and Carole says that she doesn’t want to be a hard-ass, but she really can’t deal with every conversation ending with tears. Carole just wants to have a grown-up conversation with Bethenny.
Carole interviews that Bethenny has a lot of great things in her life, and there is no apparent reason for any of her breakdowns.
Well, listen, in fairness, Carole isn’t walking in Bethenny’s shoes. Bethenny’s divorce/custody situation ALONE is the stuff of nightmares. However, it is a consequence to a decision she made. Jason seems like a nightmare, but I’m sure Bethenny hasn’t, exactly, been Fred Rogers. Yes, she has the right to be upset about it, of course, but Bethenny isn’t happy unless she drags everyone down with her. Carole isn’t like that. If Carole has problems, you wouldn’t know it. Maybe it’s to her detriment that she doesn’t show her emotions, that she doesn’t let anything, seemingly, affect her too deeply. Carole doesn’t want to feel all the things. MisRed admires that to some degree. Maybe Carole has a photograph in her attic that feels the stuff- like Dorian Gray but for emotions.
Bethenny says that she likes to have fun, but she can feel the eye rolls and that half the group isn’t into her.
About as fun as a scorching case of herpes.
Well then FIX IT. Don’t be such a buzz kill. Get on Vicki Gunvalson’s fun bus- don’t worry, MisRed only, sort of, cut the brake lines. woohoo
The ladies decide to go to lunch. Sonja walks with Bethenny, and of course, little Lois Lane has to report her findings into Perry White- she says that Ramona said that Bethenny is friends with someone when she wants to get something from them.
Well, we need to go to the mattresses
What does Sonja have that Bethenny wants? The Clap? Pretty sure Bethenny doesn’t want that… but Sonja is the Mother of all Yes Men.
Flashback to Ramona saying to Sonja- Bethenny wants people to give to her, but she gives nothing back. Sonja retorts “Bethenny is a very giving person.” Yes, she’s given Sonja 4 pair of tacky jeans this season and hasn’t once called Sonja a dumb slut – so Sonja is suckling at the teat. She continues that Carole thinks that Bethenny takes and takes and takes. Bethenny argues that she has never taken a single thing from Carole. She tried to get her soul, but Carole tossed some Holy Water on her and she backed off.
Bethenny says in her talking head that, Yes, she is a taker. “Maybe it’s I’m a taker of others on trips. I was a taker of Carole to the Galapagos Islands. I was a taker of Carole to the Bahamas with Adam. I was a taker of Carole and Adam to the Hamptons. So, Carole is, to use Dorinda’s phrase, America’s house guest.”
Misty water-colored memories of the way we were
We have seen Bethenny be generous, but she clearly is keeping the receipts, which to MisRed tarnishes that generosity.
And trust me, nobody appreciates anything to the degree we think they should ever.
Sonja goes on to say that Carole said that she can’t deal with Bethenny’s negative energy. Sonja paints herself as a saint in the whole situation, but the reality is, she’s twisting the conversations enough to keep feeding the beast: Bethenny’s anger. Bethenny gets on her phone to call Dennis so he can “Get me a plane and then I’m gonna go home.”
Yeah well, she’s ruining everyone’s trip- her work here is done.
Ramona walks with Dorinda and says that she has a theory about the Carole / Bethenny situation. Hang on, let MisRed get her popcorn. She says that she has seen Bethenny do things to antagonize the situation. Dorinda says that Bethenny and Carole need to talk, and that Sonja is fueling the fires a little bit.
Well, I hate to say it, but Ramona is right. The alien is back inside Ramona.
Two orders of liquid-ass, coming right up.
Bethenny and Sonja stop at a fruit cart on the street. And Bethenny buys Sonja a coconut. Down the street Lu yells at them and tells them they are going to get diarrhea. “Everyone knows you don’t get the street meat or the street fruit.”
LuLu has gotta protect her safety stock!
Sure Lu, Sure. Lu is just trying to preserve her street meet inventory for that evening.
The girls eat lunch. Dorinda is ready to strap on the feedbag.
Off to the side, Bethenny is on the phone with Dennis- telling him she’s miserable- which, I mean, he knows her so that is probably not breaking news. She mentions that she has no relationship with Carole and I’m not welcome there.
At the table Lu is like- Bethenny seems to have some sort of “personal issue going on.” At least she’s not caught up in the system like Luann- being force-fed a mustard packet disguised as a bologna sandwich.
But, newsflash, Bethenny has decided to stay- because she doesn’t want the big drama of an exit. No, no. she’d rather have the girls slit their wrists or nearly drown on a sinking ship.
A beautiful paella comes to the table, with halved lobsters on top. Crap. Now MisRed wants paella. And where the f*ck am I going to get paella at 6:14am in f*cking Texass?!? Damn it. Bethenny says she isn’t going to eat it because it probably has some type of regular fish or fish stock in it. Then says, “I would have thought a few of you would like to poison me.” Her joke falls flat… mostly because IT’S TRUE.
They serve themselves paella and Luann, always looking for action- says “I’ll just take that tail.” Yes, she will and will ride it until daylight. It is the world’s most awkward lunch because everyone is quiet because Bethenny has made everyone UNCOMFORTABLE.
Tinsley, Carole and Dorinda go back to the house to get massages. Lu, Bethenny, Ramona and Sonja are left and Bethenny says that it feels very “old school.” Lu suggest streaking through the quad… Bethenny says that, in the past, they all had fun together and it doesn’t take them 3 hours to get ready. They mock Tinsley with her Glam Squad. The previous morning Ramona and Bethenny got onto her about being so glam first thing in the morning. Bethenny saying “It’s hair and make-up every 25 seconds!!” Ramona asks what she’s going to do when she has a baby? Duh. Have the live-in nanny raise it. Jesus, Ramona.
Listen, as long as they aren’t waiting around for Tinsley, who cares if her glam squad is there?
Bethenny vows to rectify the vacation and says she doesn’t really know what happened but she’s going to “turn that frown upside down.” She doesn’t know what happened? Bethenny ate a “street coconut” and took a metaphorical sh*t on the entire country of COLOMBIA. That’s what happened.
Tinsley, is on the phone with her sister, Dabney.
Did MisRed read that right?
Sonja is back at the teat, admiring all of the crap Bethenny bought. Sonja, literally, lays down on top of the pile of stuff and humps it.
Sonja will hump a paperclip if it looked at her the right way
The CDC is called in to quarantine the villa.
The girls get ready for dinner and Carole pays Sonja a visit in her room. Sonja has camel toe and is unsure what to do about it.
Uh… buy the shorts in a larger size?
Sonja thinks maybe a nipple cover might cure it. Figures Sonja has a nipple on her vagina. Carole has brought Sonja a pair of earrings, but she is really there to talk about Bethenny. She wants to pick Sonja’s brain. LOL, it’s pretty picked over, truth be told.
She gives Sonja the earrings and Sonja interviews “When Carole comes bearing gifts, that’s a red flag.”
Ok, what has Carole ever done to Sonja? MisRed can’t really think of anything. Carole, it seems, views Sonja as just a joke. But now that Bethenny has given Sonja JEANS and is acting like she can actually tolerate Sonja’s delusional horsesh*t for two and a half seconds- Sonja now thinks she is Bethenny’s consiglieri.
Carole asks Sonja if she has any insight into what happened to make Bethenny act in such a hostile manner toward her? Sonja, a f*cking regular Dr. Joyce Brothers, explains that Bethenny thinks that Carole just doesn’t care about her anymore and she’s not empathetic.
Bethenny isn’t feeling your unwavering devotion anymore. We are going to have to vote you off the island.
Carole argues that a lot of the issue IS BETHENNY. Carole says that her life has shifted a little and she is focused on other things besides Bethenny – and that Bethenny is very erratic.
The face of DESPERATE
Sonja interviews that “Carole knew what she was getting with Bethenny from the beginning. Everyone KNOWS that Bethenny can be a nightmare. So what? She’s your friend.”
Can someone come top up Sonja’s Kool Aid? That clinches it, MisRed is convinced Sonja is now on Bethenny’s payroll.
Let’s get a sincerity check on this scene? Makes me a little suspicious that Carole would buy everyone earrings- although we do see them on a few others throughout the night and it looks like Bethenny is even wearing a pair in her interview. MisRed doesn’t doubt that Carole might try to talk to a third party to try to glean some insight into Bethenny’s current temperature, however, MisRed doubts it would be Sonja. Carole views Sonja as a delusional twit. She would be better trying to probe Lu. And frankly Lu might like it. Well, so would Sonja, but MisRed digresses.
The girls gather to go to dinner. Sonja announces that she wants to get eaten by a man. Great. COLOMBIA lock up your penises, the Legacy is in town.
Is everyone ready for the most excruciatingly painful dinner ever? On the way, Bethenny commandeers a light-up balloon from some innocent ladies on the street. She wants it for Bryn. That should pack well into a suitcase.
Carole is a real piece of sh*t, isn’t she? Giving me stuff to win my friendship…UNBELIEVABLE.
Sonja turns to Bethenny, laughing as if it’s the funniest joke ever, saying “These are my new earrings from Carole.” Bethenny is like- are you kidding? Sonja says she doesn’t see anyone else wearing earrings, so they were just bought for her. Psst, Dorinda is wearing a pair in black.
See, you aren’t so special, Sonja.
Sonja reports back the convo- inaccurately, of course. Not that there weren’t some truthful elements from her report but it some of the things Sonja relayed weren’t from the private convo we saw- the one they had over Sonja’s camel toe.
Bethenny is like- I don’t even care. Which is code for “I care more than you could possibly know.”
The girls order drinks. Luman and Carole order “mock-tinis.” And Sonja says, “I’ll have a mock-tini too, with tequila.” The waiter is like… WTF?
Oh wait… you are the one with the BJs? Oh ok.
But then he remembers he saw Sonja’s picture on a flyer in the bathroom, so he will entertain her stupidity in the hopes of getting a Legacy knob-gobble.
Bethenny says she feels uncomfortable drinking in front of Luann. Here we go- Bethenny needs to police everything. Lu is like- I’m fine with it. Dorinda is knocking back the drinks, as usual. She and Carole get up from the table under the guise of having a cigarette. Ramona says, “Since when does Carole smoke?”
Our eyes need a break too.
Maybe Carole is in character tonight. Playing Amelia Earhart if she crashed in Brazil, mutated into Carmen Miranda, was drug trafficked to Colombia and then got caught in a Piñata-making-machine? What? Look at that outfit. What would be YOUR explanation?
She and Dorinda talk about the Bethenny situation and Dorinda thinks the whole thing is silly and could be easily talked out. But it can’t because one of the players is Bethenny, and she has to always be fighting with someone.
Bethenny snaps at Ramona, “Since when does Carole talk to Sonja and buy her earrings?” Ramona tells Bethenny that Carole feels that Bethenny is pushing her away. And Ramona says it in the sweetest voice. That alien really IS back. Bethenny says that the wall is up so it doesn’t even matter.
Carole and Dorinda come back to the table and Carole tries to address the situation with Bethenny because it’s affecting the whole group. Carole tells her that she feels like Bethenny has been avoiding her and being cold for the entire trip and wants to get to the bottom of it.
In the background they are playing the soundtrack from The Firm.
MisRed isn’t going to recap this word for word, it’s too much and it’s repetitive, and honestly, it’s a circular argument. Neither listens to the other and nothing gets resolved.. Net/Net Bethenny says this has been a long time coming and their friendship is eroding and she’s not going to debate Carole about it. Carole wants to know what this stems from and feels that Bethenny doesn’t see her point of view- she thought they had discussed it and have moved on. Suddenly Bethenny notices that Tinsley is listening and flips out- that she can’t do this in front of an audience. Well, good thing this isn’t being filmed for a TV show or anything.
Tinsley is like “Why am I in TROUBBBBBBBBBLE????” Maybe Dabney could help her out. Oh wait, Dabney has been detained.
What is the better storyline is what’s happening at the other end of the table. Dorinda is, you know, lowering the blinds, starting to slur a little more than usual. Lu asks how are the Margs and Dorinda is like “Good, why?” Lu says “Oh…she’s startin’.” Dorinda is like- don’t say that, I’m not starting. LOL.
Yeah, Lu, don’t say that- she started that morning. Pay attention, PUHLEEZE.
The scene goes back and forth between the two fights. Bethenny and Carole review text messages, compare expense reports, etc. Carole maintains that stuff didn’t happen the way Bethenny says it did. Which I can kind of believe because Bethenny can turn a grain of sand into a mountain in the blink of an eye.
MisRed only wants to concentrate on the Lu /Dorinda situation, because Bethenny & Carole is a broken record and we accomplish nothing.
Lu tells Dorinda that she has started “turning” and that it happens when Dorinda is drunk. Lu says Dorinda is getting aggressive. Dorinda says, “What’s that mean, Darlene?” Bahahaha. Dorinda tells her to apologize and move on. Lu is like- apologize for what?
Dorinda says “That uppity thing. An ex-Countess, got married that doesn’t have a Countesssssssssship anymore.” Lu sasks if this is how Dorinda really feels about her? Dorinda is off the rails “No, I don’t feel anything!” Yeah, well not after 25 drinks, one wouldn’t feel much. Dorinda continues “Don’t you dare talk to me about that. No, you drink some wine and get arrested, honey. Get a felony.”
Gloves are off.
And then Dorinda breaks a glass. “Have more. You’re awful.”
Well it isn’t a party until something gets broken.
Lu gets up from the table and it like- well now I know what you REALLY think of me! Dorinda is like- I’ve been a supportive friend to you and you are going to start with me? Dorinda tells Lu to apologize. Dorinda just keeps pointing at Lu (pointing seems to be a trigger on these shows) repeating “Stop it.”
Wait. Should she stop? I’m confused.
Lu says, “You are a lady who just broke her glass in front of me.” Uh-oh, shades of The Cuntess 2008 showing… Dorinda is like- Well I didn’t get a mug shot over it.
Lu feels betrayed. And frankly, it’s probably only a matter of time before Dorinda gets arrested for SOMETHING.
Dorinda says that Lu shouldn’t be monitoring her. Dorinda asks for another drink and Ramona is like -No, you do NOT need another drink.
This poor waiter.
Dorinda says “youdon’ttellmewhattodoeither. How dare you? You should leave. You’re gone for a month and a half, leave again.” And with that Lu leaves. LOL
Ramona interviews that Lu has been through a lot and Dorinda has a loose tongue. Well it matches Sonja’s loose snatch. So, you know, book ends.
Dorinda tries to explain the situation to Ramona and then Dorinda goes off to smoke.
Oh wait, Lu is back.
She says that Dorinda told her she was a convict and an ex-Countess, and she has a mug shot.
Check. Check. Check.
Tinsley is like “I have a mug shot too.” LOL oh Tinsley.
Ramona and Sonja hug Lu and say that Dorinda didn’t mean it and it was just the tequila talking. Lu is really hurt. Dorinda comes back and heard them talking about her. Lu leaves again. Sonja asks if Dorinda really called Lu a convict- Dorinda denies it- and she didn’t call her a convict.
Sonja interviews that it’s UNBELIEVABLE- because Dorinda is Lu’s loyal friend. “And even prison bitches have ONE loyal friend.”
Ramona is like- I’m going to go to the bathroom before you start saying true things about me too!!
Bethenny and Carole continue to argue at the other end of the table.
Dorinda tells Sonja that Lu is going to SCHOOL her?!?!? Dorinda knows she said some bad stuff. Ramona is like well, we do tend to change our personalities after three drinks.
I’m a dancin’ lover with a heart of gold…
Dorinda is like- “Nope, no change here, honey. Do NOT project on me. That’s not your job. You ain’t my mother and you ain’t my daughter.” Love Gangsta Dorinda. “So, until you start paying my f*cking bills don’t you project on me, sister. ‘Cause I haven’t projected on you EVER”.
Ramona like, once Dorinda loses her temper, there is no bringing her back. She will regret this tomorrow and for now I’m keeping my mouth shut. Good idea Ramona.
Carole and Bethenny don’t resolve anything but Carole gets up and goes to the bathroom and leans over Bethenny and says, “I will kill you in your sleep.” Just kidding. She actually said, “I love you.” And… Bethenny cries.
She interviews that she loved being close to Carole, but if a friendship can be destroyed over nothing, was it ever really a friendship? Because Bethenny had nothing to do with this. Lol.
Carole says that it’s like being in an abusive relationship. One minute the person is gaslighting you and the next they are telling you they love you and sending pictures and texts- and it’s a mind-f*ck.
The women head back to the house in various vehicles.
Tinsley jumps into the fray with Dorinda against Luann. Dorinda’s argument is just because Lu is in recovery doesn’t give her the right to police anyone. Especially “coming from someone who used to drink A LOT and fell in some bushes.” Carole is in agreement that it’s rich coming from someone who has been sober for 2 minutes.
And then Sonja the flip flopper says, “You don’t talk about people drinking when you are not drinking.” Shut up, Sonja. Go work on your camel toe.
That’s a bingo.
Dorinda is like- “She will be drinking in 3 months.” Well, she wasn’t wrong.
Carole interviews that she is not one to say anything about anyone’s drinking but what she has observed is that you drink to excess and then there is a problem, you drink to excess and then there is a problem, you drink to excess and then there is a problem, it seems like a cycle.
Ramona is like – Luann was crying. Dorinda is like “GOOD SHE SHOULD CRY!!! She lost a friend by being defiant to me.” Lol. Dorinda maintains she will not be friends with Lu again. Sonja is like- Oh now you sound like Carole and Bethenny!!! Carole interjects that a lot of Bethenny’s relationships explode.
And Ramona is like- What relationships?
Well sh*t Ramona did call that sh*t back in Season 3 on the Brooklyn Bridge. Ramona is a regular swami. She’s Carnac. Ramonac.
Bethenny is so much fun.
Back at the house Bethenny walks in with her electronic balloon and it’s hysterical. Never, in the history of people has anyone looked more miserable with a balloon.
Bethenny goes right to Lu’s room and they talk about Dorinda. Lu recounts the story- some pieces were accurate, some weren’t. Lu is really upset.
Bethenny tells Lu the story about Dorinda in PR being blackout drunk at dinner with Bethenny’s team. Bethenny thinks that Dorinda cuts deep.
Yes, she does. Dorinda does need to address her drinking and her anger issues.
Lu asks about what happened with Carole and Bethenny really can’t explain. She says she has never had a relationship that’s ended like this. Um, yes, she did- Jill Zarin. Yes, in that it was reversed and Jill, initially, was the completely whacked out unreasonable party, but still…
And let’s not forget the Bethenny feuds over the years. She fought with Jill, she’s called Luann a snake (multiple times) and a whore, she’s fought with Ramona virtually every season, she even got pissed off that Heather was trying to feed her meatballs. She was mad at Jules for being anorexic and having dog poop in her house and for excessive renovations, mad at Tinsley for being too fluffy. She has taken down Sonja a few times.
Lu, full of AA wisdom, says, I know the devil, I’ve seen its face. I’ve seen it IN ME.
They wonder if and when Dorinda will get help.
Ok, goodnight. Sweet dreams, you old snake, phoney, slut, hair-copying, whore.
Downstairs, Dorinda talks to Carole about Lu. Carole asks Dorinda if she thinks that Lu was trying to be helpful? Dorinda feels bad- she said some awful things. But she will not apologize, she expects an apology from Lu because she has been a good friend to Lu. Dorinda says she would never shame anyone. Uh, isn’t that what she JUST did to Lu? She shamed the shamer.
You got a little shnockered on your face…
Carole tells her that Lu just feels like she’s helping Dorinda get control. Dorinda says, “I think I’m going to smoke in Car-tar-rain-ya.”
Then Bethenny comes downstairs and tells Dorinda she needs to wipe her face before she can talk to her seriously. They clean Dorinda up, and Dorinda says that she ruined her friendship with Luann. Bethenny and Carole tell her to sleep on it and worry about it in the morning. Bethenny tell Dorinda that she knows how she is- a switch goes off with you and Lu was trying to…
It’s no use, Dorinda interrupts and nobody- sober or not- has the right to judge someone when they have been a good friend.
Ok, I love Dorinda, but this makes about as much sense as Sonja thinking the Morgans are still her “family.” And I don’t really think Luann was JUDGING Dorinda. Listen, it’s no secret that Dorinda drinks too much, and frankly, she gets slurry when she’s stone-cold sober.
Look, it takes a drunk to love a drunk and Lu loves you.
Bethenny tries to explain to Dorinda – and she’s actually attempting to do it in a kind way- that Dorinda gets a skewed perspective in the moment and that nobody is against her and Lu loves Dorinda. Bethenny goes on to say that she’s known and watched Lu for 10 years and she’s never seen her like this- she’s actually now a person that isn’t full of sh*t and is not a fraud and not all uptight and Countessy. Bethenny is like, “Big deal, she had a tiny moment of that tonight- let her have it, she’s been through a lot.” Dorinda says, “Be a bigger person.” And Bethenny says – Make it nice.
Bethenny, say all of this sh*t into a mirror because it all- with the exception of the Countess crap, could apply to you too. Be a bigger person and make it nice.
Dorinda interviews that she always regrets what she says but it’s not like she brought the world down – she is on the verge of tears when she says this, but she says it’s best for people to tend their own garden.
Well yes. However, sometimes neighbors need help with their yard. Our neighbors can’t grow grass for sh*t. MrRed is always over there helping him because we don’t want our property value to go down because we live next to a house on a dirt lot. Lu doesn’t want to be living next to a dirt lot. Dorinda being the dirt lot in this scenario.
Bethenny says, it’s all going to be okay.
Next time… Dorinda and Lu argue about their argument.
There aren’t enough fish in that water?
Sonja flashes her beaver to COLOMBIA (wearing a bathing suit with the tags on it) and Carole tries to sink the yacht and kill Bethenny for her final act of sweet, sweet revenge.
Well MisRed has decided – I am on Team Tinsley. Send me a Cartier bracelet and some betch named Loretta to braid my hair and MisRed will be happier than a pig in sh*t. What do you think of Dorinda? Did she overreact? Hahahah. Did Lu overstep her bounds? What horse tranquilizers was Ramona on in this episode? Is Sonja going to put a hit out on Moe Green and Sollozzo? Will she leave the gun and take the cannoli? Crap. Now MisRed needs a cannoli.
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