Hi, Trashies. It’s time, once again, for the fantasy suite dates! As Mr. Philly puts it, “It’s time for ABC to imply all the things.” So, let’s just jump right into it. We arrive in Thailand where Becca says she’s in love with two guys (Blake and Garrett) and falling in love with another (Jason). Sorry, Jason. I guess this means that you’ll be leaving this week.
Just when he got his hair situation figured out.
The first date goes to a giant ball of insecurity that we know as Blake. They’re going hiking in a place that is so sacred that they can’t even touch. I might be reading into it, but I don’t think you choose your favorite guy to go on the date where you can’t even touch one another.
They’re getting as close as they can though.
At the end of the hike, Blake and Becca meet with a monk to get some relationship advice. Becca, in all her eloquence, calls the experience “very old and cultural.” Talking isn’t her strong suit, huh? Maybe that’s why she gets along so well with Garrett. After Becca talks about Arie again, they ring a bell to spread their love. So, yeah, that’s pretty much the entire date.
So much for not touching.
The nighttime portion of the date is nothing special. Blake is constantly wondering if Becca is kissing and hugging and crazy about all the other guys. Does he know what this show is about? One thing I’ve noticed is that Blake and Becca only seem to talk about their past relationships. Is that all that their relationship is built on? Also, Blake just seems like he’d be way too intense and just a lot of work. I really don’t see him meshing with Becca’s goofier personality. Anyway, the fantasy suite date card is there, and they decide to spend the night together.
The next morning, we get a shot of Becca’s dressed crumpled up on the floor.
Real subtle, producers.
There’s the usual morning small talk, but I just can’t focus on that because I’m amazed that Becca’s eyelashes are still on. I’m not sure which possibility is more awkward: Becca kept her eyelashes on throughout the entire night with Blake or a makeup artist came in first thing in the morning to redo her makeup. Of course, there’s more talk of Arie.
The next day is Jason’s date. This one is super awkward. The wander around town, eat some crickets, and then Becca just walks away after feeling awkward talking about a future with Jason.
Not a good sign.
The nighttime portion of the date is even more of the same as Becca leaves Jason sitting alone at the table.
He has got to be aware that he’s going home shortly.
Becca eliminates Jason, and literally no one is surprised. It’s been all about Blake and Garrett since day one. Jason never stood a chance. To his credit, he handles this very maturely. So long as he keeps the new hairstyle, I’d be OK with him as The Bachelor. He’s definitely a better option than Colton. Anyway, Becca is super upset and says that she just did to Jason what Arie did to her. Except, you know, not at all.
And with that, it’s time for Garrett’s date. They were supposed to spend a quiet day rafting, but it’s a national holiday, so they’re spending the day on a very crowded river.
Of course Garrett owns a pair of camo shorts.
Later that evening, there’s more talk of Arie, Garrett telling Becca he’s in love with her, and the two of them deciding to spend the night in a fantasy suite…which is just a treehouse.
Is it really a fantasy suite if you have to go outside to pee?
But it didn’t stop them from breaking the headboard.
Later that day, Jason decides to come back. It’s one of those “I need closure” moments. What’s there to know, Jason? Becca is more into Blake and Garrett than she is into you. The end. Sometimes “I’m just not feeling it” is the only reason. Also, what did Jason put in that scrapbook that he gave to her? They had like two dates. Anyway, this whole thing reads like his Bachelor audition, and it seems he nailed it. So, with that, let’s go right on to the completely unnecessary rose ceremony.
Blake always looks like he’s about to vomit or shit himself out of fear.
The roses are given out, Becca announces they’re going to the Maldives, and that’s that. We’re almost done with this! Next week it’s “The Men Tell All” special and then we have the finale. No one will be surprised when Garrett wins this, right? They’re really setting Blake up for a major heartbreak.
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