Hey Trashies! Since Cody’s ouster, this show has basically become Paul’s personal puppet show, just a tedious clot of floaters getting into petty squabbles while they wait for Paul to tell them what to do. Enough of this bull tonkey, let’s get Cody BACK in the HOUSE, mothafukkaz!!!
It’s time for the Battle Back Showdown, featuring three competitions. The first two evictees who complete the first challenge move to the second, and the winner of the second goes on to face a competitor from inside the house, a BB first, who has a chance to keep them out. Gee, I wonder who they’re going to pick.
Aaaaaaannnnnnd… we begin!
Through a cloud of smoke trot Cameron, Jillian, Dom, Jesus, and Cody.
“Psst Dom! Jjhg uyiu ufyty uttr…”
First comp is a maze challenge, with a suspended board controlled by pulleys. If the ball falls into a hole, the player must start over. Cody manages to out-perfect Jesus, who is distracted by prayers from early-bird Cleveland Browns haters, and one very special shopper (you know who you are), angling for a good parking space.
Next is Cameron, who has to start over due to a ball going into a hole, but manages to beat out Jesus anyway.
“Hold the fricking PHONE, why dontcha!”
The second comp is called “Billboard Bashers”, and features a pair of billboards with 10 breakaway panels. Cody and Cameron must shoot balls at their billboards with a slingshot, and puncture all 10 panels to win. Cameron gets off to an early lead, but once Cody masters the “soft lob”, he gains Jesus’s rapt attention, and rallies to a decisive win. Depressed, Cameron moans, “Sometimes your best isn’t good enough,” and off he goes, but not before pointing out he isn’t a total loser.
Cody begs to differ.
And now he begins to drool, as he imagines actually eating his final challenger.
“Bet he tastes like chicken”
Julie tells Cody he gets to pick one of the first two challenges for the third competition, only the maze will be different, and the billboard will be spinning. Cody chooses the maze.
Meanwhile, back in the house, Julie informs the HGs of the Battle Back twist, and tells them they need to vote for a competitor. They all vote for Paul, except for Paul himself, who votes for Alex. So Cody beats the crap out of Paul, and is back in the house, yay!
On to Sunday’s episode…
As we open, an increasingly ratchet Jessi-tart tells us how excited she is to have Cody back.
Cody is elated.
”What the @#$%’s happening to Jess?”
And Paul has a turbo bobble-head moment in the Diary Room, during which his noggin almost flies off.
“NOOOOOOOO, I BLEW ITTTTTTT!!!”
Jess announces she and Cody have some kissing to do, and off they go to the apple-and-couch room. Cody avoids a kiss, but gives her a nice hug. Jess gives him the lowdown, including the interesting news that Jason was very good to her while he was gone. Huh, still no kiss. Then she shares the news of the Halting Hex temptation. Cody is so thrilled to be safe for at least one week in the house, he plants a closed-lip number on her. He promises not to go rogue this time, no sir, this time he’s going to play her game.
Satisfied, Ho-sickle shares her plan: Alex, Josh, Fourth of July, Alex, and Paul must go. Oh, and Alex.
Meanwhile, the others gather, and National Pie Day declares Quaaloady a “superthreat”, while Alex wonders why the people they hate always unite them. Paul tries to enlist Josh into getting under Cody’s skin, but Josh says he’s all done with provoking #MrAndMrsMeatball.
Time for the HoH competition! This is a traffic-themed competition, where the HGs must hold up a red traffic-light disc with a wobbly stick. Whoever loses gets to pick one player for a punishment.
Kevin is down in 17 seconds!
Mark is down in 25 seconds!
Paul is next, at 56 seconds!
Way to go, guys! Kevin chooses Cody for the first punishment, and Cody gets trash dumped on his back. Mark chooses Cody as well, who gets yelled at by a corpulent yoga guy with road rage. Cody is unfazed, since he’s used to people screaming and throwing trash on him.
Next, Cody gets cement dumped on his back, courtesy of Paul. Jason is down at 2 minutes, and chooses Jessi-ho for his punishment, on the grounds that if you attack Cody’s “princess”, he’ll realize he’s got some “competition”, at least in the “turkey jerking” department. Jessi-ho gets graffiti spray painted on her back.
Elena is down in 4 minutes, which happens to be the longest she’s ever kept her flappy yap shut. She chooses Cody, who gets squirted with ketchup and mustard. Josh laughs in the Diary Room, “Screw that, grab the marinara and the mozzarella, baby, and throw it on this meatball, hahahaha!”
Matt is down in 5 minutes, and chooses Cody, who gets yelled at some more. Cody says he doesn’t know why they’re all so happy, since each punishment means one less person for him to beat. “So who’s really winning?” he gloats.
Josh is down in 38 minutes. He chooses Jessi-ho, who gets… no — TAR? — poured on her. Hey, is BB production reading again?
Now Josh starts heckling Cody, calling him a pack of meatballs. As Cody fumes, Jessi-ho tells Arbor Day she’s not a target, and makes Cody agree to that. Over in the wings, the gang plays telephone, passing on the message to Josh to tell Diwali not to make a deal. Josh promises, “I’ll give you a foot rub, a massage, a pizza, anything I want… I mean, you want… just don’t make a deal!”
Cody is down in 24 minutes. He chooses Ramses, who gets graffiti on his back. Next down is Ramses, at 1 hour and 49 minutes. He chooses Ho-sickle, who gets ketchup and mustard on her back. At 2 hours and 52 minutes, down comes Take Your Daughter to Work Day, and Jess-o-matic wins HoH, yay!
“The duck face costs extra, babes”
Now Whoresickle shares that her father, the actual person who turned her on to Big Brother, died this very day three years ago. Wow, what are the odds! So this HoH win is very special to her, and she’ll never forget it. For her part, Hola Mahala cries that she had something major to prove to herself and blew it. Josh knows he’s going up on the block, and Paul screams in the Diary Room.
Time for Cody and Jessi-ho to take awkward, separate showers. But first… Hobagicka tells us that all her dreams came true this week. And what a week it’s been for her!
Kevin interviews that Josh is a good kid, but doesn’t know how to control himself. “You know who they’re putting up,” he tells the others, “Josh and Josh. Twice, yeah.” Jessi-ho repeats to National Foot Awareness Month that she isn’t a target, which NFAM appreciates. Cody promises again to shut up and listen to Ho-sickle, and now — finally — she gets a little open-mouth peck from her prince over the shower door. Score!
Up in HoH Headquarters, Whore-sicca is applying her face with a trowel when Josh knocks and asks if he can come in. Josh plans to convince her to put up a bigger target, but sadly, he is brutally rebuffed.
“Tell him I’m spackling, Boo”
Now Matt and Raven come up to kiss ass, and pledge their support, in semi-realistic fashion. Next come Mark and Elena. Mark says he really, really loves them both. Hmm. Then they all take turns in the Diary Room saying it’s all bullshit, and they don’t trust each other. Next, Cody and Paul have a little chat pretending it would be so great to work together, then confess their mutual hatred in the Diary Room.
Everybody still hates Cody, yay!
It’s time for another humorous scene with Kevin. In this one, he’s wrapping his belly with cellophane for the night, to preserve his figure. He tells Paul it’s a great way to stay fit with no exercise. “I’ve been doing this for a year,” he says.
“And?” asks Paul.
“I don’t sleep good,” says Kevin.
Now Cody and Jessica debate the comparative merits of cutting off the head or the tail of the beast before them. They decide to go for the tail, because they don’t have the votes for the head. But hey, maybe it’ll fly off on it’s own.
“NOW I’ve gone and DONE IIIIIITTTTTTT!”
Time for the nomination ceremony! Jessi-ho picks Ramses and Josh. Humorously unaware that the entire house is gunning for Ramses, she tells him that he’s just a pawn, and Josh is her real target. He’s played such a dirty game, she says, that he doesn’t deserve to be here. A dirty game for a five year old, that is.
Needless to say, this causes Josh to weep.
” *Sniff* – Why would Mrs. Meatball say such a thing?”
Till next time, Trashies!
Hey Trashies! Speaking of temptation, graffiti, and neurodegenerative diseases, its the craziest thing! There’s this graffiti artist named Tempt One (for reals), who happens to have a neurodegenerative disease, like Raven, only his has a name: ALS. Although paralyzed, he can still draw, with the help of a contraption his friends have designed. He created this tag with the movement of his eyes:
Pretty cool, right?
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