This week it’s ‘The Good, The Bad and the Offal’. Which nearly works.Presumably its going to be sheeps balls and brains all the way today.
Handily, Fratboy doesn’t rely on us remembering him or his ‘journey’ – he sums it up for us. ‘Im no longer the Fratguy who loves to party, I’m a home cook to watch’. They needed to do this as he hasn’t actually been about recently.
Will be featuring in this episode.
Its a mystery box!And a new guest judge! Edward Lee. Ex of Top Chef and seems to think that the latitude at which food is grown dictates whether it goes together or not, even if thousands of miles apart. Ok so hes crazy. From Kentucky too, so Schoolteacher is all ‘I have to impress him’. Not really. If I run into someone from my home town I don’t go ‘wow I must impress this person’, we’d just grimace at each other. Where I come is the unfriendliest place in England. Which is nice, as everywhere you go you think ‘wow people are really friendly here’.
Regardless of all that, under the Mystery Box is twenty dollars. So they’re cooking on a budget of twenty dollars for four people? Oh noes how will they cope? I worked out how much I spent on a meal for four last week, without trying to economize, and it was eight dollars forty cents. Although that’s from sterling, so by now its more like 6 dollars. Sorry 5. 4 by the end of the article. Griping aside, its fairly interesting that they now have to ‘buy’ their ingredients. The winner gets the recipe in Family Circle, which appeals to Diamond.
Lies, Family Circle, Lies. There are NO cool DIY projects
They do have to make four plates too. Edward Lee is doing it , so he’s planned ahead what he’s doing. Lady Traitor does make a good point, its not hard to do this, its making it ‘elevated’ enough to win.
Fratboy is making pork noodles and Diamond is doing something either utterly inspired or incredibly foolish. A Beets and Mushroom Bourguignon.
Because Beets kinda look like Beef. From a long way away.
They don’t taste like beef though. Or cook like it. This is truly fascinating. The garlic polenta part is just meh.
Schoolteacher is using chicken – chicken and pork being the most accessible and cheapest meat. Essentially everyone says ‘I can cook on a budget because of homelessness, college, laziness.’
Edward Lee did a shrimp green curry with a herb salad. I don’t like a cold salad with a hot main, but I’m just being picky. The main issue with his is that there’s four portions of hardly anything. In my family I’d eat the four plates and the kids would starve. Luckily I’m childless so it won’t be an issue.
If I paid twenty dollars, I want a LOT more than ths
This is more like it
So the top three are chosen. First up is Vegas Baby with a Trout Almondine. Which is trout with almonds and lemon, often. With sugarsnap peas. He claims he often cooks for a family of four as his friend has a wife and child and he cooks for them. Oh. I bet his friend and his wife hide in the garden each weekend, praying for Vegas to go away, with the wife hissing ‘I told you not to tell him where we lived’.
Its a minor hit with Tosi, and now I’m wishing Arron Sanchez was back as Lee is uninspiring. Next up is Schoolteacher. Shes done chicken over a red pepper polenta. It looks ok. Gordy likes it. Or at least, he says, ‘its pretty good’.
Last up is Eric the otherfireguy. Or now, the only fireguy.Hes done a stuffed chicken breast. Stuffed with cheese and spinach.
Overall, Eric’s is by far the best I would think. The others had a bit of ‘damned with faint praise’. Vegas Baby wins though. Its now I realize how stupid this challenge is – cooking on a budget but make it restaurant quality?
Notable for it’s absence is the beets bouginon. I really wanted them to talk about that.
Vegas Baby’s advantage is to give out the cuts of meat for the elimination test. The cuts are cow cheeks, lamb kidneys, pig tripe (stomach lining), chicken liver, cow sweetbreads (thymus gland, usually), lamb tongue, chicken oysters , lamb heart, pig tail, pig ears, chicken feet and last but not least, bull testicles.
Nathan claims to have cooked with all these cuts before, is he bluffing? The easiest for me would be kidneys and liver, I eat those all the time. Before that, Vegas gets to save one other cook – Schoolteacher. He doesn’t even do the usual ‘I saved her as she’s useless’ routine so maybe he just likes her.
Nathan is cooking with pork tail, and says he’s cooked with it before – when he was in Africa. That does explain where Nathan got his experience from, in Africa offal is regarded as as good, or better, than steak so maybe he really has cooked all this stuff. I bet he was wearing his dinky suit too.
Lady Traitor is making a curry. She thinks kidneys will be really tough so she’s braising them – she’ll be fine as long as she keeps checking they don’t go over. Eric is failing to cope with his chicken feet, trying to peel them? Deandre is not having trouble with his offal, despite what Vegas claims. Its worse. He’s burning his parsnip puree.
Voice over guy got lucky, the chicken oysters. They’re supposed to be the best part of a chicken, so he might fall foul of not using them well enough.
Judging! Eric is up first.
Chicken feet Madeira
I thought chicken feet had to be mega-crispy. Gordy is a little scared as he sees the claws poking out of the Madeira. He likes it though so its a win for Eric, again. He’s turning into a slow-burn hit.
D’Andre is up. He thinks he’s fine.
Its tongue with herbs. Gordy hates it. He spits it out, then goes off on one about how he can’t cook a parsnip puree. D’Andre has ‘insert boot here’ written on his back now.
Fratboy Dan is up.
Deep fried balls
He’s made a vinaigrette to go with em, and Mr Lee loves them.
Voice over guy is up with his chicken oysters with plantains and guac. Its bland and Tosi expresses her annoyance. Surely not as bad as D’Andres effort though.
Nathan is up with the tail.
Its basically a bbq pork sandwich, and its ok but Gordy wanted the tail shredded.
Jobless knocks it out of the park with her crispy pigs ear salad with apricot vinaigrette. Its pretty, and Tosi loves it.
Lady Traitor has made a kidney curry.
Looks like a curry.
Its hard to make a stew based thing look good. Lee shows his ignorance here by claiming kidney curry isn’t a traditional dish – it is in parts of India. He does admit its very good though so shes ok.
Diana is up, and I think I got her name right so that can’t be a good sign. She’s in trouble as she’s hidden her tripe in a soup, minced up with jalapenos. Worse, Gordy finds some raw tripe in it.
We don’t see Manbears effort, so it must have been a solid hit. The two best are Katie the Traitors and Eric the other Fireguy’s.
The bottom three are Voice over guy and his bland chicken, Diane and her tripe, D’Andre and his tongue. Tosi doesn’t name him, she says he knows who he is so get down here. Poor D’Andre creeps down looking like a puppy that’s had it’s nose smacked by a cat.
Engage ‘Serious’ mode.
Failed to engage. Reboot to ‘Standard Toneless Drawl’
Clearly Voice Over Guy is safe, he just made a bland dish out of an easy protein. Its almost embarrassing that they even pretend he’s in trouble. He is sent back to his bench immediately.
The other two tried to poison Gordy. Just in case any potential chefs out there are wandering, trying to poison people with your food is a no no. Unless you don’t like them, then its ok. On top of that, D’Andre burnt parsnip puree, so I thought he ‘d be gone.
Mom always told me not to poison people. Today that advice paid off
Diana is toast. Unsurprisingly, as she’s been a consistent d-lister. Robo-Tosi then delivers a shock to D’Andre. Or it would be a shock if the man could boil potatoes or parsnips, or if Tosi could manage any emotion. Tosi tries hard to engage sad mode but can’t get to it, so poor D’Andre gets booted with all the warmth and compassion of a cold dead fish.
Really today was just cleaning out the trash. The producers probably looked down the list and said ‘Jeez, are those idiots still here? Surely they stabbed themselves chopping tomatoes, or did we lose them at the wedding? No? We better boot them before anyone notices.’ As for Edward Lee, all I can say is bring back Arron Sanchez. Lee tries hard and he’s not awful, just, well, irrelevant. Lastly, I’m sure Diamond’s Beets Bouiginon was as bad as it sounds.
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