Yuk! I think all these women are disgusting..
    Don’t they have any aspirations beyond their stupid little high school clique dreams??
    Have any attended college, earned degrees or learned any trades in all the years since high school? I hope Ashlee is lost forever. Ha ha I know they found Ms. Creep. Unfortunately..
    They all make me feel very ill.. Can’t understand why Matt always says they are “good girls”. They are vile. I hope this is their one and only season.

  • It is her husband, not Natalie, who will be running the Paris Ballet.

  • sarcasatire

    Natalie Portman runs the Paris ballet? Why, because she played a ballerina in a movie??

    That’s pretty absurd and a slap in the face to people who actually studied their whole lives. Let’s just hope she’s an investor or something.

    I mean, her husband, i can understand. Natalie, not so much.

  • cub

    gaga and the gay! perfect!

  • YouOldMattress

    and the guy with the Jesus jewelry from Erica’s pool party.

  • YouOldMattress

    Joey’s house looked nice to me, but what do I know? I’m poor.

  • rachelkashmir

    don’t forget Ashleeeeeeeeeeee’s random from speed dating. Another crash and burn.

  • Holyterror

    “Cooze” is EXACTLY the word!

  • LAC

    LOL!! Great recap. I swear, I don’t know about this show -sometimes it cannot go off the air fast enough and other times, I think I might miss the goils and their wedding days whining…

    What is with these girls wanting to be married, but bringing nothing other than an virtually untapped vagina to the party? The only skills I have seen are ordering food in a restaurant, accessorizing, and dancing like they are doing an impression of a spastic colon. I mean, if you want this life, maybe being able to figure out how to make something, have some understanding of what a vacuum does, some domestic goddess vibe would help. Or at least the brain wattage to open a fucking bottle of wine.

    Ashley is such a cooze – watching her stubby fingers all over those cheese cubes while she went on about mixing food is exactly why you will find her still there, 10 years later. Watching her on yet another date fail (even with Gaga and the Gay) is funny as shit.

  • Aunt Dorsey

    Amber Alert: The three Billy Goats Gruff’s troll is missing. E.T., er Ashlee, phone home!

  • Holyterror

    I get the Streisand analogy ( face) and the Nanny analogy (voice), but on what planet does Chanel bear any resemblance to NATALIE PORTMAN? A delicate, beautiful, scholarly, Oscar winner who now runs the Paris ballet?

  • Jaime Sommers

    Lol-I know, right? And WTF is “half past quarter to three”? You mean THREE FIFTEEN?

  • DutchieDevil

    But, but, but, that would imply she has a brain AND she uses it… Are you sure?

  • sarcasatire

    I don’t believe Ashlee is a virgin. But since she knows her parents and whole family well be sitting around watching this, she decided to play coy.

  • Iona Trailer

    I wouldn’t mock Ashlee because she is a virgin. However it’s understandable why she is virgin. Who other than her creepy father would want to stick their dick in her? I am sick of Chanel whining about her not being married. She doesn’t act mature enough to be married. She should have just taken the Isreali guy…that was her best bet. Like I said…these chicks are destined to marry some sleazeball named Morty who marries them to look presentable at Temple then goes into the city to nail cheap hookers in Brooklyn.

  • Holyterror

    Second date in as many episodes that had to be fled — Chanel’s last week, and Dino Paws this week. Batting a thousand, girls.

  • Holyterror

    Apparently, buying a bag of pre-cut multicolor cheese cubes is tasteful and ( her favorite word) classy, whereas leaving them mixed is indicative of a lack of morals and proper upbringing. The whole spread was a white trash dream.

  • Holyterror

    Speaking of fine decor, did anyone else notice the half-dead houseplant right inside Erica’s front door? Klassy.

  • I love the theme song, but I have said the same thing to myself every time it comes on! And the people are singing so SOULFULLY, too: BABY, Come HOOOOME…SMH

  • Daisy Joy

    “Wear hideous clothes”…..so true!

  • LynnB

    Chanel is like Elaine from Seinfeld when she dances only Elaine was acting.

  • rachelkashmir

    Ashleeeee thinks she’s better than Joey for that North Shore vs South Shore nonsense. I’m amused how Ashleeeeeeee waddles around in a house that hasn’t been renovated since Magnum PI was on and Joey’s (dad’s) house has an updated kitchen and stainless steel appliances.

    I consider myself a neofeminists: If a woman wants to be a CEO she should go for it. If a woman wants to be a homemaker, that’s cool, too. Some women are deeply fulfilled taking care of their families and accept all that entails (cooking, cleaning, whipping baby butts). These dumb bitches are chomping at the bit to get married but they don’t possess any home making skills, like boiling water and reading the directions to microwave dinners. All they want is someone to foot the bill while they make carbon dioxide and wear hideous clothes. I wonder if they think once they are married their mothers are still going to do their laundry.

    That being said I LAUGHED OUT LOUD when it was implied that Ashleeeeeeeeeeee was still carrying her V card. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

    I won’t laugh too hard at them being perplexed by the screw top wine bottle, it happens to the best of us.. I just can’t believe Channel thought it was a good idea to use her teefs.

    And Channel seriously needs to stop dancing in public. I’ve seen people on fire move better than her.

  • Iona Trailer

    “Know we know why Chanel is painfully single….Stop using the teeth girl” LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

    My ranking from like to hate…

    1. Joey – She works. That makes her better than the rest.

    2. Amanda – She is likable but you wonder what planet she’s from.

    3. Erica – She’s a mess…but I like Rob more so she gets number 3.

    4. Casey – Eh.

    5. Chanel – I liked her at first but she’s just this picky bitch who wants everything because somehow she’s entitled.

    6. Ashlee – Even Snookie probably wanst to punch this cow

  • Everything seems to be so overwhelming for Casey I don’t know how she gets out of bed everyday.

  • realitytvjunkie

    Erica is a total Seinfeld “two facer”. Sometimes looks good (I think she looks good in the intro), sometimes looks downright twitchy, old, and frightening. Ashlee is the worst human on reality tv right now. Right after Melissa Gorga. WTF was she talking about with that cheese? Furthermore, if you were so offended by the poor people mixed cheese, how the hell did it end up in your Miami Vice mansion? Chanel…poor poor Chanel. If Casey disappeared I wouldn’t notice. She, to me, is the worst of them. I don’t know why. Maybe because when I watch Ashlee she’s at least fun to laugh at. Casey is utterly useless.

  • Just what the fuck Asslee. Poor people mix foods? So she has never eaten a salad? Soup? Stew? Lasagna? Ugh what a poor excuse for a human. What was she like before her stroke? I believe she is one of those bugs that curly up into a ball when you try to kill them.

  • I wondered if Ashlee was concerned about mixing cheese and meat because she kept Kosher. But then I realized she was just being obnoxious.

    Great recap, L Boogie!!

    Chanel is Moroccan? I was wondering.. Her mom was dressed in African garb with the headwrap.. Now I want to go to her house for Challah and hummus.

  • trkaelin

    I just kept wondering during the sleepover scene why, in addition to the wine, there was Snapple and a diet Coke on the table in front of them. That is poor people’s drinks. I should know, I drink them both. I thought she was gonna make some sort of whitetrash cocktail with them.

  • Jaime Sommers

    The only majorly striking thing to me about this series is that it has quite possibly the most incongruous opening theme song I’ve ever heard.

  • cub

    ashlee is pathetic. i too was laughing out loud at the disco scene. no one wants you ashlee – NO ONE. go home to mommy&daddy. i can’t wait until next week. i was dying at the preview of “help….me.” i had to rewind at least twice.
    why does erica look so drastically different from scene to scene. talk about having a bad side.
    love your recaps! is next week the finale? does the breakdown go on for two eps?

  • stinkyhousewives

    These yentas get more and more disturbing each week, but not in a good way.