Well, well, well. Can you believe it girls? Lu is back in rehab!! So maybe the stories about her being drunk at SF Pride aren’t “ridiculous” as she claimed. And/or maybe this is a deflection from the lawsuit her kids filed against her. Can someone intervene and provision that some of that trust money has to go to make Ictoria take a bath? Maybe set up an account with some type of Mobile Groomer? We have Mobile Mutts in our neighborhood- maybe they have a service for the daughters of royalty- Roving Rancid-Royal Rinse?
How bad are things when you authorize Bethenny to be your spokesperson?
Seriously, MisRed isn’t completely evil and wishes Lu gets the help she needs, even if it’s just a ruse to get sympathy so her kids will drop their lawsuit. Obviously, she thought she had a better handle on stuff and she didn’t. No shame in seeking help- in fact, MisRed thinks it shows strength. So Cheers, Lu! I mean, GO LU!!
What will her post-rehab show be called this time? #TheCountessIsBack. #CountessII. #Countess2.0. #TheCountessStrikesBack. #TheCountess’sRevenge. #TheCountessGames. #Don’tCountessMeOut #TheCountess:BackFromTheBender #TheCountessChronicles #MoneyCan’tBuyYouSober. Now taking submissions.
Let’s get started. Last week, if you will recall, Tinsley pulled a George Jefferson, moving on up to the Penthouse. At this point, she’s really just a hooker with zero responsibility. At least Julia Roberts had to fight off George Costanza. Oh well, I suppose Tinsley has Dale. She’s like a Wolverine. Ramona and Bethenny fought over Mr. Red Scarf.
THIS is the reason fort three successful women fighting
Sonja is probably still tied to Mr. Stained Shirt’s bed. The ladies decided to go to Cartagena, Columbia on vacation- and will nearly die. Yay!!!!
On the “previously” segment, we rehash the whole Carole / Bethenny fight, so something must be about to boil over in this episode and we heard that the sh*t hit the fan at the reunion. I also read that Ramona’s reunion dress could stand to be a half size bigger. LOL
Oh! Speaking of Ramona- MisRed thinks there might be some confusion- yes, I know sometimes type “Ramona” and sometimes type “Ramones.” It’s not a typo. I just think it’s funny to sometimes call Ramona Ramones. Some people think it’s a typo and I’m being sloppy. Listen, don’t get me wrong, MisRed is sloppy and she does write this thing as fast as humanly possible so, yes, there are sometimes typos or stuff that could be rewritten- but that’s not one of them- it’s intentional. But she will stop if it bothers y’all. Can you believe it girls? MisRed is GROWING.
The episode opens the required (by Bravo) packing montage. We start with Tinsley.
Is a shoe rack too much to hope for?
Can someone, PLEASE, kidnap that dog? #FREEBAMBI. And while we are at it, buy Tinsley a shoe tree? Tinsley is excited to get the ladies out of NYC and into some warm weather. Bambi gets into Tinsley’s suitcase and Tinsley thinks it’s because Bambi wants to come with her. Honey, the dog it is doing anything possible to get some fresh air. It knows it’s taking a risk.
Dorinda packs and decides it’s time for her to ONLY wear one-piece bathing suits. Aw. MisRed thinks Dorinda looks great, but be comfortable, girl. Maybe leave the “lady who is too-long-in- the-tooth to be wearing a bikini role” to Ramona.
A minion drops off something for Carole that Beyoncé may or may not have just worn.
Hmm. Is this south of the Avenue?
Ramona limps up to a Pharmacy. Bahahaha. She eyes it like she’s ordering sushi at a gas station in a land-locked state. It’s the worst fake limp MisRed has ever seen. Congratulations Ramona, you are officially the WORST faker on earth.
Vicki Gunvalson, First Runner Up
Don’t worry Vicki, the award will be passed back to you shortly.
Ramona explains “So, I’m on vacation in Marrakesh with 20 of my really great girlfriends, and I’m leaving early while they’re all partying their asses off ‘cause I have to leave for Cartagena.” Poor Ramona has to leave her vacation early to go on a vacation. Net/Net, Ramona was texting and walking, and she turned left to go to the elevator, but the left wasn’t the elevator it was a stairwell and she fell down and twisted her ankle.
Ramona- BE CAREFUL. Even if it WAS the Elevator- did she not see that episode of LA Law when Rosalind Shays dies because she doesn’t LOOK??? Plus, Ramona, you are old- you could break a hip.
Checking in with Bethenny and her drama du jour. She tells Rocio that she has to pack for Cartagena, which she mispronounces (but don’t worry, if you called her on it, she would argue with you about the pronunciation), and that when she leaves for Columbia, it will be her last time setting foot in her current apartment. So, what it boils down to is that Bethenny is moving but isn’t lifting a finger, and yet she is completely stressed out.
Hey, if MisRed had Bethenny’s bank account, she’d never lift a finger again. Well, she might lift a finger to, like, GIVE the finger, but that’s it. Speaking of, MisRed would like to see some forensic accounting on these betches. Like, for all franchises. MisRed needs to know who has what and where it came from.
Bethenny says she’s not in the “best place for a trip.” When is she ever, seriously? With the exception of the trip to the Mayflower, when has Bethenny ever been in a good mood on a trip? Possibly Mexico, but she was sick and fought with Dorinda and Ramona.
She says that the move is happening while she is away, and it is stressful- agreed, moving is stressful. But less stressful if you are moving while you are in Columbia not doing any of the actual moving. But also, “I don’t feel the love from Carole and Dorinda.” And Bethenny, in her mind, has no role in either of those problematic scenarios. She then makes Rocio tell her that she still has to ass to wear a butt-floss bikini.
Please stroke my ego…
Shut-up Bethenny. If MisRed had your body, she would walk around naked 24/7. To the mailbox. Down the street. To the H-E-B. To the Post Office.
At Sonja’s she is dancing by herself while Marley humps a pile of dirty clothes. Sonja says “God, this shirt wants to come off and the night is young.” SMH. The shirt is RUNNING AWAY, Sonja. It has struck a deal with Bambi and it’s trying to get away from you and your dirty house. Both just want the chance to LIVE.
Cartagena, we apologize.
Suddenly, the ladies land in Cartagena. It looks lovely and colorful. And Ramona is in a wheelchair.
I’m sooooory, I’m soorry, I can’t walk…. or at least I’m acting like it.
Jesus Ramona. Two seconds in, she is already ordering around the poor guys who drew the short straw and was forced to help her. She does, however, say thank you. MisRed didn’t see any money exchange hands however.
All of the other girls are like- Ramona is such a pain in the ass! Get in the car! Faker!!
Then Dorinda asks how to say “Good Morning” in Spanish. Have another one, Dorinda.
Ohhhhh, it folds right up…
Carole is traveling with a very convenient HAT BOX.
It’s a shame Bethenny hasn’t learned to express herself.
In the other car, Bethenny is like “OH MY GOD, that GUY has texted me so many times!!! The one from speed dating. Red scarf guy.” Poor you, Bethenny. Maybe don’t go offering BJ’s right and left and men won’t be blowing up your phone looking for you to blow up something of theirs. He has been sending many texts wanting to get together. It then comes out that he met Ramona for drinks after the speed dating sessh. His story is that he was going to have drinks afterwards with Rori (the matchmaker) and Ramona abandoned her Uber and jumped into his car with them. He told Bethenny that she is a nice lady, but he has no interest in Ramona. But Bethenny uses that as an excuse to cut him down- she says she texted him “Ramona isn’t a good look so being that you had drinks with her, I’m going to steer clear.”
Firstly, could you not see Ramona totally doing the scenario Red Scarf described? If Bethenny doesn’t like him, she should just be honest- not try to turn the situation around to make it be HIS fault for having a drink with Ramona. But more on that later.
Bethenny wonders why she’s alone and friendless? Having a drink with Ramona isn’t exactly a crime. Well, not yet.
Ramona asks if they speak Spanish in Columbia and what their chief industries are? Ramona, really?
The ladies arrive at Casa Mattos. Lu thinks that Cartagena is a mix of New Orleans and Cuba. They enter the house and meet the staff, including a woman named Margarita, the house manager. Ok who set that up for LU? Good one.
They get a house tour and miraculously Ramona can walk, without a limp.
It’s time to pick rooms. Tinsley hands out Tiffany boxes. Her big strategy is that each person will place THEIR Tiffany box in whichever room they want.
WTF Tinsley. Grab a glove and get in the game. How is THIS any different than what ALWAYS happens. These betches need to be drawing straws or picking numbers our of a hat. They can’t be relied upon to, like, respect each other and potentially compromise.
Oh ok, back from commercial, Tinsley actually DOES have a strategy, and it’s a pretty funny one. Bahaha. Each box contains a necklace with an initial of the first name of the “ladies”- not necessarily the name of the person HOLDING the box- and whoever’s name is in the box gets the room.
Straight from Canal Street
So, Ramona may choose a room and the name in her box might be Bethenny. God knows what the name in Sonja’s box will be? Harry. Frenchy. Rocco. Tom. Justin Bieber. Matt Lauer. Who knows? It, LITERALLY, could be ANYBODY who has ever passed through the NYC area.
The Room Bully Twins are not happy
Everyone gets a room. Sonja is upset she doesn’t have a bathtub- no one has a bathtub.
They put Ramona in a youth hostel
Ramona got a room with twin beds.
I’ve been here 8 minutes, time to ruin the trip for everyone.
And Bethenny is already pooping on this vacation by whispering to Dorinda that she needs a fancy hotel. BUT there is no outward fighting.
Ramona marking her territory last year.
And Ramona’s limp must have made it through customs because it’s back.
Ramona enters the kitchen and starts telling the chefs that she doesn’t like to have anything with butter.
Ok, got it, extra butter on everything!
She tells the Chef that THIS is why she “looks so ageless, I eat healthy.” Call MisRed, but it could be the Vodka PRESERVING her like formaldehyde. The Chef is like- how old are you- 90? Just kidding, he just looked at her like all of the help does, as if saying “How the f*ck did you get here, you are a pain in the balls and how soon do you leave?”
Ramona asks what is for lunch- fish soup. This will be important later.
Lu speaks to one of the butlers in Spanish and when he leaves she looks like she wants to sop him up with a biscuit.
I like Chocolate for dessert…
Easy Countess, DOWN, girl, sit. Stay.
Ramona tries to commandeer one of the butlers to help her unpack, but he just, like, leaves.
Bahahaha. Someone must have slipped him a few bucks to NOT help Ramona.
The girls meet for lunch and Bethenny has some fish soup.
She is allergic to fish. Ramona learned there was fish in the soup about an hour earlier and “forgot.”
Allergic to fish or she looked at Ramona, not sure which.
Bethenny starts to immediately have an allergic reaction, which, sucks, and has to leave the table.
Cheers to poisoning Bethenny!!!
The girls chat… meanwhile Bethenny is upstairs in the fetal position on her bathroom floor.
How’s your lunch, Bethenny?
Ramona says that if Bethenny has such a major allergy, she should communicate it to the staff. Well, MisRed hates to say it, but she IS right. Bethenny rejoins the group and announces that the house is a little grimy.
In fairness, they are OUTSIDE
We then see the bottom of Lu’s feet and they are like- black- with dirt.
It was self-tanner.
Bethenny says “You had black face on Halloween and now you have black foot.”
What is the point?
We see the girls dressing for dinner- and Dorinda is wearing sandal boots which is a phenomenon MisRed will NEVER fully grasp. Plus, they don’t sell them at Costco so she’s in no danger of ever having to buy them.
Tinsley has a hair stylist and make-up artist with her. Which we learn is courtesy of Scott as a Valentine’s Day gift. There is a knock at the door and it’s a wheelchair for Ramona.
Some faker ordered a wheelchair?
Carole, Bethenny, Tinsley and Ramona are downstairs. What the hell is Carole wearing?
Like someone covered Carole in glue and body slammed her around a Hobby Lobby
Dorinda says she had to buy flat shoes because of her broken toe. Ok, legit. Then Ramona comes down in the elevator- fake limp and all and is carrying high heels.
I don’t have any other black shoes to match my Tiki Bar Dress
Dorinda is like, you can’t wear those shoes, don’t be ridiculous.
They send Ramona back up the elevator to get flat shoes and to get Sonja.
Thank you to the Elevator Gods!!
Ramona gets stuck in the elevator. Classic. To whom do we Venmo to show our appreciation? Ramona is banging on the doors and hitting the buttons yelling “Girllllllllllllllls!!!!!”
The girls are downstairs chatting and we learn that Tinsley’s ex-husband used to call her breasts “Little Uglies.” Well, that’s nice.
No, no, we heard you.
Just then, the elevator doors fly open and Ramona stalks out “Exxxxxcuuuuuuuuuse me, no one heard me screaming???” They are like- No. But how did you get out? Ramona is like “Somehow it mirroraculously opened.”
Are we sure she’s sober?
Then, oh god, Lu comes bouncing out in a long brown wig- “Hola chaquitas!!!” Oh dear. They all says she looks like Sofia Vergara. Shhhhh, Sofia, don’t listen. It’s not true. Just close your ears and hop on top of that hot husband of yours.
Bethenny gives Lu credit for “powering through” a girl’s trip without alcohol. But that Lu should be thankful she did all of her falling in bushes, as the cement in Columbia is hard.
Lu wants some Columbian Street Meat.
Could this possibly be a wackier crew?
Poor Carole has to push Ramona in her wheelchair down the cobblestones streets.
Where’s Lu? We need a snatch-guard.
Ramona is going to have to throw Carole a “Wheelchair Pushing Party.” Carole needs a “push present.”
As they walk the street- Bethenny asks Lu what is happening with her court case.
No jail? Too bad.
At the point when this was filmed, the charges against Lu have been greatly reduced, however, she still has a felony battery charge pending- which is a pretty big charge. Bethenny is like- “So, like, when are you going to jail, heh? When? And for how long?” Lu informs her that she is not in danger of going to jail.
The last moment of happiness on this trip documented in a photograph
The girls, Sofia included, arrive at dinner, sit down and order drinks. Bethenny, as it turns out, CAN have shellfish, but not regular fish. Ok, who cares. Lu raises a glass – of non-alcoholic jizz- to her FINALLY getting to South America. She was supposed to go to South American over the holidays, but we all know how THAT went down.
The girls review speed dating and we learn that “Pizza guy” has a pizza store in Brooklyn, but it’s artichoke pizza. He had a convo with Lu about it. MisRed started to research but then she remembered that she doesn’t care.
Speaking of sauce… what I wouldn’t give for a rose right now…
They discuss that it was a wacky mix of people. Sonja says that it was such a LOW BAR. And you KNOW Sonja went home with that guy that told her he was going to beat her ass and tie her to the bed.
Then Carole says, “I don’t know, Brian was nice.” Brian is Red Scarf. Interesting to hear Carole say that as Rori said that Carole never spoke to him. Rori had intended Red Scarf to be for Carole. Oh, but wait… Carole says that he “was nice and charming and easy to talk to. I had, like, a three-hour dinner.” Bethenny and Ramona are both VISIBLY uncomfortable.
Carole explains in her talking head- Rori called her the day after the event and explained that Brian was “very interested” in Carole and wanted to take her to dinner. Suspicious. So, Carole went. Dorinda says, “He’s cute.”
The girls start teasing Carole saying that she likes Brian and Carole said “Uh, Brian likes Carole.” Bethenny interviews that Carole knows that she knows Brian and she hasn’t mentioned anything to Bethenny about her date. Uh huh. Right. Bethenny had no idea. And Bethenny finds it strange. Bethenny thinks that is just BASIC information to share.
Dorinda, grab that paddle girl, says “I thought he was in the mix with her.” POINTING TO: Ramona. Carole is like- well she jumped in his car. Ramona is like – No I didn’t. Carole laughs and is like- Who cares? Ramona says that she just thought he was a GREAT conversationalist. Okaaaaay?
Sonja is like- you were very into him. And Ramona is like- “Stop saying the same stupid thing, Sonja.” Bethenny – defending her BFF- says “You were very into him.” Ramona says she was into having a conversation. Then Ramona interviews that she has no interest in him other than having great “conversation” with him. And that his head is in such a great place.
Yep. He wants his head to be in a great place. That’s FO SHO. Pick a housewife, any housewife. Delusion, thy name is Ramona.
Sonja insists that Ramona liked him because she brought him a drink. Ramona rolls her eyes. Carole is like- it’s okay Ramona, it’s not like you were killing someone or threatening to, like Luann. MisRed may have added that last part in on her own. MAY HAVE. Sweet Jesus Carole, WTF is that earring. Whose parrot did you murder to glue-gun that mess together?
Dorinda tells Carole that she is the only one who had a follow-up date. Carole says he yelled out the car door “When can I see you again?” Bethenny is, like, steaming. Maybe she should have gone with the artichoke pizza guy. Her steaming could have come in handy.
Lu asks if Red Scarf is coming to Carole’s party? Lu is like- is it a marathon party? It’s February. Just a reminder. The marathon is run in November. Carole says that Cosmo is hosting the party with her. Oh, this is the article that Carole wrote that was supposed to be about the Me Too movement but wound up being about the marathon. She says that the event is to benefit a Fitness Center with a marathon theme. Oh good, because THAT storyline isn’t played out.
Sonja is like- Is Brian coming? Bethenny is like- I’m sure he would go because he’s “running game.”
Dorinda is like “He’s just talking to everybody, what’s the big deal? It’s not like he slept with three women.” Like Tom. Or Harry.
Carole is like- he’s friends with Bethenny, he went on a date with me…. Bethenny interrupts to say that they are NOT friends. Carole is like- oh, I thought you were- that’s how he described it. She is, MisRed might add, in NO WAY confrontational about it.
Here we go.
Bethenny says “So you would believe what he says over what I might say?” Carole is like- I don’t really care that much and it’s not that deep.
Bethenny squints at her- you know the venom is about to spew. She interviews “Carole is acting like this is her high school boyfriend, they’re going to the prom, and she’s, like, loving it. Carole wants to, like, piss all over this guy and stake her claim with something I don’t want.”
You might not want him, Bethenny, but you certainly don’t want anyone else to have him. Furthermore, what she is saying- in MisRed’s opinion, couldn’t be further from the truth. To me it seems that Carole really DOESN’T care that much.
Bethenny repeats that he’s “running game,” and Ramona wants to know what that means? Lu explains the meaning and Bethenny is like “He’s Tom 2.0, no disrespect.”
It’s about Tom.
No disrespect to your scum-bag, cheating, loser, ex-husband who takes his d*ck out at the Regency 6 nights a week- and twice on Sundays. Lu is like- Wow, and acts insulted.
Carole is like- Ok, Bethenny. Dorinda asks if Bethenny dated him and Bethenny says no. Carole says- Hey, if you want to date him go ahead. Bethenny says she told him that she didn’t want to date him. And Carole says “Well, I think he didn’t’ wanna date you, either.” Which okay is a) probably not true and b) not really necessary to say.
Bethenny says that she thinks it’s strange for a guy to be circling one group of friends and to be going to this speed dating things and that Carole “has a smugness about you that you won some kind of prize. It’s sort of a consolation prize.”
Such a sweet-talker
This is the thing I hate about women. Instead of them being mad at the douchenozzle who is actually the one committing the offensive acts, they turn on each other. It’s so sad and typical and ridiculous. What they should do it, the next time he asks one of them on a date, they should all show up, tie him to the chair, take his credit card and order the most expensive thing on the menu x 2 with great wine and make him pay for being a horndog.
Carole is like- Ok, Bethenny, you know everything- and waves her off with her hand. In Carole’s talking head she is stunned and doesn’t really know where this is coming from and how she is deserving of this. Carole is like- this doesn’t matter, it’s not that… Bethenny interrupts AGAIN, as usual saying “I know, it’s not that deep. We’re 28 years old. We say it’s not that deep. I know, I got it.” Carole repeats that Bethenny knows everything and Bethenny denies it. Carole says “Enough.”
Bethenny comments that Carole has a real ego about the situation. Which is laughable. I mean, maybe she does have a smugness, but Bethenny is the QUEEN of EGO and of DEFLECTION, which is what will be coming next, MisRed guarantees it.
Sonja says, “I think we are all just worried about Carole in this situation because the guy is, obviously, a player.” Carole is like- OMG stop it, it’s not that complicated. And like, hello, Carole is a big girl.
Lu tries to lighten the mood. She interviews that they usually have a lot of fun before they start fighting.
Ramona is like- I’m so full and tries to put her plate OF FISH in front of Bethenny. Ramona is dumb but of course Bethenny is already about to blow a gasket. She’s like – get it away from me, throw it on the floor, throw it in the corner.
Us too, Bethenny, us too.
Bethenny stands up and says, “That was a slice of torture… and it’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back again.”
That’s so kind, Bethenny. I’m sure the other girls just LOVED your abusive behavior as well.
Dorinda interviews that she would love for Carole and Bethenny to just have a knock-down, drag-out fight. Everyone in the group is exasperated by the tension that their feud is creating.
Elsewhere in the restaurant Bethenny is talking to Dorinda saying how badly the house sucks and how it’s not like the Mexico trip SHE put together last year. She thinks it’s not relaxing because they are not on the ocean. Dorinda asks if there are better houses in Columbia? Bethenny is like- absolutely there are because where is all the cocaine money going?
Bethenny interviews that she’s tired and she isn’t feeling good energy and if she’s not going to be a good time she shouldn’t be out. She announces that she is going back to the house.
Yes Bethenny, agreed. But when exactly are you having a good time when it’s not something you set up or you are in charge of? NEVER. Go back to New York and let everyone else be silly and enjoy themselves. Wet blanket. Also, there are approximately a zillion different type of vacations. Personally, MisRed doesn’t like the beach as she is a vampire. Some people like the mountains, some people like to camp, WHATEVER. Just because it’s not 100% your ideal, you could TRY to give it a chance. You have been here less than 12 hours for crying out loud.
They try to wheel Ramona through the street and Bethenny looks on with Sonja critiquing Carol’s outfit. Which, hey, it’s a little out there, but she’s not really hurting anyone, except their eyes.
Dorinda immediately announces to Tinsley that Bethenny hates the house and thinks it’s outdated and that she knows for a fact that there are nicer houses here. Tinsley is pretty good about it and is like- hey, this is Columbia, and the house is fine. Dorinda says that she might not stay, and she might go to a hotel. Tinsley, again, is like- cool- let her go.
Carole hits the nail on the head in her talking head. She says that if Bethenny isn’t in charge of something or didn’t put it together, she isn’t happy. And when Bethenny isn’t happy, she will make it a point to make everybody else miserable. And she should go home.
BUT… Dorinda didn’t really need to tell Tinsley that. By the same token, it not necessary to Bethenny to spew out every goddamn feeling she has. AND she has had issues with Dorinda repeating stuff before, so it’s her own fault for telling Dorinda what she doesn’t want everyone to know.
Ramona surmises that she must be growing because she isn’t even complaining. She is sleeping in a twin bed AND she hung up her own clothes!!! Yes. Yes. Someone give Ramona the Nobel Peace Prize. You know she’s enjoying herself so much because she almost got Bethenny killed.
Bethenny and her henchmen, Sonja and Lu walk back to the house and Bethenny complains about how PAINFUL the dinner was. Lu suggest they go out instead of going back to the house. They talk about Carole and of course, Sonja and Lu both agree that Carole was being very smug.
Lu says, “I would look at a guy differently if I knew he had been texting a girlfriend for two or three months straight.” Ok yes, but that’s rich coming from Lu who was warned that Tom was “texting” other women’s vaginas and she not only ignored the warnings and married him anyway, but is now making herself out to be a victim.
Also… did Bethenny inform Carole about this guy texting her? I’m guessing not. Just as Bethenny claims she didn’t know that Carole went on a date with this idiot. So, I’m not sure why Bethenny is so pissed… except for the fact that she is completely jealous of Carole for some reason. I mean, MisRed has her theories.
This is what fun looks like.
Bethenny says that she’s having fun with Luann and Sonja because they want to be on vacation and they want to be silly. And the other girls don’t want to have fun.
They are just pretending to have fun
Oh yeah, Bethenny ragging on Carole is a very silly and fun. She is having fun with Lu and Sonja because they are licking her ass.
Back with the other set, Carole asks them why Bethenny is so angry and why she is even talking about Brian? Let’s call Robert Stack because it’s a real Unsolved Mystery.
Can someone arrest Ramona?
Ramona knocks over her wheelchair and then just walks away, letting some rando in the street pick it up. Ramona is the WORST.
Suddenly, Bethenny and the others walk in and join the other girls at the table. They are all surprised to see them but happy that they changed their minds. Tinsley says “you gotta give it a shot.” Bethenny immediately jumps on her – WHAT?!?! Tinsley repeats herself. Bethenny is like- I think we are just tired from the first night- we aren’t JUDGING THE WHOLE COUNTRY.
Oh, it’s not?
Tinsley says, oh, and that she thought that Bethenny was ready to go home and that she didn’t like the house or something. The look on Dorinda’s face is like – oh shit oh shit oh shit. She KNOWS she is going to be back in Bethenny’s crosshairs. Bethenny says “That’s from Dorinda, got it. Okay. Dorinda loves to move the papers around the desk. Jesus Christ.”
Ok, I get Bethenny’s point BUT if she didn’t want it repeated, don’t say it. Don’t say it to Dorinda, don’t say it on camera or just keep it to yourself. Or if you would like to ABSOLVE yourself- as she always does say “Hey, don’t repeat this but… I’m not loving the house. It’s not my thing” or whatever. Not everything requires judgement from Bethenny. She says that Dorinda loves to find some gasoline and light a match.
Well in this case, Bethenny handed her both.
She then lays into Dorinda across the table- that not everything Bethenny says to her needs to be shared. Dorinda is on the phone and is like- What are you talking about now? Bethenny is like- just in general- not everything is for immediate publication.
Dorinda is like a) I didn’t know it wasn’t shareable b) it’s no great mystery that you are unhappy. The other girls DO agree that Bethenny doesn’t seem happy. Then Bethenny goes at Carole asking if it’s like when everyone thought that Carole was sad and lonely, and Carole got mad about that????
Carole is like – “you just seemed angry at dinner or maybe it was an allergy…” Carole does push Bethenny’s buttons and it’s a gift, really.
Dorinda has now moved next to Bethenny and they argue. Dorinda says that Bethenny tells her some things that Dorinda would NEVER share- important things. This is not an important thing. Dorinda then suggests that maybe Bethenny read Carole wrong at dinner and that they need to sort things out.
Bethenny rolls back to the old “We are both at different places.” You know what- that’s CRAP. MisRed has had a best friend for, like, 20+ years. She is 10 years older. When we met, she was married with little kids and MisRed was single. Then she got divorced. Then MisRed met MrRed. Then MisRed got married. Then she moved. Then we moved. We have never been “in the same place” at any point in our friendship. But guess what- we’ve never gone at each other REMOTELY like this and we have had each other’s back and remained friends despite not “being in the same place.” Bethenny is full of excuses of why she pushes people away. This is just another excuse.
The person Bethenny needs to embrace is a THERAPIST. One who can write prescriptions.
Bethenny is crying- that she has misjudged so many people. And she feels like she is back in High School and in The Hunger Games. Well it’s nice to see we aren’t blowing things out of proportion or anything.
Carole is like, Byeeeee, I’m outtie. Lu ask Bethenny why she is so upset? She is like- I don’t know.
Here comes the deflection.
Bethenny says that she doesn’t like not liking Carole and that she’s trying to have compassion for Carole because she knows she (Carole) is having some kind of “later life crisis.” She says she doesn’t want to be judgmental. Uh…. Sure, you do.
Then Sonja- the f*cking Marie Curie of the group says “Oh, btw Carole is judgmental! She told me I’m pretentious because I wear the Morgan ring! My last name is Morgan! She’s a snob.”
Shut up, Sonja, you are pretentious.
LOL. Oh Sonja, stick to taking off your clothes and getting porked by the male population of the tristate area and leave the thinking to those with brains.
The next day the girls eat breakfast.
What exactly is going on here?
Ramona’s foot is magically healed.
I’m sorry that this is everyone else’s fault.
Bethenny then apologizes to Tinsley and then deflects her actions onto her ex-husband, their divorce, their custody case, Carole, Carole and Tinsley’s friendship. Basically- anything she can swing a cat at- they are responsible. Tinsley says she is sorry that Bethenny is upset and going through all of this.
The girls talk about how Tinsley and Scott are going to be living together and they need to get engaged soon. Sonja is having a whole different conversation – with herself about an empanada.
As always Sonja is tuned in.
They discuss how Tinsley’s first date with Scott lasted 5 days and how that’s a good way to figure out if it’s going to work. And Lu says- Or NOT going to work… it happened to me in Ibiza.
Ramona is like… WITH REY?!!?!?
Rey will NEVER GET OLD with MisRed
BAHAHAHA and we flashback to Rey talking to Ramona and Sonja and Rey telling them that he has a girlfriend and to NOT tell Luann. And then Ramona being like- right in front of his face- “He took Luann away on a trip. It was a disaster!!!”
Then a HUGE funeral wreath of flowers shows up for Tinsley.
You KNOW this had a Coupon Cabin code…
The card says “365 Roses for 365 Incredible Days.”
Let’s check the math.
Is that counting the time they were broken up or not counting? Everyone is happy for Tinsley. Maybe even Bethenny. And then Carole coughs up another gift that Scott asked her to bring to Tinsley and give it to her when the flowers got there. It’s a Cartier bracelet.
A mere $11k
Bethenny is like “amazing.congratulations” and gets up and walks away from the table.
Bethenny interviews that she may seem jealous and that’s because she is. She wants to come back as Tinsley. She wants to have no responsibilities and not a care in the world.
Well f*ck Bethenny, you have to live with your choices. (I love how I act like she’s reading this.) I’m sure you didn’t plan on Jason Hoppy being a psychopath, but you knew him for 9 seconds, got knocked up, got married and then discovered that you are both hateful beasts who can’t live and/or co-parent together. And you have enough money to live relatively carefree, and you could meet a nice guy and be in love if your controlling, nasty demons could be laid to rest. Tinsley is insignificant. Nobody is ever going to see her as more than a ridiculous piece of fluff. She is someone who is defined by whether or not she’s with a man or not, in a relationship or not. You could be a ridiculous piece of fluff but that’s not who you are. Yes, your life sucks right now, but you can’t let your unhappiness with this custody / divorce situation infiltrate EVERY FACATE OF YOUR LIFE. You are driving everyone away. It’s sad.
Here Bethenny has done something that so many people- so many WOMEN dream of doing- launching a successful line and selling it for millions and millions of dollars- she’s a BALLER and she’s still miserable.
And for the record- Carole is not blameless. Carole has changed, and she has gotten more into the superficial things in life. Maybe it’s the Tinsley-Effect. Carole also acts like nothing bothers her and who knows, maybe it doesn’t, but seems a little NON-HUMAN to me. And on the flip side EVERYTHING bothers Bethenny, even stuff that isn’t actually happening. And Carole knows how to push every one of Bethenny’s buttons. But you know what, if Carole doesn’t make Bethenny happy and vice-versa, just both be adults and call it quits and go your separate ways. But stop making everyone crazy. And frankly, it’s not even fun to watch and it is getting old to write about who Bethenny is mad at this season, blah blah blah.
Cue deflection Part 2. Bethenny sits with Dorinda and talks about how stressed out she is. The restraining order against Jason is expiring in a month and she is really worried about it. Dorinda thinks that explains her behavior. Yes, somewhat. They argue a little bit about how Dorinda is constantly talking about Bethenny and Dorinda is like- I don’t know where you are hearing that because it’s not true. Bethenny is like- if I tell you something- ANYTHING- don’t repeat it. Dorinda is like- Ok, I’m hearing you. I will not repeat anything again. Bethenny says it’s so hard to be on this trip with Carole.
They are supposed to be going shopping. But then Carole joins the group and Bethenny is like- I can’t go I’m having a panic attack. Dorinda takes her aside into the kitchen.
Dorinda is trying to calm her down but then Luann comes to find out what’s wrong and Bethenny is like- get her out of here I can’t have more people here….
TO BE CONTINUED.
Next week, Bethenny’s melt down continues. It appears that Carole tries to calmly address the tension.
Let’s address this outfit first.
And Dorinda takes a bite out of Luann.
Lol, Dorinda telling someone they drink too much.
Sweet Jesus, this is exhausting, isn’t it? Whose side are you on? Or do you think Dorinda is right? They should just have a cage-match and get it over with? As always, MisRed loves to hear your thoughts and observations.
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