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  • DJ49

    “This is Teresssssa’s husband. He is talking about how much he loves sex. I say we just say no.”
    Not just no, but HELL NO!!!

  • Aubrey

    Thanks for a great recap!

  • notwithoutmyTV

    Papa Guidice is probably in the same place Juicy will wind up when the last cannoli finally stops his heart…

    …and there won’t be any angels there.

  • hot cawfeee

    RIP to Papa Guidice—–many prayers for the family especially Philomena

    Oh Kids…….I am so into this show-truly-I have it taped and need to catch up—little bit of family upheaval right now—not in the Giudice way thank God. JUst a little stressy–but the wine rack is full and the DVR is working!!!!!

    Cant wait to hear the new opening lines and read their blogs!!!!!

  • hot cawfeee

    SO Dina is back……nothing I can do about that??????? Le sigh……..I do love Lexi so it will be nice to see her and catch up as you will.

    Milania–kid is gold and how I missed her!!!!!
    Tre and Jo—-ya know kids this may be the season we get Juicy Joe THs!!! Right?
    Tre you look dreadful—no more white sparly eye shadow in the inner corners of the eyes.
    Twins and Amber—like guns and ammo!!!!!! I hate the bald husband–every time I see him or hear him I will drink. Oh and I can say this–I am from NY—Little Italy is reeeaaaalllllllllly small now—-used to be really big—-think Godfather Part2—-now its not so big.

    Mel and Midge—enjoy the new house—kids look good. Is this another season with Mels sister–the witch tribunal?

  • Dinar hasn’t even filed for divorce. She’s still sitting pretty in the house he pays for while he still provides. He most likely lives in the Brownstone -he and Albert both have apts there and only come home once a week. Well in Tommy’s case, he comes home never! Wait, Dina says she still sleeps with him, so maybe he makes a weekly visit after all!

  • labowner

    Dina so desperate not to end up in Caroline’s house after this divorce she was forced to come back for the pay check. Ha.

  • Squirrel

    I’m pretty sure Tree was heating up red sauce from a jar. I’m also fairly certain Melissa demanded a cancer survivor provide her with a facebook screenshot to prove Melissa knew about the girls battle with cancer. I even think Juicy’s dad (RIP) said not to worry about those 45 charges, because “we did nothing wrong.”

    But when I saw a mini kangaroo in Dina’s kitchen, I put down the Ayuhuasca and watched ‘Memento’ in reverse just to stay grounded.

  • Aunt Dorsey

    Hah! I think you tipped the scales for me, @sarcasatire. Milania — good thing I taped it, the better to zip through the commercials.

  • sarcasatire

    I’m gonna watch. Not to hate, because i want to start fresh. But I am unabashedly Team Tre, meaning her cluelessness makes me giggle. Also, this season seems to make Melissa a focus with her beef with her former friend. And that drunk husband…he’s gonna be entertaining for sure.

    But really, I’m just watching for Milania.

  • Aunt Dorsey

    @ChickBomb — that was a fabulous recap, I enjoyed every word of it. Out of curiosity, I watched Dina’s show a couple of times and had to convince myself it wasn’t a parody from Kids in the Hall.

    I’m totally with @notwithoutmyTV on the hate fatigue. I cain’t quit you Fishwives of New Joisey, but I can’t bring myself to watch the show either. Even thought it’s almost Manzoid/Laurita free. Unless they have some more politically incorrect dwarf tossing starring Joey Gorga-Marco, I’ll need more time to recover.

    I also need to wrap my head around the fact that the identical-outfit-wearing, New Jersey bimboid Tot’ler and Tantrums stage mother on Game of Crowns is the cousin of one of the husbands on RHONJ. What do you want to bet there’s a crossover?

    I did think fondly of that baking goddess, Kathy “Tastes Like Fish” Wakile’s bake sale menu touting her homemade TITImisu.

    It’s almost as if Bravo is leaving Caroline’s vaunted show, Manzoids with Children, on the shelf until it poots out a little sigh, then mercifully rolls over and dies.

  • J-Mo

    ChickBomb! Girl, I know I have been busy partying in Vegas with 800 other fat gay guys, but I HAVE MISSED YOUUUUU! Awesome recap as always, and I agree with you almost 100%… the new girls are ridiculously silly and clearly reveling in it. Seeing Dina again is like realizing that awful smell in your bathroom is sewer gas backflowing after you thought you had properly flushed it away… she’s just so stank… but it has to be KILLING Caroline to see her on the show, spin-off or no spin-off, and that alone makes me happy. As for Tre and Brown Smurf’s difficulties… I WANT to feel bad for them (and Gia), but I just can’t when I think about the massive amounts of money they have essentially stolen… it’s sad for Gia that her father is probably going to prison or deportation, but to me it’s either a) maybe she will learn a valuable lesson that YOU SHOULDN’T STEAL STUFF, or b) maybe she will learn a little empathy for the many other families (with non-TV-appearing children) who were secondarily devastated by the bullshit that Brown Smurf pulled on them in his shady business dealings. These are hard lessons, but perhaps there’s hope for SOMEONE to become a better human being from this bunch.

    love, J-Mo 🙂

  • notwithoutmyTV

    I’ve got…. nothing.

    I have no snark for this show. That’s how played out, how by-the-numbers it’s become.

    How many seasons can you hate someone on TV, because the TV makes them hateable, and gets them to say hateable things, so you can hate them? And when the hateable people decide they’re now famous, and too good for the show, and leave, TV gets new, carbon copies of the old hateable people and makes them hateable so you can start hating the new people in the same old way.

    I got hate fatigue. Now, the Housewives just make me feel tired.

  • “I say we just wheel out the Jesus Christ ice sculpture and call it a day.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you kill me ChickBomb! You are on fire and I cannot wait for the rest of the season’s recaps!!!

    ~heather~ click my name above to enjoy some hilarious reading!

  • I totally forgot about the new Teresa (and I said that the traditional way, not the snake way like she demands it be said).

    I HATE, HATE, HATE when people have average names and then insist they are unique and must be pronounced differently.

    I get it, you’re Italian, so is your family and that’s how all the oldies said your name growing up since they probably spoke Italian as their first language.

    But bitch, people here in American (and the world!) do not have to try and mimic your family’s accent and pronunciations like we are too stupid to breathe. We’re just going to say your name they way we say it because our first language may NOT have been Italian. Correct us once and then accept that your name is just stupid and you should consider changing it to make the rest of the world happy. Hello, you are on TV so you must do what we say.

    And to anyone who is offended by this, don’t be. I’m Italian, my mother is 100% and we sure as shit understand that sometimes people can’t say the names the way our family’s original language wanted it said. My mom’s last name was Trezza. I bet as you said that you pronounced the zz with just a regular sounding z, didn’t you? Yeah, in Italy it is pronounced Tret-za. The first z sounds like a t. (I know, right?!?!?! The name stumped me as a kid)

    Ask me how many times I have actually ever told anyone that. Because who really gives a shit, every language pronounces things differently. Just accept it and move on. (Based on that last sentence I can tell I’d be a horrible reality show cast member. Damn, that’s been my dream!)

    ~heather~ click my name above to enjoy some hilarious reading!

  • And did anyone notice in the upcoming previews that one of the husbands (maybe Amber’s) is screaming at Joe Gorga that he is a stupid shit because the guy is one of the people in the office that is prosecuting Joe Guidice???

    I mean, I’m not fucking lawyer, but I have got to bet that the little fucker was heavily berated for being caught on camera threatening to make things worse for someone using his public office.

    Call me crazy, but this probably why people don’t trust the law.

    ~heather~ click my name above to enjoy some hilarious reading!

  • As soon as Dina came on with her new tagline I screamed “get the fuck off my screen” and threw my water cup.

    The Hubster promptly ran away because he knows we’re in for a brutal season if this is episode one.

    And as far as Melissa ditching her friends, OF COURSE you have to ditch the skanks your skanky ass hung out with prior to marriage. If you keep hanging out with the skanks your husband will start hiding his assets for the eventual divorce. I mean, why is this Amber skank so damn surprised, I’m sure she did the same.

    And what is with THE CANCER? We already have THE FRAUD. We can’t have THE CANCER and THE FRAUD going on in the same season. It’s just too much stress on us to care about so many things at once. I will purposely ignore all references to THE CANCER for the entire season.

    I am focusing on THE FRAUD and waiting to see if Gia is going to have to move to Italy just to be with her dad. Poor kids, hope he doesn’t get deported, it would ruin the lives of an entire family, not just the criminal. I say we “send him away” for awhile and then we keep him in the country. Because if that fucker gets sent back to Italy he will definitely use his mafia ties to charge us a shit ton more for olive oil.

    ~heather~ click my name above to enjoy some hilarious reading!